Scene 4.
ENTER _Hegio_, _Aristophontes_, AND _Slaves_.
_Hegio_
Quo illum nunc hominem proripuisse foras se dicam ex aedibus?
Where did that fellow bolt for out of the house just now, I wonder?
_Tynd._
Nunc enim vero ego occidi: eunt ad te hostes, Tyndare. quid loquar? quid fabulabor? quid negabo aut quid fatebor? mihi res omnis in incerto sita est. quid rebus confidam meis? utinam te di prius perderent, quam periisti e patria tua, Aristophontes, qui ex parata re imparatam omnem facis. occisa est haec res, nisi reperio atrocem mi aliquam astutiam.
(_aside_) It’s all over with me, all over with me now: the enemy are upon you, Tyndarus! What shall I say? What story shall I tell? What shall I deny--or what admit? It’s a shaky business for me on every side! What faith can I put in my luck? Oh, I wish the gods had made away with you before you made away from home, Aristophontes,--upsetting my settled plan completely! The game is up, unless I hit upon some awfully clever scheme.
_Hegio_
Sequere. em tibi hominem. adi, atque adloquere.
(_to Aristophontes, on seeing Tyndarus_) Come along! There’s your man! Go up and speak to him!
_Tynd._
Quis homo est me hominum miserior? 540
(_aside, as Aristophontes approaches_) What mortal man is in a more confounded hole than this? (_pretends not to recognize him_)
_Arist._
Quid istuc est quod meos te dicam fugitare oculos, Tyndare, proque ignoto me aspernari, quasi me numquam noveris? equidem tam sum servos quam tu, etsi ego domi liber fui, tu usque a puero servitutem servivisti in Alide.
I wonder what you mean by this, Tyndarus,--avoiding my eye and snubbing me as a stranger, quite as if you never knew me? I’m just as much of a slave as you are, to be sure, but at home I was free: as for you, you’ve been slaving it in Elis from your boyhood up.
_Hegio_
Edepol minime miror, si te fugitat aut oculos tuos, aut si te odit, qui istum appelles Tyndarum pro Philocrate.
Bless my soul! I’m not a bit surprised if he avoids you, or your eye, no, nor if he detests you, when you call him Tyndarus instead of Philocrates.
_Tynd._
Hegio, hic homo rabiosus habitus est in Alide, ne tu quod istic fabuletur auris immittas tuas. nam istis hastis insectatus est domi matrem et patrem, et illic isti qui insputatur morbus interdum venit. 550 proin tu ab istoc procul recedas.
(_dragging Hegio aside_) Hegio, this fellow was looked upon as a raving maniac in Elis, so don’t you let him fill your ears with his babble. Why, at home he chased his father and mother about with a spear, and every once in a while he has an attack of the disease that people spit on.[D] So get out of his reach, then,--well away.
[Footnote D: Epilepsy.]
_Hegio_
Ultro istum a me.
(to slaves) Keep him off! Keep him off!
_Arist._
Ain, verbero? me rabiosum atque insectatum esse hastis meum memoras patrem, et eum morbum mi esse, ut qui me opus sit insputarier?
What’s that, you rascal? I’m a raving maniac and chased my own father with a spear, you say? I have the disease that calls for my being spat upon?
_Hegio_
Ne verere, multos iste morbus homines macerat, quibus insputari saluti fuit atque is profuit.
(_cheeringly_) Never you mind! Many a man’s consumed by that disease of yours, who’s been helped by being spat on, and it’s brought him through.
_Arist._
Quid tu autem? etiam huic credis?
(_to Hegio, hotly_) How’s this? You, too? Do you actually believe him?
_Hegio_
Quid ego credam huic?
Believe him in what?
_Arist._
Insanum esse me?
That I’m insane?
_Tynd._
Viden tu hunc, quam inimico voltu intuetur? concedi optumumst, Hegio: fit quod tibi ego dixi, gliscit rabies, cave tibi.
(_to Hegio_) Do you see him--that angry glare of his? You’d better leave, Hegio. It’s just as I said: a fit’s coming on. Look out for yourself!
_Hegio_
Credidi esse insanum extemplo, ubi te appellavit Tyndarum.
(_hastily moving farther off_) I thought so, I thought he was crazy, from the moment he called you Tyndarus.
_Tynd._
Quin suom ipse interdum ignorat nomen neque scit qui siet. 560
Why, at times he positively forgets his own name and doesn’t know who he is.
_Hegio_
At etiam te suom sodalem esse aibat.
But he was even saying you were an intimate friend of his.
_Tynd._
Haud vidi magis. et quidem Alcumeus atque Orestes et Lycurgus postea una opera mihi sunt sodales qua iste.
(_dryly_) Quite so! And the fact is that Alcumeus,[E] in that case, and Orestes,[E] and Lycurgus[E] too are intimate friends of mine, just exactly as much.
[Footnote E: Madmen, celebrated in Greek mythology. Alcumeus = Alcmaeon.]
_Arist._
At etiam, furcifer, male loqui mi audes? non ego te novi?
Ha! You scoundrel, do you dare go on maligning me? Don’t I know you?
_Hegio_
Pol planum id quidem est, non novisse, qui istum appelles Tyndarum pro Philocrate. quem vides, eum ignoras: illum nominas quem non vides.
Good heavens! It’s quite plain you don’t know him--calling him Tyndarus instead of Philocrates! The man you see you don’t know: you name the man you don’t see.
_Arist._
Immo iste eum sese ait, qui non est, esse, et qui vero est, negat.
No, sir! This fellow says he’s the man he isn’t, and says he isn’t the man he really is.
_Tynd._
Tu enim repertu’s, Philocratem qui superes veriverbio.
(_to Aristophontes, meaningly_) So you have turned up to beat Philocrates in stating facts!
_Arist._
Pol ego ut rem video, tu inventu’s, vera vanitudine qui convincas. sed quaeso hercle, agedum aspice ad me.
Good Lord! As I look at it, you have been unearthed to browbeat facts by stating falsehoods. But come now, confound it, look me in the eye!
_Tynd._
Em.
(_doing so coolly_) Well?
_Arist._
Dic modo: 570 tun negas te Tyndarum esse?
Now tell me: do you deny that you are Tyndarus?
_Tynd._
Nego, inquam.
I do, certainly.
_Arist._
Tun te Philocratem esse ais?
You claim to be Philocrates, you?
_Tynd._
Ego, inquam.
I certainly do.
_Arist._
Tune huic credis?
(_to Hegio, exasperated_) Do you believe him?
_Hegio_
Plus quidem quam tibi aut mihi. nam ille quidem, quem tu hunc memoras esse, hodie hinc abiit Alidem ad patrem huius.
More than I do you, surely,--or myself. For you see, the fellow you tell me this man is--he went away to Elis to-day to this man’s father.
_Arist._
Quem patrem, qui servos est?
(_contemptuously_) Father! What do you mean, when he’s a slave?
_Tynd._
Et tu quidem servos es, liber fuisti, et ego me confido fore, si huius huc reconciliasso in libertatem filium.
Well, you, too, are a slave and once were free: and (_with emphasis_) I hope to be so myself, when I have restored this gentleman’s son to home and liberty.
_Arist._
Quid ais, furcifer? tun te gnatum esse memoras liberum?
What’s that, you villain? You tell me you were born a freeman?
_Tynd._
Non equidem me Liberum, sed Philocratem esse aio.
No indeed, my name is not Freeman, but Philocrates, that’s what I say.
_Arist._
Quid est? ut scelestus, Hegio, nunc iste te ludos facit. nam is est servos ipse, neque praeter se umquam ei servos fuit. 580
What’s all this? How the rascal’s making game of you, Hegio! Why he’s a slave himself--the only one he ever had.
_Tynd._
Quia tute ipse eges in patria nec tibi qui vivas domist, omnis inveniri similis tui vis; non mirum facis: est miserorum, ut malevolentes sint atque invideant bonis.
(_superior_) Just because you yourself are poverty-stricken in your own country, with nothing at home to live on, you want to have every one else put in the same list. There is nothing strange in that: it is characteristic of poor beggars to be ill-natured, and envy the well-to-do.
_Arist._
Hegio, vide sis, ne quid tu huic temere insistas credere. atque, ut perspicio, profecto iam aliquid pugnae edidit. filium tuom quod redimere se ait, id ne utiquam mini placet.
Hegio, I beg you take care not to go on with your rash confidence in this fellow. And for that matter, he’s certainly given you a fall or two already, I take it. This talk of his about rescuing your son doesn’t please me at all.
_Tynd._
Scio te id nolle fieri; efficiam tamen ego id, si di adiuvant. illum restituam huic, hic autem in Alidem me meo patri. propterea ad patrem hinc amisi Tyndarum.
(_with an appealing look_) I know you don’t want it done; but I’ll bring it about, God helping me. (_slowly_) I will restore his son to this gentleman, and then this gentleman will send me back to Elis to my father. That was why I sent Tyndarus off to my father.
_Arist._
Quin tute is es: neque praeter te in Alide ullus servos istoc nominest. 590
Why, you’re Tyndarus yourself: and besides you there’s not a slave in Elis of that name.
_Tynd._
Pergin servom me exprobrare esse, id quod vi hostili optigit?
Still taunting me with being a slave, eh? A slave as it happens, because the enemy were too much for us!
_Arist._
Enim iam nequeo contineri.
(_angrily_) I positively can’t control myself any longer!
_Tynd._
Heus, audin quid ait? quin fugis? iam illic his nos insectabit lapidibus, nisi illunc iubes comprehendi.
(_apparently alarmed, to Hegio_) Aha! Hear what he’s saying? Run, why don’t you? He’ll be after us with stones in a minute, if you don’t have him seized.
_Arist._
Crucior.
Oh, this is driving me wild!
_Tynd._
Ardent oculi: fit opus, Hegio; viden tu illi maculari corpus totum maculis luridis? atra bilis agitat hominem.
His eyes are blazing! He’s having one, Hegio! See how his whole body is covered with lurid spots? It’s black fury that’s tormenting the fellow!
_Arist._
At pol te, si hic sapiat senex, pix atra agitet apud carnificem tuoque capiti inluceat.
Now, by the Lord, if this old gentleman did the wise thing, it’s black pitch that would torment you at the executioner’s, and light up that head of yours!
_Tynd._
Iam deliramenta loquitur, laruae stimulant virum. hercle qui, si hunc comprehendi iusseris, sapias magis.
Now he’s got to the raving point! Evil spirits are hounding the man, Hegio. Heavens! You’d do more wisely to have him seized!
_Arist._
Crucior, lapidem non habere me, ut illi mastigiae 600 cerebrum excutiam, qui me insanum verbis concinnat suis.
Oh, damnation! not to have a stone to knock out the brains of this blackguard that’s driving me mad with his talk!
_Tynd._
Audin lapidem quaeritare?
Hear that--looking for a stone!
_Arist._
Solus te solum volo, Hegio.
(_struggling to contain himself_) Hegio, I want a word with you all alone.
_Hegio_
Instinc loquere, si quid vis, procul tamen audiam.
(_timorously_) Say it from there, if there’s anything you want--from away off there. I shall hear it all the same.
_Tynd._
Namque edepol si adbites propius, os denasabit tibi mordicus.
That’s right, by Jove! for if you go any nearer, he’ll bite your nose off.
_Arist._
Neque pol me insanum, Hegio, esse creduis neque fuisse umquam, neque esse morbum quem istic autumat. verum si quid metuis a me, iube me vinciri: volo, dum istic itidem vinciatur.
Heavens and earth, Hegio! don’t believe I’m insane, or that I have, or ever had, the disease he’s talking about. However, if you’re at all afraid of me, have me tied up. I am willing, provided that fellow is tied up too.
_Tynd._
Immo enim vero, Hegio, istic, qui volt, vinciatur.
No indeed, Hegio, certainly not, tie up the fellow that wants it.
_Arist._
Tace modo. ego te, Philocrates false, faciam ut verus hodie reperiare Tyndarus. 610 quid mi abnutas?
You keep still, now! I’ll soon show you up, you false Philocrates, for the real Tyndarus. (_Tyndarus makes signs to him behind Hegio’s back_) What, are you shaking your head at me for?
_Tynd._
Tibi ego abnuto?
I shaking my head at you?
_Arist._
Quid agat, si absis longius?
(_to Hegio_) What would he do, if you were farther off?
_Hegio_
Quid ais? quid si adeam hunc insanum?
See here, what if I should step up to this lunatic?
_Tynd._
Nugas. ludificabitur, garriet quoi neque pes umquam neque caput compareat. ornamenta absunt: Aiacem, hunc cum vides, ipsum vides.
Ridiculous! He’ll make a fool of you, jabbering something without head or tail to it. Look at this fellow, and you’re looking at a regular Ajax[F]--all but the make-up.
[Footnote F: Another madman of Greek mythology.]
_Hegio_
Nihili facio. tamen adibo.
I don’t care. I’m going to step up to him just the same. (_approaches Aristophontes hesitantly_)
_Tynd._
Nunc ego omnino occidi, nunc ego inter sacrum saxumque sto, nec quid faciam scio.
(_aside_) Now I’m done for entirely. Now I’m between the axe and the altar, and what to do I don’t know.
_Hegio_
Do tibi operam, Aristophontes, si quid est quod me velis.
I’m at your service, Aristophontes, if there’s anything you want of me.
_Arist._
Ex me audibis vera quae nunc falsa opinare, Hegio. sed hoc primum, me expurigare tibi volo. me insaniam 620 neque tenere neque mi esse ullum morbum, nisi quod servio. at ita me rex deorum atque hominum faxit patriae compotem, ut istic Philocrates non magis est quam aut ego aut tu.
I’ll show you, Hegio, that all this you take for a lie is the truth. But first I want to clear myself with you, and assure you that I am not insane, and have no affliction except captivity. And now,--(_solemnly_) so may the King of heaven and earth restore me to my native land,--that fellow is no more Philocrates than you or I.
_Hegio_
Eho dic mihi, quis illic igitur est?
(_impressed_) Hey? Tell me, who is he then?
_Arist._
Quem dudum dixi a principio tibi. hoc si secus reperies, nullam causam dico quin mihi et parentum et libertatis apud te deliquio siet.
The man I told you he was to begin with, a while ago. If you find it otherwise, I make no objection to forfeiting my parents and my liberty and staying here with you.
_Hegio_
Quid tu ais?
(_to Tyndarus_) And you--what have you to say?
_Tynd._
Me tuom esse servom et te meum erum.
(_urbanely_) That I am your servant, and that you are my master.
_Hegio_
Haud istuc rogo. fuistin liber?
(_impatiently_) That isn’t what I’m asking about. Were you a freeman?
_Tynd._
Fui.
I was.
_Arist._
Enim vero non fuit, nugas agit.
He certainly was not. Absurd!
_Tynd._
Qui tu scis? an tu fortasse fuisti meae matri obstetrix, qui id tam audacter dicere audes?
(_superciliously_) How do you know? Or were you my mother’s midwife, perhaps, that you venture to speak with such assurance on this point?
_Arist._
Puerum te vidi puer. 630
I saw you when we were both boys.
_Tynd._
At ego te video maior maiorem: em rursum tibi. meam rem non cures, si recte facis. num ego curo tuam?
Well, I see you now we are both grown-ups. There’s one for you! You wouldn’t meddle with my business, if you behaved decently. I don’t meddle with yours, do I?
_Hegio_
Fuitne huic pater Thensaurochrysonicochrysides?
Wasn’t his father called Ducatsdoubloonsandpiecesofeightson?
_Arist._
Non fuit, neque ego istuc nomen umquam audivi ante hunc diem Philocrati Theodoromedes fuit pater.
No sir, he was not, and I never heard that name before to-day. The father of Philocrates was Theodoromedes.
_Tynd._
Pereo probe quin quiescis? idie rectum cor meum, ac suspende te. tu sussultas, ego miser vix asto prae formidine.
(_aside, dryly_) I’m jolly well done for. Stop your noise, will you, heart? Go to the deuce, and be hanged to you! Jumping up and down, while I, poor devil, can hardly stand for fear!
_Hegio_
Satin istuc mihi exquisitum est, fuisse hunc servom in Alide neque esse hunc Philocratem?
Am I to take it as absolutely clear that this fellow was a slave in Elis, that he is not Philocrates?
_Arist_
Tam satis quam numquam hoc invenies secus. sed ubi is nunc est?
So absolutely that you’ll never find it to be anything different. But where is Philocrates at present?
_Hegio_
Ubi ego mimime atque ipsus se volt maxume 640 sed vide sis.
(_savagely_) Where I least want him, and he most wants to be. Do, do, see if there’s not some mistake, though.
_Arist._
Quin exploratum dico et provisum hoc tibi.
No, I’m sure of my ground and fully informed in what I tell you.
_Hegio_
Certon?
You’re certain?
_Arist._
Quin nihil, inquam, invenies magis hoc certo certus. Philocrates iam inde usque amicus fuit mihi a puero puer.
You’ll never find a deader certainty than this, I assure you. Philocrates has been a friend of mine ever since he was a boy.
_Hegio_
Tum igitur ego deruncinatus, deartuatus sum miser huius scelesti techinis, qui me ut lubitum est ductavit dolis sed qua faciest tuos sodalis Philocrates?
So then, I’ve been trimmed, torn limb from limb, poor fool, by the arts of this rogue, who’s taken me in with his tricks to suit his taste! But what does your friend Philocrates look like?
_Arist._
Dicam tibi macilento ore, naso acuto, corpore albo, oculis nigris, subrufus aliquantum, crispus, cincinnatus.
I’ll tell you--thin face, sharp nose, complexion fair, black eyes, hair a little reddish, waving, and curled.
_Hegio_
Convenit.
That agrees!
_Tynd._
Ut quidem hercle in medium ego hodie pessume processerim. vae illis virgis miseris, quae hodie in tergo morientur meo. 650
(_aside ruefully_) Gad! Indeed it does--with my coming into damned unpleasant prominence this day. Alas for those poor whips that are doomed this day to die upon my back!
_Hegio_
Verba mihi data esse video.
I see I’ve been duped!
_Tynd._
Quid cessatis, compedes, currere ad me meaque amplecti crura, ut vos custodiam?
(_aside_) Come on, ye shackles, run up and embrace my shanks, so that I may keep you safe!
_Hegio_
Satin med illi hodie scelesti capti ceperunt dolo? illic servom se assimulabat, hic sese autem liberum. nuculeum amisi, retinui pignori putamina. ita mihi stolido sursum versum os sublevere offuciis. his quidem me numquam irridebit. Colaphe, Cordalio, Corax, ite istinc, ecferte lora.
Well, haven’t those rascal captives taken me in with this day’s trickery? The other one pretended he was the slave, while this fellow here played the freeman. I’ve lost the kernel and kept the shell for surety. That’s the way they’ve daubed my face up for me, ass that I am! (_grimly_) This one shall never have the laugh on me, at any rate. (_stepping to door and calling_) Box! Buffum! Bangs! Come! Out with you! Bring your straps!
III. 5.