Chapter 13

[Enter CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE, putting his sword under his great coat.]

ABSOLUTE A sword seen in the streets of Bath would raise as great an alarm as a mad dog.--How provoking this is in Faulkland!--never punctual! I shall be obliged to go without him at last.--Oh, the devil! here's Sir Anthony! how shall I escape him? [Muffles up his face, and takes a circle to go off.]

[Enter Sir ANTHONY ABSOLUTE.]

Sir ANTHONY How one may be deceived at a little distance! Only that I see he don't know me, I could have sworn that was Jack!--Hey! Gad's life! it is.--Why, Jack, what are you afraid of? hey!--sure I'm right. Why Jack, Jack Absolute! [Goes up to him.]

ABSOLUTE Really, sir, you have the advantage of me:--I don't remember ever to have had the honour--my name is Saunderson, at your service.

Sir ANTHONY Sir, I beg your pardon--I took you--hey?--why, zounds! it is--Stay--[Looks up to his face.] So, so--your humble servant, Mr. Saunderson! Why, you scoundrel, what tricks are you after now?

ABSOLUTE Oh, a joke, sir, a joke! I came here on purpose to look for you, sir.

Sir ANTHONY You did! well, I am glad you were so lucky:--but what are you muffled up so for?--what's this for?--hey!

ABSOLUTE 'Tis cool, sir, isn't it?--rather chilly somehow:--but I shall be late--I have a particular engagement.

Sir ANTHONY Stay!--Why, I thought you were looking for me?--Pray, Jack, where is't you are going?

ABSOLUTE Going, sir?

Sir ANTHONY Ay, where are you going?

ABSOLUTE Where am I going?

Sir ANTHONY You unmannerly puppy!

ABSOLUTE I was going, sir, to--to--to--to Lydia--sir, to Lydia--to make matters up if I could;--and I was looking for you, sir, to--to----

Sir ANTHONY To go with you, I suppose.--Well, come along.

ABSOLUTE Oh! zounds! no, sir, not for the world!--I wished to meet with you, sir,--to--to--to--You find it cool, I'm sure, sir--you'd better not stay out.

Sir ANTHONY Cool!--not at all.--Well, Jack--and what will you say to Lydia?

ABSOLUTE Oh, sir, beg her pardon, humour her--promise and vow: but I detain you, sir--consider the cold air on your gout.

Sir ANTHONY Oh, not at all!--Not at all! I'm in no hurry.--Ah! Jack, you youngsters, when once you are wounded here [Putting his hand to CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE's breast.] Hey! what the deuce have you got here?

ABSOLUTE Nothing, sir--nothing.

Sir ANTHONY What's this?--here's something damned hard.

ABSOLUTE Oh, trinkets, sir! trinkets!--a bauble for Lydia!

Sir ANTHONY Nay, let me see your taste.--[Pulls his coat open, the sword falls.] Trinkets!--a bauble for Lydia!--Zounds! sirrah, you are not going to cut her throat, are you?

ABSOLUTE Ha! ha! ha!--I thought it would divert you, sir, though I didn't mean to tell you till afterwards.

Sir ANTHONY You didn't?--Yes, this is a very diverting trinket, truly!

ABSOLUTE Sir, I'll explain to you.--You know, sir, Lydia is romantic, devilish romantic, and very absurd of course: now, sir, I intend, if she refuses to forgive me, to unsheath this sword, and swear--I'll fall upon its point, and expire at her feet!

Sir ANTHONY Fall upon a fiddlestick's end!--why, I suppose it is the very thing that would please her.--Get along, you fool!

ABSOLUTE Well, sir, you shall hear of my success--you shall hear.--_O Lydia!--forgive me, or this pointed steel_--says I.

Sir ANTHONY _O, booby! stay away and welcome_--says she.--Get along! and damn your trinkets!

[Exit CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.]

[Enter DAVID, running.]

DAVID Stop him! stop him! Murder! Thief! Fire!--Stop fire! Stop fire!--O Sir Anthony--call! call! bid 'm stop! Murder! Fire!

Sir ANTHONY Fire! Murder!--Where?

DAVID Oons! he's out of sight! and I'm out of breath! for my part! O Sir Anthony, why didn't you stop him? why didn't you stop him?

Sir ANTHONY Zounds! the fellow's mad!--Stop whom? stop Jack?

DAVID Ay, the captain, sir!--there's murder and slaughter----

Sir ANTHONY Murder!

DAVID Ay, please you, Sir Anthony, there's all kinds of murder, all sorts of slaughter to be seen in the fields: there's fighting going on, sir--bloody sword-and-gun fighting!

Sir ANTHONY Who are going to fight, dunce?

DAVID Every body that I know of, Sir Anthony:--everybody is going to fight, my poor master, Sir Lucius O'Trigger, your son, the captain----

Sir ANTHONY Oh, the dog! I see his tricks.--Do you know the place?

DAVID King's-Mead-Fields.

Sir ANTHONY You know the way?

DAVID Not an inch; but I'll call the mayor--aldermen--constables--churchwardens--and beadles--we can't be too many to part them.

Sir ANTHONY Come along--give me your shoulder! we'll get assistance as we go--the lying villain!--Well, I shall be in such a frenzy!--So--this was the history of his trinkets! I'll bauble him!

[Exeunt.]

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