Part 8

_Ædificare casas, plostello adjungere mures, Ludere par impar, equitare in arundine longa_.

While on the other Hand the Youths took the Liberty to reprove them, and sometimes drive them home before them with a Whip. I saw an old decrepit Male Tree whipping a Top in the Market-Place, and was inform’d he was some Years ago a Person of very great Consequence, no less than President of the Grand Council. This inverted Order obtain’d also in the weaker Sex. Hence, when a certain Youth was to be marry’d to an old Lady, all were of Opinion he must undergo the Fate of _Actæon_; which is diametrically opposite to what happens among us, where if an old Man has a Mind for a young Bride, he has ample Reason to fear an Injury of that Sort. Once I remember I met two old Bald-Heads engag’d in a Duel. Amaz’d to find such Vigour at such an Age, I enquir’d the Cause of this Duel, and was told, that the Quarrel arose about a Mistress they had met with at one of their Haunts, and who had equally pleas’d them both. They who told me this, added, that if the Governors of these two old Sinners were to know of their Difference, their Backs would be sure to smart for it. The same Evening a Report flew about, that a certain venerable Matron had hang’d herself for Despair, because she had met with a Repulse from a young _Beech_ she was enamour’d of.

This inverted Order of Nature demands of course an Inversion of the Laws. Hence, in that Chapter of the Law which treats of Guardianship, it is enacted, That the Administration of Goods shall not be granted to any one, unless he be under forty Years of Age. Moreover, Contracts are deem’d ineffectual, if enter’d into by Persons above Forty, unless such Contracts are sign’d by their Tutors or Children. In the Chapter concerning Subordination, there is this Injunction, _Let the Aged of both Sexes be obedient to their Children_. Every Person in Office is always dismiss’d before he arrives to the Age of Forty.

——_Interdicto huic omne adimat jus Prætor, & ad juvenes abeat tutela propinquos._

I did not think it convenient to continue longer in this Place, where if I had happen’d to have stay’d but ten Years, I must have been oblig’d by Law to become a Child again.

In the Province of _Cocklecu_ there is a very perverse Custom, and such as would be highly condemn’d among us. The Order of Things is indeed inverted, but the Fault is not owing to Nature, but solely to the Laws. The Natives are all _Junipers_ of both Sexes: But the Males alone perform the Drudgery of the Kitchen, and every such ignoble Labour. In Time of War indeed, they serve their Country, but rarely rise above the Rank of common Soldiers. Some few get to be Ensigns, which is the very highest military Honour the Males ever arrive to. The Females, on the other Hand, are in Possession of all Honours and Employments sacred, civil, or military. I had lately derided the _Potuans_ for observing no Difference of Sex in the Distribution of publick Offices: But that was nothing to the Phrenzy of this People. I could not conceive the Meaning of so much Indolence in the Males, who, tho’ of far superior Strength of Body, could yet so tamely submit to such a Yoke, and for Ages together digest such an Ignominy. For it would have been very easy, at any Time, to have freed themselves from so shameful a Tyranny. But long and ancient Custom had so blinded them, that none ever thought of attempting to remove such a Disgrace, but quietly believ’d it was Nature’s Appointment, that the Government should be lodg’d in Female Hands, and that it was the Business of the other Sex to spin, to weave, to clean the House, and upon Occasion take a Beating from their Wives. The Arguments, by which the Ladies justify’d this Custom, were these: That as Nature had furnish’d the Males with greater Strength of Body, her Intention in that could only be to destine them to the more laborious and servile Duties of Life. Strangers are amaz’d, when going into a House they see the Mistress of the Family in the Compting-House, with a Pen in her Hand, and her Books before her, and at the same Time find her Husband in the Kitchen scouring the Dishes. And, indeed, whatever House I went to, if I enquir’d for the Master of the Family, I was still conducted into the Kitchin.

_Hic lavet argentum, vasa aspera tergeat alter; Vox dominæ fremit instantis virgamque tenentis._

Horrible were the Effects of this unnatural Custom. For as in other Countries there are abandon’d Women, who prostitute themselves for Hire, so here the young Men sell their Favours, and to that End hire some House of Pleasure, which shall be easily known, either by a Writing over it, or some other infallible Sign. And when the Men drive this wicked Trade with too great Effrontery, and in too barefac’d a Manner, they are had to Prison, and whipt like our Street-Walkers. On the other Hand, the Matrons and Virgins here, without the least Reproach, can prowl up and down, gaze at the young Fellows, nod, whistle, tip the Wink, pluck them by the Sleeve, importune them, write Love-Verses upon their Doors, boast of their Conquests, and reckon up their Gallantries with as much Satisfaction as the _fine Gentlemen_ of our World entertain you with their Amours. Moreover, it is no Crime for the Ladies here to make amorous Poems, and send Presents to the Youths; who, on the contrary, counterfeit Coyness and Modesty, as knowing it indecent to surrender to a Lady upon the first Summons. There was at the Time I was there, a mighty Disturbance about a noble Youth, the Son of a Senator, who had been ravish’d by a young Woman. I heard, that it was whisper’d among the Friends of the injur’d Youth, that a Suit would be commenc’d against the Ravisher, and that at the next Consistory Court she would be sentenc’d to repair the Dishonour by Marriage, since it could be indubitably prov’d, that he was a Person of an innocent Life and Conversation. During my Stay here, I had not the Courage openly to condemn this deprav’d Custom: But upon my leaving the City, I told several, that these Junipers acted in downright Contradiction to Nature, since from the universal Voice and Consent of Nations it was evident, that the Males alone were form’d for all the arduous and important Affairs of Life. To this they reply’d, that I confounded Custom with Nature, since the Weakness we impute to the Female Sex is deriv’d solely from Education. This is clear, from the Form of Government establish’d at _Cocklecu_, where in that Sex you find all the Virtues, and large Endowments of Mind, which the masculine Sex, in other Places, arrogate to themselves. For the _Cocklecuanian_ Women are grave, prudent, constant, and secret. The Men, on the contrary, are light, empty, frothy Creatures. Hence, when any Thing absurd is related, the common Saying is, _That’s a manly Trifle_. Again, when any Thing is done rashly and unthinkingly, the Proverb is, _We must make Allowances for manly Weakness_. Notwithstanding this, I could not acquiesce in these Arguments, being thoroughly convinc’d of the Impropriety and Deformity of this Custom. The Indignation I conceiv’d against so much Female Pride and Insolence, gave Birth to an unfortunate Design, which I put in Execution soon after my Travels, as in its proper Place shall be related.

Among the sumptuous Edifices of this City, the most admirable was the Royal Seraglio, the Residence of three hundred Youths of exquisite Beauty. They were all maintain’d at the Expence of the Queen, and kept for her private Pleasures. As I happen’d to hear, that my Person was much commended, I was afraid of being clapp’d up in the Seraglio, and hurry’d away with all imaginable Haste.

——_Pedibus metus addidit alas._

From this Place I proceeded to the _Philosophical_ Region, so styl’d from the Inhabitants, who are continually bury’d in the profound Speculations of Philosophy. I was all on Fire to see this Country, which I fancy’d must be the Center of Sciences, and the true Seat of the Muses. Instead of vulgar Fields and Meadows, I expected to find one continued lovely Garden; and in this Imagination I hasten’d my Pace, and counted the Hours and Minutes as they flew. However, the Ways thro’ which I pass’d were very stony, with every now and then a Ditch or Cavern, insomuch that sometimes I was forc’d to go thro’ a Length of craggy Way, and sometimes thro’ miry Bogs, where for want of Bridges, I was oblig’d to wade thro’, and drag my weary Limbs after me, quite dirty’d to the Waist: Yet I fortify’d myself against these Accidents, with all the consoling Arguments I could think of. While for a full Hour I had been labouring under these Difficulties, I met a Peasant, of whom I inquir’d how far I had to _Mascattia_, or the _Philosophical_ Province. He reply’d, _I ought rather to ask him, how much there was left of the Journey, since I was in the very Heart of the Place_. Amaz’d at this Answer, _How is it possible_, said I, _that a Land inhabited only by Philosophers should appear rather like the Haunts of savage Beasts, than like a cultivated Country_? He return’d, _That in a little Time Things would have a better Face, as soon as ever the Natives could get Time to think upon such Trifles. At this present, says he, we are all solely intent upon an extraordinary Discovery, no less than that of a Passage to the Sun; that therefore it was very excusable to leave the Soil to itself, it being impossible to do two Things at once._ I presently understood the Drift of this cunning Countryman’s Discourse; and pursuing my Journey, I at last arriv’d at the Metropolitan City _Caska_. In and about the Gates, instead of Guards and Centinels, I saw only a few tame Fowl, and upon the Walls Heaps of Birds-Nests and Cobwebs. Philosophers and Swine indifferently walk’d the Streets, nor was the one distinguish’d from the other but by Shape, being otherwise perfectly alike in Dirt and Nastiness. The Philosophers had all Cloaks of the same Form, but what the Colour was, I could not discern for the Dust upon them. There was one quite bury’d in Thought coming directly towards me; and meeting him, _Pray, Sir_, says I, _what may be the Name of this City?_ At this he paus’d, and for a Time continued as immoveable as if he had no Life in him; at last, says he, turning his Eyes upwards, _’Tis almost Noon_. An Answer so foreign to the Purpose, was a Demonstration of great Absence of Mind, and convinc’d me, that it was better to study sparingly, than to run mad with too much Learning. I proceeded directly to the Center of the City, to see, if beside Philosophers, I could have the good Luck to meet with a reasonable Creature. The _Forum_ of the City, which was very spacious, was adorn’d with Statues and Columns. I was endeavouring to read the Inscription upon one of them, and being thus employ’d, suddenly I felt my Back grow warm and moist. Turning my Head, to see from whence this warm Shower proceeded, I saw a Philosopher making Water against me. For being bury’d in profound Thought, he had taken me for one of the Statues there, that are us’d for Necessities of this Kind. Stung to the Soul with such an Affront, especially as the Philosopher, instead of apologizing for the Mistake, only laugh’d in my Face, I gave him a smart Box on the Ear. Enrag’d at this, he fell upon me, seiz’d me by the Hair, and dragg’d me round the _Forum_. But when I found there was no Prospect of appeasing his Wrath, I endeavour’d to make Reprisals upon him with all my Might and Vigour; and I believe, with Regard to our Blows, the Receipts and Disbursements might be pretty equal on both Sides. At length, after a long Contest, we both fell upon the Ground. At this Spectacle, a Croud of Philosophers flock’d from all Parts, and with inexpressible Fury fell upon me with their Fists and Sticks, and then once more dragg’d me by the Hair all round the Market; insomuch that I was just upon the Point of giving up the Ghost. At last, rather tir’d than satiated, they left off beating me, and brought me to a spacious House, where when I struggled against the Door with both my Feet, and vow’d I would not enter, Messieurs the Philosophers threw a Rope round my Neck, and tugging me in, like an Ox at a Slaughter-House, they fell’d me flat upon the Floor. The House, and all Things in it, were in the utmost Confusion, and not unlike the Disorder People are in at _Lady-Day_ or _Michaelmas_, when they are moving House. I then humbly intreated these wise Men to put an End to their Resentment, and suffer themselves to be mov’d to Pity and Compassion, representing to them how little for the Honour of Philosophy it was to abandon themselves to a blind Rage, and give a Loose to those very Passions they are the forwardest to declaim against. But I preach’d to the Winds. For that very Philosopher, who had so plentifully water’d my Back, forthwith renew’d the Fight, and redoubled his Blows upon me, like a Smith upon an Anvil, as if nothing but my Death could stop his Fury. This plainly taught me, that no Anger equals a philosophical Anger; and that they who can talk so well upon the Beauty of Virtue, care to practise it as little as any.

——_Nec enim minor ira rebullit Pectore in hoc, leviorve exurit flamma medullas._

At length there came in four Philosophers, the Form of whose Robes spoke them of a singular Order. They presently appeas’d the Uproar, and seem’d to commiserate my Fate; and after they had conferr’d apart, they remov’d me to another House. Glad was I, that I had escap’d these Barbarians, and at last fallen into honest Hands. They enquir’d the Cause of all this Tumult, and I told them every Tittle. They smil’d at so pleasant an Accident, telling me, that it was a common Thing for the Philosophers to make Water against the Statues, and that probably my Antagonist, wholly absorb’d in Meditation, had mistook me for a Statue. They inform’d me likewise, that that Person was an Astronomer of great Eminence, and that my other Persecutors were Professors of Moral Philosophy. I could now hear all this with Pleasure, believing myself intirely out of Danger. Yet one Thing alarm’d me mightily, and that was the great Attention with which they survey’d my Form. Besides, their reiterated Questions concerning my Manner of Life, my Country, and the Cause of my Journey, together with the Whispers that ensued, gave me a violent Jealousy. But, good God! what Horror invaded my Soul, when they conducted me into an AnatomyChamber, where there was a frightful Heap of Bones and Carcases upon the Floor, that gave a Stench enough to poison me. I thought I was fallen into a Den of Thieves and Murderers; but the anatomical Instruments which hung upon the Walls took away that Fear, and convinc’d me, that my Host must be a Physician, or a Surgeon. Half an Hour was I left alone in this Place, when a Matron enters with my Dinner. She seem’d very humane, and eying me attentively, she would every now and then fetch a deep Sigh. Upon my enquiring the Cause of her Grief, she reply’d, that my impending Fate drew those Sighs from her; _That I was indeed fallen into very honest Hands, for my Husband_, continues she, _is Lord of this Island, being publick Physician of the City, and Professor of Medicine; and the others you saw are his Collegues: But astonish’d at the extraordinary Make of your Body, they have determin’d to examine the inward Machinery of it, and to make a Dissection of you, in order to add some new Light to Anatomy_. This Account threw me into a most violent Palpitation, and setting up a horrible Cry, _Oh! how! Madam, said I, can you call them honest Men, who make no Scruple to rip up the Bowels of an innocent Person?_ To which she answered, _I say again you are fallen into the Hands of honest Men, who will do nothing with a bad Design, and have resolv’d upon this Operation for the sole Illustration of the Science of Anatomy_. _Alas!_ said I, _I had rather fall into the Hands of Thieves and Murderers, from whom I might possibly make my Escape, than be dissected by such very honest Gentlemen_; and immediately throwing myself at her Feet, shedding at the same Time a Flood of Tears, I implor’d her to intercede for my Life. She told me, her Intercession would avail very little against the Resolution of the Faculty, which was irrevocable; but however, that she would deliver me from Death by some other Means. With these Words, she took me by the Hand, and leading me thro’ a back Door, brought me as far as to the Gate of the City. Being now ready to take my Leave of my Preserver, I endeavour’d to express my Gratitude in the best Language I was Master of; but she presently interrupted me, and telling me she would not leave me till she saw me out of all Danger, she continued to accompany me. As we walk’d together, we enter’d into various Conversations concerning the State of the Country, and I heard her with the utmost Avidity. But at length she made a Digression to a Circumstance not very agreeable to my Ears, and I conjectur’d, that for her Services, she requir’d some Things of me which were _morally impossible_. For she told me with the greatest Concern, that in this Country the Fate of marry’d Ladies was extremely hard, for that their philosophick Husbands, immers’d in Learning, neglected conjugal Duties. _For my Part, I protest_, says she, with an Oath, _we should all be very wretched, if now and then a good-natur’d, compassionate Stranger did not administer Comfort to us in our Misfortunes, and occasionally apply a Remedy to them_. I pretended not to understand this Harangue, and mended my Pace. But this Coldness serv’d only to enflame her. Whereupon,

_Consumptis precibus, violentam transit ad iram, Intendensque manus, passis furibunda capillis_,

she reproach’d me with Ingratitude. I nevertheless continued my Pace, till at last she laid Hands upon my Cloaths, and endeavour’d to stop me. With that I forcibly started from her, and having vastly the Advantage of her in Swiftness, I quickly got out of her Sight. One may judge of the Extremity of the Rage she was in, by the Words I could hear her pronounce, namely, _Kaki spalaki_, that is, _ungrateful Dog_. I digested this Affront with a _Spartan_ Nobleness of Mind, and was glad at my Heart, that I could any Way escape from this Land of Philosophers, the bare Remembrance of which fills me with Horror.

The next Province I arriv’d at, was that of _Nakir_; the Capital of which is a fine, large City of the same Name. I cannot say much of this Place, because I pass’d with the utmost Haste thro’ the Countries adjoining to that I lately left, and long’d to be among People less philosophically, and especially less anatomically given. For such a Terror had seiz’d me, that I could not help asking every one I met, whether he were a Philosopher; and even in my Dreams, the Carcases and Instruments of Dissection still swam before me. The Natives of _Nakir_ were very courteous; for every one I met offer’d me his Service unask’d, with long Attestations of his Honour and Honesty. I thought this very ridiculous, since I suspected none of them, nor call’d their Integrity in Question. I express’d my Wonder at these Compliments, and observ’d, that I could not conceive to what Purpose they were made; at which they only renew’d their Protestations of Service with a thousand Oaths. Leaving this Place, I overtook a Traveller bending beneath the Weight of his Burden. Seeing me, he stopt, and enquir’d whence I came. When I told him I had pass’d thro’ the Province of _Nakir_, he congratulated me upon my Escape, assuring me, that the Inhabitants were a People famous for their Skill in Tricking, and hardly a Traveller pass’d, but was their Prey. I answer’d, If their Actions at all corresponded with their Words, they must be People of the greatest Honour, of which every one boasted extremely, and assur’d me of it with a Multitude of Execrations. The Stranger smiling at these Words, _Take Care_, says he, _of those who trumpet their own Virtues, and especially of those who readily send themselves to the Devil to convince you_. That Piece of Advice I bury’d deep in my Mind, and I have since experienc’d that my Adviser had Reason.

I now arriv’d at a Lake, the Waters of which were of a yellowish Colour. On the Bank there was a Vessel of three Ranks of Oars, in which Passengers, for a small Consideration, were ferry’d over into _the Land of Reason_. Having agreed for my Passage, I went aboard, and with the highest Pleasure imaginable began my Voyage, inasmuch as I presently observ’d, that these subterranean Vessels are impell’d by secret Springs and Machines, which cleave the Waters with an astonishing Rapidity, and all without the Agency of Rowers. Being landed on the other Side of the Lake, I hir’d one of the Guides, which ply in the several Ports, and under his Conduct I travell’d on. In the mean Time my Guide told me every Thing that related to the Government of the City, and the Manners of the People. I understood from him, that they were all _Logicians_ to a Man, and that this City was the true Seat of Reason, from whence it had its Name. And upon my Arrival, I found all he had told me was true. Every Citizen from his great Penetration, and the Composedness of his Manners, had the Appearance of a Judge. I could not forbear lifting my Hands to Heaven, and crying out, Oh! infinitely happy Country, where every Member is a _Cato_. But when I had more accurately examin’d the Condition of the City, I observ’d that Business went but dully on, and that the Republick in a Manner languish’d for want of Fools. For as their good Sense weighs every Thing in the justest Balance, and as not a Soul can be cajol’d by specious Promises and studied Words, it follows, that all those prudent Means and Methods, by which the Minds of Subjects are excited to the best and noblest Actions, and that too at the cheapest and easiest Rate, must here lose all their Efficacy. In short, the bad Effects of such an exact Knowledge of Things were explain’d to me, and pathetically lamented by the Super-Intendant of the Treasury. “One Tree, says he, is here distinguish’d from another by nothing else but his Name, and the Make of his Body. No Emulation among the Subjects, since Marks of Distinction are thought not worth acquiring, and nobody is wise, because every body is so. Folly, I confess, is a Defect, but to have it wholly banish’d, may not be so desirable. Let every State, indeed, have a competent Number of wise Men for the publick Employments. Some must govern, and some must submit to be govern’d. What other States effect by the most trifling Inducements, our Magistrates can procure only by solid Rewards, which often drain the Treasury. Wise Men require the Kernel if they serve their Country, but Fools are put off with the Shell. Thus, for Instance, the Distribution of Honours and Titles, with which Fools are taken as with a Hook, and spirited up to the most hazardous Enterprizes, can be of little Force among a People, who know that solid Fame and Honour is to be acquir’d only by inward Worth and Virtue. A People of this Stamp are not to be deceiv’d with specious Sounds. Your Soldiers, I think I have heard you say, are animated to undergo the utmost Severities, from the Hope of an immortal Name in History. This is what our People cannot conceive. They think, that this Mode of Seech, for Instance, +Dying in earnest, and living in a History+, is the veriest Jargon in the World, and that it is mere Dotage to proclaim aloud the Praises of one, who cannot hear nor understand them. I pass over numberless Inconveniences, which flow only from our exquisite Knowledge, and which prove to Demonstration, that at least half the Members of every civil Establishment ought to be Fools. Folly is to Society, what Fermentation is to the Stomach; too much, or none at all, are alike injurious.”