Scene 3.
ENTER _Cleareta_ FROM HOUSE.
_Cle._
Unum quodque istorum verbum nummis Philippis aureis non potest auferre hinc a me si quis emptor venerit; nec recte quae tu in nos dicis, aurum atque argentum merumst: fixus hic apud nos est animus tuos clavo Cupidinis. remigio veloque quantum poteris festina et fuge: quam magis te in altum capessis, tam aestus te in portum refert.
(_calmly and pleasantly_) Not a single one of those words do I part with for golden sovereigns, not if some purchaser comes along: uncomplimentary remarks about us from you are good coin of the realm. Your heart is fastened to us here with one of Cupid’s spikes through it. Out with oar and up with sail, speed your fastest and scud away: the more you put out to sea, the more the tide brings you back to harbour.
_Argyr._
Ego pol istum portitorem privabo portorio; ego te dehinc ut merita es de me et mea re tractare exsequar, 160 quom tu med ut meritus sum non tractas atque eicis domo.
(_grimly_) By the Lord, I’ll hold back that harbour master’s harbour dues; from this time forth you’ll get the treatment you merit of me and my exchequer, for this unmerited treatment of me, this turning me out of the house.
_Cle._
Magis istuc percipimus lingua dici, quam factis fore.
(_lightly_) Such things are easier said than done, I observe.
_Argyr._
Solus solitudine ego ted atque ab egestate abstuli; solus si ductem, referre gratiam numquam potes.
I, and I alone, am the man that rescued you from loneliness and destitution; even if I should take the girl for myself alone, you’d still be in my debt.
_Cle._
Solus ductato, si semper solus quae poscam dabis; semper tibi promissum habeto hac lege, dum superes datis.
Take her for yourself alone, if you alone will always give me what I demand. You can always be sure of her--on condition your presents are the biggest.
_Argyr._
Qui modus dandi? nam numquam tu quidem expleri potes; modo quom accepisti, haud multo post aliquid quod poscas paras.
And what end to the presents? Why, you can never be sated. Now you get something, and a minute later you’re devising some new demand.
_Cle._
Quid modist ductando, amando? numquamne expleri potes? modo remisisti, continuo iam ut remittam ad te rogas. 170
And what end to the taking her, to the lovey-doveying? Can you never be sated? Now you have sent her back to me, and the next instant you’re crying for me to send her back to you.
_Argyr._
Dedi equidem quod mecum egisti.
Well, I paid you what we agreed on.
_Cle._
Et tibi ego misi mulierem: par pari datum hostimentumst, opera pro pecunia.
And I let you have the girl: my policy has been fair give and take--services rendered for cash.
_Argyr._
Male agis mecum.
You’re using me shamefully.
_Cle._
Quid me accusas, si facio officium meum? nam neque fictum usquamst neque pictum neque scriptum in poematis ubi lena bene agat cum quiquam amante, quae frugi esse volt.
Why find fault with me for doing my plain duty? Why, nowhere in stone, paint, or poem is a lady in my line portrayed as using any lover well--if she wants to get on.
_Argyr._
Mihi quidem te parcere aequomst tandem, ut tibi durem diu.
(_appealingly_) You really ought to use me sparingly, though, so that I may last you a long time.
_Cle._
Non tu scis? quae amanti parcet, eadem sibi parcet parum. quasi piscis, itidemst amator lenae: nequam est, nisi recens; is habet sucum, is suavitatem, eum quo vis pacto condias vel patinarium vel assum, verses quo pacto lubet: 180 is dare volt, is se aliquid posci, nam ibi de pleno promitur;
(_coolly_) You miss the point? The lady that spares her lover spares herself too little. Lovers are the same as fish to us--no good unless they’re fresh. Your fresh ones are juicy and sweet; you can season them to taste in a stew, bake them, and turn them every way. Your fresh one wants to give you things, wants to be asked for something: in his case it all comes from a full cupboard, you see;
neque ille scit quid det, quid damni faciat: illi rei studet, volt placere sese amicae, volt mihi, volt pedisequae, volt famulis, volt etiam ancillis; et quoque catulo meo subblanditur novos amator, se ut quom videat gaudeat. vera dico: ad suom quemque hominem quaestum esse aequomst callidum.
and he has no idea what he’s giving, what it costs him. This is his only thought: he wants to please, please his girl, please me, please the waiting-woman, please the men servants, please the maid servants, too: yes, the new lover makes up to my little dog, even, so that he may be glad to see him. This is the plain truth: every one ought to keep a sharp eye for the main chance.
_Argyr._
Perdidici istaec esse vera damno cum magno meo.
I have thoroughly learned the truth of that, and a pretty penny it’s cost me.
_Cle._
Si ecastor nunc habeas quod des, alia verba praehibeas; nunc quia nihil habes, maledictis te eam ductare postulas.
Tut, tut! If you had anything left to give us, your language would be different; now that you have nothing, you expect to get her by abuse.
_Argyr._
Non meum est.
That’s not my way.
_Cle._
Nec meum quidem edepol, ad te ut mittam gratiis. 190 verum aetatis atque honoris gratia hoc fiet tui, quia nobis lucro fuisti potius quam decori tibi: si mihi dantur duo talenta argenti numerata in manum, hanc tibi noctem honoris causa gratiis dono dabo.
Nor mine, sir, to let you have her gratis--mercy, no! But, considering your youth and our high regard for you, this shall be done, seeing you have been more of an income to us than a credit to yourself: just hand me over (_casually_) four hundred pounds in cash and you shall have this evening with her, in token of said high regard, as a free gift from me.
_Argyr._
Quid si non est?
What if I haven’t it?
_Cle._
Tibi non esse credam, illa alio ibit tamen.
(_smiling, but firm_) I’ll give you credit--that you haven’t it: the girl shall go to some one else, however.
_Argyr._
Ubi illaec quae dedi ante?
Where is what I gave you before?
_Cle._
Abusa. nam si ea durarent mihi, mulier mitteretur ad te, numquam quicquam poscerem. diem aquam solem lunam noctem, haec argento non emo: ceterum quae volumus uti Graeca mercamur fide.
Spent. Why, if it had lasted, you should have your lady, and not a thing would I be asking for. Daylight, water, sunlight, moonlight, darkness--for these things I have to pay no money: everything else we wish to use we purchase on Greek credit.
quom a pistore panem petimus, vinum ex oenopolio. 200 si aes habent, dant mercem: eadem nos discipulina utimur. semper oculatae manus sunt nostrae, credunt quod vident. vetus est: “nihili coactiost”--scis cuius. non dico amplius.
When we go to the baker for bread, to the vintner for wine, their rule is commodities for cash: we use the same system ourselves. Our hands have eyes always: seeing is believing with them. As the old proverb has it: “There’s no getting”--you know what. I say no more.
_Argyr._
Aliam nunc mi orationem despoliato praedicas, longe aliam, inquam, praebes nunc atque olim, quom dabam, aliam atque olim, quom inliciebas me ad te blande ac benedice. tum mi aedes quoque arridebant, cum ad te veniebam, tuae; me unice unum ex omnibus te atque illam amare aibas mihi;
It’s a different sort of eloquence you use on me now I’ve been fleeced, very different, I say, from that former sort when I was giving you things, different from that former sort when you were luring me on with your smooth, suave talk. Then your very house used to be wreathed in smiles, when I turned up. You used to say I was the one and only love in all the world for you and her.
ubi quid dederam, quasi columbae pulli in ore ambae meo usque eratis, meo de studio studia erant vostra omnia, 210 usque adhaerebatis: quod ego iusseram, quod volueram faciebatis, quod nolebam ac votueram, de industria fugiebatis, neque conari id facere audebatis prius. nunc neque quid velim neque nolim facitis magni, pessumae.
After I’d given you anything the both of you used to keep hanging on my lips like a pair of young doves. Whatever I fancied, you fancied, and nothing else. You used to keep clinging to me. I ordered a thing, wished a thing,--you used to do it: I disliked a thing, forbade a thing,--you used to take pains to avoid doing it: you didn’t dare attempt to do it then. Now you don’t care tuppence what I like, or don’t like, you vile wretches!
_Cle._
Non tu scis? hic noster quaestus aucupi simillimust. auceps quando concinnavit aream, offundit cibum; aves adsuescunt: necesse est facere sumptum qui quaerit lucrum; saepe edunt: semel si sunt captae, rem solvent aucupi. itidem his apud nos: aedes nobis area est, auceps sum ego, 219,220 esca est meretrix, lectus inlex est, amatores aves;
(_still cheerfully superior_) You miss the point? This profession of ours is a great deal like bird-catching. The fowler, when he has his fowling-floor prepared, spreads food around; the birds become familiarized: you must spend money, if you wish to make money. They often get a meal: but once they get caught they recoup the fowler. It is quite the same with us here: our house is the floor, I am the fowler, the girl the bait, the couch the decoy, the lovers the birds.
bene salutando consuescunt, compellando blanditer, osculando, oratione vinnula, venustula. si papillam pertractavit, haud est ab re aucupis; savium si sumpsit, sumere eum licet sine retibus. haecine te esse oblitum, in ludo qui fuisti tam diu?
They become familiar through pleasant greetings, pretty speeches, kisses, cooey, captivating little whispers. If he cuddles her close in his arms, well, no harm to the fowler. If he takes a naughty kind of kiss, he can be taken himself, and no net needed. You to forget all this, and so long in the school, too?
_Argyr._
Tua ista culpa est, quae discipulum semidoctum abs te amoves.
It’s your fault, if I have: you expelled your pupil when he was half taught.
_Cle._
Remeato audacter, mercedem si eris nactus; nunc abi.
Trot along back to us boldly, if you find the tuition fee: for the present run away. (_turns to go in_)
_Argyr._
Mane, mane, audi. dic, quid me aequom censes pro illa tibi dare, annum hunc ne cum quiquam alio sit?
Wait, wait, listen! Tell me, what do you think I ought to give you to have her all to myself this next year?
_Cle._
Tene? viginti minas; 230 atque ea lege: si alius ad me prius attulerit, tu vale.
(_laughingly_) What? You? (_after a pause_) Eighty pounds: yes, and on this condition--if some one else brings me the money before you do, good-bye to you. (_again turning to go_)
_Argyr._
At ego est etiam prius quam abis quod volo loqui.
But there’s something more I want to say before you go.
_Cle._
Dic quod lubet.
Say on, anything.
_Argyr._
Non omnino iam perii, est relicuom quo peream magis. habeo unde istuc tibi quod poscis dem; sed in leges meas dabo, uti scire possis, perpetuom annum hunc mihi uti serviat nec quemquam interea alium admittat prorsus quam me ad se virum.
I’m not entirely ruined yet: there is a balance left for further ruin. I can give you what you ask. But I’ll give it to you on my own terms, and here they are--she’s to be at my disposal this whole next year through, and all that time not a single man but me is to come near her.
_Cle._
Quin, si tu voles, domi servi qui sunt castrabo viros. postremo ut voles nos esse, syngraphum facito adferas; ut voles, ut tibi lubebit, nobis legem imponito: modo tecum una argentum adferto, facile patiar cetera. 240 portitorum simillumae sunt ianuae lenoniae: si adfers, tum patent, si non est quod des, aedes non patent.
(_cheerfully ironical_) Why, if you choose, I’ll change all the men servants in the house to maids. In short, bring along a contract stating how you wish us to behave. All you desire, all you like,--impose your own terms on us: only bring along the money, too; the rest is easy for me. Our doors are much like those of a custom house: pay your fee, and they are open: if you can’t, they are--(_going into house and closing the door in his face with a provoking laugh_) not open.
_Argyr._
Interii, si non invenio ego illas viginti minas, et profecto, nisi illud perdo argentum, pereundum est mihi. nunc pergam ad forum atque experiar opibus, omni copia, supplicabo, exobsecrabo ut quemque amicum videro, dignos indignos adire atque experiri certumst mihi,[7] nam si mutuas non potero, certumst sumam faenore.
(_drearily_) It’s all over with me, if I don’t get hold of that eighty pounds: yes, one thing is sure, that money goes to pot, or else my life must. (_a pause, then with animation_) I’ll off to the forum this moment and try to raise it by every means in my power: I’ll entreat, ex-supplicate every friend I see. Good and bad--I’ll up and try them all, I’m resolved on that: and if I can’t get it as a friendly loan, I’m resolved to borrow it at usury. [EXIT _Argyrippus_.
ACTVS II