Part 3
One of the most advantageous qualifications in all servants, and particularly in females, is that of preserving a _good temper_, and endeavouring, to the utmost of their abilities, to give satisfaction. Possessed of a strong desire to please, you will seldom fail of doing so. Persons of a good disposition will be charmed with your readiness, and those of a bad one, will be disarmed of a great part of their harshness; and though you may, in some instances, be deficient in the due performance of your business, if it be apparent that your fault proceeds not from disobedience, indolence, or obstinacy, great allowance will be made, and you will rather be _instructed as to the future_ than _blamed_ for the past. If you are fearful of offending you will scarcely ever offend. In short, _humility_ is a commendable virtue, and, combined with good temper, is the most valuable of female qualifications, and will, infallibly, conduct its possessors with ease and tranquillity through life.
_Cleanliness_ is another qualification incumbent on every female servant, and particularly in _Cooks_, and those employed in the department of the kitchen. These should be very careful to keep themselves,—every place,—and all the utensils used in cooking, perfectly clean and neat.
We have already remarked, that those who are fond of telling all that they hear, are very naturally suspected of telling more than they hear. The best rule is, to do your own duty conscientiously, and leave others to take care of theirs: by this means you will preserve peace and acquire the love of all your fellow servants, without offending your employers; who, even though they may appear to give countenance to your tale, will not in their hearts approve of your conduct.
Take great care how you contract _new Acquaintances_, for to be easily drawn into a familiarity with strangers must be attended with ill consequences to yourselves, and those with whom you live. Never accept the invitations of other servants, nor go to feast at the expense of their masters and mistresses; as you must, in that case, be deemed an interloper, at least;—besides, it lays you under an obligation to return the treat, and induces you, after their example, to make free with the property of your own employers, under a consciousness of guilt, and a continual fear of detection.
Give nothing away without the knowledge and approbation of your employers, nor commit wilful waste, for that is a crime which seldom goes unpunished.
All duties are reciprocal. If you hope to obtain favour, endeavour to deserve it. A steady perseverance in the duties of your station is the only sure course infallibly to promote your progress to independence.
In addition to the foregoing, we should deem ourselves guilty of the sin of omission, were we not to insert the very excellent _moral hints to female servants_, written by the Rev. H. G. Watkins, in furtherance of the views of the LONDON SOCIETY, for the improvement and encouragement of female servants.
[_We have great pleasure in mentioning this society, the object of which is, to promote the moral and religious improvement of female servants._
The society bestows _annual rewards_, on those who are _duly nominated_, to encourage them to view their employers as their friends, to be correct and trust-worthy in their conduct, and to continue as long as possible in the same service.
To prevent, also, the hazard to good servants of resorting to _common_ Register Offices, a Registry is instituted, to which—cooks, house-maids, and nurses, wanting situations, who have lived two years in one service—servants of all work who have lived one year in their last place—and young women _above sixteen_, who have never been in service—may apply, without any expense whatever.
Plans of the institution, and rules of the registry, may be had gratis, at the society’s house, No. 110, Hatton Garden, where attendance is given on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays only, from ten o’clock to four.]
Though much of this address is applicable to servants of both _sexes_, yet, it is for the assistance of _domestic female servants_, that such plain advice is here offered, as, it is hoped, may be found useful in the direction of their conduct, and for the promotion of their comfort. As many servants cannot enjoy the daily counsel of their _parents_, we endeavor to supply their place, by entering into _more particulars_, in the way of caution and advice, than we otherwise should have thought it right to do.
When young persons _first enter upon service_, they should be thankful to God if they have obtained a situation where they may be _instructed_ in those domestic duties which are to be the business of their lives. They ought also to be very thankful, and very submissive, to those who will take the trouble to teach them. Such cannot shew their gratitude in a better way than by continuing, as long as possible, in their _first_ service. Endeavour, during this season, to remember, by thinking often upon, every direction you receive. This will prevent the trouble and vexation of often repeating to you the same thing—a circumstance which frequently makes even good mistresses fretful, and occasions many changes of places and servants.—Habituate yourself, as much as possible, to _every_ kind of domestic service; it will make you to be more generally useful, and less likely to be long unengaged. Here may be hinted, the great importance to your character, of lodging, when out of place, with only _respectable_ persons. Avoid sauntering in the street, especially in the evening, and ask your way, not from those who are passing, but at a shop.
Make it your daily study and concern in all things to _maintain an unblemished character_. You may then always hope to find a new situation, if you need one, through the medium of your last mistress, or your own _friends_; for _very_ good employers, or _very_ good servants, seldom need apply to _common_ Register Offices. It is a fact well ascertained, that many females, totally unconscious of their danger, have been hired from such offices, _as servants_, by keepers of infamous houses, for no other actual purpose than that of seduction, or prostitution! Many decent looking, but wicked _women_, are employed, even in the streets, to find out, and strongly recommend, young girls to places as servants. By this horrible deceit, many artless females are unawares drawn into disgrace, disease, and hasty death!
In your application at any time for a _new service_, express yourself with frankness and sincerity on every point of enquiry—Avoid the error of requiring too high wages—many good situations have been lost through it. Do not undertake a service to which you are not competent. It is no disgrace not to know every thing; but it is dishonest to say you can do things which are beyond your capacity.
It is really important to your good here and hereafter, to stipulate for attending _public worship_ once at least on every _Sabbath-day_. A _good_ mistress, who wishes to keep a good servant, will afford _other_ and better opportunities for seeing your friends. _Sunday pleasures_, in which there is generally a sad mixture of company, put a young woman in the highway of danger—and of ruin!
In _commencing_ a new service, determine to do your duty in it; and avoid every thing that you found was displeasing in your former place. Judge of your employers from your _own_ observation, and _their_ behaviour to _you_, and not from any idle reports you may hear to their prejudice. Should you find yourself in a reputable situation, but yet are _uncomfortable_, through the unkind or unfeeling tempers of your superiors, double your own diligence and _civility_, and avoid every thing, as much as possible, that might, however unwarrantably, excite their suspicion. By this you may improve their temper and conduct towards yourself; and the very vexation they _have_ occasioned, may dispose them to make their domestics more comfortable, and themselves more happy.
Endeavour to serve with such _good will_, readiness of mind, and attention to the _lawful_ interest and convenience of your employers, as to render your services almost _necessary_ to them; that they may know and feel that they are blessed, above many of their neighbours, in having gotten a _good servant_, one who serves, not with eye-service as a man-pleaser, but in simplicity of heart as a Christian. You will be sure to gain esteem by _cheerfully_ doing any lawful necessary service; though it were not agreed for when you were hired.
Whatever qualifications you may possess, if you are not _scrupulously_ HONEST, you will soon be detected—considered as worthless—and dismissed your service. No civility or diligence can be a recompence for dishonesty. The more you are entrusted, the more careful you should be to maintain the confidence reposed in you. Avoid all _lotteries_, gaming, and _secret_ modes of spending money. Take care that you are not deceived by the name of _privileges and perquisites_, beyond what _was agreed_ upon.
A WASTE of household necessaries, and the breaking of articles through _carelessness_, are a sort of robbery of your employer—raise bad passions—and mostly deprive a servant of many extra encouragements that she would otherwise receive. These things are therefore to be strictly guarded against. There should be painted over every kitchen fire-place, “WANT NOT—WASTE NOT.”
Every employer has a right to establish _rules_ for his household; therefore, do nothing in your master’s house, or with your mistress’s business, that you feel obliged to conceal, _to keep your situation_; for then, you may depend upon it, whatever it be, it is wrong in itself, and will bring you to harm.
Industry is necessary for ALL, that they may lead a useful life; but it is especially needful to those who engage to _serve_ others. Idleness hath clothed many with rags. Your wages are the yearly pay for your honesty, and your time; therefore lying late in bed, or being over long on errands, or making frivolous excuses to be from home, have occasioned many suspicions—deprived many of good places, and eventually of good characters. “_He that is slothful in his work is brother to him that is a great waster._” Exercise due diligence as to what are the particular duties of your station. Make it your study to put it out of the power of a _reasonable_ mistress to find fault.
DRESS _as becomes your station_, if you desire to please your employers,—to avoid personal harm, and to diminish the number and power of _your_ temptations. The happiness of society arises from each of us keeping in our station, and being contented with it. Among other ways of shewing your wisdom, _dressing clean and neat_, is of the greatest importance. By this means, you may save a little money to assist your relations, or yourself when unemployed, or in time of need.[3]
MILDNESS _of behaviour_ will help you through many difficulties. If your temper be hasty, your duty and interest are to govern and subdue it. Our comfort requires us to be patient with other people, and very watchful over our _own tempers_. “Do all things without murmuring or disputing. A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up strife.” Mere _hastiness_ of temper and of _tongue_, or the neglect to _consider_ consequences, has crowded the gaols with malefactors,—the streets with prostitutes,—and the workhouses with poor.
Young Persons, Female Servants, and others of a similar rank in life, we more especially address ourselves to you! You think with horror of murder, and of prostitution; but you perhaps little reflect, that idleness and self-will,—that the love of dress, and of indulgence,—that petty acts of dishonesty,—that misbehaviour in a place—that refusing to submit to reproof,—that _rashly throwing yourselves out of a situation in a regular family_,—that wasting your money, and thus leaving yourselves unprovided for when out of employment,—that breaking the Sabbath, and particularly rambling about in idle company on the evenings of the Sabbath-day—you perhaps little reflect that these, or any of these evil practices, or habits, may lead you, and that by no very long or winding path, to the atrocious crimes which I have mentioned. Act therefore on consideration and reason, and not by passion. You know not how you may irritate, and what mischief may follow. Many a servant has lost a comfortable home, and a mistress a useful assistant, by suffering passion to run headlong into imprudent expressions. _You_ are more interested in retaining a good service, than your employer in retaining _you_; for _she_ will continue to find suitable servants, while you may be depriving yourself, for a long time, of bread!
A female servant should never make _friendships_ with, or take the advice of, milk people, butchers’ or bakers’ servants, keepers of chandlers’ shops, green-stalls, charwomen, &c.; for mostly they seek only their own interest and profit in every thing. If any proposal that is new, or unexpectedly profitable, force itself on your notice, do not act on your own opinion, nor hastily, but, confidentially, consult your mistress, or some relation, else you may be as hastily ensnared to your utter undoing.
For want of the confidence and esteem I allude to, there seems to be, in most families, two _separate interests_—that of the employers, and that of the servants.—Some servants communicate none of their _personal_ affairs to their mistresses, and therefore mistresses are not incited to take any special interest in _their_ future welfare. Hence, although such parties may live a considerable time together, they are almost strangers, and nothing like _friendship_ can take place. This is a great loss to a _servant_. If you expect to have confidence placed in _you_, be sincere in all your expressions, and open, explicit, and communicative in all your dealings.
In regard of your _fellow-servants_—conduct yourselves with great _caution_ towards those whose habits are immoral and irreligious—with _studied_ discretion and _modesty_ towards fellow-servants of the other sex, and with a constant good example before them all. This will _oblige_ them to respect you, and speak well of you: but _place yourself_ under obligation to none of them. Do nothing that you would wish _them_ to keep secret for _your_ sake. Whatever demands secrecy, you may be sure it is wrong for you to do, or suffer to be done. If you connive with fellow-servants, or low tradesmen, at any thing fraudulent, _you are defrauding_ a master or mistress, whose property you are bound to watch and protect; and you incur the guilt and shame of the fraud, though you may not participate in the gain.
As far as you can, give good advice to your fellow-servants, especially younger ones—read the Bible to those who cannot, and, if you have time, teach them to read it for themselves, and pray with them, and for them. This conduct will promote good will, and may preserve the young and unwary from evil.[4]
Servants in _other_ families ought not to be told the peculiar habits and conduct of your own employers, except it be done to their commendation; for it may create disrespect, and _can_ do no good.
In all cases, one way to escape harm is to be _diligent_ and _useful_. Let others see that you are _virtuous_ from principle, and wish to set a good example, and you will not be assailed by the temptations of the designing and wicked, as vain and trifling girls render themselves liable to be.
Be very careful of your _reputation_ for virtue and discretion in regard of the other sex; for it is the foundation of your happiness in this world; and the loss of it will bring you to misery. Avoid as much as possible going out in the _evening_, especially on frivolous errands. Be cautious as to whom you give your company. “Evil communications corrupt good manners.” Never go to _fairs_, _dances_, nor to the theatres. Ask yourself, before you engage in any _pleasuring_ scheme—what may be the probable end of it?
On all unnecessary occasions, avoid as much as possible being alone with the other sex: as the greatest mischiefs happen from small circumstances. Who that is wise would risk the loss of her virtue and happiness on mere _promises_, made by men of worthless character, and which are made only to be broken? Never trust entirely to your own fortitude—it can only be tried by opportunity; and if, in this case, it fail but _once_, you are undone! The best resolve you can form is, never to give opportunity to the tempter. A reserved modesty is the best safeguard of virtue.
If a virtuous affection seems to be rising, be sure you instantly calculate on the age and temper, religious conduct, and probable ability of the man to maintain a family, before you suffer your mind to be carried away, lest your affections run headlong, and at length are taken advantage of, to the complete loss of your comfort.
_Servants_, as well as others, are under peculiar obligation, to manifest a MEEK and QUIET SPIRIT—to follow, in their practice, Him who said, “I am meek and lowly in heart.” They will, therefore, submit to a few inconveniences, if, by so doing, they may be useful to their fellow-servants, by shewing a Christian spirit, and will consider daily, that _self-denial_, when our station may require it, is the _duty_ of all.
Our Saviour has thus commanded us:—“_Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them._” This is a summary of the law and the prophets as to our conduct. It is a general rule, applicable in a thousand cases to persons in every situation. On its due observance by all the people of a house, each toward the other, depends the measure of comfort which may be attained in the present state. The _Rule_ is so _reasonable_, so _just_, and so _useful_, that the neglect of it shews the sad state of our fallen nature. Put yourself, for a moment, in the place of your master, mistress, or fellow-servants; and then judge what _you_ might fairly and justly expect from the servants in the same house. Were _you_ a mistress, you would expect all those duties to be discharged by _your_ servants, which we recommend, and consequently, the MISTRESS, whom you actually serve, justly expects these things from _you_. Where this mode of thinking and acting is adopted, it prevents many disputes—maintains peace in the house—or soon restores it, if, on some uncomfortable occasion, it happens to have been lost. None of us are without some failings. The best of people are very far from being, at all times, so good as they should be, therefore _good_ servants and _good_ employers will endeavour to put the best construction they can on each others conduct; and judge of each other rather by the _general behaviour_, than by any particular action.
_Obedience_ is the grand duty which includes almost every other, in the relation between masters and mistresses, and servants. _Disobedience_ to lawful commands in a servant is dishonesty. Act therefore with submission to the will and judgment of your superiors. If they require things to be done, that are contrary to the laws of God or man, you may with meekness decline them. If they _constantly_ require the performance of what is beyond the _reasonable_ limit of your strength, your ability, or your time, shew your _obedience_ and _respect_, by explaining your reasons, when you signify your intention to leave. Whatever personal inconvenience you may feel, do not slander your employers, either abroad or at home, respecting it, but apply to _them_ for its removal. Always be contented and cheerful in your service, or respectfully retire from it. It is very unworthy to behave improperly, or to watch an opportunity to give warning, merely because you hope to gain _higher wages_ in the next place. Rather respectfully ask for advance, and if you are a good servant, and your wish is not unreasonable, it will be granted. Never suffer yourself to leave a family, without leaving your best wishes for the welfare of those whom you have served.
It is a more serious thing to _leave_ a good situation than many are aware of. You may never obtain such another place, all things considered; and may be long unsettled. “A rolling stone gathers no moss.” A servant that is not stationary seldom obtains _friends_ that are able and willing to assist her. You now know _all_ the inconveniences that attend your present situation, but you cannot know whether _much greater_ may not be found in the next you obtain. Most situations have their advantages and disadvantages. Calculate, as far as you can, upon both, as they are found in the place where you _now_ are. Higher wages for another service is no proof that it would be a _better_ one, all things considered.
Nothing is so comfortable and _creditable_ to all parties, as when a servant lives _many years_ in the same family. Such servants never want a _real_ friend. Though you _may_ perhaps obtain a new service by a three months’ character, you will be respected if you have lived three years in your situation, but still more, if you have lived seven.
The great master principle of all faithful service is an earnest desire and endeavor to act according to the WILL OF GOD. The reason why _servants_ as well as others, are so defective and partial in the discharge of their duties, and therefore are so often uncomfortable and distressed, is, that they are not influenced as they ought to be, by this principle. Those, who think of their need of God’s help, and love him with their hearts, and minds, and strength, _he_ will love and honor. “I love them that love me,” saith the Almighty. “They that honor _me_, I will honor; and those who despise me, shall be lightly esteemed.”
————
The celebrated Dean Swift, of facetious memory, who was a man of great genius and talent, and had an extensive knowledge of the world, in his _burlesque_ Advice to Servants, by holding up their faults and vices as _laudable examples_ for imitation, teaches them, in one continued vein of sarcastic irony, what _they ought not to do_;—we therefore transcribe a considerable portion thereof, by way of _negative_ advice.—_Good servants will applaud this artifice, and bad ones will feel its force._
“When your master or lady calls a servant by name, if the servant be not in the way, none of you are to answer, for then there will be no end of your drudgery: and masters themselves allow, that if a servant comes when he is called, it is sufficient.
“When you have done a fault, be always pert and insolent, and behave yourself as if you were the injured person; this will immediately put your master or lady off their mettle.
“If you see your master wronged by any of your fellow-servants, be sure to _conceal_ it, for fear of being called a tell-tale: however, there is one exception in case of a favourite servant, who is justly hated by the whole family; and you are bound in prudence to lay all the faults you can upon the favourite.
“The cook, the butler, the groom, the market-man, and every other servant who is concerned in the expenses of the family, should act as if his master’s _whole estate_ ought to be applied to that servant’s particular business. For instance, if the cook computes his master’s estate to be a thousand pounds a year, she reasonably concludes that a thousand pounds a year will afford _meat_ enough, and therefore, he need not be sparing; the butler makes the same judgment, so may the groom and the coachman; and thus every branch of expense will be filled to your master’s _honour_.