SCENE V.--VINCENT'S _Lodging.

_Enter_ VINCENT _and_ VALENTINE.

_Vin._ I told you I had sent my man to Christina's this morning, to inquire of her maid, (who seldom denies him a secret,) if her lady had been at the Park last night; which she peremptorily answered to the contrary, and assured him she had not stirred out since your departure.

_Val._ Will not chambermaids lie, Vincent?

_Vin._ Will not Ranger lie, Valentine?

_Val._ The circumstances of his story proved it true.

_Vin._ Do you think so old a master in the faculty as he will want the varnish of probability for his lies?

_Val._ Do you think a woman, having the advantage of her sex, and education under such a mistress, will want impudence to disavow a truth that might be prejudicial to that mistress?

_Vin._ But if both testimonies are fallible, why will you needs believe his? we are apter to believe the things we would have, than those we would not.

_Val._ My ill luck has taught me to credit my misfortunes and doubt my happiness.

_Vin._ But fortune we know is inconstant.

_Val._ And all of her sex.

_Vin._ Will you judge of fortune by your experience, and not do your mistress the same justice? Go see her, and satisfy yourself and her; for if she be innocent, consider how culpable you are, not only in your censures of her, but in not seeing her since your coming.

_Val._ If she be innocent, I should be afraid to surprise her, for her sake; if false, I should be afraid to surprise her for my own.

_Vin._ To be jealous and not inquisitive is as hard as to love extremely and not to be something jealous.

_Val._ Inquisitiveness as seldom cures jealousy, as drinking in a fever quenches the thirst.

_Vin._ If she were at the Park last night, 'tis probable she'll not miss this. Go watch her house, see who goes out, who in; while I, in the meantime, search out Ranger: who, I'll pawn my life, upon more discourse shall avow his mistake.--Here he is; go in:--how luckily is he come! [VALENTINE _retires to the door behind._

_Enter_ RANGER.

Ranger, you have prevented me: I was going to look you out, between the scenes at the playhouse, the coffee-house, tennis-court, or Gifford's.[46]

_Ran._ Do you want a pretence to go to a bawdy-house?--but I have other visits to make.

_Vin._ I forget. I should rather have sought you in Christina's lodgings, ha! ha! ha!

_Ran._ Well, well, I'm just come to tell you that Christina--

_Vin._ Proves not, by daylight, the kind lady you followed last night out of the Park.

_Ran._ I have better news for you, to my thinking.

_Vin._ What is't?

_Ran._ Not that I have been in Christina's lodging this morning; but that she'll be presently here in your lodging with me.

_Val._ How! [_Aside._

_Vin. [Retiring, and speaking softly to_ VALENTINE.] You see now, his report was a jest, a mere jest.--[_To_ RANGER.] Well, must my lodging be your vaulting-school[47] still? thou hast appointed a wench to come hither, I find.

_Ran._ A wench! you seemed to have more reverence for Christina last night.

_Vin._ Now you talk of Christina, prithee tell me what was the meaning of thy last night's romance of Christina?

_Ran._ You shall know the meaning of all when Christina comes: she'll be here presently.

_Vin._ Who will? Christina?

_Ran._ Yes, Christina.

_Vin._ Ha! ha! ha!

_Ran._ Incredulous envy! thou art as envious as an impotent lecher at a wedding.

_Vin._ Thou art either mad, or as vain as a Frenchman newly returned home from a campaign, or obliging England.

_Ran._ Thou art as envious as a rival; but if thou art mine, there's that will make you desist; [_gives him a letter_] and if you are not my rival, entrusting you with such a secret will, I know, oblige you to keep it, and assist me against all other interests.

_Vin._ Do you think I take your secret as an obligation? don't I know, lovers, travellers, and poets, will give money to be heard? But what's the paper? a lampoon upon Christina, hatched last night betwixt squire Dapperwit and you, because her maid used you scurvily?

_Ran._ No, 'tis only a letter from her, to show my company was not so disgustful to her last night, but that she desires it again to-day.

_Val._ A letter from her! [_Aside._

_Vin._ A letter from Christina! [_Reads._]--Ha! ha! ha!

_Ran._ Nay, 'tis pleasant.

_Vin._ You mistake, I laugh at you, not the letter.

_Ran._ I am like the winning gamester, so pleased with my luck, I will not quarrel with any who calls me a fool for't.

_Vin._ Is this the style of a woman of honour?

_Ran._ It may be, for ought you know; I'm sure 'tis well if your female correspondents can read.

_Vin._ I must confess I have none of the little letters, half name or title, like your Spanish Epistles Dedicatory; but that a man so frequent in honourable intrigues as you are, should not know the summons of an impudent common woman, from that of a person of honour!

_Ran._ Christina is so much a person of honour she'll own what she has writ when she comes.

_Vin._ But will she come hither indeed?

_Ran._ Immediately. You'll excuse my liberty with you; I could not conceal such a happiness from such a friend as you, lest you should have taken it unkindly.

_Vin._ Faith, you have obliged me indeed; for you and others would often have made me believe your honourable intrigues, but never did me the honour to convince me of 'em before.

_Ran._ You are merry, I find, yet.

_Vin._ When you are happy I cannot be otherwise.

_Ran._ [_Aside._] But I lose time; I should lay a little parson in ambush, that lives hard by, in case Christina should be impatient to be revenged of her friends, as it often happens with a discontented heiress. Women, like old soldiers, more nimbly execute than they resolve. [_Going out._

_Vin._ What now! you will not disappoint a woman of Christina's quality?

_Ran._ I'll be here before she comes, I warrant you. [_Exit._

_Vin._ I do believe you truly!--What think you, Valentine?

_Val._ [_Coming forward._] I think, since she has the courage to challenge him, she'll have the honour of being first in the field.

_Vin._ Fy, your opinion of her must be as bad, as Ranger's of himself is good, to think she would write to him. I long till his bona-roba[48] comes, that you may be both disabused.

_Val._ And I have not patience to stay her coming, lest you should be disabused.

_Enter_ CHRISTINA _and_ ISABEL.

_Vin._ Here she is, i'faith; I'm glad she's come.

_Val._ And I'm sorry. But I will to my post again, lest she should say she came to me. [_Retires as before._

_Vin._ [_Aside._] By heavens, Christina herself! 'tis she! [CHRISTINA _pulls off her mask._

_Val._ 'Tis she:--cursed be these eyes! more cursed than when they first betrayed me to that false bewitching face. [_Aside._

_Chris._ You may wonder, sir, to see me here--

_Vin._ I must confess I do.

_Chris._ But the confidence your friend has in you is the cause of mine; and yet some blushes it does cost me to come to seek a man.

_Val._ Modest creature! [_Aside._

_Vin._ How am I deceived! [_Aside._

_Chris._ Where is he, sir? why does he not appear, to keep me in countenance? pray call him, sir; 'tis something hard if he should know I'm here.

_Vin._ I hardly can myself believe you are here, madam.

_Chris._ If my visit be troublesome or unseasonable, 'tis your friend's fault; I designed it not to you, sir. Pray call him out, that he may excuse it, and take it on himself, together with my shame.

_Vin._ How impatient she is! [_Aside._

_Chris._ Or do you delay the happiness I ask, to make it more welcome? I have stayed too long for it already, and cannot more desire it. Dear sir, call him out. Where is he? above, or here within? I'll snatch the favour which you will not give.--[_Goes to the door and discovers_ VALENTINE.] What! Do you hide yourself for shame?

_Val._ [_Coming forward._] I must confess I do.

_Chris._ To see me come hither--

_Val._ I acknowledge it. [VALENTINE _offers to go out._

_Chris._ Before you came to me? But whither do you go? come, I can forgive you.

_Val._ But I cannot forgive you.

_Chris._ Whither do you go? you need not forge a quarrel to prevent mine to you: nor need you try if I would follow you, you know I will;--I have, you see.

_Val._ That impudence should look so like innocence! [_Aside._

_Chris._ Whither would you go? why would you go?

_Val._ To call your servant to you.

_Chris._ She is here; what would you have with her?

_Val._ I mean your lover,--the man you came to meet.

_Chris._ Oh heavens! what lover? what man? I came to see no man but you, whom I had too long lost.

_Val._ You could not know that I was here.

_Chris._ Ask her; 'twas she that told me. [_Points to_ ISABEL.

_Val._ How could she know?

_Chris._ That you shall know hereafter.

_Val._ No, you thought me too far out of the way to disturb your assignation; and I assure you, madam, 'twas my ill-fortune, not my design: and that it may appear so, I do withdraw, as in all good breeding and civility I am obliged; for sure your wished-for lover's coming.

_Chris._ What do you mean? are you a-weary of that title?

_Val._ I am ashamed of it, since it grows common. [_Going out._

_Chris._ Nay, you will not, shall not go.

_Val._ My stay might give him jealousy, and so do you injury, and him the greatest in the world: heavens forbid! I would not make a man jealous; for though you call a thousand vows, and oaths, and tears to witness (as you safely may), that you have not the least of love for me, yet if he ever knew how I have loved you, sure he would not, could not believe you.

_Chris._ I do confess, your riddle is too hard for me to solve; therefore you are obliged to do't yourself.

_Val._ I wish it were capable of any other interpretation than what you know already.

_Chris._ Is this that generous good Valentine? who has disguised him so? [_Weeps._

_Vin._ Nay, I must withhold you then. [_Stops_ VALENTINE _going out._] Methinks she should be innocent; her tongue, and eyes, together with that flood that swells 'em, do vindicate her heart.

_Val._ They show but their long practice of dissimulation. [_Going out._

_Vin._ Come back: I hear Ranger coming up: stay but till he comes.

_Val._ Do you think I have the patience of an alderman?

_Vin._ You may go out this way, when you will, by the back-stairs; but stay a little, till--Oh, here he comes.

_Re-enter_ RANGER. _Upon his entrance_ CHRISTINA _puts on her mask._

_Val._ My revenge will now detain me. [VALENTINE _retires again._

_Ran._ [_Aside._]--What, come already! where is Dapperwit?--[_Aloud._] The blessing's double that comes quickly; I did not yet expect you here, otherwise I had not done myself the injury to be absent. But I hope, madam, I have not made you stay long for me.

_Chris._ I have not staid at all for you.

_Ran._ I am glad of it, madam.

_Chris._ [_To_ ISABEL.] Is not this that troublesome stranger who last night followed the lady into my lodgings?--[_Aside._] 'Tis he. [_Removing from him to the other side._

_Ran._ [_Aside._] Why does she remove so disdainfully from me?--[_Aloud._] I find you take it ill I was not at your coming here, madam.

_Chris._ Indeed I do not; you are mistaken, sir.

_Ran._ Confirm me by a smile then, madam; remove that cloud, which makes me apprehend foul weather. [_Goes to take off her mask._]--Mr. Vincent, pray retire; 'tis you keep on the lady's mask, and no displeasure which she has for me.--Yet, madam, you need not distrust his honour or his faith.--But do not keep the lady under constraint; pray leave us a little, Master Vincent.

_Chris._ You must not leave us, sir; would you leave me with a stranger?

_Val._ How's that! [_Aside._

_Ran._ [_Aside._] I've done amiss, I find, to bring her hither.--Madam, I understand you--[_Apart to_ CHRISTINA.

_Chris._ Sir, I do not understand you.

_Ran._ You would not be known to Mr. Vincent.

_Chris._ 'Tis your acquaintance I would avoid.

_Ran._ [_Aside._] Dull brute that I was, to bring her hither!--I have found my error, madam; give me but a new appointment, where I may meet you by and by, and straight I will withdraw as if I knew you not. [_Softly to her._

_Chris._ Why, do you know me?

_Ran._ [_Aside._] I must not own it.--No, madam, but--[_Offers to whisper._

_Chris._ Whispering, sir, argues an old acquaintance; but I have not the vanity to be thought of yours, and resolve you shall never have the disparagement of mine.--Mr. Vincent, pray let us go in here.

_Ran._ How's this! I am undone, I see; but if I let her go thus, I shall be an eternal laughing-stock to Vincent. [_Aside._

_Vin._ Do you not know him, madam? I thought you had come hither on purpose to meet him.

_Chris._ To meet him!

_Vin._ By your own appointment.

_Chris._ What strange infatuation does delude you all? you know, he said he did not know me.

_Vin._ You writ to him; he has your letter.

_Chris._ Then, you know my name sure? yet you confessed but now you knew me not.

_Ran._ I must confess your anger has disguised you more than your mask: for I thought to have met a kinder Christina here.

_Chris._ [_Aside._] Heavens! how could he know me in this place? he watched me hither sure; or is there any other of my name.--[_Aloud._] That you may no longer mistake me for your Christina, I'll pull off that which soothes your error. [_Pulls off her mask._

_Ran._ Take but t'other vizard off too, (I mean your anger,) and I'll swear you are the same, and only Christina which I wished, and thought, to meet here.

_Chris._ How could you think to meet me here?

_Ran._ [_Gives her the letter._] By virtue of this your commission; which now, I see, was meant a real challenge: for you look as if you would fight with me.

_Chris._ The paper is a stranger to me; I never writ it. You are abused.

_Vin._ Christina is a person of honour, and will own what she has written, Ranger.

_Ran._ [_Aside._] So! the comedy begins; I shall be laughed at sufficiently if I do not justify myself; I must set my impudence to hers. She is resolved to deny all, I see, and I have lost all hope of her.

_Vin._ Come, faith, Ranger--

_Ran._ You will deny too, madam, that I followed you last night from the Park to your lodging, where I staid with you till morning? you never saw me before, I warrant.

_Chris._ That you rudely intruded last night into my lodging, I cannot deny; but I wonder you have the confidence to brag of it: sure you will not of your reception?

_Ran._ I never was so ill-bred as to brag of my reception in a lady's chamber; not a word of that, madam.

_Val._ [_Aside._] How! If he lies, I revenge her; if it I be true, I revenge myself. [VALENTINE _draws his sword, which_ VINCENT, _seeing, thrusts him back, and shuts the door upon him before he is discovered by_ RANGER.

_Enter_ LYDIA _and_ LEONORE, _stopping at the door._

_Lyd._ What do I see! Christina with him! a counterplot to mine, to make me and it ridiculous. 'Tis true, I find, they have been long acquainted, and I long abused; but since she intends a triumph, in spite, as well as shame, (not emulation,) I retire. She deserves no envy, who will be shortly in my condition; his natural inconstancy will prove my best revenge on her--on both. [_Exeunt_ LYDIA _and_ LEONORE.

_Enter_ DAPPERWIT.

_Dap._ Christina's going away again;--what's the matter?

_Ran._ What do you mean?

_Dap._ I scarce had paid the chairmen, and was coming up after her, but I met her on the stairs, in as much haste as if she had been frightened.

_Ran._ Who do you talk of?

_Dap._ Christina, whom I took up in a chair just now at St. James's gate.

_Ran._ Thou art mad! here she is, this is Christina.

_Dap._ I must confess I did not see her face; but I am sure the lady is gone that I brought just now.

_Ran._ I tell you again this is she: did you bring two?

_Chris._ I came in no chair, had no guide but my woman there.

_Vin._ When did you bring your lady, Dapperwit?

_Dap._ Even now, just now.

_Vin._ This lady has been here half-an-hour.

_Ran._ He knows not what he says, he is mad: you are all so; I am so too.

_Vin._ 'Tis the best excuse you can make for yourself, and by owning your mistake you'll show you are come to yourself. I myself saw your woman at the door, who but looked in, and then immediately went down again;--as your friend Dapperwit too affirms.

_Chris._ You had best follow her that looked for you; and I'll go seek out him I came to see.--Mr. Vincent, pray let me in here.

_Ran._ 'Tis very fine! wondrous fine! [CHRISTINA _goes out a little, and returns._

_Chris._ Oh! he is gone! Mr. Vincent, follow him; he were yet more severe to me in endangering his life, than in his censures against me. You know the power of his enemies is great as their malice;--just Heaven preserve him from them, and me from this ill or unlucky man! [_Exeunt_ CHRISTINA, ISABEL, _and_ VINCENT.

_Ran._ 'Tis well--nay, certainly, I shall never be master of my senses more: but why dost thou help to distract me too?

_Dap._ My astonishment was as great as yours to see her go away again; I would have stayed her if I could.

_Ran._ Yet again talking of a woman you met going out, when I talk of Christina!

_Dap._ I talk of Christina too.

_Ran._ She went out just now; the woman you found me with was she.

_Dap._ That was not the Christina I brought just now.

_Ran._ You brought her almost half an hour ago;--'sdeath, will you give me the lie?

_Dap._ A lady disappointed by her gallant, the night before her journey, could not be more touchy with her maid or husband, than you are with me now after your disappointment; but if you thank me so, I'll go serve myself hereafter. For aught I know, I have disappointed Mrs. Martha for you, and may lose thirty thousand pounds by the bargain. Farewell! a raving lover is fit for solitude. [_Exit._

_Ran._ Lydia, triumph! I now am thine again. Of intrigues, honourable or dishonourable, and all sorts of rambling, I take my leave; when we are giddy, 'tis time to stand still. Why should we be so fond of the by-paths of love, where we are still waylaid with surprises, trepans, dangers, and murdering disappointments?--

Just as at blindman's buff we run at all, Whilst those that lead us laugh to see us fall; And when we think we hold the lady fast, We find it but her scarf, or veil, at last. [_Exit._

ACT THE FIFTH.