Part 9

I heard all this with the greatest Amazement. But when in the Name of the Senate he offer’d me the Freedom of the City, and repeated his Intreaties, that I would fix my Abode here, I could not forbear blushing, from a Suspicion that his Request proceeded from a pre-conceiv’d Opinion of my Foolishness, and that he took me for such a Sort of _Ferment_ as might be of Use to a State labouring under the Misfortune of too much Wisdom. I was confirm’d in this Suspicion, when I heard the Senate had decreed to send a Colony abroad, and in their Places to take in an equal Number of Fools from the neighbouring Nations. And so with a Sort of Resentment, I left this Race of Reasoners. Yet for a long Time I could not help reflecting upon that subterranean Axiom of theirs, unknown to the Politicians of our World, namely, _That in a well-constituted Society, it is necessary that at least half the Members should be Fools_. I wonder’d so salutary a Maxim should remain undiscover’d by the _worthy Spirits_ of our Age. But possibly it might be known to some, who were however unwilling to have it inserted in the Class of political Truths, since with us there are great Plenty of Fools, nor is there (Envy apart!) a Village or City with us, but what is handsomely stor’d with this goodly _Ferment_.

Having rested some Time, I renew’d my Travels, and visited several Countries, which I pass over in Silence, as having nothing remarkable in them. I suppos’d I had now seen all the marvellous Things in the Planet _Nazar_. But arriving at the Province of _Cabac_, fresh Wonders offer themselves, and even such as exceed the Bounds of Credibility. Among the Natives of this Region, some are born without Heads. They speak by a Mouth plac’d in the Middle of the Breast. Upon Account of this great Defect in Nature, they are exempted from all such difficult Employments as require the least Headpiece. The only Posts they are admitted to, are chiefly those about the Court. Thus the Chamberlain, the Master of the Ceremonies, the President of the Seraglio, and the like, are all taken from the Class of People that are without Heads. Nevertheless some that have no Heads are, by the special Indulgence of the Government, receiv’d into the Senate for some Merit of their Ancestors, and that without much Detriment to the Republick. For Experience tells us, that the whole Authority of the Senate is lodg’d in the Hands of a few leading Members, and that the rest only help to fill up the Number, and to assent and subscribe to the Resolutions of others. And in my Time, there were in the Senate two that were born without Heads, who nevertheless enjoy’d the senatorial Stipends. For tho’ they were destitute of Sense, by reason of that Defect of Nature, yet surely they might give their Vote with others; happier in one Thing than their Collegues, namely, that nobody was angry with those who had no Heads, but vented all their Rage against the others. And hence it is evident, that it is safer sometimes to be born without a Head. This City may vie with any in Magnificence and Splendour. It has a Court, an University, and several noble Temples.

_Cambara_ and _Spelek_ are the two next Provinces. The Natives are all Limes. But in this they differ, that the former seldom live beyond the Age of four Years, whereas the others seldom fall short of four hundred. Here you might see Fathers, Grandfathers, Great Grandfathers, and so on; they would tell you old Stories and Adventures of their own that happen’d Ages ago, and by their lively Representations make you think you was almost present at them. As much as I pity’d the first, I envy’d the last. But after I had more inly examin’d the State of both, I found my Error. In _Cambara_ every one, within a few Months after their Nativity, arriv’d to their full Maturity of Body and Mind. One Year was enough to form and perfect them; in the rest they prepar’d for Death. Not _Plato_’s self could have imagin’d a more charming Republick; here all the Virtues flourish’d to Perfection. Being hourly convinc’d of the Shortness of Life, they are always ready for Death, and regard this Life only as a Passage to a better. We may imagine every one of them a Philosopher, who with a happy Indifference to his present State, aims only at securing that solid and durable Pleasure, which is the Reward of Virtue and Piety. In a Word, this seem’d to be the Abode of Angels, the Kingdom of Saints, and the truest School of Wisdom and Virtue. Hence one may judge how unjust their Murmurs are, who complain of the Brevity of Life, making it the Foundation of a Quarrel at their Maker. Our Life is short, because we lose the greatest Part in Sloth and Pleasure; it would be long enough if our Time were better employ’d. But in the other Region, where Life is lengthen’d to four hundred Years, I discover’d all the Vices under Heaven. The present State of Things they look upon as eternal and immortal.

_Hinc fugere pudor, verumque, fidesque & honestum: In quorum subiere locum dolus insidiæque._

There was also another Inconvenience resulting from long Life. Those who had unhappily lost their Estate or Fortunes, those who were maim’d in their Limbs, or were fallen into incurable Diseases, made the most piercing Complaints, and knowing no End to their Miseries, often laid violent Hands on themselves. The Shortness of Life, therefore, is to the Wretched the best of Remedies. Both these Countries afforded me Matter of much Admiration, and upon my Departure fill’d me with very philosophical Reflexions.

I pursued my Journey thro’ certain desert and rocky Places, which lead to _Spalank_, or the Country of Innocence. This Place is so call’d from the Innocence and peaceful Humour of the Natives. These are all Beeches, and esteem’d the happiest of the whole Creation. They are subject to no Passions and Affections, and consequently free from all Vices.

_Sponte sua, sine lege, fidem rectumque colebant; Pœna metusque aberant, &c._

Upon my Arrival, I found all I had heard was true, and that actually they were govern’d not by Laws, but by their own innate Virtue and Disposition. Envy, Anger, Hatred, Pride, Vain-Glory, Discord, and all which among Mankind bears the Name of Vice, is here proscrib’d and banish’d. But with the Vices there were also many Things wanting, which adorn the human Species, and seem to distinguish them from Brutes. Except Divinity, Natural Philosophy and Astronomy, all the Arts and Sciences were wholly unknown. They had not the least Idea of Law, Politicks, History, Ethicks, and Eloquence, the very Names of which were never heard of. As there was not the least Spark of Envy, so there was no Emulation to excite and animate the Soul to worthy Deeds. There were no splendid Edifices, no Palace, no Senate-House, no Forum, no Magistrate, no Riches, and consequently no Desire of them, or Contention about them. In two Words, if they had no Vices, they had no Politeness, Art, or Elegance; nor any of those Things, which, tho’ in Reality no Virtues, are yet extremely like Virtues, and render Men civiliz’d and social. To say the Truth, I seem’d here to be rather in a Forest of real Trees, than in a rational Society. I stood a long Time in doubt what Judgment to form of these People, and whether such a State were in Reality desirable. At length reflecting, that an uncultivated Creature was however better than a vicious Creature, and that tho’ they had no Arts, they had also no Thefts, Murders, and other atrocious Crimes, which destroy both Body and Soul, I could not help pronouncing them happy. Walking carelesly along one Day, while I was among them, I struck my left Leg against a Stone. It swell’d violently, and gave me excessive Pain. An honest Countryman seeing this Accident, presently ran to me, and with a certain Herb he held in his Hand and apply’d to the Wound, the Anguish forthwith abated, and the Swelling decreas’d. These People, thought I, must have extraordinary Skill in the Art of Healing. Nor was my Conjecture wrong. For since their Studies were confin’d within so narrow a Compass, they were not contented with the outward Rind of Knowledge, like our modern Connoiseurs, but went to the Bottom of Things. When I thank’d my Benefactor for his Services, and told him that God would be his Reward, he answer’d me in so solid, so learned, and so devout a Manner, tho’ in Terms perfectly simple and rural, that I had really some Apprehensions it was an Angel in the Shape of a Tree. It appears hence, with what little Reason we dislike that _calm_ Philosophy of some Men, who neither wish nor grieve, are neither angry, nor pleas’d, who divest themselves of all the impetuous Passions of the Soul, and whom we therefore accuse of leading a Life of Indolence and Softness. It appears also how much mistaken they are, who are Advocates for the Necessity of Vices among Men; who stile Anger the Whetstone of Courage, Emulation the Spur of Industry, and Distrust the Parent of Discretion. For who does not know, that from ill Eggs ill Birds are hatch’d, and that many Virtues which Mortals pride themselves in, and which are celebrated in Verse, are rather the Disgrace than Ornament of Humanity, if beheld with a philosophical Eye.

I left this Place, and arriv’d at _Kiliac_, where the Inhabitants are born with certain Marks impress’d upon their Forehead, signifying the exact Number of Years they have to live. These surely I thought must be the most fortunate People under the Sun, since an unexpected Death could surprize none of them in a sinful Action. But then, as their last Day of Life was known to every one, they deferr’d their Repentance to the last; insomuch that if you found one among them sincerely devout and honest, it was one whom the Marks upon his Forehead directed to think of his Quietus. Some I observ’d who walk’d with their Heads hanging down; they had almost liv’d out their Time, and were counting the Remainder of their Days and Hours upon their Fingers, expecting with Horror their last approaching Moment. This gave me to see the general Wisdom of the Creator in concealing from Mortals the Time of their Death.

Having travell’d over this Country, I came to a Streight, the Water of which was black; and being ferry’d over, I landed upon the Province of _Askarac_. Here new Monsters met my Eyes. As _Cabac_ produces Animals without a Head, some among these People are born with seven Heads. To these, as being possess’d of an amazing Knowledge, the Citizens formerly paid almost divine Honours; and out of their Tribes alone, Commanders, Consuls, Senators, and other great Officers were elected. But, alas! as many Heads as they had, so many different Geniuses they had. They confidently and readily undertook to discharge various Employments at one and the same Time; and left nothing unattempted while they held the Reins of Power: But from that Multiplicity of Business, and from their various Ideas interfering and jostling with each other, they made wretched Work of it; and in Process of Time so great was the Confusion, that it requir’d the Labour of an Age to recover from the Disorder these omniscient Magistrates had thrown Things into. Hence a Law was enacted, to exclude for ever these seven-headed Trees from all publick Offices of Importance, and that the Government should hereafter be intrusted to _simple Heads_, that is to say, those who have only one Head. Ever since, those very People, who had been rever’d as Gods, have been sinking into the same Contempt as the headless Inhabitants of _Cabac_. For as they, who had no Head at all, could do nothing; so these with many Heads did every Thing perversely. But tho’ they are for ever remov’d from all State-Trusts, yet they serve as an Ornament to the Kingdom. They are carry’d about like publick Spectacles, to shew the World how liberal Nature has been in their Formation. Tho’ to say the Truth, had she been less lavish of her Favours, she had been in Reality much kinder. Of all this Race, there were only three in my Time in Employment, to which, however, they were not admitted, till they had consented to an Amputation of six of their Heads. After this, the confus’d Ideas they labour’d under vanish’d, and they were brought to common Sense. Thus Men prune Trees of their superfluous Branches, to derive more Health and Vigour to the rest. Very few undergo this Operation, upon Account of the extreme Pain and Danger. From hence I drew this useful Maxim, That all Excess is hurtful, and that Simplicity is true Wisdom.

From hence I pass’d to the Principality of _Bostanki_, a People, as to their outward Make, little different from the _Potuans_; but as to the inward, they have this Singularity, that their Heart is situated in their Thigh; so that it may be truly said of them, that they carry their Heart in their Breeches. Hence, among all the Inhabitants of this Globe, these are accounted the most fearful and pusillanimous. Upon my Arrival, I enter’d into an Inn near the Gate, and as the Fatigue of Travelling had made me something weary and fretful, I rattled my Host for being slow in his Attendance. But he, falling on his Knees, implor’d for Mercy, and extending his Thigh for me to feel the great Palpitation of Heart he was in, from storming I fell to laughing, and bid him dry his Tears, and cast away all Fear: He rose, and in a Transport kiss’d my Hand, and set about Supper immediately. In a Minute or two the whole Kitchen resounded with Cries and Lamentations. I ran thither, and to my vast Astonishment, there did I behold my very fearful Host beating and whipping his Wife and the Maids about. Seeing me, he took to his Heels, and run away. I turn’d to the weeping Family, and begg’d to know what Crime they had committed, to provoke so meek a Man to so great Rage. They, on the other Hand, stood mute, with their Eyes fasten’d to the Ground, not daring to tell the Cause of their Affliction. But upon my persisting to enquire, and adding Threats to my Intreaty, the Mistress spoke to me in this Manner: “You seem, Sir, to be a great Stranger to the Manners of the World. The Natives of this Principality can’t bear the Sight of an armed Enemy, and out of their own Houses tremble at the least Noise; yet they all domineer in the Kitchen, they exert their Bravery on their defenceless Family, and are only then valiant, when no Resistance can be made. On this Account they are the Jest, as well as the Prey, of the neighbouring States. But in the bordering Kingdom, to which we are Tributaries, the Case is otherwise. There they never fight but against an arm’d Enemy. There the Males command abroad, and serve at home.” I admir’d the Wisdom of the Hostess, whom I look’d upon as worthy of a better Condition. And, indeed, upon a closer Inspection into the Nature and Disposition of People, this Matron, it must be own’d, was extremely in the right, since from innumerable Examples it is clear, that _Hercules_ is not the only one who has yielded to a Distaff, but that it is the common Fate of brave and warlike Men to submit, with all due Patience, to the Female Yoke: And that, on the other Hand, the veriest Cowards in all Nature, who like the _Bostankians_, carry their Hearts in their Breeches, are yet Heroes in the Kitchen. This People live under the Protection of a neighbouring Kingdom, to whom they pay Tribute for it.

From hence I pass’d by Water to _Mikolac_. Coming out of the Boat I miss’d my Cloak-Bag. I presently charg’d the Boat-Man with the Theft, who stifly deny’d it. Upon this I went and complain’d to the Magistrate, telling him, that if I had not the Liberty of bringing an Action against the Boat-Man for Breach of Trust or Theft, I hop’d he would at least compel him to make simple Restitution. But my Adversary not only persisted in denying the Fact, but threaten’d me with an Action of Slander. In a Case so doubtful the Court call’d for Witnesses. But as I could bring none, I desir’d my Antagonist might purge himself by Oath. At this the Judge smil’d, and spoke as follows. “My Friend, says he, in this Province we are bound by no Religion, nor have we any other Gods beside the Laws of our Country. Accusations here must be made good by legal Methods, such as proving the Delivery, estimating the Value, exhibiting Receipts, and producing Witnesses. Whoever is destitute of these, not only loses his Cause, but is liable to be sued for Calumny. Make the Case plain by proper Evidence, and what you have lost shall be restor’d to you.” Thus losing my Cause for want of Witnesses, I not only lamented my own Misfortune, but that of the Republick itself. For from hence it appear’d, what a weak unsettled Society that must be which depends for its Security upon human Laws alone, and how frail are all political Edifices unless cemented together by Religion. I staid three Days here in continual Fears. For tho’ the Laws of the Country are in Reality very good, and tho’ Crimes are punish’d with the utmost Severity, yet no Safety can be reasonably expected in a Country too atheistical to have the least Sense of religious Obligation, and where they scruple the Commission of no Crimes, provided they can but conceal them.

From this Land of Atheists, I travell’d on over a steep Mountain to the City of _Bracmat_, which was situated in the Plain at the Foot of the Mountain. The Inhabitants are Junipers. The first Person I met, came directly rushing at me, and threw me backwards. I did not well understand this, and asking the Reason of it, the Juniper begg’d my Pardon a thousand Times. Presently after, another with a Staff he had in his Hand, gave me a Blow upon the Reins that almost took away my Senses: But in the same Moment he made a long Harangue to me in Excuse of his Imprudence. Suspecting, therefore, this People to be either totally blind, or very weak-sighted, I took Care to avoid every one I met. In fact, all this arose from the exquisite Sense of Sight which some are here endued with. They can clearly discern remote Objects, which are impenetrable to vulgar Eyes; but then they do not see what is nearer and almost at hand. These are call’d _Makatti_; and they devote themselves principally to the Studies of Metaphysicks and Astronomy. They are of very little Service in the World, by reason of their too delicate Vision. They make very pretty _minute Philosophers_; but in solid Matters and Things of daily Use, they commit innumerable Blunders. However, the Government makes some Use of them, and sends them to the Mines for the Discovery of Metals. For tho’ they see scarce any Thing upon the Surface of the Earth, their Sight exerts itself upon any Thing beneath it. I concluded from hence, that there are some who are blind from too great a Delicacy in the Organs of Vision, and that they would see better if their Eyes were worse.

Having gain’d the Top of another very steep and rocky Mountain, I now enter’d the Province of _Mutak_, the Capital of which look’d like a Grove of Willows, the Inhabitants being all of that Species. Proceeding to the Market, I there found a robust, healthy young Man, sitting in a _Place of Ease_ (of which there are many round the Market-Place) and imploring the Mercy of the Senate. I enquir’d the Meaning of this, and was informed, that the said Person was a Criminal, to whom they were going to give the fifteenth Dose. Surpriz’d at the Answer, I step’d aside, and desir’d my Host to explain this Riddle. He reply’d thus: “Most Nations punish Crimes by whipping, branding, hanging and the like: But nothing of that Kind obtains in this Country. For we study not so much to punish Crimes, as to mend the Criminal. The Culprit upon the Seat is a wretched Author, who for his violent Itch of Writing, which neither Law nor Advice could restrain, has been condemn’d by the Senate to the publick Punishment. This is left to the _Censors_ of the City, who are all Doctors of Physick, and who are now going to macerate and bring him low by frequent Purgings, till they have conquer’d and extinguish’d the Lust of Scribbling.” He ended his Discourse with desiring me to go to the Shop of a publick Apothecary. I went with him accordingly, and to my vast Amazement beheld Phials and Gallipots all properly arrang’d, with such Inscriptions as these: _Powder of Avarice._ _Pills for Lust._ _Tincture against Cruelty._ _Lenitive of Ambition._ _Cortex against Pleasure_, &c. Words cannot express the strange Confusion of Mind this odd Spectacle threw me into. But a perfect Ecstasy of Surprize ensued, when I observed a Parcel of Manuscripts with these Titles: _Sermons of Master_ Pisagus, _a Morning’s Perusal of which gives six Stools_. _Meditations of Dr._ Jukes, _a Specific in the_ Coma Vigil, _or Want of Sleep_, &c. I thought the People out of their Senses, and to examine more accurately the Virtue of their Medicines, I open’d the first of these Books. It was such insipid Stuff, that at the first Chapter I began to make Faces; and reading on, I found my Bowels rumble, and soon after had a _Tenesmus_. But as I knew I had no Occasion for Purging, I threw the Book down, and run away. I then observ’d, that nothing in the whole World was without its Use, and that the most pitiful Performances were serviceable for something. I found also, that this People were no Fools, however absurd I at first took them to be. My Host averr’d to me, that he was cur’d of lying awake from only perusing Doctor _Juke_’s Book, the Virtue of which was so profound and potent, that Vigilance itself must snore at it. These Things occasion’d in me a tumultuous Variety of Thought. And lest they should break in upon that Chain of philosophical Reflexions I had heretofore made, I resolv’d soon to leave the Country. And happily enough, the strange Things I soon saw in other Provinces, jostled out almost all Thoughts of this Place. But notwithstanding, after I had finish’d my Tour round this Globe, and was reflecting upon the _Mutakian_ Philosophy, their Manner of curing Disorders was not altogether so absurd. For I am convinc’d, that in our _Europe_ there are some Books that would purge the most costive, or give Sleep to the most wakeful. As to the Disorders of the Mind, I own I could not subscribe to the _Mutakian_ Principles in this Point, tho’ it must be confess’d, there are some Infirmities of Body, which we confound with the Disorders of the Mind; as a witty Poet of our World has observ’d in the following Epigram.

_Sexte, diu mecum morbo vexaris eodem, Humores acres nos cruciare solent. Cum mihi sit morbus circum præcordia versans, Exosus, querulus, difficilisque vocor. At te ægrotantem plorant, miserantur amici, In pedibus morbi vis quia tota sedet. Comiter excusant te, cum saltare recusas, Immunem clamant, namque podagra tenet. Inter convivas at me cantare negantem, Fastosum, querulum, difficilemque vocant. Cum minus ardua res tibi sit saltatio, Sexte, Quam sit cardiaco psallere sæpe mihi._