The Ghost Breaker: A Melodramatic Farce in Four Acts
Chapter 5
SCENE: _The Hall of the Knights, in the haunted castle. On walls a few old weapons, thick dust everywhere. Moonlight streams through round window high in wall_ R., _striking picture. Curtain rises slowly while orchestra plays "I Dreamed I Dwelt in Marble Halls." Wind moans through grated windows, rats squeal and cross moonlight on floor; light flickers on tower wall._
(_Enter_ JARVIS _from door_ L. _with lantern unlit--turns and calls cautiously._)
JARVIS. Come on in, Rusty. (_Enter_ RUSTY _with lighted lantern_.) They've been in this room. Do you smell that, Rusty? (_Cross_ R.)
RUSTY. (L.C.) Marse Warren, I'm so scared I can't smell nothin'.
JARVIS. The room's full of it--somebody's been carrying a smoky lantern. (_Dull thud off left._)
RUSTY. Good God Almighty, what's that? (JARVIS _crosses_ R.C. _over table, lights lantern and then stands looking around room._) I want to go home! (_Put lantern down_ C.)
JARVIS. (_Looking about_) We've been in this room before.
RUSTY. Is this where that poundin' came from? (_Cross_ C. _to Jarvis_.)
JARVIS. I reckon that pounding and the smoky lanterns went together. (RUSTY _sees armor on stairs; backs into_ JARVIS _and sinks to knees; head on floor_.)
RUSTY. O---- oh!
JARVIS. (_Whirls with gun drawn_) What's the matter?
RUSTY. (_Pointing to armor on stairs_) Look--look--look at them big black things--see 'em standin' there?
JARVIS. (_Laughing; putting away gun_) These are the same black things that scared you before--don't you remember?
RUSTY. I'm so scared I can't remember anything!
JARVIS. They're nothing but suits of armor. Get up on your pins and don't you bump me again. (RUSTY _rises_.) The next one of those rear-end collisions and I'm liable to let some moonlight into you. You've been treading on my heels ever since we came in here, and when I stop you bump into me.
RUSTY. I'm powerful scared I might lose you!
JARVIS. A fine chance! (_Looking about._) Well, Rusty, we've been through this old castle pretty thoroughly now, from dungeon to tower, and not a sign of the Prince or the Duke or any one else, unless they pound or carry a smoky lantern. It's a clue, Rusty, it's a clue. We'll stick right here till we find out where it leads. I'll swear the Duke never went to Madrid, but came straight here from the inn. (JARVIS _crosses to fireplace_ R. RUSTY _follows_.) Get away from me. (_Strikes a match and holds in chimney._) There's a fine chance for a fire. Good, it draws. The chimney's clear. Now, then, bust up the table and start a fire.
RUSTY. How can I break it? Oh, it's rotten!
JARVIS. You won't feel half so scared with a good blaze behind you. (RUSTY _picks up pieces of table_.) I'll scout around a bit.
RUSTY. (_Drops pieces of table_) Don't you do no scoutin' outside this room!
JARVIS. Well, come on, Rusty--get busy and build that fire.
RUSTY. (_Dropping to floor and begins fussing with foot_) Just as soon as I get this here shoe off.
JARVIS. (_Looking at him_) What's the matter with your shoes? (_Cross_ L.C.)
RUSTY. 'Tain't my shoe--it's my foot. You know I was holdin' them horses and waitin' and waitin' for you to come out. Dem guns went off and all dem horses jumped right on me.
JARVIS. There were only two horses, Rusty.
RUSTY. I was countin' their feet.
JARVIS. Well, tie up your shoe and get busy. (_Looking around._)
RUSTY. Yas, sir. (_Rises, picks up pieces of table, crosses to fireplace._)
JARVIS. This room was probably used as a banquet hall.
RUSTY. (_Gathering up few pieces of table and taking them to fireplace, puts them on fire; looks up_) Yeah--when we goin' to eat?
JARVIS. Not till we have finished this job.
RUSTY. (_Putting pieces of table on fire--still at fireplace, back to audience_) Tuesday--Wednesday--Thursday---- Ah can't wait no longer than Saturday. (_Strikes match and lights fire. Glow from fire._)
JARVIS. (_Runs up steps at back, looking left_) That way leads through those two long rooms to the postern gate.
RUSTY. (_Looking up_) That's where that black thing followed me. (_Crosses to_ JARVIS L.C. _slowly_.)
JARVIS. Well, a black thing followed me, treading on my heels every step I've taken.
RUSTY. Oh, I couldn't see where I was steppin'.
JARVIS. (_Looking about_) That goes to the Armory.
RUSTY. (L.C. JARVIS _on steps_) Ah seen eyes in there, and a cold, grimy, green, slimy smell in there. Ain't that where that broad-faced bird flew at me and I fell down them slippery stairs?
JARVIS. (_Laughing_) That broad-faced bird was an owl, Rusty--just a common, ordinary owl. You know what an owl is.
RUSTY. O--ooh--ooh!
JARVIS. (_Sees door_ R.C.) Where can that door lead to? That's it. (JARVIS _goes to the door in_ R.C. _Steps on trap and falls suddenly._) Wow! That was a close one. (_Lantern goes out._)
RUSTY. (_Advancing_) Lord, Marse Warren, what is it? (_Starts up to Jarvis._)
JARVIS. Get back! Give me that lantern. (RUSTY _hands lantern_.) Give me your hand. Can you hold me? (RUSTY _holds out hand and_ JARVIS _cautiously steps on trap door; it sinks and other end rises_.) God! I thought so. Water and a long drop! No wonder people disappear in this castle. Good Lord, what if her brother went down there? Rusty, whatever happens, keep clear of this. If you step on this you will never see Kentucky again for sure. (_Groan heard off left._)
RUSTY. Did you hear that groan? (_Wind changes to low moan._)
JARVIS. Groan---- There it is again. It sounded just like a man.
RUSTY. Ough! Ough!
JARVIS. Shut up! (_Crosses to_ L.C.)
RUSTY. Marse Warren--look out!
JARVIS. Listen! (_Crosses and stands moment at door. Wind moans._) I guess it's the wind. (_He crosses to fireplace._) This place is getting on my nerves.
RUSTY. (R.C.) That wasn't no wind, Marse Warren. Ah hope to die if that wasn't a sure enough human groan. (_He looks at picture_ L.) And Ah want to tell you som'pin' else. Have you ever been in church or somewhere and all of a sudden a feelin' come over you that there was eyes a-starin' at the back of your head? You just knowed it--until you couldn't stand it no longer, and just turned around and see who it was?
JARVIS. Why, yes, Rusty, I have had that happen. Why?
RUSTY. That's just the way I feel now, like there was eyes a-lookin' at me. (_Turns to picture._) You see that picture? Seems like that feller was lookin' at me--like he'd step right out of the frame. (_He points to armor on steps._) Or them two battleship boogies--just jump right down here.
JARVIS. It's been a good many years since those boys jumped, Rusty. (_Noise off stage of running._) Hark! Listen! (_He crosses to_ L.C., _pistol drawn; stands listening._) Somebody's running--coming this way---- (_Dull thud at back._)
RUSTY. I want to go home!
JARVIS. What do you know about that?
RUSTY. I don't want to know nothin' about it.
JARVIS. I thought so.
RUSTY. What is it?
JARVIS. The man with a smoky lantern has been up those stairs.
RUSTY. You ain't goin' up there, is you?
JARVIS. I am not--because the Duke or some of his men are probably waiting for me at the top of the stairs with a big long gun, and I'm no book hero.
RUSTY. Suppose it's the Prince?
JARVIS. Well, suppose it is the Prince. He might blow my head off, because he doesn't know what I came here for--and if it's someone else, they'll blow my head off, because they do know.
RUSTY. (_Looks at ceiling and following supposed sounds with head_ R.C.) Sounds like somebody was runnin' round.
JARVIS. (C.) They're trying to scare us, Rusty. They're probably watching every move we make. That's where that pounding comes from. Why don't they shoot? They're trying to scare us, like they did the poor boobs down in the village. (RUSTY _crosses to fireplace_.) They want to get us out of here. They want to get us out of this room. Rusty, someone was working in the room. Now, where was he working? Where was he----
RUSTY. (_Meanwhile has crossed to mantel and picked up hammer and chisel_) Look here, Marse Warren--look y'ere! (_A few steps from fireplace._)
JARVIS. (_Crossing to_ RUSTY) What is it, Rusty?
RUSTY. (_Handing them to_ JARVIS) Look at them.
JARVIS. Where did you find them, Rusty?
RUSTY. (_Pointing to mantel_) Up there.
JARVIS. Good boy, Rusty! Now I'll tell you something. These are his tools. Someone was working in this room, so we've beaten him to it. Now, where was he working? (_Hands on floor._) Mortar on floor. (_Hands on mantel._) Mortar on the mantel----(_Puts down tools, looking up and pointing._) Look at that! That's where he was working, Rusty, and we've beat him to it--we've beat him!
(_Long pause. Both turn simultaneously and look at picture._ JARVIS _draws revolver_. RUSTY _turns to_ JARVIS _and sees that he looks at picture_.)
RUSTY. (_Scared voice_) Did you feel that, too?
(JARVIS _crosses slowly and cautiously to picture; feels all around picture and lights a match to examine it; passes light all around frame_.)
JARVIS. (_Backing away_) By God, that's weird! You could feel that just as plain---- (_Backs to steps and sits on balustrade, over which figure in armor is standing._) By God, that's weird! (_In awed voice. Figure in armor raises sword slowly directly behind_ JARVIS.)
RUSTY. (_Looking at picture_) It sure is, Marse Warren, it sure is---- (RUSTY _turns just in time to see sword raised above Jarvis' head; screams_) Look out! (_Ducks behind table in turret_ R. _Fight then takes place between figure in armor and_ JARVIS. _Figure finally gets on trap_ R.C. _and disappears out of sight_.) Where is he? (_From behind hiding-place._)
JARVIS. Water and a long drop. There's another of the Duke's men gone to hell.
RUSTY. I knowed them battleship boogies was spooks.
JARVIS. (Picks up sword man in armor dropped; C.) We'll just take a look at this other fellow. (_He goes to make a swipe at figure on other side of stairs--sees_ RUSTY.) What's the matter? Are you scared?
RUSTY. You can't scare me--I'm scared already.
(JARVIS _makes feint at figure. No response; feints again, as though to strike, meaning to draw man out if he is in armor; no response; goes up steps, knocks armor over._)
JARVIS. I guess he's harmless. (_Drops sword at foot of steps._)
RUSTY. A--ah! (_Running up steps and picking up armor._) I'll just fix him so he won't jump no more! (_Cross to trap._)
JARVIS. What are you going to do?
RUSTY. I'm going to sink this other battleship!
JARVIS. Hold on--wait a minute. I reckon we can use that. It takes a thief to catch a thief, they say. We'll just outspook Mr. Ghost. Now, come on, Rusty. Get into this hardware as fast as you can.
RUSTY. Marse Warren, I don't want to be no spook!
JARVIS. Listen! Somebody was working in this room. It's a cinch that the treasure is here, and it's a bigger cinch he'll come back to get it when we've gone.
RUSTY. You ain't going to leave me here alone?
JARVIS. Sure, I'm going to put you in this, so you can watch. I'm going to make a bluff that we're both gone. You'll be as safe as a church in this. No one would ever think of looking for one of us in this armor. You watch, and when he starts to work, then yell your head off.
RUSTY. I'll yell so loud they will hear me in Kentucky.
JARVIS. You give your best yell, and then I'll nail him.
RUSTY. If you don't nail him--he'll nail me!
(_Business_ JARVIS _putting armor on_ RUSTY. _Breastplate, back and legs are put on together; belt fastened around waist first, then legs; next collar; then arms; last helmet; this done during the following dialogue._)
RUSTY. Marse Warren, you must think a heap of Miss Princess to go prowling around in this boogy house in the dark.
JARVIS. What makes you think that?
RUSTY. Marse Warren, I knowed you since you was a baby.
JARVIS. What's that got to do with it?
RUSTY. She 'gin you that jewelry that's hanging round your neck, didn't she? She's kind of crazy about you, too, ain't she?
JARVIS. How do you know?
RUSTY. Aw--I know, all right.
JARVIS. But how do you know?
RUSTY. Waal, I'm goin' to tell you, and then you'll know how I know. Just before them horses all jumped on me, when I was waitin' for you in the road, I heard a window go up, slap, and there was the Princess a-lookin' at the moon, just like a picture in the moonlight; just a-lookin' at the moon, and she says--she says----
JARVIS. What did she say?
RUSTY. Well, no lady never talks that way at the moon unless she's in love.
JARVIS. What did she say?
RUSTY. She says--looking at the moon, she says, "The world has begun all over again for me." And then she went right on and says, "God be with you, my American!" I'm the only American around here 'cept you, Marse Warren.
JARVIS. You heard her say that? God bless you for that, Rusty! (_With helmet in hand._) Here, put your head into this Stetson.
RUSTY. Oh! Oh!
JARVIS. What's the matter?
RUSTY. Full of spider webs.
(JARVIS _puts helmet on again_.)
JARVIS. Gloves--here. How do you feel?
RUSTY. All in. Do I look like a spook?
JARVIS. You're a wonderful sight! (_Pushing him away._) Now, Rusty, get over here. Where is your sword? (JARVIS _down steps_; RUSTY _sneezes_.) I never heard of a ghost sneezing before.
RUSTY. Marse Warren, I'm catching cold.
JARVIS. (_Up steps to_ RUSTY) Now, Rusty, keep your ears and eyes open. Don't move a muscle. If any one comes, yell your head off, but don't sneeze.
RUSTY. Marse Warren, I want to go home!
JARVIS. We haven't any home, Rusty.
RUSTY. Marse Warren, I don't ever expect to get out of this boogy house nohow. (_Call is heard off stage_ L.)
JARVIS. Well, Rusty, there is something. (_Faint call heard; very indistinct._) What's that? I'd almost swear that was a call or a groan. (_Another call_; JARVIS _blows out lantern_.) There it is again. (_Light is thrown on door as by someone carrying lantern. Pause._) Hark! Listen! There's a light, Rusty. It's coming this way. It's coming, Rusty! It's coming back. Remember the high sign, Rusty, and don't sneeze.
(JARVIS _hides above door_ L. _Enter_ DOLORES _and the_ PRINCESS _and_ MAXIMO _carrying lantern_ D.L., _cautiously coming forward._)
DOLORES. No one here either, your Highness. (_Cross stage_ R.C.)
PRINCESS. (C.) We must go on, Dolores. We must find him before it's too late. Oh, I never will forgive myself for sending him to this dreadful place!
DOLORES. (_Cross to fire_) Look! Here is a fire. They've been in this room. (MAXIMO _comes across at back with lighted lantern to_ R.C.)
PRINCESS. Perhaps they have already been killed.
JARVIS. Your Highness! (L.C.)
PRINCESS. Mr. Warren--Mr. Warren! Thank God you are still alive!
JARVIS. Your Highness--it's madness for you to come to this place. How did you get here?
PRINCESS. (_Crossing toward him_) Heaven only knows. We have been wandering through this dreadful place for hours, calling to you--trying to find you before it was too late.
JARVIS. Too late? What do you mean?
PRINCESS. My brother is safe, thank God!
JARVIS. Where is he?
PRINCESS. On his way to get help from the King.
JARVIS. Where has he been?
PRINCESS. Right here in this castle, a prisoner--since the day he entered.
JARVIS. A prisoner?
PRINCESS. Yes, he succeeded in making his escape tonight, and has gone direct to the King for help.
JARVIS. How did you learn this?
DOLORES. (C.) From Robledo. Your bullet went straight, Senor. He is dying. He confessed to the Holy Father. I promised to be with him at the end. (_Weeps._)
JARVIS. (_Crosses to_ DOLORES, C.) The end---- (_Realizing_ DOLORES _cared for Robledo._) Then--you---- I didn't know. I might have---- I'm sorry.
DOLORES. 'Tis better so, Senor. My Prince still lives. (JARVIS _steps back_ C.)
PRINCESS. (_Cross to_ DOLORES) Oh, Dolores, my poor child! Maximo, take her back to the inn as quietly as possible. (_They exit._) Oh, Mr. Warren, let us leave this dreadful place!
JARVIS. Not I, your Highness. You go with them, and wait for me at the inn.
PRINCESS. You cannot persuade me again, Mr. Warren. I will remain.
JARVIS. Please.
PRINCESS. Return with us, then.
JARVIS. Your Highness, I promised to solve the mystery of this castle and to find the treasure. My task is an easy one now.
PRINCESS. Then I will share it with you.
JARVIS. And you groped your way through this old castle to find me. You are game.
PRINCESS. You faced death, perhaps, for me.
JARVIS. You're trembling--you're frightened--you're cold--your hands are cold!
PRINCESS. Oh, I'm not----
(JARVIS _takes_ PRINCESS _to fire; she sits._)
JARVIS. Come over here. You must have been scared to death prowling through the blackness.
PRINCESS. Every nerve of my body is on edge with the happenings of this dreadful place!
JARVIS. Oh, don't cry! Go on, then--cry--cry--cry some more. Just forget you are a Princess and cry, that's it. That's fine. I'll round up this spook tonight for good, and then the vassal's task is done. His fate is in your hands, Highness. What's to become of him? (_Love scene._) Don't send me away. I've loved you from the first, and I shall always love you. I'm no Prince or Duke. I know I'm just a plain American citizen, a man--and all the man in me cries out that I love you! Don't send me away.
PRINCESS. You must go.
JARVIS. You're going to send me away?
PRINCESS. Yes, you must leave Spain. Your life would never be safe here. (DUKE _sneezes from behind picture_.)
PRINCESS. What was that? (_She goes to lower end of fireplace_; JARVIS R.C.)
JARVIS. Oh, see, that--that's Rusty.
PRINCESS. That would frighten anyone.
JARVIS. I figured that I might need a ghost myself, but Rusty disobeyed orders. Rusty, I told you not to sneeze.
RUSTY. Dat was somebody else, Marse Warren! I didn't sneeze!
PRINCESS. Mr. Warren.
JARVIS. Don't move. Your Highness, I've got your ghost at last. (_Pointing gun at picture._) There is somebody behind that picture! Come out, or I'll shoot you full of holes.
DUKE. (_Lights at window change to red._ DUKE _coming out_) Don't shoot.
JARVIS. (C.) Your Excellency, you're a long way from Madrid.
DUKE. Madrid---- You fool, you have fallen right into the trap. (_Crosses_ C.) What I have done has been for your sake, Maria. I purposely deceived him, so that I might get here ahead of him and watch. See, there are his tools. (_Crosses_ R.) And you yourself interrupted him at his work. (_Points over mantel._)
JARVIS. That's an unlucky gesture. How did you know the treasure was there?
DUKE. That's where you were working.
JARVIS. You forgot I have never seen the memorandum.
DUKE. Until you stole it. Can't you see, Maria?
PRINCESS. Yes, one of you two stole the locket.
JARVIS. Which one of us two? (_Walking over to_ DUKE.) You can't lie yourself out of this. Twice tonight you tried to have me murdered. Why didn't you have the nerve to come out in the open? I told you all ghosts were cowards--but you haven't got the courage of a rabbit. If it weren't for her, I'd blow your damned head off, and send you down after that other poor devil! You've got him to answer for, sooner or later. Now, see here--give me that locket---- No, give her the locket--or, by the living God, I'll break your---- Come on!
PRINCESS. (_Light outside and first border and foots change to amber_) Carlos!
DUKE. (_Cross to_ C. _and_ PRINCESS; _gives locket_) You play a good game, Mr. Warren. Are all Americans like you?
JARVIS. They all play the game in Kentucky.
DUKE. (_Cross to door_ L.) And I thought all Americans were fools.
JARVIS. I saw that from the first, and it helped.
DUKE. Mr. Warren, take her advice, and return to Kentucky. (_Exit_ L.)
JARVIS. Say, hold on----
PRINCESS. (_Stopping_ JARVIS C.) What kind of a place is Kentucky?
JARVIS. God's good country, lady. Must I go back alone?
PRINCESS. You must go, but you need not go alone.
JARVIS. You mean----? Say it! Say it!
PRINCESS. I love you! (_They embrace._)
SLOW CURTAIN
(_Second Curtain_)
(RUSTY _comes down steps and off_ L.)
* * * * *
STAGE MANAGER'S PLOT