ACT IV. SCENE I.

_A Street: before the Meeting-house of the Family of Love._

_Enter_ LIPSALVE, GUDGEON, SHRIMP, _and_ PERIWINKLE.

GUD. Come, boys, our clothes,[315] boys: and what is the most current news, Periwinkle? PER. Faith, sir, fortune hath favoured us with no news but what the pedlar brought from Norfolk. LIP. Is there nothing stirring at court, Shrimp? SHR. Faith, there is, sir, but nothing new. LIP. Good wag, faith! thou smellest somewhat of a courtier, though thy mother was a citizen’s wife.—Off with that filthy great band, nay, quick; on with your robe of sanctity, nay, suddenly, man. GUD. And why must we shift ourselves into this demure habit, if impossible to be of the Family and keep our own fashion? LIP. Tut, man, the name of a gallant is more hateful to them than the sight of a corner-cap. Hadst thou heard the protestations the wife of a bellows-mender made but yesternight against gallants, thou hadst for ever abjured crimson breeches. She swore that all gallants were persons inferior to bellows-menders, for the trade of bellows-making was very aerial and high; and what were men and women but bellows, for they take wind in at one place and do evaporate at another;—evaporate was her very phrase. GUD. Methinks, her phrase flew with somewhat too strong a vapour. LIP. Nay, she proves farther, that all men receive their being chiefly from bellows, without which the fire burns not; without fire the pot seethes not; the pot not seething, powdered beef is not to be eaten; of which, she then averred our nation was a great devourer, and without which they could neither fight for their country abroad, nor get children at home; for, said she, powdered beef is a great joiner of nerves together. GUD. What answer madest thou? LIP. Marry, that I thought a bawd was a greater joiner of nerves together than powdered beef: with that she protested that a bawd was an instrument of the devil, and as she had proved that bellows-makers were of God’s trade, so bawds were of the devil’s trade; for (and thereupon she blew her nose) the devil and bawds did both live by the sins of the people. GUD. No more: mistress Purge is at hand. LIP. Vanish, boys, away. [_Exeunt_ SHRIMP _and_ PERIWINKLE.]— Make haste: before Jove, she’ll be with us ere we can be provided for her. [_They retire._

_Enter_ MISTRESS PURGE, CLUB _carrying a link before her_.

MIS. P. Advance your link, Club. At what time wert thou bound, Club? at Guttide,[316] Hollantide,[317] or Candletide? CLUB. I was bound, indeed, about midsummer. MIS. P. And when hath thy ’prenticeship end? at Michaeltide next? CLUB. So I take it. MIS. P. They say, Club, you fall very heavy on such you love not: you never learnt that of me. CLUB. Indeed, mistress, I must confess my falling is rustic, gross, and butcher-like: marry, yours is a pretty, foolish, light, courtlike[318] falling: yet, believe me, my master smells somewhat too gross of the purgation; he wants tutoring. MIS. P. And why, I pray? CLUB. My master being set last night in his shop, comes master doctor Glister, as his manner is, squirting in suddenly; and after some conference, tells my master that, by his own knowledge, you were young with child: to which my master replied, Why, master doctor, will you put me to more charges yet? MIS. P. Thou art a fool: in that my husband spake as wisely as if the master of his company had spoke. He knows doctors have receipts for women, which make[319] them most apt to conceive; and he promising ’a had ministered the same lately to me, thereupon spake it. Lead on with your link. LIP. Art ready? GUD. Ready. LIP. Then speak pitifully, look scurvily, and dissemble cunningly, and we shall quickly prove two of the Fraternity. [_Advancing with_ GUDGEON.]—Benediction and sanctity, love and charity fall on mistress Purge, sister of the Family! MIS. P. And what, I pray, be you two? LIP.[320] Two newly converted from the rags of Christianity to become good members in the house of the Family. MIS. P. Who, I pray, converted you? GUD. Master[321] Dryfat, the merchant. MIS. P. And from what sins hath he converted you? LIP. From two very notorious crimes; the first was from eating fish on Fridays, and the second from speaking reverently of the clergy: but ’a resolved[322] us your talent in edifying young men went far beyond his.

_Enter_ PURGE _behind_.

MIS. P. A talent I have therein, I must confess, nor am I very nice[323] at fit times to shew it: for your better instructions, therefore, you must never hereafter frequent taverns nor tap-houses, no masques nor mummeries, no pastimes nor playhouses. GUD. Must we have no recreation? MIS. P. Yes, on the days which profane lips call holydays, you may take your spaniel and spend some hours at the ducking-pond. LIP. What are we bound unto during the time we remain in the Family? MIS. P. During the light of the candle you are to be very attentive; which being extinguished, how to behave yourselves I will deliver in private. [_Whispers._[324] PUR. ’Tis now come to a whisper. What young Familists be these? i’faith, I’ll make one; I’ll trip you, wife: I scent your footing, wife. For Galen[325] writes, Paracelsus can tell, ’Pothecaries have brains and noses eke[326] to smell. [_Aside._ LIP. We shall with much diligence observe it. PUR. I fear I shall have small cause to thank that diligence: but do your worst; He that hath read five[327] herbals in one year Can find a trick which shall prevent this gear.[328]

They are going: follow, Purge, close, close and softly, like a horsekeeper in a lady’s matted chamber at midnight. [_Aside._

[MISTRESS PURGE _knocks at the door of the Meeting-house_.

[_Within_]. Who knocks? MIS. P. Brethren, and a Sister in the Family. [_Within_]. Enter in peace.

[MISTRESS PURGE, LIPSALVE, GUDGEON, _and_ CLUB _enter the house_.

PUR. Brethren, and a Sister! that’s the word. How beastly was I mistaken last day! I should have said, A Brother in the Family, and I said, A Familiar Brother; for which I and my family were thrust out of doors: but, as Titus Silus of Holborn Bridge most learnedly was wont to say, qd——[329] [_Knocks._ _Within_]. Who’s there? PUR. A Brother in the Family. [_Within_]. Enter, and welcome. [PURGE _enters the house_.