Part 14

“I danced, but I did not feel the ground. The star died; the sun blazed up; the drums and singing stopped. It was time to fulfill the vow I made when I saw the Crow village and all those horses from the hill. I had told Chagla about this, and now it was the time. He came to me and said, so that many could hear, and his words spread through the crowd:

“‘Eagle Voice, the people are asking, that you give them a day.’ And I answered: ‘I will give them a day.’ My tongue could not make the words clear, but Chagla said them so that all could understand: ‘Eagle Voice has said it. He will give a day to the people. Eagle Voice has said it.’ When they heard, the people cheered with one voice, ‘_hi-ya!_’

“The attendants began painting the dancers again after they had rubbed our bodies with the sacred sage. My body they painted red all over, except from the elbows and knees down, and that was blue for the power to make live and to destroy, as before. My body was red to make me holy, for through me a sacred gift would come to the people. From each wrist they hung an eagle feather, and one was tied in my hair, standing up. These were for the Great Mysterious One whose gift would come through me, and whose strength must be mine. When this was done, Blue Spotted Horse came and painted something on my back. It was a flying eagle, for the one that spoke to me with my father’s voice in my vision on the hill when I was a boy and Blue Spotted Horse prepared me for my quest. That is why I am Eagle Voice. So it was painted on my back.

“While this was being done, another holy man came with some sacred sage to where I had placed the bison skull. He was wearing a bison robe painted half yellow and half red. Into the eye sockets and the ear and nose holes of the skull he thrust the sage. Then he sang a bison song:

“‘A sacred nation, they are appearing. They are appearing, may you behold! The bison nation, they are appearing! May you behold!’

“As he was singing the bison song, all at once the sage was blown out of the holes with great power, and a deep bellowing came forth. I do not know how this was, but I saw and heard; and I could feel the power growing in me, so that I felt strong as a bison and light as an eagle floating.

“When I was painted, they hung the bison skull on my back with a thong across the back of my neck and under my arms. Then they turned me to the blazing sun, and I stared straight at it. The burning blindness turned dark. I heard Blue Spotted Horse praying, and then, far off, I felt the knife in the flesh of my chest and the thong pushed through. If it hurt, I do not remember. I think the power lifted me above my body.

“When the drums and singing began again, I swung backward, leaning from the thong in my breast. It was like waking all at once from a dream. I forgot that I wanted to see. I wanted to cry out, but I did not. It was pulling the raw heart out of my breast. I wanted to stop dancing, but I kept on. This is the first time I ever told anybody; but now I am too old to be ashamed. I forgot to pray. I just kept saying to myself, ‘Hold fast, hold fast, hold fast.’ All the power had left me alone with my body in the burning dark, and my heart was tearing from its roots.

“This was always; and then it was not. Maybe my body was still dancing on the ground; I do not know. I was swinging in a great hollow night, back and forth, farther and farther, farther and farther. I was doing this always; I could not stop; I could not get loose. There was no one to cry to, there was nothing to grasp, for everywhere it was empty.

“This was always too; and then I swung so far that I broke loose and flew, head first, belly down, with my hands in front of me--like diving--no, like an arrow when a strong man draws the bow--_whang!_ I flew so fast that my body sang. Then I saw the morning star straight ahead of me, and day was coming very fast. No, it was not coming; it was yonder and I was going to it. The star went out, and I was there, floating in clear, white light. The sun did not rise, but day was everywhere upon a wide green land--hills and valleys and gleaming streams.

“Then right below me there was a great village, a wide hoop of people, and they were all looking up at me and singing thanks for the good day. The light was so clear that I could see their happy faces, and I knew they were all my people. Many, many of them were glowing, and those were the ever-living ones who had died. I saw many darker ones who were still in this world, but all were united in the clear, happy day. When I looked for my father, he was there all glowing, and beside him was a young man who did not glow. When I looked harder at the young man, I could see it was myself. Then the wide land went out and I was falling, dizzy, in a darkness.

“Blue Spotted Horse was looking down at me and someone was dropping water into my mouth. They told me I had danced until the thong pulled out when the sun was starting down the sky. I had fulfilled my vow, and the water dropping on my tongue felt good; but I was very tired and my breast ached. Then I knew I was lying in a shade, and I could hear the drums and singing out yonder where they were still dancing. Afterwhile when I could talk a little, because the water softened my tongue, I told Blue Spotted Horse what I had seen. He said, ‘My grandson, it is good. The power has come to you and you must send forth a voice for all the people to the Six Grandfathers.’

“They rubbed me all over with sage and painted me again--red as before, and blue from the elbows and knees down. While they were doing this they kept dropping water into my mouth a little at a time, and Blue Spotted Horse sang a medicine song. I could feel the power coming back into me while he sang. The water helped too.

“The sun was getting ready to go down, but it was still about the breadth of a hand above the earth. Then Chagla came and led me out into the dancing ring. I was naked now except for a breech clout, for I came naked into the world, and I must go to the Six Powers as I came. When they saw me, the drummers and singers stopped, and all the people cheered with one great voice, for the word had spread among the people. When I heard the voice of my people, it was like my vision and the power came over me stronger than ever. I felt light and happy and my heart sang again.

“Chagla had made a quirt out of bison-hide fringed into many little thongs at one end, and at the other end was a loop to hang about the neck. This was painted red. He gave it to me, and said, ‘Hang this down your back and never let it go. If you do this, no arrow or bullet can ever touch you, for the quirt will brush them away like flies.’ I thanked him and hung it down my back, as he said. Then he led me to where a black horse was waiting for me at the entrance to the ring. The horse was painted blue on the nose and blue across the withers. From his tail one eagle feather hung.

“Before I got on the horse, Chagla told me what I must do. I felt light and strong when I put my hand on the horse’s mane and sprang onto his back.

“Chagla brought my pipe from where I had placed it and gave it to me. Then I rode to the quarter where the sun comes up and raised my hands, palms out, with the pipe in the right one. There I sent a voice for all the people: ‘Grandfather, you have given me this pipe and the morning star. Give me the eyes to see and the strength to understand, so that I may be a nation and live.’ And when I had said it, all the people cried out together, giving thanks.

“Then I rode back to the quarter where you are always facing, which was the entrance. It is where the summer brings the power to grow. There I raised my hands and the pipe as before, and sent forth a voice: ‘Grandfather, you have given me the hoop and the tree. Make them flourish that I may be a nation and live.’ Again the people cried out together, giving thanks.

“When I was riding to the quarter where the sun goes down, all at once there was a face just under my horse’s left ear. It was all bright and shining from inside like the people in my vision, and it was Tashina looking up. She was so close that I could see tears on her cheeks. When I was much older I thought about this, and it was like rain when the sun is shining. But it was mixed up with my vision then, and I was full of the great thing I was doing for the people. At the quarter where the sun goes down, I faced the level sun and sent forth a voice: ‘Thunder Beings, you who make live and destroy, hear me and give me your power that I may be a nation and flourish.’ Again the people raised one voice, giving thanks.

“When I had sent a voice at the quarter where the great white giant lives and asked for cleansing and healing, I rode again to the quarter where the sun comes up. But I did not stop there. I turned and rode straight in to the sacred tree at the center. There I stopped and raised my hands and the pipe to the sky straight above me. Then I sent forth a voice:

“‘Grandfather, Great Mysterious One, you have been always, and before you nothing has been. There is no one to pray to but you. You are older than all need, older than all pain and prayer. The star nations all over the heavens are yours, and yours are the grasses of the earth.

“‘Grandfather, it is finished now, and I have fulfilled the vow I made to you. Send me the good day that you have shown me. I want to be a nation and live.’

“When I had said this, the people cried out again with a great voice, giving thanks, and my horse lifted his head high and neighed and neighed; and the other horses grazing in the valley heard and raised their voices too. People talked about this afterwards. Some said the power was so strong that even the four-leggeds gave thanks. Others said my horse saw his ghost relatives in the world of spirit, and was crying out to them.

“When this was done, Chagla gave me a piece of red cloth, with which I must make an offering to earth, the mother of all. There was a stake pushed into the hole against the bottom of the sacred tree, and he pulled this out. Then I leaned over the horse’s neck and held the red cloth above the hole. As I did this, the horse put his nose to the ground. Maybe he wanted to nibble some grass; maybe the power was strong in him and he was giving thanks. I do not know. Then I sent a voice to the earth and said: ‘Maka, all creeping things, the wings of the air, those that swim in the waters, the rooted ones, the four-leggeds and the two-leggeds--they all belong to you. You are the mother of all, the only mother, she who has shown mercy to her children. Have mercy on me, for I want to be a nation and live.’ Just as I finished saying this, something sucked the red cloth out of my hand and down into the hole. I do not know how this was, but Chagla and I and some others saw it.

“Now I had finished, and as I rode back to where the sun comes up and then to the opening and out of the circle, the voice of the people was loud, giving thanks for the good day. When the voice of the people was still, I could hear Chagla. He was facing the quarter where the sun had just gone down, and he was singing:

“‘A sacred praise I am making. A sacred praise I am making. My nation, behold it in kindness. The day of the sun has been my strength. The path of the moon shall be my robe. A sacred praise I am making. A sacred praise I am making.’

“When I got off my horse at our tepee, the power left me, and my legs would not hold me. My mother and step-father held me up. When I was lying down inside, Blue Spotted Horse and Chagla came. The last I remember they were washing my body and dropping water and meat juice into my mouth. The people danced and feasted most of the night, but I did not hear them. In the morning, they ’woke me, and when I had drunk some water and eaten a little, I slept. That evening they fed me again and gave me water, and I slept. Next morning I was very hungry and thirsty. So I drank and ate all I wanted. I felt strong again, and my breast did not hurt. Blue Spotted Horse made it heal fast. Look. You can see it yet.”

With fumbling fingers the old man unbuttoned his shirt, exposing puckered scars on the skinny chest.

“_Washtay!_” he said, as he rebuttoned his shirt. “It was good. Wakon Tonka sent the people good days when I was young. The hoop was not yet broken, and the people had not forgotten all that is true.”

Eagle Voice seemed to have forgotten me suddenly. Gazing at the ground, he began blowing softly on his whistle. “Grandfather,” I said at length; “you still have your eagle-bone whistle; but where is the sacred quirt that Chagla gave you?”

The old man regarded me for a while with that crinkled look of amusement about his eyes. “Grandson, you are in a hurry again,” he said. “Can you not wait for a story?”

XVI

_Thanking the Food_

“I have been thinking about roads,” the old man remarked musingly, with an air of reluctant return from somewhere far off. It was the next morning, and I had waited longer than usual for the story.

“About roads?” I said; “what roads, Grandfather?”

“Good roads, bad roads, Grandson,” he replied. “I have been thinking maybe the good road is the one a man does not walk because he does not see it until he is tired and looks back. Also I have been thinking the bad road is bad because he walks it, and maybe does not see it either, until he is very tired and stops to look back. There was a road I did not walk that time, because I did not find it until I had walked across the world.”

“And what road was that, Grandfather?” I asked.

“A girl’s road,” he answered slowly, fixing his long-focused gaze upon something beyond me. “Tashina went away on it.”

He was silent awhile, until the focus of his gaze shortened to include me, and then--

“My mother and step-father were proud of me because I had given the people a good day, and they were all praising me. I think I was very proud of myself too. Maybe afterwhile when I was older and had counted many coups and all the old people praised me because I always had a big pot and tender meat for them--maybe then the _wichasha yatapika_ would make me one of them. And maybe when I was still older, I would be a great chief. That is what I was thinking all the time, after the sun dance, and maybe my step-father and my mother were thinking that too. So they said we must make a feast and invite very old men and women to come and eat. Also, we would ask some wise old man to come and thank the food.”

“Could not anyone give thanks for food, Grandfather?” I interrupted.

“Anyone could give thanks for food,” the old man replied. “A woman could do that. Maybe she has been cooking meat, and before she puts it out, she takes a tender piece and holds it up and says, ‘Wahnagi, eat this for me.’ She is making a thank offering to the spirits by sharing her meat with them before she eats any herself. War parties would do this too when they sat down to eat. But thanking the food was different. Not everyone could do that.

“They used to say it was not easy to walk the road of difficulties through this world; but of all the hard things, four things were hardest. Getting food was the first, and without food there is nothing else. The second hardest thing was losing your oldest child. The third was losing your woman. The fourth was having to fight a big war party when yours was small. I had an uncle when I was a boy, and his name was Flying By. Once I asked him, ‘Uncle, what is the hardest thing you have known?’ And he said, ‘My nephew, it was not any of the four hardest things people talk about.’ Then he told me of a time when he was out hunting alone over by Mini Shoshay [the Missouri], and a party of Rees chased him. He got away, for he had a good start, and hid in the thick willow brush that grew in a swamp. It was getting dark, so the Rees did not find him. He was afraid to leave the brush or make any noise. But he was not alone there. The whole nation of mosquitoes was camped in that swamp, and they were singing and dancing and feasting all night long. My uncle was the meat. ‘Nephew,’ he said, ‘there are not four, but five hardest things, and that is the hardest.’ But my uncle was always joking.

“Getting food is the hardest thing, and without it there is nothing. It is great to be brave in battle, but a great warrior must look to the food and remember the old and needy.

“So my mother borrowed some more pots from her friends who came over to help her cook the meat for the feast; and these brought with them some of the tenderest meat they had, for they wanted to help in the giving. And when the meat was all tender and the soup smelled good, I had to go all around the village, inviting the very oldest people. Kicking Bear, High Horse, and Charging Cat went along with me, because we had been brothers in a great deed. When I came to an old man, maybe he was so old that he dozed most of the time, and he would be sitting with his chin on his chest and his nose almost on his chin, and his hair, thin and white like mine, over his eyes. So I would tap him on the shoulder, and he would look up and blink, with his head shaking. ‘_Heh! heh! heh!_’ he would say, wondering what was wrong, for he had been far away in a dream, maybe. Then I would say, ‘Grandfather, we are going to thank the food over at our lodge, and we want you to come and help us; for we are only young men and you are _gan inhuni_ [come to old age] and you are wise.’ And when the old man was awake and understood, maybe he was so pleased that he would cackle when he thanked me; and maybe he would show only two teeth, and neither a friend to the other. And maybe he would say, ‘You thought I was sleeping when you came; but I was just sitting here thinking about the time when I was a fine, brave young man like you. I was a good dancer, and I was good-looking too! The girls all liked me!’ Then maybe he would giggle and poke me in the ribs.

“Or maybe it would be a woman so very old that she could not get fat any more, and she was all skin and bones. And maybe she would be nodding over a moccasin she had been trying to bead for a long while, and her hands were like eagle claws, and her eyes dim, so that the moccasins did not ever get finished. And she would look up and squint hard at me, and say, ‘Are you not so-and-so’s son?’ And it would be somebody whose name I had not heard. I would tell her my father’s name, and she would look troubled. Then she would thank me and smile at us just like our own grandmothers, and tell us we were fine boys.

“While we were going around inviting old people, my step-father went over to see Blue Spotted Horse and asked him to thank the food for us. He could do this because he was old and very wise. Also he was a holy man. He had taught me when I went on vision quest, and he had helped me in the sun dance. I was like a younger grandson to him.

“The feast was ready, so we were waiting for the old people. We could see them coming from all over the village, bringing their cups and knives with them. They were all three-legged, the way I am now, for near the end of the black road there is a cane. Some of them would be all bent over and they would be holding their heads up like turtles to see where the pots were steaming. I was a boy, straight and tall, then, and that is the way they looked to me. Some would be holding their hands on their backs where it hurt them to walk. Some of them would be hurrying and some would not be hurrying at all; but one would be coming no faster than the other.

“We could hear them making songs as they came, and when they got near enough, maybe the song would be like this:

“‘_Hi-a-he! Hi-a-he!_ Eagle Voice, you are brave, they say, And I have heard.’

“Maybe it would start thin and high like singing, and then get tired all at once and be just muttering.

“‘To be a man is difficult, they say; But you are brave and I have heard. Many horses you have brought; Many horses, I have heard. _Hi-a-he! Hi-a-he!_’

“When we were all sitting in a circle in front of our lodge, with the full pots steaming in the middle and the old people holding their cups and knives, many people were crowding around to see. They were all still when Blue Spotted Horse stood up with his pipe near the pots. He looked very old too, for his hair was white and he stooped, and when he looked at you there were half-moons in his eyes. But when he held his hands and his pipe to the place where the sun goes down, and sent forth a voice, it went with eagle wings. There he prayed to the Power that makes live and destroys. To the place where the Great White Giant lives he turned and prayed to the Power that cleanses and heals. To the place whence come the morning star and the day, he prayed to the Power that gives light and understanding and peace. At the place whence comes the summer, he prayed to the Power of growing. Then he raised his hands and his pipe to the sky, sending a voice to Wakon Tonka, the one who has all these Powers. And last he leaned low, praying to Maka, the mother of all that live.

“When he had done this, he went to his place in the circle and sat down. There was a murmuring all around the hoop and among the crowding people. _Hetchetu aloh!_ So it was indeed. Then Blue Spotted Horse looked all around the circle at the old people waiting with their cups and knives, and he smiled at them like a grandfather at his children’s children. Then he looked straight at us boys and began talking:

“‘Grandsons, these old people here have been sitting in their tepees with their heads down. They were thinking about where to get some good tender food. They all know you, so they all began looking up to your tepee to see if maybe smoke was coming out. Smoke came out of your tepee, and they were waiting. They were sitting there waiting with their heads down thinking of you. You had done brave deeds, so maybe you would be giving a feast. And while they were sitting there thinking, all at once there you were, inviting them to come and eat! They are not often happy any more, for the black road gets steeper before it ends. But when they heard you, all at once they were happy. You have seen them coming to your tepee, smiling and rejoicing and singing praise of you. So you see them now, all happy and sitting in a sacred manner with you in one hoop. They are holding their empty cups, and their knives they have sharpened. They are hungry, and the food you have cooked smells so good and looks so good. You are young and brave. Who but you will fill their cups with soup and tender meat?

“What do you want of these old people, that you have cooked all this good food for them? Surely there is something you must want; but you know very well they cannot give you anything now. Still you feed them. What do you want from them? They cannot repay you, for they have nothing.

“‘Yes, they do have something. Maybe it is the white war bonnet they wear. Maybe that is what you want them to give you. Maybe it is the wrinkled old buckskin they are wearing [their skins]; but that is almost worn out, and would not keep you from freezing on a winter trail. Maybe you want them to give you their canes; but three legs are slower than two.