Chapter 6
_DOLLY and THOMAS._
THOMAS. I've set a bowl of grog before him, pretty much to the northward, and a luncheon of bread and beef almost as big as his head; for he said he was consumed hungry.
DOLLY. I language to behold him;--but I'm afraid he'll be rude to a body. [_Enter HUMPHRY, with a large luncheon of bread and butter._] Oh, as I'm alive, it is Humphry; old Cubb, the miller's son! Now will the great bear be for rumpling and hugging a body, as he us'd to do. [_Aside._
HUMPHRY. How d' ye do again, as the saying is? You're a devilish honest fellow, as I'm a gentleman; and thank 'e for your frugality, with all my heart: I've eaten up all the beef and grog, so I thought I wou'd go to the cupboard, and cut a small slice of bread and butter, d' ye see.
THOMAS. Why didn't you cut yourself a larger slice, while you was about it?
HUMPHRY. Oh, it's big enough, thank 'e; I never eat much at a meal; but if I crave more, I'll speak. [_Sees DOLLY._] Wha--what--Doll! is that you? Oh, the wonderful works of nature! Who'd ha' thought to ha' found you here. What, don't you know me? not know your old sweetheart? By Job, I want to buss you, most lasciviously.
[_Crams all the bread in his mouth in haste, and offers to kiss her.--THOMAS hinders him._
DOLLY. Oh, oh!
THOMAS. What, do you dare to do such a thing before me, you country brute?
HUMPHRY. Aye, no sooner said than done; that's my way.
THOMAS. But you sha'n't say nor do your lascivious tricks before me, I warrant you.
DOLLY. Oh, the filthy beast! he has frightened me out of my seventy-seven senses; he has given me a fever.
HUMPHRY. I don't care if you'll give me a favour, or not; for I don't value it an old horse-shoe, not I; I can get favours enough in New-York, if I go to the expense.--I know what--I suppose you forget when Jack Wrestle, the country mack-marony--
DOLLY. Oh, oh!
HUMPHRY. Why, in the country you us'd for to kiss me without axing.
DOLLY. I scorn your words, you worthless blackguard; so I do.
[_Cries._
THOMAS. Sir, I'd have you to know, sir, that I won't suffer you, sir, to abuse this young lady, sir, in this manner, sir; and, sir--in short, sir, you're a dirty fellow, for your pains, sir.
HUMPHRY. And you're a great litterly lubber, as the saying is; and if you'll be so friendly as for to fetch the mug of ale you promis'd me, I'll lick you out of pure gratitude: have a care--grog makes me fight like a tyger.
THOMAS. It's a bargain,--I shou'd be sorry to try you; but I'll go lace you ale a little, and that will spoil your fighting, I warrant you.
[_Aside, and exit._
DOLLY. You sha'n't fight him.--Oh, law, I wou'dn't trust myself with him alone, for the riches of the Indians!
[_Exit, after him._
HUMPHRY. [_Mimicking her._] What an unfaithless trollop! She's got to be very vartuous since she's liv'd in town, but vartue is but skin deep, as the saying is:--wou'dn't even let me kiss her;--I meant nothing but the genteel thing neither,--all in an honest way. I wonder what she can see in that clumsy booby's face, for to take his part, sooner than I!--but I'll go buy a new coat and breeches, and get my head fricaseed, and my beard comb'd a little, and then I'll cut a dash with the best on 'em. I'll go see where that ill-looking fellow stays with the ale.
[_Exit._
_End of the Second Act._