SCENE I.--_St. James's Park.

_Enter_ DAPPERWIT _and_ Sir SIMON ADDLEPLOT, _the latter leading_ Mrs. MARTHA.

_Sir Sim._ At length you see I have freed the captive lady for her longing knight, Mr. Dapperwit:--who brings off a plot cleverly now?

_Dap._ I wish our poets were half so good at it.--Mrs. Martha, a thousand welcomes! [DAPPERWIT _kisses and embraces_ Mrs. MARTHA.

_Sir Sim._ Hold, hold, sir: your joy is a little too familiar, faith and troth!

_Dap._ Will you not let me salute Mrs. Martha?

_Mrs. Mar._ What, Jonas, do you think I do not know good breeding? must I be taught by you?

_Sir Sim._ I would have kept the maidenhead of your lips for your sweet knight, Mrs. Martha, that's all; I dare swear you never kissed any man before but your father.

_Mrs. Mar._ My sweet knight, if he will be knight of mine, must be contented with what he finds, as well as other knights.

_Sir Sim._ So smart already, faith and troth!

_Mrs. Mar._ Dear Mr. Dapperwit I am overjoyed to see you; but I thank honest Jonas for't. [_She hugs_ DAPPERWIT.

_Sir Sim._ [_Aside._] How she hugs him!

_Mrs. Mar._ Poor Mr. Dapperwit, I thought I should never have seen you again; but I thank honest Jonas there--

_Sir Sim._ Do not thank me, Mrs. Martha, any more than I thank you.

_Mrs. Mar._ I would not be ungrateful, Jonas.

_Sir Sim._ Then reserve your kindness only for your worthy, noble, brave, heroic knight, who loves you only, and only deserves your kindness.

_Mrs. Mar._ I will show my kindness to my worthy, brave, heroic knight, in being kind to his friend, his dear friend, who helped him to me. [_Hugs_ DAPPERWIT _again._

_Sir Sim._ But, Mistress Martha, he is not to help him always; though he helps him to be married, he is not to help him when he is married.

_Mrs. Mar._ What, Mr. Dapperwit, will you love my worthy knight less after marriage than before? that were against the custom; for marriage gets a man friends, instead of losing those he has.

_Dap._ I will ever be his servant and yours, dear madam; do not doubt me.

_Mrs. Mar._ I do not, sweet dear Mr. Dapperwit; but I should not have seen you these two days if it had not been for honest Jonas there--[_She kisses_ DAPPERWIT.

_Sir Sim._ [_Apart to_ DAPPERWIT.] For shame! though she be young and foolish, do not you wrong me to my face.

_Dap._ Would you have me so ill bred as to repulse her innocent kindness?--what a thing it is to want wit!

_Sir Sim._ [_Aside._] A pox! I must make haste to discover myself, or I shall discover what I would not discover; but if I should discover myself in this habit, 'twould not be to my advantage. But I'll go, put on my own clothes, and look like a knight.--[_Aloud._] Well, Mrs. Martha, I'll go seek out your knight: are you not impatient to see him?

_Mrs. Mar._ Wives must be obedient; let him take his own time.

_Sir Sim._ Can you trust yourself a turn or two with Master Dapperwit?

_Mrs. Mar._ Yes, yes, Jonas--as long as you will.

_Sir Sim._ [_Aside._] But I would not trust you with him, if I could help it.--

So married wight sees what he dares not blame; And cannot budge for fear, nor stay for shame. [_Exit._

_Dap._ I am glad he is gone, that I may laugh. 'Tis such a miracle of fops, that his conversation should be pleasant to me, even when it hindered me of yours.

_Mrs. Mar._ Indeed, I'm glad he is gone too, as pleasant as he is.

_Dap._ I know why, I know why, sweet Mrs. Martha. I warrant you, you had rather have the parson's company than his?--now you are out of your father's house, 'tis time to leave being a hypocrite.

_Mrs. Mar._ Well, for the jest's sake, to disappoint my knight, I would not care if I disappointed myself of a ladyship.

_Dap._ Come, I will not keep you on the tenters; I know you have a mind to make sure of me: I have a little chaplain (I wish he were a bishop or one of the friars) to perfect our revenge upon that zealous Jew, your father.

_Mrs. Mar._ Do not speak ill of my father; he has been your friend, I'm sure.

_Dap._ My friend!

_Mrs. Mar._ His hard usage of me conspired with your good mien and wit, and to avoid slavery unto him, I stoop to your yoke.

_Dap._ I will be obliged to your father for nothing but a portion; nor to you for your love; 'twas due to my merit.

_Mrs. Mar._ You show yourself Sir Simon's original; if 'twere not for that vanity--

_Dap._ I should be no wit--'tis the badge of my calling; for you can no more find a man of wit without vanity than a fine woman without affectation: but let us go before the knight comes again.

_Mrs. Mar._ Let us go before my father comes; he soon will have the intelligence.

_Dap._ Stay, let me think a little. [_Pauses._

_Mrs. Mar._ What are you thinking of? you should have thought before this time, or I should have thought rather.

_Dap._ Peace! peace!

_Mrs. Mar._ What are you thinking of?

_Dap._ I am thinking what a wit without vanity is like. He is like--

_Mrs. Mar._ You do not think we are in a public place, and may be surprised and prevented by my father's scouts!

_Dap._ What! would you have me lose my thought?

_Mrs. Mar._ You would rather lose your mistress, it seems.

_Dap._ He is like--I think I am a sot to-night, let me perish.

_Mrs. Mar._ Nay, if you are so in love with your thought--[_Offers to go._

_Dap._ Are you so impatient to be my wife?--He is like--he is like--a picture without shadows, or--or--a face without patches--or a diamond without a foil. These are new thoughts now, these are new!

_Mrs. Mar._ You are wedded already to your thoughts, I see;--good night.

_Dap._ Madam, do not take it ill:--

For loss of happy thought there's no amends; For his new jest true wit will lose old friends.

That's new again,--the thought's new. [_Exeunt._