The 'Mind the Paint' Girl: A Comedy in Four Acts
Chapter 1
Produced by Louise Hope, Branko Collin and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
[Transcriber's Note:
The HTML version of this e-text includes the third-act song ("If you would only, only love me") in three forms: raw lilypond (.ly extension, can be converted to other formats), .pdf (image), and MIDI file. Some sites will allow you to download these files individually; if so, look in the "files" directory associated with the HTML text.
The published play did not include music for the title song ("Mind the Paint"), sung in Act I.
Errors are listed at the end of the e-text.]
THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL
_The Plays of Arthur W. Pinero_
Paper cover, 1s 6d; cloth, 2s 6d each
THE TIMES THE PROFLIGATE THE CABINET MINISTER THE HOBBY-HORSE LADY BOUNTIFUL THE MAGISTRATE DANDY DICK SWEET LAVENDER THE SCHOOLMISTRESS THE WEAKER SEX THE AMAZONS * THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITH THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT THE PRINCESS AND THE BUTTERFLY TRELAWNY OF THE "WELLS" + THE GAY LORD QUEX IRIS LETTY A WIFE WITHOUT A SMILE HIS HOUSE IN ORDER THE THUNDERBOLT MID-CHANNEL PRESERVING MR. PANMURE THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL
* This Play can be had in library form, 4to, cloth, with a portrait, 5s.
+ A Limited Edition of this play on hand-made paper, with a new portrait, 10s net.
THE PINERO BIRTHDAY BOOK Selected and Arranged by MYRA HAMILTON With a Portrait, cloth extra, price 2s 6d.
_London: William Heinemann_
THE
"MIND THE PAINT"
GIRL
_A COMEDY_ _In Four Acts_ _By ARTHUR PINERO_
London: William Heinemann MCMXIII
_Copyright 1912_ _by Arthur Pinero_
_This play was produced in London, at the Duke of York's Theatre, on Saturday, February 17, 1912; in New York, at the New Lyceum Theatre, on Monday, September 9, 1912; and in Germany, at the Stadttheater in Mainz, on Monday, January 13, 1913_
_The Persons of the Play_
VISCOUNT FARNCOMBE COLONEL THE HON. ARTHUR STIDULPH BARON VON RETTENMAYER CAPTAIN NICHOLAS JEYES LIONEL ROPER SAM DE CASTRO HERBERT FULKERSON STEWART HENEAGE GERALD GRIMWOOD CARLTON SMYTHE (_Manager of the Pandora Theatre_) DOUGLAS GLYNN, ALBERT PALK, } WILFRID TAVISH, and } (_Actors at the Pandora_) SIGISMUND SHIRLEY } VINCENT BLAND (_A Musical Composer, attached to the Pandora_) MORRIS COOLING (_Business Manager at the Pandora_) LUIGI (_Maître d'hôtel at Catani's Restaurant_) WAITERS
THE HON. MRS. ARTHUR STIDULPH (_Formerly, as Dolly Ensor, of the Pandora Theatre_) LILY PARRADELL } JIMMIE BIRCH } GABRIELLE KATO } ENID MONCRIEFF } DAPHNE DURE } (_Of the Pandora_) NITA TREVENNA } FLO CONNIFY } SYBIL DERMOTT } OLGA COOK } EVANGELINE VENTRIS } MRS. UPJOHN (LILY PARRADELL's _mother_) GLADYS (LILY's _parlourmaid_) MAUD (LILY's _maid_)
_The action of the piece takes place in London-- at LILY PARRADELL'S house in Bloomsbury, in the foyer of the Pandora Theatre, and again at LILY'S house._
_The curtain will be lowered for a few moments in the course of the Second Act._
_The following advertisements are to appear conspicuously in the programme._
MIND THE PAINT (the complete song), words by D'Arcy Wingate, music by Vincent Bland, as originally sung by Miss LILY PARRADELL at the Pandora Theatre in the Musical Play of "THE DUCHESS OF BRIXTON," may be obtained from Messrs. Church and Co. (Ltd.), Music Publishers, 181 New Bond Street.
AFTER THE THEATRE. CATANI'S RESTAURANT, 459 Strand. Best _cuisine_ in London. Milanese Band. Private Rooms. Urbano Catani, Sole Proprietor. Tel.: 10,337 Gerrard.
THE "MIND THE PAINT" GIRL
THE FIRST ACT
_The scene is a drawing-room, prettily but somewhat showily decorated. The walls are papered with a design representing large clusters of white and purple lilac. The furniture is covered with a chintz of similar pattern, and the curtains, carpet, and lamp-shades correspond._
_In the wall facing the spectator are two windows, and midway between the windows there is the entrance to a conservatory. The conservatory, which is seen beyond, is of the kind that is built out over the portico of a front-door, and is plentifully stocked with flowers and hung with a velarium and green sun-blinds. In the right-hand wall there is another window and, nearer the spectator, a console-table supporting a high mirror; and in the wall on the left, opposite the console-table, there is a double-door opening into the room, the further half of which only is used._
_In the entrance to the conservatory, to the right, there is a low, oblong tea-table at which are placed three small chairs; and near-by, on the left, are a grand-piano and a music-stool. Against the piano there is a settee, and on the extreme left, below the door, there is an arm-chair with a little round table beside it. At the right-hand window in the wall at the back is another settee, and facing this window and settee there is a smaller arm-chair._
_Not far from the fire-place there is a writing-table with a telephone-instrument upon it. A chair stands at the writing-table, its back to the window in the wall on the right; and in front of the table, opposing the settee by the piano, there is a third settee. On the left of this settee, almost in the middle of the room, is an arm-chair; and closer to the settee, on its right, are two more arm-chairs. Other articles of furniture-- a cabinet, "occasional" chairs, etc., etc.-- occupy spaces against the walls._
_On the piano, on the console-table and cabinet, on the settee at the back, on the round table, and upon the floor, stand huge baskets of flowers, and other handsome floral devices in various forms, with cards attached to them; and lying higgledy-piggledy upon the writing-table are a heap of small packages, several little cases containing jewellery, and a litter of paper and string. The packages and the cases of jewellery are also accompanied by cards or letters._
_A fierce sunlight streams down upon the velarium, and through the green blinds, in the conservatory._
[_Note: Throughout, "right" and "left" are the spectators' right and left, not the actor's._]
[_LORD FARNCOMBE, his gloves in his hand, is seated in the arm-chair in the middle of the room. He is a simple-mannered, immaculately dressed young man in his early twenties, his bearing and appearance suggesting the soldier. He rises expectantly as GLADYS, a flashy parlourmaid in a uniform, shows in LIONEL ROPER, a middle-aged individual of the type of the second-class City man._
ROPER.
[_To FARNCOMBE._] Hul-lo! I'm in luck! Just the chap I'm hunting for. [_Shaking hands with FARNCOMBE._] How d'ye do, Lord Farncombe?
FARNCOMBE.
How are you, Roper?
GLADYS.
[_To ROPER, languidly._] I'll tell Mrs. Upjohn you're here.
ROPER.
Ta. [_GLADYS withdraws._] Phew, it's hot!
FARNCOMBE.
Miss Parradell's out.
ROPER.
[_Taking off his gloves._] She won't be long, I dare say.
FARNCOMBE.
I've brought her a few flowers.
ROPER.
Have you? I've sent her a trifle of jewellery.
FARNCOMBE.
[_Glancing at the writing-table._] She seems to have received a lot of jewellery.
ROPER.
[_Bustling across to the table._] By Jove, doesn't she! Ah, there's my brooch!
FARNCOMBE.
[_Modestly._] I didn't consider I'd a right to offer her anything but flowers, on so slight an acquaintance.
ROPER.
Exactly; but I'm an old friend, you know. [_Turning to FARNCOMBE._] Perhaps, by her next birthday----
FARNCOMBE.
[_Smiling._] I hope so.
ROPER.
[_Approaching FARNCOMBE and taking him by the lapel of his coat._] What I want to say to you is, doing anything to-night?
FARNCOMBE.
I-- I shall be at the theatre.
ROPER.
Oh, we shall all be at the theatre, to shout Many Happy Returns. Later, I mean.
FARNCOMBE.
Nothing that I can't get out of.
ROPER.
Good. Look here. Smythe is giving her a bit of supper in the foyer after the show, a dance on the stage to follow. About five-and-twenty people. 'Ull you come?
FARNCOMBE.
If Mr. Smythe is kind enough to ask me----
ROPER.
He _does_ ask you, through me. He's left all the arrangements to me and Morrie Cooling. Carlton never did anything in his life; _I_ egged him on to this. I've been sweating at it since eleven o'clock this morning. Haven't been near the City; not near it. Well?
FARNCOMBE.
[_His eyes glowing._] I shall be delighted.
ROPER.
Splendid. Been trying to get on to you all day. I've called twice at your club and at St. James's Place.
FARNCOMBE.
Sorry you've had so much trouble.
ROPER.
[_Dropping on to the settee in front of the writing-table and wiping his brow._] There'll be the Baron, Sam de Castro, Bertie Fulkerson, Stew Heneage, Jerry Grimwood, Dwarf Kennedy, Colonel and Mrs. Stidulph-- Dolly Ensor that was-- and ourselves, besides Cooling and Vincent Bland and the pick o' the Company. Catani does the food and drink. I don't believe I've forgotten a single thing. [_With a change of tone, pointing to the arm-chair in the middle of the room._] Sit down a minute. [_FARNCOMBE sits and ROPER edges nearer to him._] Are you going to wait to see Lily this afternoon?
FARNCOMBE.
I-- I should like to.
ROPER.
Because if Jeyes should happen to drop in while you're here----
FARNCOMBE.
Captain Jeyes?
ROPER.
Nicko Jeyes-- or if you knock up against him to-night at the theatre-- mum about this.
FARNCOMBE.
About the supper?
ROPER.
[_Nodding._] Um. We don't want Nicko Jeyes; we simply don't want him. And if he heard that you and some of the boys are coming, he might wonder why _he_ isn't included.
FARNCOMBE.
He strikes me as being rather a surly, ill-conditioned person.
ROPER.
A regular loafer.
FARNCOMBE.
He appears to live at Catani's. I never go there without meeting him.
ROPER.
Exactly. Catani's and a top, back bedroom in Jermyn Street, and hanging about the Pandora; that's Nicko Jeyes's life.
FARNCOMBE.
_He's_ an old friend of Mrs. Upjohn's and Miss Parradell's too, isn't he?
ROPER.
[_Evasively._] Known 'em some time. That's _it_; Lily's so faithful to her old friends.
FARNCOMBE.
[_Smiling._] _You_ oughtn't to complain of that.
ROPER.
Oh, but I'm a _real_ friend. I've always been a patron of the musical drama-- it's my fad; and I've kept an eye on Lily from the moment she sprang into prominence-- [_singing_] "Mind the paint! Mind the paint!" --looked after her like a father. Uncle Lal she calls me. [_Reassuringly._] I'm a married man, you know; [_FARNCOMBE nods_] but the wife has plenty to occupy her with the kids and she leaves the drama to me. She prefers Bexhill. [_Leaning forward and speaking with great earnestness._] Farncombe, what a charming creature!
FARNCOMBE.
[_Innocently._] Mrs. Roper?
ROPER.
No, no, no; Lily. [_Hastily._] Oh, and so's my missus, for that matter, when she chooses. But Lily Upjohn----!
FARNCOMBE.
[_In a low voice._] Beautiful; perfectly beautiful.
ROPER.
Yes, and as good as she's beautiful; you take it from me. [_With a wave of the hand._] Well, if you see Jeyes, you won't----?
FARNCOMBE.
Not a word.
ROPER.
[_Rising and walking away to the left._] I've warned the others. [_Returning to FARNCOMBE who has also risen._] By-the-bye, if Lily should mention the supper in the course of conversation, remember, _she's_ not in the conspiracy.
FARNCOMBE.
Conspiracy?
ROPER.
To shunt Nicko. We're letting her think there are to be no outsiders.
FARNCOMBE.
[_Becoming slightly puzzled by ROPER'S manner._] Why, would she very much like Captain Jeyes to be asked?
ROPER.
[_Rather impatiently._] Haven't I told you, once you're a friend of Lil's----! [_Looking towards the door._] Is this Ma? [_MRS. UPJOHN enters._] Hul-lo, Ma!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_A podgy little, gaily dressed woman of five-and-fifty with a stupid, good-humoured face._] 'Ullo, Uncle!
ROPER.
Lord Farncombe----
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Advancing and shaking hands with FARNCOMBE._] Glad to see you 'ere again. You _'ave_ been before, 'aven't you?
FARNCOMBE.
Last week.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Of course; you came with Mr. Bertie Fulkerson. But somebody or other's always poppin' in. [_Pleasantly._] Lil sees too many, _I_ say. It's tirin' for 'er. Won't you set?
ROPER.
Lord Farncombe's brought Lily some flowers, Ma. [_To FARNCOMBE._] Where are they?
FARNCOMBE.
[_Who, after waiting for MRS. UPJOHN to settle herself upon the settee in front of the writing-table, sits in the chair at the end of the settee-- pointing to a large basket of flowers._] On the piano.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Barely glancing at the flowers._] 'Ow kind of 'im! Sech a waste o' money too! They do go off so quick.
ROPER.
[_Reading the cards attached to the various floral gifts._] Where _is_ Lil?
MRS. UPJOHN.
She's settin' to a risin' young artist in Fitzroy Street-- Claude Morgan. She won't be 'ome till past five. So tirin' for 'er.
ROPER.
Never heard of Morgan.
MRS. UPJOHN.
No, nor anybody else. That's what I tell 'er. Why waste your time givin' settin's to a risin' young artist when the big men 'ud go down on their 'ands and knees to do you? But that's Lil all over. She's the best-natured girl in the world, and so she gets imposed on all round.
FARNCOMBE.
[_Gallantly._] I prophesy that Mr. Morgan's picture of Miss Parradell won't have dried before he's quite famous.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Turning a pair of dull eyes full upon him._] 'Ow do you mean?
FARNCOMBE.
[_Disconcerted._] Er-- I mean--
MRS. UPJOHN.
_Why_ won't it 'ave dried?
FARNCOMBE.
I mean he will have become celebrated _before_ it has dried.
MRS. UPJOHN.
'Is pictures never do dry, you mean?
ROPER.
No, no, Ma!
MRS. UPJOHN.
'Owever, it doesn't matter. 'E isn't even goin' to put 'er name to it.
ROPER.
Why not?
MRS. UPJOHN.
You may well ask. 'E's bent on callin' it "The 'Mind the Paint' Girl."
ROPER.
What's wrong with that? Everybody'll recognise who _that_ is.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Unconvinced._] 'Er name's printed on all 'er photos.
FARNCOMBE.
The first time I had the pleasure of seeing your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Upjohn, a man next to me said, "Here comes the 'Mind the Paint' girl."
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Cheering up._] Oh, well, p'r'aps young Morgan knows 'is own business best. Let's 'ope so, at any rate.
ROPER.
[_By the tea-table, beckoning to FARNCOMBE._] Farncombe----
FARNCOMBE.
[_To ROPER._] Eh? [_To MRS. UPJOHN, rising._] Excuse me.
[_FARNCOMBE joins ROPER, whereupon MRS. UPJOHN goes to the writing-table and, seating herself there, examines the jewellery delightedly._
ROPER.
[_To FARNCOMBE, in a whisper._] Do me a favour.
FARNCOMBE.
Certainly.
ROPER.
[_Looking at his watch._] It's only half-past four. Take a turn round the Square. I've some business to talk over with the old lady.
FARNCOMBE.
[_Nodding to ROPER and then coming forward and addressing MRS. UPJOHN._] I-- er-- I think I'll go for a little walk and come back later on, if I may.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Contentedly._] Oh, jest as you like.
FARNCOMBE.
[_Moving towards the door._] In about a quarter-of-an-hour.
MRS. UPJOHN.
If we don't see you again, I'll tell Lil you've been 'ere.
FARNCOMBE.
[_At the door._] Oh, but you will; you _will_ see me again.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Well, please yourself and you please your dearest friend, as Lil's dad used to say.
FARNCOMBE.
Thank you-- thank you very much.
[_He disappears, closing the door after him._
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_To ROPER, looking up._] I b'lieve you gave that young man the 'int to go, Uncle.
ROPER.
I did; told him I wanted to talk business with you.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Business? [_Resuming her inspection of the trinkets._] This is a 'andsome thing Mr. Grimwood's sent 'er.
ROPER.
[_His hands in his trouser-pockets, contemplating MRS. UPJOHN desperately._] Upon my soul, Ma, you're a champion!
MRS. UPJOHN.
_Now_ wot 'ave I done!
ROPER.
Well, you might spread yourself a little over young Farncombe.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Spread myself! Why should I?
ROPER.
Lord Farncombe!
MRS. UPJOHN.
I treat 'em all alike; so does Lil. 'E's not the first title we've 'ad 'ere, not by a dozen.
ROPER.
No, but damn it all--! I beg your pardon----
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Beaming._] So you ought-- swearin' like a trooper.
ROPER.
_This_ chap's in love with her.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Oh, they're all in love with 'er; or _'ave_ been, one time or another.
ROPER.
Yes, but they're not all Farncombes and they're not all marrying men. I'm prepared to bet my boots that if Lil and young Farncombe could be thrown together----! [_Sitting on the settee in front of the writing-table as MRS. UPJOHN rises and comes forward._] Here! Do talk it over.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Placidly._] Where's the use o' talkin' it over? It's wastin' one's breath. [_Moving to the settee by the piano._] My Lil doesn't want to marry-- any'ow not yet awhile; she's 'appy and contented as she is. [_Sitting and smoothing out her skirt._] When she does, I s'pose it'll be the Captain.
ROPER.
[_Between his teeth._] The Captain! [_Quietly._] Ma, the day Lil marries Nicko Jeyes, you and she'll see the last o' _me_.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Oh, don't say that, Uncle.
ROPER.
I do say it. The disappointment 'ud be more than I could stand. Selfish, designing beggar!
MRS. UPJOHN.
Now, no low abuse.
ROPER.
A fellow who gets on the soft side of Lil before she's out of her teens-- before she's made any position to speak of; and when she _has_ made a position, and _he's_ practically on his uppers, sticks to her like a limpet!
MRS. UPJOHN.
She sticks to 'im, too. It meant a deal to Lil in 'er 'umble days, reck'lect-- receivin' attentions from a gentleman in the army. She doesn't forget that.
ROPER.
[_Jumping up and walking about._] It's cruel; that's what it is-- it's cruel. Here's Gwennie Harker and Maidie Trevail both married to peers' sons, and Eva Shafto to a baronet-- all of 'em Pandora girls; and Lil-- _she's_ left high and dry, engaged to a nobody! It's cruel!
MRS. UPJOHN.
She's not ackshally engaged.
ROPER.
Ho, ho!
MRS. UPJOHN.
The ideer was, when 'e shirked goin' to India an' gave up soldierin', so as to be near 'er, that 'e should get something to do in London; _then_ they were to be engaged.
ROPER.
[_Sarcastically._] Oh, to be just, I admit he's in no hurry. He's been a whole year looking for something to do in London-- looking for it at Catani's and at the Pandora bars!
MRS. UPJOHN.
'E _'as_ to be on the spot at night, to bring Lil 'ome after 'er work.
ROPER.
Exactly! And when a decent, eligible young chap comes along, and means business, he's choked off by finding Nicko Jeyes in possession. [_Stopping before MRS. UPJOHN._] But, I say!
MRS. UPJOHN.
Wot?
ROPER.
_Farncombe_ hasn't tumbled to it yet.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Indifferently._] 'Asn't 'e?
ROPER.
Bertie Fulkerson's held his tongue about it; so have the other boys who're friends of Farncombe's. _They_ see he's hard hit. [_Enthusiastically._] Oh, they're good boys; they're good, loyal boys! There's not one of them who wouldn't throw up his hat if Nicko got the chuck. [_Suddenly._] Ma!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Startled._] Hey?
ROPER.
[_Dropping his voice._] This little spree to-night at the theatre-- Lil thinks it's to be merely among the members of the Company.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Ain't it?
ROPER.
[_Sitting beside her._] You keep quiet, now. No, it isn't.
MRS. UPJOHN.
'Oo----?
ROPER.
The boys-- and Farncombe.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Disturbed._] Gracious! There'll be an awful fuss with the Captain to-morrer.
ROPER.
[_Snapping his fingers._] Pishhh!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Rising and walking away to the right._] 'E's so 'orribly jealous. When Lil tells 'im 'oo was at the party, there'll be a frightful kick-up!
ROPER.
[_Falling into despondency._] Oh, I dare say I'm a fool for my pains, Ma. Nothing'll come of it. [_Rising and pacing the room again._] Farncombe's as shy as a school-girl; he'd be on a desert island with a pretty woman for a month without squeezing her hand.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_In an altered tone._] Uncle.
ROPER.
Hullo!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Thoughtfully._] _I_ shouldn't raise any objection, bear in mind, if Lil could be weaned away from the Captain and took a fancy to young Farncombe.
ROPER.
Objection!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Sitting on the settee in front of the writing-table._] All said an' done, to be Lady F., with no need to work if you're not disposed to, is better than bein' Mrs. Captain Jeyes an' 'avin' to linger on the stage, p'r'aps, till you drop, to 'elp keep the pot a' boilin'. [_Opening her eyes widely._] Lady F.!
ROPER.
[_Coming to her._] And Countess of Godalming when his father dies.
MRS. UPJOHN.
I s'pose there'd be any amount of unpleasantness with the fam'ly?
ROPER.
[_Disdainfully._] The family!
MRS. UPJOHN.
There's generally a rumpus in sech cases.
ROPER.
Why, Ma, these tiptop families ought to feel jolly grateful that we're mixing the breed for them a bit. Look at the two lads who've married Gwennie Harker and Maidie Trevail-- Kinterton and Glenroy; and Fawcus-- Sir George Fawcus-- Eva Shafto's husband; they haven't a chin or a forehead between 'em, and their chests are as narrow as a ten-inch plank.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Quite true.
ROPER.
Farncombe himself, _he's_ inclined to be weedy. I maintain it's a grand thing for our English nobs that their slips of sons have taken to marrying young women of the stamp of Maidie Trevail and Gwennie Harker-- or Lil; keen-witted young women full of the joy of life, with strong frames, beautiful hair and fine eyes, and healthy pink gums and big white teeth. Sneer at the Pandora girls! Great Scot, it's my belief that the Pandora girls'll be the salvation of the aristocracy in this country in the long run!
[_CAPTAIN NICHOLAS JEYES lounges in. He is a man of about five-and-thirty, already slightly grey-haired, who has gone to seed. ROPER sits in the chair in the middle of the room rather guiltily and MRS. UPJOHN puts on a propitiatory grin._
JEYES.
[_Nodding to MRS. UPJOHN and ROPER as he closes the door._] Afternoon, Mrs. Upjohn. How'r'you, Roper?
MRS. UPJOHN.
Ah, Captain!
ROPER.
Hullo, Nicko!
JEYES.
[_Advancing._] Lily not in?
MRS. UPJOHN.
No; she's in Fitzroy Street, settin' to Morgan.
JEYES.
[_Frowning._] Why didn't she ask me to go with her?
MRS. UPJOHN.
Dun'no, I'm sure. She's took Miss Birch.
JEYES.
[_With a grunt._] Oh? [_Looking round._] Flowers.
MRS. UPJOHN.
'Eaps of 'em, ain't there?
ROPER.
[_Jerking his head towards the writing-table._] Yes, and some nice presents over here.
MRS. UPJOHN.
She's beat 'er record this year, Lil 'as, out an' out.
[_JEYES goes to the writing-table and ROPER and MRS. UPJOHN rise and wander away, the former to the conservatory, the latter to the settee by the piano._
JEYES.
[_Scowling at the presents._] Very nice. [_Picking up a case of jewellery._] Ve-ry nice. [_Throwing the case down angrily._] Confound 'em, what the devil do they take her for!
ROPER.
[_At the entrance to the conservatory._] I may remark that one of those gifts is from _me_, Jeyes.
JEYES.
Oh, I'm not alluding to _you_.
ROPER.
[_Stiffly._] Much obliged.
JEYES.
[_Coming forward and addressing MRS. UPJOHN._] I've called in to ask Lily whether she'll come out to supper with me to-night, to Catani's, to celebrate her birthday. Luigi's decorating a table for me specially. Mr. and Mrs. Linthorne'll come, and Jack Wethered. [_To ROPER._] Are you free, Roper? [_MRS. UPJOHN sits uneasily on the settee by the piano and ROPER finds some object to interest him near the tea-table._] I suppose it's no good asking _you_, Mrs. Upjohn?
MRS. UPJOHN.
N-n-o, thank you, Captain, and I-- I'm afraid----
JEYES.
Afraid----?
MRS. UPJOHN.
I'm afraid Lil can't manage it either.
JEYES.
Why not?
MRS. UPJOHN.
I-- I'm surprised she didn't mention it to you 'erself when you brought 'er 'ome last night.
JEYES.
Mention what?
MRS. UPJOHN.
They're givin' 'er a supper to-night at the theatre.
JEYES.