The Mysterious Stranger and Other Cartoons
CHAPTER IV
“_Whose little boy are you?_” “_I’m Uncle Sam’s little boy._” “_Where are your parents, my lad?_” “_Papa’s doing ten years with the late Mrs. Bishop and mamma, I understand, is married at present to Mr. Bridgeport. Her contract expires some time next month, though, she having failed to get a renewal. Mamma’s getting old, you know._”
“THE HAGUE TRIBUNAL”
SOCIAL HAPPENINGS AT BIRD CENTER
Since the war in the Far East began, there has been more or less interest evinced by our townsmen in the great struggle. Consequently, when some of our prominent citizens suggested that a talk be given by Captain Fry on the subject, everybody enthusiastically seconded the proposition. The gallant captain, himself a keen student of military strategy, as well as a hero of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, and a thousand other equally noted battles, promised to give the talk and, in fact, did give it at the Opera House last Friday evening. Mr. Smiley Green, the popular undertaker, introduced the speaker with a few timely and well-chosen remarks, after which Captain Fry launched vigorously into his subject.
“First, I want to explain what has led up to the present aggravated condition of affairs in the Far East. For many years Russia has slowly but surely been expanding to the eastward, until she is now in possession of all northern Asia. But she has no outlook to the sea for her commerce, except the ice-bound port of Vladivostok way up yonder [pointing to the map]. She is like a great wheat field full of grain with no gate to get the grain out. So what does she do? She decides to get a port farther south. When Japan licked the Chinese in ’94, and captured Port Arthur and a good part of Manchuria, Russia gets France and Germany to protest against Japan’s retaining Port Arthur. They protest and Japan is cheated out of the spoils of war. Then Russia quietly leases Port Arthur from the Chinese for twenty-five years and moves in. She doesn’t think England will stand for her action, but England had a weak Prime Minister, and no protest was made. Of all the nations of the earth, Russia was the most surprised to find that she was to be allowed to keep Port Arthur. So she proceeded to fortify and prepared to stay a good deal longer than her lease called for. Japan is sore, but all the powers were against her. Russia then decides that she must have all the land between Port Arthur and Siberia, so she proceeds to occupy Manchuria. When anybody protested she said she was going to get out day after to-morrow, but she didn’t calculate to. She had worked a bluff at Port Arthur, so why not work another for Manchuria? Japan was foxy and saw how it would come out if she didn’t step in and register a kick. So she demands that Russia move out and Russia says ‘Certainly,’ but when moving day came, Russia couldn’t find the moving man. Instead of that, she moved a few thousand soldiers in and hung up a sign, ‘We are here to stay.’ Then Japan began to oil up her musket. ‘If Russia is allowed to do as she pleases out here, she will soon have Japan in the corner pocket,’ she says, ‘and Japan wants at least a little room to roll around in. We don’t propose to have a big man with a gun leaning up against us on the starboard side, so here’s where we get busy.’ So Japan prepares for fight, but Russia doesn’t think she is in earnest. She calls Japan a little pigmy and delays rolling up her sleeve. At that moment Japan inaugurated what Mr. Gus Figgey would call ‘Rough House’ and lands on Russia at Port Arthur with the result that Russia wakes up to find her solar plexus dislocated.”
At this point in Captain Fry’s speech there were loud shouts of approval, in the midst of which could be heard the voice of Gus Figgey ringing out in strident tones, “Hot stuff, Cap.”
“And now what is a-goin’ to happen?” resumed Captain Fry. “I will tell you. Japan is a-goin’ to land a couple regiments on this what’s-its-name peninsula, destroy the railway, and cut the line of communication to Port Arthur. Then she can plant her siege guns on the hills back of the town and throw in a few hundred ton of grape and canister until the garrison capitulates. Then the Japs can march up through Manchoory, capture the Siberian railway and in six weeks capture St. Petersburg. The Japs already have Sayool down yonder in Corea, and can bombard the Yayloo River when they’re a mind to.”
Many of the audience congratulated Captain Fry on his address, and assured him that they now could intelligently follow the news from the war.
—J. OSCAR FISHER, in the _Bird Center Argosy_.
A BIRD CENTER VIEW ON THE RUSSIAN-JAPANESE WAR
THE GEN. BULLER OF THE ORIENT
A THRILLING MESSAGE FROM THE EAST
THE VLADIVOSTOK SQUADRON
No. 1.
WABASH, IND., JULY 27—(SPECIAL)—Chris Newbower and Gus Nelson, two prominent citizens of this city, report having sighted the Vladivostok squadron last evening, steaming slowly down the Wabash River. Both men are citizens of considerable veracity, one having formerly been the circulation manager of the Wabash _Palladium_ and the other a prominent politician. People here are inclined to credit the report. Mr. Newbower states positively that he saw three large ships steaming so near that he could distinctly see the masts. Mr. Nelson saw six ships, having probably looked twice. Intense excitement prevails here as there is a neutral river flatboat nine weeks overdue. It is feared the Russian ships may have overtaken it.
No. 2.
HENDERSON, KY., JULY 27—(SPECIAL)—Col. Bunker H. Breckenridge, who is spending the summer at his home in this city, reports having seen the Vladivostok squadron lying off the Kentucky shore of the Ohio yesterday afternoon. The colonel doesn’t remember the number of ships but says the number corresponded with that of the Russian fleet. The report can be easily verified, says the colonel, by his grandson who also witnessed the squadron. Great excitement prevails and the matter is the topic of general conversation. The sheriff is organizing a posse of colonels to guard the city in case local shipping is threatened.
No. 3.
ST. JOSEPH, MICH., JULY 27—(SPECIAL)—Mr. H. Close of Chicago, who has been Sundaying in this city, reports seeing the Vladivostok squadron last evening three miles east of this city. Mr. Close was sitting on the shore thinking about the political situation, when some one near by called his attention to the squadron. He says that he saw it distinctly, but didn’t notice how many ships there were, or what direction they were going. Mr. Close states that he is going down again to-night to watch for the squadron. Intense excitement prevails. Little knots of bridal couples may be seen earnestly discussing the sensation.
No. 4.
JOILET, ILL., JULY 27—(SPECIAL)—Mr. Herbert X. Bughaus of this city came running into the city early this morning crying out that he had been pursued by the Vladivostok Squadron. He first saw it near the rolling mills and stopped for some minutes to count the ships. He counted six the first time, but a recount showed nine. A Russian admiral commanded him to surrender, but Mr. Bughaus retreated quickly followed by the entire squadron. Fortunately he reached the city safely, although terribly frightened. In an interview Mr. B. stated that he saw the ships while on his way home or to work, he is not sure which. Great excitement prevails.
No. 5.
PUNTA ARENAS, ARGENTINE REPUBLIC, JULY 27—(SPECIAL)—Izaak Walton Jones, a citizen of this city, reports having sighted the Vladivostok squadron three miles and a quarter off Cape Horn, about noon to-day. He first saw the fleet come down the east coast of South America, turn abruptly around the Horn and disappear rapidly up the west coast. There were three large ships and they were traveling thirty knots an hour. When last seen they were turning the corner two miles north of Valparaiso. Mr. Jones at once brought the news to this city, and, after renewing his supplies, will return to the cape where he is fishing.
No. 6.
DUNDEE, SCOTLAND, JULY 27—(SPECIAL)—Mr. Jem Wethersby, first officer of the Peruvian bark Calisaya, arrived here this afternoon with the report that he found evidences of the Vladivostok squadron. At seven bells night before last, while doing his trick at the watch, he passed a large piece of wreckage which, he swears, was probably part of a vessel sunk by the what’s-its-name squadron. Mr. Wethersby has had much experience in swearing, having been a mate on a tramp steamer for twelve years. Late this evening we endeavored to get a complete story from Mr. W., but he was not to be found.
THE VLADIVOSTOK SQUADRON
A STUDY IN COMPARATIVE WORRIES
ANOTHER MYSTERIOUS STRANGER
AFTER THE BATTLE OF MUKDEN
THESE ARE BUSY DAYS FOR THE BALTIC FLEET
SEEING THINGS AT NIGHT
THE THRILLING STORY OF THE CHINA SEA
ADMIRAL ROJESTVENSKY STOOD MUSINGLY ON HIS FLAGSHIP—_“One load more,” he muttered sadly, “and then our fleet will be coaled and I must leave this pleasant coast.” For a moment a tear stood in his eye as he peered off toward the French China shore. The thought of leaving the dear old scenes, to which he had become so greatly attached, made even the stern old sailor weep. Dashing aside the tear, he turned to direct the busy crew who were bringing the coal to the ships._
_“Come, my hearties,” he cried, “step lively. We must get away.”_
_With these few words, so pregnant of meaning, our hero turned his eyes toward the great leviathans of the deep. Smoke rolled in mighty volumes from their funnels and went whirling off in the howling gale. A thousand cannon strained their cyclopean eyes to the northward; 10,000 Russian tars crouched defiantly at the breech blocks._
THESE WERE THE MEN BEHIND THE GUNS!
FOR A FEW MOMENTS THE ADMIRAL STOOD THERE IN DEEP CONTEMPLATION, LISTENING TO THE SHOUTING SEAS AND THE SCREAMING OF THE WINDS. THEN, TURNING SLOWLY, HE MADE HIS WAY TO THE BRIDGE—_“Anything in sight?” he inquired of a bystander._
_“Forty ships off the port bow, sir. All steamers, sir, but I can’t make out their colors.”_
_“Humph,” said the admiral, in Russian. “Fishing boats, probably,” and dismissed the matter from his thoughts._
AGAIN HE TURNED HIS EYES SHOREWARD AND ANOTHER TEAR APPEARED—_“Ah,” he mused, “I have been so happy here. If my weekly paper had not come so irregularly of late I should be perfectly happy here. Heigh ho, I must not yield to sentiment in this manner.”_
A THOUGHT THEN STRUCK HIM AND HE TURNED TO GIVE AN ORDER TO A HANDSOME BYSTANDER WEARING SPURS—_“I’ll pipe all hands below and give my men a night’s rest.”_
_In the twinkling of an eye the wireless telegraph was sending forth the glad news, and a moment later 10,000 Russians tars were peacefully sleeping in their hammocks. A great silence lay over the mighty battleships._
THE FRENCH IDEA OF NEUTRALITY
“I BEG TO REPORT, YOUR MAJESTY, THAT THE BALTIC FLEET HAS ARRIVED AT VLADIVOSTOK”
TAKING HIS PLACE
A GIRL IN SUMMER-TIME
A GIRL IN SUMMER-TIME
A GIRL IN SUMMER-TIME
A GIRL IN SUMMER-TIME
A GIRL IN SUMMER-TIME
THE DAY AFTER RED SUNDAY IN ST. PETERSBURG
BUT HIS SOUL GOES MARCHING ON
THE IROQUOIS FIRE
[CARTOON PRINTED JAN. 1, 1904]
HIS SUNDAY DINNER
[AFTER THE IROQUOIS FIRE]
MRS. SCADSWORTH GOES AWAY FOR HER HEALTH
THE LATEST INNOVATION IN NEW YORK
THE LATEST FRENCH DUEL: OR, HOW AN INSULT TO JOAN OF ARC WAS AVENGED
THE FARMER OF FICTION AND REALITY
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CITY FELLER THAT WENT OUT IN THE CORN BELT AND CRITICISED THE HOT SPELL
A MESSAGE FROM THE FRONT, OR, RATHER, WHERE THEY PUT UP A FRONT
ANOTHER BOARD OF INQUIRY
WHAT IS THE MOST INTENSE HAPPINESS THAT A HUMAN CAN FEEL?
WHAT IS ABSOLUTE UNHAPPINESS?
THE ANNUAL TRAGEDY
AS HE WOULD HAVE LOOKED IN MODERN GARB
DECORATION DAY
THE FOURTH OF JULY
THE FIFTH OF JULY—CALLING THE ROLL
ADAPTED FROM A FAMOUS OLD POEM
“Benjamin Jones!” the father cried; “Here!” was the answer loud and clear, From the lips of the youngster standing near; And “here!” was the word the next replied. “Johnnie Jones!” and a silence fell This time no answer followed the call; Only his brother saw him fall, Killed or wounded, he could not tell.
There they stood in the morning light On July the fifth, the present year, And the roll was read in accents clear By the senior Jones, who was ghastly white. “Charley Jones!” at the call there came Two ambulance men and some doleful groans As they bore in the body of Charley Jones, Greatly disfigured, to answer his name.
“Albert Jones!” and a voice said “here!” “Chauncey Jones!” “He’s down at St. Luke’s With a couple of badly damaged ‘dukes,’ The doctors say he’ll be well next year.” “William Jones!”—then some one said: “A small toy pistol went off and shot him, And the ambulance people hurried and got him To make some repairs on his injured head.”
’Twas a gallant day but it cost us dear; For that family roll when called to-day, Of a total of seven that entered the fray, Numbered but four that answered “here!”
HIS THANKSGIVING DINNER
IMPORTANT NEWS
SUDDEN INCREASE IN DEATH RATE SINCE THE BASE BALL SEASON OPENED
ON DECORATION DAY
THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING
WE ARE NOW APPROACHING THE TIME WHEN EVERY HOME IS FILLED WITH MYSTERIOUS INTRIGUE AND CONSPIRACY
“CHRISTMAS IS COMING”
PREPARING FOR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
THREE SUNDAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS TREES
THE SILENT PARTNER OF THE FIRM OF SANTA CLAUS & CO.
ON THE GREAT EVENTFUL MORNING
PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT HAS BEEN MADE AN HONORARY COLONEL OF A BRITISH REGIMENT
SOCIAL HAPPENINGS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
MISS ROOSEVELT ATTENDS THE HORSE SHOW
[** music]
CAMPAIGN POEMS AND PORTRAITS BY PROMINENT POLITICIANS
CAMPAIGN PORTRAITS AND POEMS
“THE REPUBLICAN DERBY”
HUMORS OF THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION
AFTER THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION
MR. CLEVELAND—“I WON’T RUN ANOTHER STEP”
NOMINATING THE DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE FOR VICE-PRESIDENT
GROVER—“I WASN’T VERY HUNGRY ANYHOW.”
A SAD CASE OF DESERTION
SOME FORGED CAMPAIGN LETTERS
DOWN WITH THE WORKINGMAN
To Patrick Mc Graw, President Amalgamated Order of Honest Workmen.
Sir:—
Your letter received. Personally, I consider the request that you make should more appropriately be presented to the mayor or your city. At the same time I cannot miss this opportunity to say a few things about labor organizations in general. I think organized labor is a serious menace to the welfare of our institutions; and I further think that any man who belongs to a Union should be treated as a criminal. There is no good in Unions. Every man who belongs to one is worse than an anarchist. If I am elected my first official act shall be to have every man who belongs to a labor union expelled from the country or de-naturalized. Furthermore, I think that men who work for a living have no license to live anyway.
Yours respectfully, Theodore Rosefelt [** signature]
HURRAH FOR WALL STREET
ROSEMONT FARM
Mr. J. Pierpont Morgan, 952 Wall Street, New York City.
Dear Friend:—
Thanks for your very friendly letter. I am much encouraged by the news you send and am very glad to hear that the sentiment is so favorable to me. John D. called on me yesterday and left a substantial check, which, of course, will not be recorded in his name. It is needless to say that if I am elected my gratitude will assure a very substantial form and my friends in Wall Street need never fear that their prosperity will be jeopardized by any official act of mine. I shall be in New York Saturday and should like to see you privately at the Metropolitan Club. Mr. Baer, of the Reading Road, will also join us there.
Yours gratefully, Alton P. Barker [** signature]
THE HONEST FARMER IS A JAY.
George K. Jamison, Chairman Hancock County Republican Control Com. Dear Sir:—
I regret very much that I cannot manage to speak before the Farmers’ Institute next Thursday afternoon. I have a luncheon engagement with the President of the Michigan Northern Road and cannot break it. Please express my regrets and say that I hope the farmers, who are the bone and sinew of this great nation, will come forward and do their duty on election day.
Yours respectfully, [** signature illegible]
THE LABORING CLASSES ARE GETTING TOO MUCH MONEY.
OFFICE OF THE CONSOLIDATED COAL MINING CO.
To Stephen Elkins, Washington.
Dear Son-in-Law:—
I shall be home Thursday. Am very tired and worn out. I do not believe that I can keep up this pace for six months more. My back aches, I fainted from over-exhaustion yesterday, and the only food I can eat is pre-digested milk. Please have Murphy, the foreman of the mine, discharge the laborers who are agitating for higher wages. We are now paying them 80 cents a day and what can these ignorant German and Irish laborers expect? They never earned that much at home and yet they dare to come over here and make these preposterous demands. I never could tolerate the Germans and Irish anyway. However, do not mention this fact before election day.
Yours affectionately, Henry G Davids [** signature]
MAYOR HARRISON’S CONFERENCE WITH JUDGE PARKER AT HOTEL SEVILLE, NEW YORK
DESERTED; OR, THE TRAGEDY OF THE DESERT ISLAND
“HOMELESS”
THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER
“HOORAY! FOUR MORE YEARS OF TEDDY”
THE GRAND INAUGURAL PARADE AS SEEN FROM A DISTANCE OF 900 MILES
DROPPING DOWN TO THE FAIR FOR CHICAGO DAY
WHOM ARE THEY EXPECTING?
THE PRESIDENT VISITS THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
MISSOURI SHOWS THE PRESIDENT
THE PRESIDENTIAL HOLIDAY
A PICTORIAL SERMONETTE
THE POOR COUNTRY BOY OF TO-DAY MAY BE THE POWERFUL MAGNATE OF TO-MORROW, SO BE CAREFUL WHOM YOU TURN DOWN.
NOW IS THE TIME WHEN THE PROMINENT CITIZEN TELLS THE COLLEGE GRADUATE HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL
A PICTORIAL SERMONETTE
ILLUSTRATING THAT IDEALS ARE SUBJECT TO RADICAL CHANGES
A PICTORIAL SERMONETTE
ILLUSTRATING THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU HAVE, YOU WANT SOMETHING THAT SOMEBODY ELSE HAS
A PICTORIAL SERMONETTE
ON THE PURSUIT OF WEALTH
OUR SUNDAY PICTORIAL SERMONETTE
SHOWING THAT PEOPLE DON’T ALWAYS MEAN EXACTLY WHAT THEY SAY
THE FARMER BOY THAT DOESN’T SUCCEED IN THE CITY AND THE ONE THAT DOES
MORAL:—“_It all depends on the boy._”
HOW NOT TO GET A GOOD JOB
ALL PLEASANT JOBS COME ONLY AFTER YEARS OF HARD WORK
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THIS PECULIAR FACT ABOUT MURDER CASES?
THE MARCH OF CIVILIZATION
THE TRACTION QUESTION IN A NUTSHELL
THE HORSE SHOW AT LAKE FOREST
CHICAGO’S PROPOSED FASHIONABLE PARADE ON MICHIGAN AVENUE
OUR WOODCUT HISTORY OF THE CHICAGO CENTENNIAL JUBILEE
OUR WOODCUT HISTORY OF THE CHICAGO CENTENNIAL JUBILEE
OUR WOODCUT HISTORY OF THE CHICAGO CENTENNIAL JUBILEE
OUR WOODCUT HISTORY OF THE CHICAGO CENTENNIAL JUBILEE
OUR WOODCUT HISTORY OF THE CHICAGO CENTENNIAL JUBILEE
OUR WOODCUT HISTORY OF THE CHICAGO CENTENNIAL JUBILEE
SOME HAPPY LITTLE VACATION SUGGESTIONS FOR OUR READERS
SUGGESTION I—Charter a good, seaworthy steam-yacht, stock it well with seasonable food and drink, and cruise along the New England coast. Frequent stops may be made at the various watering places, thus pleasantly breaking the voyage. After having exhausted these points of interest, you will find it enjoyable to continue the cruise to Sweden and Norway, and, if your time permits, a still further cruise among the beautiful fjords of New Zealand will be found extremely delightful. The weather is now perfect in New Zealand, and if you have a camera you can get some most excellent pictures. For a trip such as this one should secure a steam-yacht of perhaps 2,500 tons, with a crew of thirty men. A white yacht is preferable, white being cooler than black. If you do not mind the additional expense, a cow should be taken, thus insuring fresh milk during the voyage. As for equipment, you should take heavy and light clothes, a pair of deck shoes, a mackintosh, and a pair of smoked glasses to protect your eyes while going through the Suez Canal. The cost of this outing will amply repay you for your pleasure, and we strongly recommend it.
* * * * *
SUGGESTION II—Another delightful vacation which we earnestly recommend would be to spend your two weeks’ holiday in Scotland. Here one may rent a beautiful estate, abundantly stocked with game—croquet, golf, bridge, etc.,—and with plenty of good riding-horses, and at least one mail coach for coaching parties, the hours may be most delightfully beguiled. You could give frequent entertainments, such as jolly little tours in the highlands, etc., and it would be well to have the castle the scene of many congenial house parties. Occasionally you should give lawn fêtes to which the peasants and tenants from the neighboring countryside may be invited.
Such an estate may easily be secured by going through the necessary preliminaries. You should insist, however, that your London agents secure a castle with a porch well screened with mosquito bars. The cost of such a place would be either moderate or upwards.
As the highlands are often cool during the evening hours, you should take a heavy overcoat and at least one suit of flannels.
* * * * *
SUGGESTION III—Our third suggestion would be to make up a jolly little party and spend your July vacation in touring Switzerland and the Petroleum Alps. Excellent motor-cars may be obtained in Paris (No. 19 Arc de Triomphe) and the roads from the gay capital to the Swiss uplands will be found most excellent. Luncheon may be secured at convenient cabarets along the way, and by speaking to the chauffeur stops may be made from time to time to allow you to make photographs of choice bits in the landscape. Arriving in Switzerland, you should retire early in order to be up for the sunrise, which, in those latitudes is much earlier than in America on account of the difference in time.
While in Switzerland you should not fail to visit the tomb of William Tell, who is dead at present. Here a short stop may be made for luncheon, photographs, etc. In this little side trip you will have delightful weather, according to recent unconfirmed rumors from Chefoo.
Having toured Switzerland, it would be pleasant to have a yacht meet you some place nearby and make the homeward journey in this way rather than by the Atlantic liners. There are so many vulgar tourists on the regular steamships during the summer.
SOME HAPPY LITTLE VACATION SUGGESTIONS FOR OUR READERS
TO THOSE WHO ARE IN DOUBT AS TO WHERE THEY SHALL GO FOR THEIR HOLIDAY, WE RESPECTFULLY SUBMIT THESE HAPPY HINTS
THE PACE THAT KILLS
SEEING EUROPE FROM TWO POINTS OF VIEW
A RECENT DISPATCH SAYS PUBLISHERS ARE EAGERLY LOOKING FOR THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL
MATCHES ARE ALSO IN GERMANY MADE
HOW A FEW YEARS IN WASHINGTON MADE THE OLD HOME TOWN SEEM DULL TO THE RETURNED CONGRESSMAN
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
BIRD CENTER ABROAD
FIRST INSTALMENT
IT is with pleasure that ye Editor chronicles the announcement that a goodly quota of Bird Center society leaders purpose taking a European tour ere long. Among those who will constitute the pilgrimage are Mrs. Riley Withersby, our beloved leader of local society, Reverend Walpole and wife and children under nine years of age, Captain Roscoe Fry and wife, Mr. J. Milton Brown and wife (née Lucile Ramona Fry, formerly daughter of Captain Fry), and little J. Milton Brown, Jr. Also Mr. Smiley Greene, the popular undertaker, and wife and children, Mr. Riley Peters and Miss Myrtle Prute, of Muncie, Indiana, the Misses Flossye and Mae Niebling, Mr. Ernest Pratt, Mr. Elmer Pratt, Mr. Wilbur Fry, and Mr. Orville Peters. Quite a goodly party, say you not?
It is safe to say without exaggeration that the local social circles are agog with pleasant anticipation. At first it was understood that only Mrs. Withersby contemplated going abroad, and for that reason she gave a small function last evening to announce the fact, but others volunteered to accompany her and the party grew apace quite rapidly.
Late in the evening, just before refreshments were served, Mr. Gus Figgey of Chicago arrived and joined the group.
“I just came in on the hundred-hour limited from Decatur,” he announced buoyantly, “and thought I’d drift up and join the merrymakers. What’s going on?”
Mrs. Withersby explained that some of the party were talking over a trip to Europe.
“Count me in,” said Mr. Figgey. “I haven’t had a vacation for three years and I’m going to have one this year if the country goes plumb to smash. What’s the route?”
“We have planned to go to Scotland and the English Lakes,” said Mrs. Withersby pleasantly.
“I can figure out a better trip than that,” said Mr. Figgey. “First we’ll go to London and show those Britishers a touch of high life, then skip over to Paris, thence to Venice, and circle around to Rome. Them’s the four great show places of Europe, and no tour is complete without ’em.”
“But, Mr. Figgey—”
“Now, I’ll tell what we’ll do,” said the genial Mr. Figgey. “I’ll get some inside rates from a friend of mine in the importing business, and I’ll guarantee that when we get through, Europe will feel that she’s been seen good and proper.”
“Have you ever been abroad, Mr. Figgey?” inquired Mrs. J. Milton Brown.
“No, but I’ve traveled all over this country, making all the important towns, and what I don’t know about traveling could be put in an expurgated French novel.”
“I’d like to stop at Niagara Falls, Mr. Figgey,” said Elmer Pratt.
“Sure, the train slows down there and we can see the Falls just as well as if you spent an hour.”
“And won’t it be beautiful in Venice,” said Miss Myrtle Prute. “I’ve always been crazy to see Venice by moonlight.”
“We’ll see it by moonlight, candlelight and daylight, Miss Prute. Orville and Wilbur can take their mandolins and we’ll have a tune on the dancing waters. Hot stuff, eh?” said Mr. Figgey, slapping Reverend Walpole on the back.
The party adjourned at a late hour, Mr. Figgey promising to arrange all the details, etc. Various members of the party will tell their experiences exclusively in the Bird Center _Argosy_.
BIRD CENTER AT HOME
BIRD CENTER ABROAD
SECOND INSTALMENT
NIAGARA FALLS, JULY
(Special Correspondence of the Bird Center _Argosy_.)
MIDST gay acclaim did the Bird Center personally conducted tour to Europe steam out of Bird Center yesterday morn. The bells cried “Off to Europe,” and the rails clicked the same news as the great steam steed started on the long journey to Niagara Falls. Throngs of people got on and off at every station, and many admiring glances were cast at the Bird Center tourists who, massed together, made quite a noticeable effect. Mr. Gus Figgey, who says he is the chaperon of the party, has made the welkin ring with laughter and gaiety. At the first stop he purchased oranges for the crowd, and later in the day entertained them with personal anecdotes of travel. At the second stop Mr. Figgey addressed the town from the rear platform, and received a rousing round of cheers. Last evening he entertained ye Editor at supper in the dining-car. It has been a beautiful trip.
Niagara Falls was reached without further mishap. These Falls are situated on the Niagara River, between the Canadian side and the United States. They are a hundred and sixty-two feet in height and are considered by competent critics to be one of America’s most famous natural beauties. The train stopped twenty minutes and Mr. Figgey had several fast hacks convey the party to the various points of interest. By way of getting an expression of opinion from the various members of the party, the Editor secured short statements for the readers of the _Argosy_.
“Great sight,” said Mr. Figgey. “Those Falls have power enough to run all the factories in the U. S. A.”
“A notable sight,” said Mrs. Riley Withersby.
“More impressive than Dante’s ‘Inferno,’” said Mrs. J. Milton Brown.
“A masterpiece of Nature,” said Reverend Walpole.
“Unequalled in history,” said Wilbur Fry.
“Fine, but wait till you see Saint Peter’s in Rome,” said Mr. Ernest Pratt, who was in Europe several years ago.
“Too bad I can’t get a good photo of it. The Falls would make a beautiful moving picture,” said Mr. J. Milton Brown.
“Truly a sublime spectacle,” said Mr. Smiley Greene, the popular undertaker.
“Gosh!” said Elmer Pratt.
It was with mingled feelings of sadness that ye Editor saw the gay party steam eastward, as he was obliged for business reasons to return to Bird Center. Other communications from members of the party will be printed from time to time.
J. OSCAR FISHER.
BIRD CENTER AT NIAGARA
BIRD CENTER ABROAD
THIRD INSTALMENT
THE Editor of the Bird Center _Argosy_ presents the following letter from Mrs. J. Milton Brown, who is en route abroad in the personally conducted Bird Center tour.
J. OSCAR FISHER, Editor.
By Lucile Ramona Fry-Brown.
AT SEA, AUGUST
“She moves, she throbs, she seems to feel the thrill of life upon her keel.” At last the great Leviathan of the Deep has left the dock amid waving ‘kerchiefs and loud huzzas. Like great mountain ranges, rising tier upon tier, the vast buildings of Gotham looked down upon the gallant ship as she turns her course toward the vast and trackless deep. Beautiful somber tints stretch from horizon upward, blending into the deep blue of Heaven’s own firmament. Dainty white caps assail the towering walls of steel that are to be our home for so many days. Bartholdi’s peerless statue, with hand uplifted, seems to cast its benedictions on us as we start for those distant shores to the eastward, and Nature smiles fondly upon us as America’s shores sink lower and lower, back in the direction of dear Bird Center. What joy it is to breathe this ocean air, unsullied by smoke, undefiled by foreign matter. Eyes are flashing with renewed invigoration, hearts are light as the giant of the sea swings into the easy roll of the long Atlantic billows. Spindrift whips by as a great wave, more saucy than its sisters, assails the reeling bow. The splendid craft trembles but goes onward, ever onward, its propellers singing their endless song of struggle. Mr. Figgey, immaculate and white-flanneled, is quite the dressiest passenger on board, and is constantly the cynosure of all eyes. See how he swings along the deck, perfect sailor that he is. Now the rollers batter more furiously, as Mr. Figgey approaches, cigar in mouth, to tell us to get busy and have a good time. The ship rolls and wallows—”
* * * * *
EDITOR’S NOTE—
We regret that only part of this story was mailed to the _Argosy_ in Captain Fry’s handwriting. Evidently the remaining leaves miscarried in the mails. Better luck next time.
J. OSCAR FISHER, Editor Bird Center _Argosy_.
BIRD CENTER AT SEA
BIRD CENTER ABROAD
FOURTH INSTALMENT
THE Editor is pleased to present to the readers of the Bird Center _Argosy_ the following travel-paper from Mr. Gus Figgey, the genial Chicago traveling man who is being accompanied by social leaders of this City in their tour abroad.
J. OSCAR FISHER, Editor.
LONDON, JULY —, 1842
I have dated this back to fit the occasion. Of all the slow burgs, this is the slowest. Had to wait three minutes for an elevator at the hotel and ten minutes longer to reach the sixth floor. I told the Britisher at the desk what the trouble with London was, but he didn’t believe me. Merely raised his eye-brows, but I’ll raise something else if things don’t move along a little faster here before long. Took the bunch out for a ride in a herdic to-day. Saw the Strand, not to be mentioned in the same year with State Street in old Chicag. Elmer Pratt said he reckoned there must be a show in town, judging by the crowd in the streets. Took ’em to see the Alhambra, but Reverend Walpole said it wasn’t a bit like what he thought the Alhambra was like, judging from something he read by Henry Irving. Have had a hard time keeping the folks _en masse_, as the Frenchies say. Mrs. J. Milton wanted to go to a picture gallery to see the Turners, but I told her I’d take her around to the Tivoli and show her some turns that were turns. Reverend Walpole wanted to go to the Westminster Abbey and Saint Paul’s, but from what I heard a man on the steamer say, they are old buildings, out of date and furnished with tombstones. When I want any reading, you’ll have to pass me something livelier than epitaphs. Elmer Pratt wanted to see London Bridge, he heard it was falling down. If there was a Lake Front here, Elmer would be down there looking at the explosion. I took the party down to see Trafalgar’s monument, and pointed it out to them. Have lost Riley Peters and Myrtle Prute, but I suppose they’ll turn up at supper time. We’ve been here two days, and have done the town thoroughly. Leave to-morrow for gay Paris. Can’t hold Smiley Greene. Orville Peters and Wilbur Fry are anxious to get to Venus, where they can play their mandolins on the raging canal. Ernest Pratt is blasé on the trip, having been over here before. Says Europe is an old story to him. Get my name spelled right, Oscar. Be sure to get in the “e.”
GUS FIGGEY.
BIRD CENTER AT LONDON
BIRD CENTER ABROAD
FIFTH INSTALMENT
THE Editor is pleased to present to the readers of the Bird Center _Argosy_ the following travel-paper from Mr. Smiley Greene, our popular undertaker, who is doing Europe with a party of travelers from this city.
J. OSCAR FISHER, Editor.
PARIS, AUGUST.
In Paris, France, at last! France, the gay, the light-hearted; France, the country with a history! Every wall has its tale of war and revolution and death. Placards reading “Defense d’Afficher” mark where notable defenses, back in some dark days of the past, have been made by gallant sons of Gaul. Captain Fry says Gaul is divided into three parts, not counting Gus Figgey. Gus says some one ought to consolidate them into a union. We have been having considerable trouble with the language, as they all speak the foreign tongue here, so that even by shouting at the top of your lungs, you can’t make them understand. Lucile Ramona Brown tried her French on them, but they didn’t even understand that. She seems to get her accents on the wrong words.
Paris never was more beautiful, even although we understand that most of the society people have gone away for the summer. You can’t help pitying these Europeans, for they can’t go abroad for the summer, being already there. Went out to visit the Morgue to-day. Busiest place of its kind I’ve ever seen. Visited Napoleon’s tomb this afternoon, and consider it a most imposing place. Mr. Figgey tells us that the departed is a relative of the new United States Secretary of the Navy, a fact which has aroused great interest in our midst. Yesterday we drove out to witness the Arch of Triumph, which was greatly enjoyed by all save Ernest Pratt, to whom Europe is an old story, he having been here before. To-morrow we go out to view Père la Chaise, the famous cemetery of Paris. It is said that many well-known Frenchmen and French women sleep their last sleep out there, so we have cautioned Gus Figgey to put on the soft pedal for a short spell. Ernest Pratt says Abelard and Hèloise lie there, but whether they are two people or a firm I cannot state. Visited the Louvre yesterday and saw the Venus of Milo, which greatly shocked Elmer Pratt. Gus Figgey says her arms were guillotined during the French Revolution, but be it as it may, she certainly is shy on arms. Orville Peters and Wilbur Fry are eager to get to Venice to while away the hours with dulcet strains from their mandolins, but Ernest Pratt says, “Wait till we see Saint Peter’s.” To-morrow we view the Catacombs and the Cemetery of Montmartre.
Everybody is well and happy. More anon.
SMILEY GREENE.
BIRD CENTER AT PARIS
BIRD CENTER ABROAD
SIXTH INSTALMENT
THE Editor is pleased to present to the readers of the Bird Center _Argosy_ the following travel-paper from Mrs. J. Milton Brown, the wife of J. Milton Brown, the well-known artist of the Bird Center Tintype Studios.
J. OSCAR FISHER, Editor.
VENICE THE ENCHANTING, AUG. —
At last we are in the well-known city of Venice, Italy, about which our fancies have from time immemorial woven the most bewitching dreams. It is hard to realize that we are really here. We instantly exclaim, “Can it really be true that we are in Venice, and not merely dreaming.” Mr. Figgey—he’s so funny—says that we’ll not think we’re dreaming when we get our hotel bill. Mr. Figgey is so material in his attitude of thought, but he has been a perfect dear in arranging things. He doesn’t let us rest a moment, and even now, when we have been here only two days, he seems to know all the gondoliers and everybody in town knows him. He calls all the gondoliers “Louey,” and they begin to grin broadly whenever he comes in sight. We had such a good joke on Elmer Pratt to-day. We came across a little church near the hotel and Elmer went into raptures over it. It’s whole façade was one bewildering nightmare of scroll work and curly cues, like frosting on a wedding cake. Elmer said that he considered it the most beautiful thing he had seen in Europe, and at once looked it up in our Baedeker. The description says that it is the most atrociously ugly building in Europe, and since then Elmer has not admired anything until he has looked in the guide book to see whether it is beautiful.
Last night we engaged some gondolas and did the grand canal. The moon was divine, and the whole city was throbbing with music and sentiment. Mr. Figgey directed the excursion and after a while took charge of the oar or paddle (I don’t know what the real name is) and gave the gondolier some lessons in the work. Smiley Greene sang some rollicking hymns, and then we all clamored for Orville Peters and Wilbur Fry to play on their mandolins. They had carried their instruments all the way from Bird Center and had counted the seconds to the present moment. But scarcely had they begun to play before some men came and said it was not permitted for outsiders to play on the canals. Only those belonging to the Gondoliers’ Union could play. Orville and Wilbur were broken-hearted. We had been out for some time before we discovered that Riley Peters and Myrtle Prute were missing, but, Mr. Figgey soon located them in a gondola by themselves. Riley seems to be in earnest this time, but now could any one help being in earnest, and in love, in Venice. Even all of us become a little bit soft here—even us old married people. Flossye Niebling has been spending all her time writing letters home. The stationery at the hotels is so attractive and she doesn’t want to miss a chance to use it.
From here we go to Rome. We are all well and beautifully tanned.
LUCILE RAMONA BROWN.
BIRD CENTER AT VENICE
BIRD CENTER ABROAD
SEVENTH INSTALMENT
THE Editor is pleased to present to the readers of the Bird Center _Argosy_ the following travel-paper from Mr. Gus Figgey, the genial Chicago traveling gentleman, who is traveling in Europe with society leaders from Bird Center.
J. OSCAR FISHER, Editor.
ROME, AUG. —
This burg isn’t half bad. In some of the new parts of town you’d think you were in Chicago. They have buildings here eight and ten stories high, and the old fogy part of the city is fast disappearing. A good hustling Commissioner of Public Works could soon make Rome look as up-to-date as any of our American cities. Rome is only about a third as big as Chicago, although it was started long before. To-day we did two miles of picture galleries and saw paintings which, if put together, would make one painting a mile square. I priced some of them but didn’t buy. Reverend Walpole has been right in his element here and has visited about ninety-seven churches. Smiley Greene has spent most of his time in the Catacombs and J. Milton Brown and Lucile have reveled in art. The party is all split up. They refused to go out to the Race Track with me, and I have had a hard time entertaining them. Yesterday we all went in a bunch to see St. Peter’s. Say, there’s a building for you. Ernest Pratt says it’s the greatest building in the world, and he’s been in Europe before. I guess he saw it when it was new; for now it is showing signs of age. When I got the crowd in front of the church, I had ’em stand all in a row while I went on in front to give ’em an idea of how big the building really is. You can’t realize its size until you compare it with a man standing at the door. They were much surprised to see how small I looked.
To-morrow we sail from Naples for New York, and before many days you will see us drifting into Bird Center, all sound and well. Riley Peters and Myrtle Prute are engaged. Venice and the moon did it. Riley’s hot stuff, all right.
MR. GUS FIGGEY.
BIRD CENTER AT ROME
NEW YORK AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
KENTUCKY AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
INDIANA AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
MICHIGAN AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
ILLINOIS AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
WISCONSIN AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
COLORADO AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
UTAH AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
TEXAS AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
OHIO AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
MISSISSIPPI AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
NEW JERSEY AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
KANSAS AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
SOUTH DAKOTA AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
CALIFORNIA AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
ALASKA AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
MASSACHUSETTS AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
IOWA AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
NEVADA AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
PENNSYLVANIA AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR
I—CAN GOV. YATES GET BACK IN TIME TO HEAD OFF THE DENEEN BOOM?
BEING THE ADVENTURES OF OUR GOVERNOR, WHO, WHILE TRAVELING IN FOREIGN LANDS HEARD OF THE REMARKABLE GROWTH OF DENEEN’S BOOM FOR GOVERNOR. HE RESOLVED AT ONCE TO FLY TO THE RESCUE, AND, WITH HIS GALLANT STAFF OF COLONELS, HE BOLDLY SET FORTH ON THE LONG AND PERILOUS RIDE
II—GOV. YATES’ WILD DASH FROM EUROPE TO HEAD OFF THE DEENEN BOOM
III—GOV. YATES’ WILD DASH FROM EUROPE TO HEAD OFF THE DENEEN BOOM
THE DEATH OF POPE LEO
● Transcriber’s Notes: ○ Missing or obscured punctuation was silently corrected. ○ Typographical errors were silently corrected. ○ Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation were made consistent only when a predominant form was found in this book. ○ Text that was in italics is enclosed by underscores (_italics_).
End of Project Gutenberg's The Mysterious Stranger, by John T. McCutcheon