Chapter 2
Some one has said that in the matter of first impression, "appearance is half and the voice is the other half." "Later you will be able to make one forget an unattractive appearance, but we never grow accustomed to a rasping voice." "Nothing in the world is so humiliating as to be a graceful and beautiful woman with a bad voice."
Talkativeness is another "Spot," and a sign of lost control. In public places, especially, it is a sign of ill breeding and bad taste. Good breeding should always keep a woman from loud talk. We must remove the stigma of loudness and coarseness that now rests upon the race. The less a person knows, the bigger noise she generally makes. The big touring car never makes the noise that a motor cycle does, nor does a great steamer make the fuss that a tug boat does. The deep stream is silent while the little brook babbles.
It is exceedingly vulgar to air one's opinions in street cars, railroad cars, or in any public place. A person who really knows anything does not parade his knowledge or his opinions.
While emotional people are generally attractive, yet the habit of the expression of the emotions could be turned to better account.
Lost Motion and Lost Emotion are the two great "wastes" of the race.
One not only enhances her beauty but one is really a Somebody or a Nobody according to the control she has over her mind and body. She must control her emotions as she does her appetite. Excessive emotion debilitates the system. Anger is poison to a woman's system. It causes a chemical action which upsets the stomach. The bite of an angry person is sometimes poisonous, because of this chemical change. A fit of anger may upset the whole digestive system, and may even cause death because blood is taken from the digestive system and many bodily functions cease. Any emotion causes the heart to beat faster.
There is health as well as beauty in self control. Culture is self control. The Colored Girl Beautiful should cultivate reposefulness. A display of emotion or restlessness indicates lost control.
There are only two classes of people who are excusable for disturbing large quantities of air in their movements. These are babies and lunatics, because neither have brain development nor mental control.
The colored girl beautiful must learn to sit still. She must learn to be methodical in order to have resting periods. She needs a few minutes each day for relaxation and repose. If she has not learned to relax, she should change her occupation at different periods of the day. She must train herself not to get excited. She must not quarrel or argue. She must train herself to be temper-immune, and not to permit others to upset her equilibrium.
A real lady never gets visibly angry. Anger drives away friends who really help to make us beautiful by giving us pleasant sensations.
One should be eternally feminine. One should not attempt athletics unless she is sure that her physique will endure this. A strain may wreck one's health and looks. Most women are built like watches--one thing wrong upsets the whole mechanism.
Observing the small courtesies in life makes one charming. Knowledge of the various forms of society etiquette has made many women popular and has placed them in an enviable social position. Real politeness comes from a kind heart, from good impulses and it ranks as a strong beauty point because it illumines the face.
If one is obliged to work out for a living she must remember that habit affects looks. If one is energetic and happy the face will reflect the content. If one shirks her duty and hates her work, her face will reflect discontent; her vital organs will weigh downward and affect her health, and her looks will suffer. One must affect enthusiasm in her work to stimulate the vital organs.
So the real beauty is carved from within and the inward Sculptor is always at work. A girl is her own beauty doctor and can work out her own beauty destiny. She may have everything in life that she wills, if she will only guide this inner workman.
A girl who lives in the back woods may make herself so choice and beautiful in the indescribable way, that her fame will spread miles away. She should bide her time, stay to herself until she has fully improved herself, mind and body, and she will reap her full reward.
Law of Attraction--Vibrations.
Every one of us has a magnet within which attracts others for good or evil, and which is attracted by good or evil. The old philosophers have given us many proverbs to bear out this truth. We have the saying, "Birds of a feather flock together."
The law of vibrations was studied centuries ago by the old wise men.
One attracts the kind of vibrations that one sends out. The Bible also has given us many commandments and injunctions to protect us from ourselves. We are told that one must love if one would be loved; "to cast thy bread upon the waters and it shall return to you," "as ye sow, so shall ye reap."
Whatever is projected returns sooner or later. One may not even send an evil thought as in an anonymous letter, valentine, or register an unexpressed wish without making herself liable to self punishment.
One's personality and thoughts, either good or evil, always surround her, "like a contagious cloud." A strong personality will influence a weaker personality just as a magnet attracts. Many are influenced because they vibrate similarly and many are influenced because they are attractable or weak.
Revivals, riots, political agitations and race prejudices are all evidences of the power of strong projections of thought. Race prejudice is the result of the vibrations of hate and anger sent out by strong minds. The world is what one makes it by the projection of one's thought. The magnetic, energetic, hearty person brings things about because he projects a stronger vibration of thought, will power and personality, whether in a hearty hand shake, sunny smile or display of interest.
By helping others we help ourselves. We must learn to give, give, give, in order to receive.
The sporting element and the under world recognize and fear the laws of vibrations. They know nothing of the laws but they have instinctive recognition of some force, which returns the act. They give because they desire luck. One may always receive help from them because they are afraid to refuse aid.
Washington Irving has said, "Happiness is a reflection." "Everybody's countenance is a mirror transmitting to others, its rays." If one makes a habit of sending out happy, loving thoughts, the face reflects the thought and gains in charm and beauty.
We must teach our minds to act upon the minds of others. We must learn the laws and obey them, that we may send out strong thoughts of peace and love to counteract the overwhelming tide of thought against us.
Love.
There are many kinds of love. There is filial love, platonic love, the love leading to marriage, and the greatest love of all, mother love. Too many desecrate love by regarding it as a pastime, or selling all that passes for it, for favors, attentions and support.
What is love? Many definitions could be given but the best answer is, "Love is the habit of giving the best in us." Some one has said that "Love is the easiest thing to make and the hardest to keep."
So much of the life force is wasted because people imagine they are in love.
Somehow, girls are given to "falling in love," first with one man, then with another. With each man there is the feminine desire to reciprocate in full measure for various courtesies.
What is the result?
The vital forces are willfully wasted.
Beauty needs powerful stimulants. No one could expect a tree to blossom into a beautiful mature form if the sap were withdrawn. Youth is the green apple period. One can never tell how a little green apple may develop. It may become full blown and rosy cheeked, or it may become worm eaten and cankered.
Girls permit boys and men to kiss and fondle them (as one woman has said, "to paw and claw them") and in turn they exert themselves to live up to what they imagine is expected of them, believing it to be a fair exchange for gifts and attention.
When hypnotists desire to take the will power from their subjects they use their hands in strokings.
Girls should not permit young men to caress them, to hold their hands, or to stroke their bodies. It is very weakening. It causes a girl to yield to temptation because it induces passiveness to the will of the projector.
There is no present which a boy or man could give to a girl which is worth the tiniest atom of this precious invisible life current. In after life she realizes her folly, but it is then too late to remedy it.
Often a perfectly pure minded girl in her youth wastes her life forces with one beau after another, innocently imagining it to be her duty because of the attentions that she receives. When she marries the "man among men to her," she finds that she can not hold his affections because of this waste, and often she sees another woman get the love that is her due, as a wife. At the time of life when maturity should give a full blown rose of a woman, she has dribbled out because she has been too ardent. She is worm eaten and cankered because she has devastated nature, and it is all her own fault.
It is a debatable question whether a girl who has kissed many men, and has thus wasted her vital forces would be a fit candidate for Motherhood, and, on the other hand whether a boy or man who steals the life forces from our girls is fit to be a father. A man has no more right to steal this precious beauty stimulant from a girl than he has to steal her clothes.
Every man knows that if the girl he escorts around will kiss him, that she has kissed the one who preceded him and will kiss the one who follows him. It is no wonder that many men marry girls who have not seemed so promiscuous. Many a good girl has been passed or misunderstood.
Colored girls should never sell their bodies and they should set a higher value upon their bodies in every way. Especially should they be known as "Hands off" girls.
No one would think of handling a rare flower and expect it to endure. The virgin soul is always likened to a flower.
If a young man after a few calls thinks that he is entitled to a goodnight kiss he should be speedily set right.
Any emotion or feeling diffusing the body has an effect upon health and upon beauty. An organ may become exhausted from the rush of blood caused by an impure thought.
Kissing excites passions until they become uncontrollable.
A girl must cultivate her will power along with charm and personal magnetism in order to become a beautiful woman. She must resist the temptation to scatter her vital forces, so that when she marries she may hold all of her powers for the man she desires to hold. She should patiently wait for her "prince" and aim to give him unkissed lips, and virginity of mind as well as of body. It will be a tremendous satisfaction in fulfilling the definition of Love and Motherhood, besides giving the real beauty.
When boys and men desire caresses and kisses, a girl should send a message to her Solar Plexus--her reflex nerve--to help her to say, "No." She should let no present tempt her to be fleeced of her beauty food.
In order to resist temptation, girls should be taught deep breathing, that the diaphragm and educated nerves may obey emergency orders. The practice of deep breathing is invaluable in the matter of resistance, and will back up the "I won't", "I won't", "I won't", "Hands off", "Hands off". A girl must hold her fists tightly and resist.
She must psychologize the mind with thoughts of resistance by practicing simple breathing movements, so that when temptation is imminent the holding of a deep breath will be her salvation. The action of her diaphragm and Solar Plexus will prevent any wavering.
To cultivate and hold vital strength, one must hoard every atom of vital strength. One may not even afford to write love letters in too warm a strain. One will not only be ashamed in after years when this particular fever has worn itself out, but one will then be conscious of wasted vital strength.
Beauty is so dependent upon vital strength that every atom of vital force is needed and none must be wasted.
Personal Appearance.
Trifles show up the real character more than anything else, in clothes, or the care of the hair, teeth or finger nails. Personal appearance is one of the strongest factors in the beauty combination. After health, voice, and poise comes the value of dress as a beauty accessory. Dress has much to do with a man's classification of feminine beauty although he may not be dress informed. Many French women are considered beautiful because of charming dress accessories, which are generally immaculate and in harmony. A modest girl dresses modestly; a sensible person makes her clothes fit her person, her height, head, back view, side view, ankles and heels. A woman's dress soon tells the character of the wearer and betrays immorality. Even colors talk.
With many people, finery seems to mean good dressing, yet their clothes jar, cry out, even "scream out their unfitness and unwholesomeness, and betray their dishonesty, shame and sacrifice." Clothes show silliness, conceit, and selfishness more than any other thing, and often they shame a home, so a colored girl should study her individuality and her life position and dress accordingly. She should wear only becoming colors, and she might affect a certain color to her advantage. She should "cling" to what is becoming rather than follow exaggerated fashions. The exclusive dressers in high society study to get simple lines; with them severity in line is elegance. Such clothes wear several seasons. No one minds wearing a becoming style a long time. Few colored women can afford to keep up the pace of styles. There are women who live to dress no matter what the cost may be but they are not to be envied for this slavish passion.
A man wears a good suit several years and looks well. Colored women could plan their costumes that they might at least last two seasons. They should study to make the most of what they have on hand.
One good black dress still remains an asset to a wardrobe and most colored women look well in black especially if it is relieved by a becoming color.
In France only the "Boulevard" women and actresses wear the exaggerated styles that we see in the French fashion journals.
The Colored Girl Beautiful will take care of her clothes. She will learn to press and sponge, also the use of cleaning fluids, and to forbear from sitting carelessly on coats and other apparel.
Work clothes should be becoming in color and style. While one is buying or making she may as well select attractive models. When one is attired in unbecoming clothes, unconsciously the face reflects the thought in unbecoming lines. One's voice takes on a coarser, unbecoming tone, and the poise takes on an unbecoming attitude. For the same reason our girls should not wear men's old hats or paper bags on their heads.
One should aim to select something becoming that the face and body may always appear at their best. One must be on beauty parade ALL the time to get beauty lines.
Appropriate clothes should be worn at all times. Pink or blue satin or silk dresses should not be worn on Sunday or at church, even if one can afford them. It is bad taste and sets a bad example to poorer girls who sometimes sell their honor, even their lives for these perishable, inappropriate costumes.
In every mind there is a picture gallery of our friends and the people we meet. Sometimes the pictures that we carry are not the best ones. One is often caught unawares in soiled, unbecoming garments. It is not necessary in this day and time to give an ugly picture of ourselves.
We should be particular to give the best possible, most pleasing picture to others at all times. There should be no "being caught." One should be prepared early in the morning, any time of day, and all through the night.
On the streets and as the street cars pass our homes, colored people should give the best pictures possible of themselves, if they can not of the houses in which they live. We are a poor people but we can be quiet, clean, becomingly and fittingly dressed. We must stifle the desire to be conspicuous unless it is to be conspicuous by quietness.
Deep Breathing.
The Greeks are quoted as saying, "A healthy soul can only live in a healthy body." People are beginning to see that to a great extent, intellectual vigor depends upon physical vigor.
Man is an air breathing animal.
Air is life. One may go without food and water for days but not many minutes without air.
Air is the most important factor in generating vital force and it is the best tonic in the world.
A large, deep, chest indicates Health, Strength and Vitality. The size of the chest indicates the size of the lungs. A narrow chest indicates cramped lungs, heart, digestive organs and a small diaphragm.
The diaphragm is the dome shaped breathing muscle which serves as a partition between the chest and abdominal organs. Its contraction causes development of the lungs and heart and at the same time the internal massage of the abdominal organs.
The lungs have been called the scavengers of the body for they take off poison which would kill us.
As the blood stores oxygen especially at night, windows should be kept open to prepare the body for the next day's duties.
"Exercise is the elixir of youth."
Many people do not exert themselves enough to open the millions of little lung cells. Mother Nature demands a heavy price for this neglect of her laws.
The heart is now recognized as a muscle which needs muscular exercise as other muscles need exercise.
The heart is very wonderful. Although it weighs only about eleven ounces it has each day a lifting strength of 120 tons to the height of a foot. With seventy beats of a pulse a minute, six ounces of blood are forced into arteries seventy times a minute or 187-1/2 gallons every hour. This could fill a lake or pond in a life time.
Deep breathing is the fundamental foundation of Physical Culture, of Singing and of Oratory. This is why these studies are recommended to lessen the susceptibility to disease especially tuberculosis and other lung diseases.
Deep breathing cures nervousness and many chronic complaints because it improves the circulation of the blood and causes internal massage especially of the abdominal organs.
Deep breathers are seldom mentally weak because deep breathing develops Will power. Its study causes pride in one's body and its physical gifts because it teaches the values and beauties of different parts of the body.
The habit of deep breathing cultivates Personality and Personal Magnetism and thus makes one attractive. A great deal of the success in life comes from winning people through Personal Magnetism.
Originality.
A woman's mind should always be filled with a life plan, else she is in danger. A busy woman is generally a safe woman. She must find her life work and keep busy. Even a hobby is better than nothing if time hangs on her hands. She should do something with all her might and not delay, for Time is flying.
A colored woman especially should have some purpose in life to further race advancement. It should not only be a high purpose but it should be something real.
To be enthusiastic about something is beautifying because it stimulates the circulation of the blood. Any kind of success comes from enthusiasm.
No matter how poor a woman may be she may be original in her ideas. At first, of course, she must use the ideas of others, until she can show her cleverness through her adaptations, and employing her powers and gifts will add until larger powers and gifts result.
She must try to get a new line of work for race advancement and dedicate herself to it. If she eliminates the Ego (Self) and will aim to work for the good of others, she will succeed.
Each one should find a realm, something in which she shall be supreme, and be first. "It is better to be first in an Iberian village than second in Rome." The race needs daring original people, to think and speak.
Emerson says, "Every man has a call to do something unique."
The person who thinks up new lines of study, thought and ideas for the race, enlarging its vision and enriching its mind is a race benefactor. Ruskin's creed of work should be the universal creed. "The man or woman who does work worth doing is the man or woman who lives and breathes his work; with whom it is ever present in his or her soul; whose ambition is to do it well and feel rewarded by the thought of having done it well. That man, that woman, puts the whole country under an obligation."
Colored women have a genius for leadership. There is great executive force in them. Many a colored woman is an undeveloped genius waiting for opportunity. One should try avenue after avenue until the right one opens, for her life work.
In spite of criticism she must fight on, alone if necessary, "With God, one is a majority," said Frederick Douglass.
If one can not be a genius or be original, she may do anything near at hand. She should find something to do so that she will have something to talk about besides herself and her friends.
One might take up the study of music, voice culture, elocution, art, embroidery or housekeeping (domestic science) and pass it along to others.
The surest way to make people "take notice of one" is to work for others. One may also live in peoples' hearts as well as their minds, if she will ally herself with a good humanitarian cause.
If one is not what is termed religious, or is lacking in religious feeling, she should at least conceal this serious void by showing respect for religion in no unmistakable terms for the sake of example. One should always hold up Christian ideals even though she may not be a spiritual woman or be called an earthly saint. She can hold up for a more rigid moral code and the highest thought in ethics.
It pays to be respected, but after one has trusted and has been disappointed, deceived, and betrayed, she will find that it pays best to keep close to the "Cross" where that "One always listens and understands." One should not get too far away from "It" because one is certain to return sooner or later.
The best representative people go to church if only for example's sake. Even if one were not extremely religious she could be an authority on religions, reading up the history of other churches as well as one's own church discipline. One might originate prayers or "graces" for the table and sell printed copies for a local charity.
Any woman should be proud to espouse the cause of children and their broader education, as well as their health and happiness. One might try to bring a musical artist or lecturer to them every two or three years.
Every day of one's life there is an opportunity to make some one happy. One might amuse herself by keeping a diary of her efforts along this line.
Speech is a cultivated talent. One might study to be good company, not to be funny or witty, but she might study the art of expressing herself; not to air her knowledge, that would be vulgar, but to store her memory with a fund of information concerning the great paintings and works of art, and lives of great composers.
One might even be an authority on economy and demonstrate how to make over dresses, hats, etc.
One could economize on her wardrobe and travel on the savings giving little "Travelogues" to those less fortunate. There is an indescribable joy and satisfaction in serving others, even though the recipients are not grateful. It gives one a sense of power and wealth.