The Old Debauchees. A Comedy

_Old Lar._ Hold, Sir, hold. I have too much Charity not to cleanse you, as much as possible, from your Pollution. So, Who's there? [_Enter Servants._] Here take this worthy Gent...

_Old Lar._ If thou art he, I have a Message to thee from St. _Francis_. The Saint gives his humble Service to you, and bid me tell you, You are one of the saddest Dogs that ever...

_Jourd._ Alas! Father, there is one Sin sticks by me more than any I have confessed to you. It is so enormous a one my Shame hath prevented me discovering it--I have often conce...

_Old Lar._ Good-morrow, my little Wag-tail--my Grashopper, my Butterfly. Odso! you little Baggage, you look as full of----as full of Love and Sport and Wantonness----I wish I wa...

_Mart._ I shall bring this Haughtiness to a Penance, you may not like. Well, my dear Daughter, I hope your Account is not long. You have not many Articles since our last Reckoning.

_Mart._ It were better thou shouldst howl in Purgatory ten thousand Years, than ever see that Day. Oh! that we had but an Inquisition in _France_. Burning four or five hundred s...

_Mart._ Indeed, Child, there are Pleasures in a retired Life, which you are entirely ignorant of. Nay, there are Indulgencies granted to People in that State, which would be sin...

_Old Lar._ Very odd truly. It is the Sight of an old honest Whoremaster in a Fit of Despair, and a damned Rogue of a Priest riding him to the Devil.

_Isa._ Oh! the Spirit, the Spirit. It has been here this half Hour, and just as you came in, it vanished away in a Clap of Thunder, and I thought would have taken the Room with it.

_Old Lar._ Dreams! Ha, ha, ha: The Devil's in it, if a Girl just going to be married should not have Dreams. But they were Dreams the Saints had nothing to do with, I warrant you.

_Y. Lar._ St. _Francis_ the Patron of our Order hath sent me on this Journey, to caution thee, that thou may not suffer thy sinful Daughter to profane the holy Veil. Such was it...

_Old Lar._ I wish thou art not more a Scandal to thine, Brother Father, to abuse a poor old Fellow in a Fit of the Spleen here as thou dost, with a Set of ridiculous Notions of...

_Jourd._ I suppose St. _Francis_ has been beforehand with me. Indeed I should have imagined that before: for we seldom hear any thing from the Saints, but thro' the Mouth of a P...

_Isa._ Lud! Pappa! Do you think your putting me into Purgatory in this World, will save you from Purgatory in the next? If you have any Sins you must repent of them your self; f...

_Old Lar._ You are possessed with a Priest, and that's worse. Come, let's have the Wedding, and at Night, we'll drive the Devil out of you with a Fidle. The Devil is a great Lov...

A Nunnery! Ha, ha, ha! And is it possible, my dear _Beatrice_, you can intend to sacrifice your Youth and Beauty, to go out of the World as soon as you come into it!

_Old Lar._ And so, you wou'd atone for all your former Rogueries, by a greater, by perverting the Design of Nature! Was this Girl intended for praying! Hearkee, old Gentleman, l...

_Jourd._ Not when the Church contradicts them.--Alas! How do we know what we believe without the Church? Why I thought I saw Mr. _Laroon_ and his Son to-day, when I saw neither....

_Old Lar._ You are a fine Spark truly to let your Father visit your Mistress before you--'Sdeath! I believe you are no Son of mine. Where have you been, Sir? What have you been...

_Isa._ Oh! do not discharge such a Volley of terrible Names upon me before you are certain I deserve them; doubt only whether I can be obedient to my Confessor, and guess the rest.

_Old Lar._ How, Sirrah! how! Do you disparage my Son? Do you run down my Boy? Hearkee, either make up Affairs between them immediately, exert thy self in thy proper office and h...

_Old Lar._ Matter, Sir? Why I have been laughed at, have been abused. 'Sdeath! Sir! I am in such a Passion, that I do not believe I shall come to my self again these twenty Year...

_Isa._ You shall promise not to commit any Violence, you know too well what wou'd be the Consequence of that. Let us sufficiently convict him, and leave his Punishment to the Law.

_Old Lar._ Sir, you may be as expeditious or as slow as you please, but I will not have my Boy disappointed of his Happiness one Day, for all the Rules in _Europe_.

_Y. Lar._ Ask me no Questions, get but into a Corner of the Room and be silent, and you will perhaps see a very diverting Scene. Nay, do not be afraid, for I assure you, it will...

_Mart._ Son, take care of believing any thing against the Church: It is as sinful to believe any thing against the Church, as to disbelieve any thing for it. You are to believe...

Whether a violent Hatred to my Father, or an inordinate Love for Mischief, hath set the Priest on this Affair, I know not. Perhaps it is the former----for the old Gentleman hath...

_Mart._ The Words even of a Spirit cannot tell you what I mean. Lead me to thy Bed, there shalt thou know my Meaning. There will we repeat those Pleasures which this Day I gave...

Oh! Purgatory! Purgatory! What wou'd I not give to escape thy Flames! (methinks) I feel them already. Hark! what Noise is that?--Nothing--Ha! what's that I see? Something with t...

Thou art a miserable Wretch indeed! And it is on such miserable Wretches depends our Power: that Superstition which tears thy Bowels, feeds ours. This Nunnery is a Master-piece,...

Go. While I retire and comfort your Daughter. Was this a Suspicion of _Laroon_'s, or am I betrayed? I begin to fear. I'll act with Caution, for I am not able yet to discover whe...

None ever waited with more Impatience for her Lover than I for mine. It is a delightful Assignation, but I hope it is a Prelude to one more agreeable. I shall have Difficulty to...

_Isa._ Sure never poor Maid had more need of Prayers: but you have left me no great Stomach to them. Great things are in Agitation! What can he mean? It must be so----Some old l...