Josh Billings on Ice, and Other Things

The third one had hiz noshun, which he knu waz right; and the fourth one never saw a tree ov that kind trimmed but one way, which he suggested in sich an unmistakabel manner, th...

_Tuesday, 18th._--Look out for rain and yu will be apt tew see it; wind sow bi sow west; ice discovered in our Rushion purchiss; miners rushing that way; geese are seen marching...

The dinner tew be got up was quite ordnary, and Mrs. Billings, willing tew levy but a light tax upon the almost omniscient cook genius ov the accomplished Mary, suggested for sa...

Thare is 2 kinds ov hypokrasy: one tries tew appear better than it is, and the other wuss than it is--one is a wolf in sheep's clothin, and tother is a sheep in wolf's clothing.

It iz played on the top ov a tabel which iz a little longer than it iz square, and the game seems tew konsist in pushing sum round red bawls agin sum round white bawls, until th...

Thare is 2 kinds of politeness, the ripe, and the too mutch ripe politeness; a goose has a grate deal ov this last kind ov politeness; i have seen them lower their heds while go...

_Number Four_--Iz the property ov a two-millionaire, who iz about going tew Urope with hiz entire family, tew spend sum munny. This hous haz one ov Chickering's 10 oktave, iron-...

If yu want tew git at the circumference ov a man, examine him among men,--but if yu want tew get at his aktual diameter, meazure him at his fireside.

They are born about haying time, and are different from enny bug i know ov; they are the biggest when they are fust born. They resemble sum men in this respekt.

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But experience, without doubt, is the boss skool-master ov wurdly wisdum. He is the one who taught Adam and his wife their fust lesson, and he haint never bin out ov a job since...