Category: Poetry

Burlesque Plays and Poems

_Merch._ Sirrah, I'll make you know you are my prentice, And whom my charitable love redeem'd Even from the fall of fortune; gave thee heat And growth, to be what now thou art; new cast thee, Adding the trust of all I have at home, In foreign staples, or upon the sea, To thy d...

Chapters

52. SCENE IV.--_A Wood.

_Fusbos._ This day is big with fate: just as I set My foot across the threshold, lo! I met A man whose squint terrific struck my view; Another came, and lo! he squinted too; And...

18. SCENE II.

Nay, hold, hold; pray by your leave a little. Look you, sir, the drift of this scene is somewhat more than ordinary; for I make 'em both fall out because they are not in love wi...

44. SCENE X.

_King._ Open the prisons, set the wretched free, And bid our treasurer disburse six pounds To pay their debts. Let no one weep to-day. Come, Dollallolla; curse that odious name!...

3. ACT III.--SCENE I.

_Jasp._ Come, my dear dear, though we have lost our way We have not lost ourselves. Are you not weary With this night's wand'ring, broken from your rest? And frighted with the t...

2. ACT II.--SCENE I.

_Wife._ George, dost thou think in thy conscience now 'twill be a match? tell me but what thou thinkest, sweet rogue, thou seest the poor gentleman (dear heart) how it labours a...

1. ACT I.--SCENE I.

_Merch._ Sirrah, I'll make you know you are my prentice, And whom my charitable love redeem'd Even from the fall of fortune; gave thee heat And growth, to be what now thou art;...

4. ACT IV.--SCENE I.

_Wife._ Look, George, the little boy's come again; methinks he looks something like the Prince of Orange, in his long stocking, if he had a little harness about his neck. George...

45. ACT I.--SCENE I.

_Represents a room at an Inn, at Weimar--On one side of the stage the bar-room, with jellies, lemons in nets, syllabubs, and part of a cold roast fowl._ &c.--_On the opposite si...

5. ACT V.--SCENE I.

_Merch._ I will have no great store of company at the wedding: a couple of neighbours and their wives; and we will have a capon in stewed broth, with marrow, and a good piece of...

6. ACT I.--SCENE I.

_Smith._ Faith, not above an hour: and, if I had not met you here, I had gone to look you out; for I long to talk with you freely of all the strange new things we have heard in...

17. ACT IV.--SCENE I.

_Bayes._ Gentlemen, because I would not have any two things alike in this play, the last act beginning with a witty scene of mirth, I make this to begin with a funeral.

48. ACT IV.

_Cas._ Soon after that period I went upon a visit to a lady in Wetteravia--my Matilda was under her protection--alighting at a peasant's cabin, I saw her on a charitable visit,...

16. SCENE V.

_Ama._ Pray let us two this single boon obtain! That you will here, with poor us, still remain! Before your horses come, pronounce our fate, For then, alas, I fear 'twill be too...

12. ACT III.--SCENE I.

_Bayes._ Sir, all my fancies are so. I tread upon no man's heels; but make my flight upon my own wings, I assure you. Now, here comes in a scene of sheer wit, without any mixtur...

7. ACT II.--SCENE I.

_Bayes._ Now, sir, because I'll do nothing here that ever was done before, instead of beginning with a scene that discovers something of the plot, I begin this play with a whisp...

49. SCENE I.--_Interior of the Palace.

_King._ Last night, when undisturb'd by state affairs, Moist'ning our clay, and puffing off our cares, Oft the replenish'd goblet did we drain, And drank and smok'd, and smok'd...

51. SCENE III.--_Inside of a Cottage.

_Distaf._ This morn, as sleeping in my bed I lay, I dreamt (and morning dreams come true they say), I dreamt a cunning man my fortune told, And soon the pots and pans were turne...

21. SCENE III.

_King._ Enough! the vast idea fills my soul. I see them--yes, I see them now before me: The monstrous, ugly, barb'rous sons of clods. But ha! what form majestic strikes our eyes...

10. SCENE IV.

_Phys._ Right; lay our heads together. I love to be merry sometimes; but when a knotty point comes, I lay my head close to it, with a snuff-box in my hand; and then I fegue it a...

47. SCENE II.

_Beef._ Glorious news, my dear Puddingfield--the Barons are victorious--King John has been defeated--Magna Charta, that venerable, immemorial inheritance of Britons, was signed...

15. SCENE IV.

So now enter Prince Prettyman in a rage. Where the devil is he? why, Prettyman? why, where I say? O fie, fie, fie, fie! all's marr'd, I vow to gad, quite marr'd.

34. SCENE X.

_Nood._ Sure, Nature means to break her solid chain,[153] Or else unfix the world, and in a rage To hurl it from its axletree and hinges; All things are so confused, the king's...

36. SCENE II.

_King_. Ye stars! 'tis well. Were thy last hour to come, This moment had been it; yet by thy shroud[167] I'll pull thee backward, squeeze thee to a bladder, Till thou dost groan...

8. SCENE II.

_Bayes._ Oh, these are now the two kings of Brentford; take notice of their style, 'twas never yet upon the stage: but if you like it, I could make a shift perhaps to show you a...

9. SCENE III.

_Pret._ How strange a captive am I grown of late! Shall I accuse my love, or blame my fate! My love, I cannot; that is too divine: And against fate what mortal dares repine?[15]

23. SCENE V.

_Queen._ Teach me to scold, prodigious-minded Grizzle,[105] Mountain of treason, ugly as the devil, Teach this confounded hateful mouth of mine To spout forth words malicious as...

29. SCENE V.

_Griz._ Oh! Huncamunca, Huncamunca, oh![127] Thy pouting breasts, like kettledrums of brass, Beat everlasting loud alarms of joy; As bright as brass they are, and oh, as hard. O...

46. ACT II.

SCENE.--_A Room in an ordinary Lodging-house at Weimar._--PUDDINGFIELD _and_ BEEFINGTON _discovered, sitting at a small deal table, and playing at All-fours.--Young_ POTTINGEN,...

11. SCENE V.

_Bayes._ Hold, hold. [_To the music. It ceases._ Now, here's an odd surprise: all these dead men you shall see rise up presently, at a certain note that I have, in _effaut flat_...

28. SCENE IV.

_King._ Let all but Huncamunca leave the room. [_Exeunt_ CLEORA _and_ MUSTACHA. Daughter, I have observed of late some grief Unusual in your countenance; your eyes That, like tw...

43. SCENE IX.

_Griz._ Triumph not, Thumb, nor think thou shalt enjoy Thy Huncamunca undisturb'd; I'll send My ghost to fetch her to the other world;[193] It shall but bait at heaven, and then...

26. SCENE II.

_Thumb._ Trust me, my Noodle, I am wondrous sick;[113] For, though I love the gentle Huncamunca, Yet at the thought of marriage I grow pale: For, oh!--but swear thou'lt keep it...

31. SCENE VII.

_Hunc._ Well may your chains be easy, since, if fame Says true, they have been tried on twenty husbands. The glove or boot, so many times pull'd on,[137] May well sit easy on th...

42. SCENE VIII.--_Thunder and Lightning.

_Thumb._ Oh, Noodle! hast thou seen a day like this? The unborn thunder rumbles o'er our heads,[183] As if the gods meant to unhinge the world,[184] And heaven and earth in wild...

19. SCENE I.--_The Palace.

_Doodle._ Sure such a day[65] as this was never seen! The sun himself, on this auspicious day, Shines like a beau in a new birthday suit: This down the seams embroidered, that t...

13. SCENE II.

_Cor._ His highness, sirs, commanded me to tell you, That the fair person whom you both do know, Despairing of forgiveness for her fault, In a deep sorrow, twice she did attempt...

27. SCENE III.--_The Princess_ HUNCAMUNCA'S _Apartment_.

_Hunc._ O Tom Thumb! Tom Thumb! wherefore art thou Tom Thumb?[119] Why hadst thou not been born of royal race? Why had not mighty Bantam been thy father? Or else the King of Bre...

38. SCENE IV.

_Queen._ What is the cause, my Arthur, that you steal Thus silently from Dollallolla's breast? Why dost thou leave me in the dark alone,[173] When well thou know'st I am afraid...

14. SCENE III.

20. SCENE II.

_King._ Let nothing but a face of joy appear;[75] The man who frowns this day shall lose his head, That he may have no face to frown withal. Smile Dollallolla--Ha! what wrinkled...

40. SCENE VI.

_Hunc._ Oh! sir, about an hour and half ago He sallied out t' encounter with the foe, And swore, unless his fate had him misled, From Grizzle's shoulders to cut off his head, An...

33. SCENE IX.

_Hunc._ Forbid it, all ye stars, for you're so small, That were you lost, you'd find yourself no more. So the unhappy sempstress once, they say, Her needle in a pottle, lost, of...

24. SCENE VI.

_Queen_ [_sola._] And whither shall I go?--Alack a day! I love Tom Thumb--but must not tell him so; For what's a woman when her virtue's gone? A coat without its lace; wig out o...

25. SCENE I.--_The street.

_Bail._ Come on, my trusty fellow, come on; This day discharge thy duty, and at night A double mug of beer, and beer shall glad thee. Stand here by me, this way must Noodle pass.

41. SCENE VII.--_Plain.

_Griz._ This day, of all the days of the year, I'd choose, For on this day my grandmother was born. Gods! I will make Tom Thumb an April-fool; Will teach his wit an errand it ne...

32. SCENE VIII.

_King._ Sure never was so sad a king as I![142] My life is worn as ragged as a coat[143] A beggar wears; a prince should put it off. To love a captive and a giantess![144] Oh lo...

30. SCENE VI.

_Thumb._ Where is my princess? where's my Huncamunca? Where are those eyes, those cardmatches of love, That light up all with love my waxen soul?[132] Where is that face which a...

37. SCENE III.

_King._ Oh! stay, and leave me not uncertain thus! And, whilst thou tellest me what's like my fate, Oh! teach me how I may avert it too! Curs'd be the man who first a simile mad...

22. SCENE IV.

_Grizzle (solus)._ Where art thou, Grizzle?[104] where are now thy glories? Where are the drums that waken thee to honour? Greatness is a laced coat from Monmouth Street, Which...

35. SCENE I.--KING ARTHUR'S _Palace.

Ye fairies, goblins, bats, and screech-owls, hail! And, oh! ye mortal watchmen, whose hoarse throats Th' immortal ghosts dread croakings counterfeit, All hail!--Ye dancing phant...

39. SCENE V.

_Nood._ Long life attend your majesties serene, Great Arthur, king, and Dollallolla, queen! Lord Grizzle, with a bold rebellious crowd, Advances to the palace, threat'ning loud,...

50. SCENE II.--_An Avenue of Trees.

_King._ I'll seek the maid I love, though in my way A dozen gen'rals stood in fierce array! Such rosy beauties nature meant for kings; Subjects have treat enough to see such thi...