Part 4
“When you are chid before company, it often happens that some stranger will have the good-nature to drop a word in your excuse;—in such a case you will have a good title to justify yourself, and may rightly conclude, that, whenever he chides you afterwards, on other occasions, he may be in the wrong; in which opinion you will be the better confirmed by stating the case to your fellow-servants in your own way, who will certainly decide in your favour;—therefore, as I have said before, whenever you are chidden, complain as if you were injured.
“It often happens, that servants sent on messages are apt to stay out somewhat longer than the message requires, perhaps two, four, six, or eight hours, or some such trifle; for the temptation to be sure was great, and flesh and blood cannot always resist: when you return, the master storms, the lady scolds; stripping, cudgelling, and turning off, is the word. But here you ought to be provided with a set of excuses, enough to serve on all occasions: for instance, your uncle came fourscore miles to town this morning on purpose to see you, and goes back by break of day to-morrow:—a brother servant that borrowed money of you when he was out of place, was _running to Ireland_:—you were taking leave of an old fellow-servant, who was shipping for _Barbadoes_:—your father sent a cow to you to sell, and you could not get a chapman for her till nine at night:—you wrenched your foot against a stone, and were forced to stay three hours in a shop, before you could stir a step:—a bailiff, by mistake, seized you for a debtor, and kept you the whole evening in a spunging house, &c. &c.
“Take all tradesmen’s parts against your master; and when you are sent to buy anything, never offer to cheapen it, but generously pay the full demand. This is highly to your master’s _honour_; and may be some shillings in your pocket; and you are to consider, if your master has paid too much, he can better afford the loss than a poor tradesman.
“Never submit to stir a finger in any business, but that for which you were particularly hired. For example, if the groom be drunk, or absent, and the butler be ordered to shut the stable-door, the answer is ready, An’t please your honour, I don’t understand _horses_. If a corner of the hangings wants a single nail to fasten it, and the footman be directed to tack it up, he may say, he doth not understand that sort of work, but his honour may send for the upholsterer.
“Masters and ladies are usually quarrelling with the servants for not shutting the doors after them: for neither masters nor ladies consider, that those doors must be open before they can be shut, and the labour is double to open and shut them; therefore the best, the shortest, and the easiest way is to do _neither_. But if you are so often teazed to shut the door, that you cannot easily forget; then give the door such a clap as you go out, as will shake the whole room, and make every thing rattle in it, to put your master and lady in mind that you observe their directions.
“If you find yourself to grow in favour with your master or lady, take some opportunity in a very mild way to give them warning; and when they ask the reason, and seem loth to part with you, answer that you would rather live with them than any body else, but a poor servant is not to be blamed if he strives to better himself;—that service is no inheritance,—that your work is great, and your wages very small. Upon which, if your master hath any generosity, he will add five or ten shillings a quarter rather than let you go: but if you are baulked, and have no mind to go off, get some fellow-servant to tell your master, that he hath prevailed upon you to stay.
“Whatever _tid bits_ you can _pilfer_ in the day, save them to juncket with your fellow-servants at night, and take in the _butler_, provided he will give you _drink_.
“Write your own name, and your sweet-heart’s, with the smoke of a candle, on the ceiling of the kitchen, or the servants’-hall, to shew your learning.
“If you are a young sightly fellow, whenever you whisper your young mistress at tea-table, run your nose full in her cheek; or, if your breath be good, breath full in her face; this I have known to have had very good consequences in some families.
“Never come till you have been called three or four times, for none but _dogs_ will come at the first whistle: and when the master calls, _Who’s there?_ no servant is bound to come; for _Who’s there_ is nobody’s name.
“When you have broken all your earthen drinking-vessels below stairs (which is usually done in a week), the copper pot will do as well; it can boil milk, heat porridge, hold small beer, or, in case of necessity, serve other purposes; therefore apply it indifferently to all these uses; but never wash or scour it, for fear of taking off the tin.
“Let it be a constant rule, that no chair, stool, or table, in the servants’-hall, or the kitchen, shall have above three legs, which hath been the ancient and constant practice in all the families I ever knew, and is said to be founded upon two reasons; first, to shew that servants are ever in a _tottering_ condition; secondly, it was thought a point of _humility_, that the servants’ chairs and tables should have at least one leg fewer than those of their masters. I grant there hath been an exception to this rule with regard to the cook, who by old custom was allowed an easy chair to _sleep_ in after dinner; and yet I have seldom seen them with above three legs. Now this epidemical lameness of servants’ chairs is by philosophers imputed to two causes, which are observed to make the greatest revolutions in states and empires; I mean, _love and war_. A stool, a chair, or a table, is the first weapon taken up in a general romping or skirmish; and after a peace, the chairs are apt to suffer in the conduct of _an amour_, the cook being usually fat and heavy, and the butler a little in drink.
“When you stop to tattle with some crony servant, in the same street, leave your own street-door _open_, that you may get in without knocking when you come back; otherwise your mistress may know you are gone out, and you may be chidden.
“I do most earnestly exhort you all to unanimity and concord: but mistake me not: you may quarrel with each other as much as you please; only always bear in mind, that you have a _common enemy_, which is your master and lady, and you have a common cause to defend. Believe an old practitioner; whoever, out of malice to a fellow-servant, carries a tale to his master, will be ruined by a general confederacy against him.
“The general place for rendezvous for all the servants, both in winter and summer, is the kitchen: there the grand affairs of the family ought to be consulted; whether they concern the stable, the dairy, the pantry, the laundry, the cellar, the nursery, the dining-room, or my lady’s chamber: there, as in your own proper element, you can laugh, and squall, and romp in full security.
“When any servant comes home drunk, and cannot appear, you must all join in telling your master, that he is gone to bed very sick; upon which your lady will be so good-natured as to order some comfortable thing for the poor man, or maid.
“When your master and lady go abroad together, to dinner, or on a visit for the evening, you need leave _only one_ servant in the house, or even one black-guard boy to answer at the door, and attend the children, if there be any. Who is to stay at home is to be determined by long and short cuts; and the stayer at home may be comforted by a visit from a sweet-heart, without danger of being caught together. These opportunities must _never_ be missed, because they come but seldom, and all is safe enough while there is a servant in the house.
“When your master or lady comes home, and wants a servant who happens to be abroad, your answer must be, that he had but just that minute stept out, being sent for by a cousin who was dying.
“If your master calls you by name, and you happen to answer at the fourth call, you need not hurry yourself; and if you be chidden for staying, you may lawfully say, you came no sooner, because you did not know _what_ you were called for.
“When you are chidden for a fault, as you go out of the room, and down stairs, _mutter_ loud enough to be plainly heard; this will make him believe you are innocent.
“Whoever comes to visit your master or lady when they are abroad, _never_ burthen your memory with the person’s name; for, indeed, you have too many other things to remember. Besides, it is a porter’s business, and your master’s fault he does not keep one; and who can remember names? and you will certainly mistake them; as you can neither write nor read.
“If it be possible, never tell a lie to your master or lady, _unless_ you have some hopes that they cannot find it out in less than half an hour. When a servant is turned off, all his faults must be told, although most of them were never known by his master or lady; and all mischiefs done by others, charged to him. [Instance them.] And when they ask any of you, why you never acquainted them before? the answer is, Sir, or Madam, really I was afraid it would make you angry; and besides, perhaps, you might think it was malice in me. Where there are little masters and misses in a house, they are usually great impediments to the diversions of the servants; the only remedy is to bribe them with _goody goodies_, that they may not tell tales to papa and mamma.
“I advise you of the servants, whose master lives in the country, and who expect vales, always to stand rank and file when a stranger is taking his leave, so that he must of necessity pass between you; and he must have more confidence or less money than usual if any of you let him _escape_; and according as he behaves himself, remember to treat him the _next time_ he comes.
“If you are sent with ready money to buy any thing at a shop and happen at that time to be out of cash, _sink the money_, and take up the goods on your master’s account. This is for the _honour_ of your master and yourself; for he becomes a man of credit at your recommendation.
“When your lady sends for you up to her chamber to give you any orders, be sure to stand at the door, and keep it open, fiddling with the lock all the while she is talking to you; and keep the handle in your hand, for fear you should forget to shut the door after you.
“If your master or lady happen once in their lives to accuse you wrongfully, you are a _happy_ servant; for you have nothing more to do, than, for _every_ fault you commit while you are in their service, to put them in mind of that false accusation, and protest yourself equally innocent in the present case.
“When you have a mind to leave your master, and are too bashful to break the matter for fear of offending him, the best way is to grow rude and saucy of a sudden, and beyond your usual behaviour, till he finds it necessary to turn you off; and when you are gone, to _revenge_ yourself, give him and his lady _such_ a character to all your brother-servants who are out of place, that _none_ will venture to offer their service.
“Some nice ladies, who are afraid of catching cold, having observed that the maids and fellows below stairs often forget to shut the doors after them, as they come in, or go out into the back yards, have contrived that a pulley and a rope, with a large piece of lead at the end, should be so fixt, as to make the door shut of itself, and require a strong hand to open it, which is an immense toil to servants, whose business may force them to go in and out fifty times in a morning: but _ingenuity_ can do much, for prudent servants have found out an effectual remedy against this insupportable grievance, by _tying up_ the pulley in such a manner, that the weight of lead shall have no effect; however, as to my own part, I would rather chuse to keep the door _always open_, by laying a heavy stone at the bottom of it.
“The servants’ candlesticks are generally broken, for nothing can last for ever. But you may find out many expedients; you may conveniently stick your candle in a bottle, or with a lump of butter against the wainscot, in a powder-horn, or in an old shoe, or in a cleft stick, or in the barrel of a pistol, or upon its own grease on a table, in a coffee-cup, or a drinking-glass, a horn-can, a tea-pot, a twisted napkin, a mustard-pot, an ink-horn, a marrow-bone, a piece of dough, or you may cut a hole in the loaf, and stick it there.
“When you invite the neighbouring servants to junket with you at home in an evening, teach them a peculiar way of tapping or scraping at the kitchen-window, which you may hear, but not your master or lady, whom you must take care not to disturb or frighten at such unseasonable hours.
“Lay all faults upon a lap-dog, or favourite cat, a monkey, parrot, a child; or on the servant who was last turned off: by this rule you will excuse yourself, do no hurt to any body else, and save your master or lady from the trouble and vexation of chiding.
“When you want proper instruments for any work you are about, use all expedients you can invent, rather than leave your work undone. For instance, if the poker be out of the way, or broken, stir the fire with the tongs; if the tongs be not at hand, use the muzzle of the _bellows_, the wrong end of the fire-shovel, the handle of the fire-brush, the end of a mop, or your master’s cane. If you want paper to singe a fowl, _tear_ the first book you see about the house. Wipe your shoes, for want of a clout, with the bottom of a curtain, or a damask napkin. Strip off your livery lace for garters. If the butler wants a jordan, he may use the great silver cup.
“There are several ways of putting out candles, and you ought to be instructed in them all: you may run the candle-end against the wainscot, which puts the snuff out immediately: you may lay it on the ground, and tread the snuff out with your foot: you may hold it upside down, until it is choaked with its own grease; or cram it into the socket of the candlestick: you may whirl it round in your hand till it goes out: you may spit on your finger and thumb, and pinch the snuff till it goes out. The cook may run the candle’s nose into the meal-tub, or the groom into a vessel of oats, or a lock of hay, or a heap of litter: the house-maid may put her candle out by running it against a looking-glass, which nothing cleans so well as candle-snuff: but the quickest and best of all methods is, to blow it out with your breath, which leaves the candle clear, and readier to be lighted.
“There is nothing so pernicious in a family as a tell-tale, against whom it must be the principal business of you _all_ to unite: whatever office he serves in, take all opportunities to spoil the business he is about, and to cross him in every thing. For instance, if the butler be a tell-tale, break his glasses whenever he leaves the pantry door open; or lock the cat or the mastiff in it, who will do as well: mislay a fork or a spoon, so as he may never find it. If it be the cook, whenever she turns her back, throw a lump of soot or a handful of salt in the pot, or smoking coals into the dripping-pan, or daub the roast meat with the back of the chimney, or hide the key of the jack. If a footman be suspected, let the cook daub the back of his new livery; or when he is going up with a dish of soup, let her follow him softly with a ladle-full, and dribble it all the way up stairs to the dining-room; and then let the house-maid make such a noise, that her lady may hear it. The waiting-maid is very likely to be guilty of this fault, in hopes to ingratiate herself: in this case, the laundress must be sure to tear her shifts in the washing, and yet wash them but half; and, when she complains, tell all the house that she sweats so much, and her flesh is so nasty, that she fouls a shift more in one hour, than the kitchen-maid doth in a week.”
THE
COMPLETE SERVANT.
————
THE HOUSEKEEPER.
Although it is obvious that a good education can be no impediment to domestic management, but may be of material assistance in the furtherance of family comforts, yet it is pleasing to reflect that many of the essential duties of life are within the reach of less exalted attainments; and that the woman who has been reared in useful pursuits, and whose chief aim is to perform the social obligations, will seldom fail of acquitting herself with credit and satisfaction, and especially if accompanied with that well-directed ductility of mind which bends its attention to the lesser objects of life, and is frequently found to be essential in the management of a family.
A housekeeper possessed of such facilities, as a ground-work for other qualifications, must be a desirable acquisition in a family where the mistress is of rank and consideration, and feels herself superior to the management of her own household affairs. Indeed, the situation of a housekeeper, in almost every family, is of great importance.—She superintends nearly the whole of the domestic establishment,—has generally the controul and direction of the servants, particularly of the female servants—has the care of the household furniture and linen—of all the grocery—dried and other fruits, spices, condiments, soap, candles, and stores of all kinds, for culinary and other domestic uses. She makes all the pickles, preserves, and sometimes the best pastry—She generally distils and prepares all the compound and simple waters, and spirits, essential and other oils, perfumery, cosmetics, and similar articles that are prepared at home, for domestic purposes. In short, she is the _locum tenens_, the _Lady Bountiful_, and the active representative of the mistress of the family; and is expected to do, or to see done, every thing that appertains to the good and orderly management of the household.
She ought to be a steady middle-aged woman, of great experience in her profession, and a tolerable knowledge of the world.—In her conduct, she should be moral, exemplary, and assiduous, as the harmony, comfort, and economy of the family will greatly depend on her example; and she must know, that no occurrence can be too trifling for her attention, that may lead to these results, and whereby waste and unnecessary expense may be avoided.
When the entire management of the servants is deputed to her, her situation becomes the more arduous and important. She will invite and excite their integrity, frugality, and assiduity, by her own liberal conduct towards them, and will shew them, that “_according to their pains will be their gains_.” Thus will she give encouragement to merit, ensure to herself respectful attention, inspire zeal, and exact a grateful return from all whose dispositions are tractable; she will also find such conduct tend much to her own comfort, and greatly to promote the interest of her principals. She will never discharge a good servant for a slight offence; but will remember, that “_to bear and to forbear is the great art of living_.” She will endeavour to govern with _suavity_ and _mildness_; ever stimulating to good conduct, by _admonition_ or _praise_, when deserved, rather than seeking by _threats_ or harsh measures to correct trifling faults or inadvertencies;—imposing no commands that are unreasonable, nor reproving but with _justice_ and _temper_. If servants have hardships to undergo, she will let them see, that she feels for the necessity of urging them. To cherish the desire of pleasing in them, she will convince them, that they may succeed in their endeavours to please her. Human nature is the same in all stations. Convince the servants that you have a considerate regard for their comforts, and they will be found to be grateful, and to reward your attention by their own assiduity: besides, nothing is so endearing as being courteous to our inferiors. A most excellent maxim is,
“Be to their faults a _little blind_, And to their _virtues very kind_.”
By these, and similar means, _bad_ servants may be converted into _good ones_, and the whole household rendered comfortable and happy.
The prudent housekeeper will carefully avoid all approaches to familiarity; as that destroys subordination, and ultimately induces contempt; and then, “Her occupation’s gone.” When servants are indisposed, she will best consult the feelings of her superiors, as well as her own, by remitting their labours, paying them attention, giving them advice, and the assistance of suitable food and comfort. _Tenderness and assiduity_, in such cases, have great effect;—and in the language of humanity, _is half a cure_.
Female servants who would pursue an honest course, have numberless difficulties to contend with, and should, therefore, be treated kindly. The housekeeper in a great family, has ample means of doing good; and she will, doubtless, recollect that it is a part of her duty to protect and encourage virtue, as the best preventive from vice.
It behoves every servant to maintain a good character, nor ought it to be refused when due.—Servants have nothing to depend on but their good name, which it would be the height of injustice wantonly to deprive them of.[5] It ought to be made a point, by all persons hiring servants, most scrupulously to enquire into their characters, from their last places.—To refuse countenance to the bad, and to encourage the good servant, are indispensable duties which we owe to society.
In families where there is a house-steward, the marketing will be done, and the tradesmen’s bills will be collected, examined, and discharged, by him; but in many families, the business of marketing, and of keeping the accounts, devolves on the housekeeper. It is, therefore, incumbent on her to be well informed of the prices and qualities of all articles of household consumption in general use; and of the best times and seasons for procuring them, in order that by comparing prices and qualities, she may be able to substitute those that are most reasonable, but equally to her purpose, and best attainable, for others that are more costly or more scarce.[6]
Before the housekeeper goes to market, she will look over the larder with the cook, especially when company is expected, and on a Saturday, and consider well what things are wanted, not forgetting even the smaller articles, that so there may be no necessity for sending out in a hurry, or on a Sunday, for any thing.
The best and most economical way possible for marketing, is to pay _ready money_ for all that you can, especially for miscellaneous articles, and to deal for the rest with the most respectable tradesmen, whose bills should be settled weekly, or, at any rate, frequently, to prevent mistakes; without these precautions, even those of much experience, may chance to be cheated by unprincipled strangers, with old poultry—stale fish—tough mutton—or cow beef.—It should always be recollected, that without good provisions the skill of the cook will avail nothing.
But, by whomsoever the provisions may be bought, it behoves the housekeeper to examine them as they come in,—to see that in weight and measure they agree with the tickets sent with them,—and to make the necessary arrangements, in conjunction with the cook, for their due appropriation.[7]