Part 44

Mr. Hill died aged not more than eighty-three--though Hook and all his friends always affected to consider him as quite a Methuselah. James Smith once said that it was impossible to discover his age, for the parish register had been burnt in the fire of London; but Hook capped this: "Pooh pooh! he's one of the Little Hills that are spoken of as skipping in the Psalms." As a mere octogenarian he was wonderful enough. No human being would, from his appearance, gait, or habits, have guessed him to be sixty. Till within three months of his death, he rose at five usually, and brought the materials of his breakfast home with him to the Adelphi from a walk to Billingsgate; and at dinner he would eat and drink like an adjutant of five-and-twenty. One secret was that a "banyan day" uniformly followed a festivity. He then nursed himself most carefully on tea and dry toast, tasted neither meat nor wine, and went to bed by eight o'clock. But perhaps the grand secret was, the easy, imperturbable serenity of his temper. He had been kind and generous in the day of his wealth, and, though his evening was comparatively poor, his cheerful heart kept its even beat.

HOOK AND TOM HILL.

Notwithstanding the real affection he felt for him, Hook was sometimes led, as is the case with spoiled children, whether of larger or lesser growth, to trespass overmuch upon the good nature of his friend--almost worshipper--and to allow himself liberties which no degree of intimacy could justify. An instance of the kind occurred at Sydenham, when Hook, resenting the introduction of a comparative stranger to their saturnalia, chose to assume all sorts of extraordinary and offensive airs, to the great discomfiture of his host, who, with the warmest desire to "see everybody comfortable," had not always, perhaps, tact commensurate with his benevolence. Having completely mystified the unwelcome guest during the hour or two before dinner, when that meal was served Mr. Hook was not to be found; search was made throughout the house, but in vain. The garden was scoured and a peep taken into the pond, but no Hook! The party at length sat down, and a servant soon after informed them that he had discovered the lost one--in bed! Hook now thought fit to make his appearance, which he did in strange guise, with his long black hair plastered over his face, and his whole head and shoulders dripping with water. "Feeling a little fatigued," he said, "he had retired to rest; and, by way of thoroughly arousing himself, had just taken a plunge in the water-butt;" at the same moment, and before he had time to partake of any of the good things before him, Mr. Hook's carriage was announced; and merely observing that he had recollected an engagement to dine that day in town he bowed and quitted the company.

HOOK'S POLITENESS.

Hook was once observed, during dinner, nodding like a Chinese mandarin in a tea-shop. On being asked the reason, he replied, "Why, when no one else asks me to take champagne, I take sherry with the épergne and bow to the flowers."--_Mark Lemon's Jest Book._

A BISCUIT AND A GLASS OF SHERRY.

Mr. Price was an American by birth, and a proficient, it is said, in the national accomplishment--duelling; in this country he was more favourably known as a _bon vivant_ of taste, and a giver of bachelor dinners of a high order; he was, moreover, the first promulgator of one of those Transatlantic beverages, which are justly the admiration of the curious. It is a species of punch, in which gin, maraschino, and iced soda-water are blended in a certain occult and scientific way, and is esteemed of sovereign worth in very hot weather, or in cases where an obstinate and unaccountable thirst has somehow survived the repeated efforts made to quench it the preceding day.

Hook, one afternoon succeeding a banquet at the Freemasons' Tavern, where the port had been particularly fiery, or the salmon had disagreed with him, happened to drop in at "the Club," and found the mighty master with an amphora of his potent elixir before him: the former was with some difficulty--probably no great deal--induced to give an opinion as to its merits; but it was a matter not to be decided lightly, and some half-dozen pints of the beguiling compound were discussed ere the authoritative "_imbibatur_" went forth. In the evening, at Lord Canterbury's, Hook was observed to eat even less than usual, and, on being asked whether he was unwell, replied--

"Oh no, not exactly; but my stomach won't bear trifling with, and I was foolish enough to take a biscuit and a glass of sherry by way of luncheon."

MUCH ALIKE.

Two silly brothers, twins, were very much about town in Hook's time; and they took every pains, by dressing alike, to deceive their friends as to their identity. Tom Hill was expatiating upon these modern Dromios, at which Hook grew impatient. "Well," said Hill, "you will admit that they resemble each other wonderfully: they are as like as two peas." "They are," retorted Hook, "and quite as green!"

PRIVATE MEDICAL PRACTICE.

Hook, in "Cousin William," calls the aunt and uncle bold _Buchan_-eers, from their fondness for rash domestic medical practice, and doctoring themselves from Buchan. In describing the original of this aunt, at the Garrick, one morning, he declared that the old lady was so delighted with everything pertaining to physic, that she drank wine every six hours out of _dose-glasses_, and filled her gold-fish globes with leeches, the evolutions of which she watched by the hour.

HOOK'S STREET FUN.

Hook's street fun was irrepressible. We read of his walking up to a pompous person in the _trottoir_ in the Strand, and saying to him, "I beg your pardon, sir, but may I ask, _Are you anybody particular?_?"--but he did not wait for the answer of the magnifico.

A MISNOMER.

Hook said the title of Bentley's new magazine was ominous: "Miss-sell-any;" but his prophecy was not borne out by the event.

"CONTINGENCIES."

Theodore Hook used to describe contingencies as "things that never happen."--_Life of Ingoldsby._

"THE WIDOW'S MITE."

After his marriage, Lord John Russell was christened by Hook "the Widow's Mite."--_Ingoldsby._

HOOK'S EXTEMPORE VERSES.

Theodore Hook, in his twentieth year, gave evidence of the possession of a talent, compared with which mimicry in its perfection, available enough as an auxiliary, sinks into insignificance--that of the improvisatore. Men of mark are found bearing testimony to the inspirations of his genius; marvellous at the early age referred to, but far surpassed by his later performances. Coleridge, for example, at the termination of a somewhat prolonged revel held at the cottage of Mr. Mansel Reynolds, is said to have proclaimed, in his declamatory manner, that he had never met a man who could bring such various and amazing resources of mind to bear on the mere whim or folly of the moment; while the poet Campbell spoke of him as "a wonderful creature," who sang extempore songs, "not to my admiration, but to my astonishment." Those who have been in the habit of attending public meetings, or have listened to the harangues, so glibly "done into English" by next morning, of the orators of St. Stephen's, cannot fail to have remarked how rarely even respectable prose is delivered where opportunity for preparation has been wanting. But in the art, if art it may be called, of pouring forth extemporaneous poetry, music and words, rhyme and reason, all impromptu, Hook stood alone--rival he had none; of course he had his imitators:

"The charming extempore verses of Twiss's,"

for example, will not readily be forgotten; another gentleman, also, found reason to remember his attempt at rivalry. Ambitious of distinction, he took an opportunity of striking off into verse immediately after one of Hook's happiest efforts. Theodore's bright eye flashed, and fixed on the intruder, who soon began to flounder in the meshes of his stanza, when he was put out of his misery at once by the following couplet from the master, given, however, with a good-humoured smile that robbed it of all offence:--

"I see, sir, I see, sir, what 'tis that you're hatching; But mocking, you see, sir, is not _always_ catching."

There can be no doubt as to the perfect genuineness of these marvellous efforts of the human intellect; the word was given and the "numbers came," gushing fresh and sparkling from the fount. His companions at the table, and the observations that had fallen from them, afforded not unfrequently matter for his good-natured muse. But as often a subject impossible in any way to have been anticipated, was proposed by one of the company, generally the most incredulous, and with scarce a moment's consideration, he would place himself at the piano-forte, run over the keys, and break forth into a medley of merriment, of which, unhappily, no idea can be conveyed, for the benefit and conversion of the sceptic.

The names of those present were frequently woven into the rhyme, or made to supply points to the verse. He is said once to have encountered a pair of most unmanageable patronymics, those of Sir Moses Ximenes, and Mr. Rosenagen, a young Dane; the line antiphonetic to the former has escaped us; the latter, reserved till near the conclusion, was thus played upon:--

"Yet more of my Muse is required, Alas! I fear she is done; But no! like a fiddler that's tired, I'll _Rosen-agen_, and go on."

HOOK EXTEMPORISES A MELODRAMA.

Hook placed himself at the piano-forte, and gave a most extraordinary display of his powers, both as a musician and an improvisatore. His assumed object was to give a specimen of the burlettas formerly produced at Sadler's Wells, and he went through the whole of one which he composed upon the spot. He commenced with the tuning of the instruments, the prompter's bell, the rapping of the fiddlestick by the leader of the band, and the overture, till, the curtain being supposed to rise, he proceeded to describe--

The first scene.--A country village--cottage, (O. P.)--church (P. S.) Large tree near wing. Bridge over a river occupying the centre of the background. Music.--Little men in red coats seen riding over bridge. Enter--Gaffer from cottage, to the symphony usually played on introducing old folks on such occasions. Gaffer, in recitative, intimates that he is aware that the purpose of the Squire in thus early--

"A crossing over the water, Is to hunt not the stag, but my lovely daughter."

Sings a song and retires, to observe Squire's motions, expressing a determination to balk his intentions:--

"For a peasant's a man, and a squire's no more, And a father has feelings, though never so poor."

Enter Squire with his train.--Grand chorus of huntsmen--"Merry-toned horn, Blithe is the morn," "Hark forward, away, Glorious Day," "Bright Phœbus," "Aurora," etc., etc.

The Squire dismisses all save his confidant, to whom, in recitative, he avows his design of carrying off the old man's daughter, then sings under her window. The casement up one pair of stairs opens. Susan appears at it and sings--asking whether the voice which has been serenading her is that of her "true blue William, who, on the seas,--is blown about by every breeze." The Squire, hiding behind the tree, she descends to satisfy herself; is accosted by him, and refuses his offer; he attempts force. The old man interferes, lectures the Squire, locks up his daughter, and exit (P. S.). Squire sings a song expressive of rage, and his determination to obtain the girl, and exit (P. S.).

Whistle--Scene changes with a slap.--Public-house door; sailors carousing, with long pig-tails, checked shirts, glazed hats, and blue trousers. Chorus--"Jolly tars, Plough the main,--Kiss the girls, Sea again." William, in recitative, states that he has been "With brave Rodney," and has got "Gold galore;" tells his messmates he has heard a landlubber means to run away with his sweetheart, and asks their assistance. They promise it.

"Tip us your fin! We'll stick t'ye, my hearty, And beat him! Haven't we beat Boneyparty?"

Solo, by William, "Girl of my heart, Never part." Chorus of sailors--"Shiver my timbers," "Smoke and fire, d----n the Squire," etc., etc. (Whistle--scene closes--slap.)

Scene--the village as before. Enter Squire; reconnoitres in recitative; beckons on gipsies, headed by confidant in red. Chorus of Gipsies entering--"Hark? hark? Butcher's dogs bark! Bow, wow, wow. Not now, not now." "Silence, hush! Behind the bush. Hush, hush, hush!" "Bow, wow, wow." "Hush, hush." "Bow, wow." "Hush hush! hush!" Enter Susan from cottage. Recitative,

"What can keep father so long at market? The sun has set, altho' it's not quite dark yet. --Butter and eggs, --Weary legs."

Gipsies rush on and seize her; she screams; Squire comes forward. Recitative Affettuoso--"She scornful, imploring, furious, frightened!" Squire offers to seize her; True Blue rushes down and interposes; music agitato; sailors in pigtails beat off gipsies; confidant runs up the tree; True Blue collars Squire.

Enter Gaffer:--

"Hey-day! What's all this clatter? William ashore?--Why, what's the matter?"

William releases Squire, turns to Sue; she screams and runs to him; embrace; "Lovely Sue; Own True Blue;" faints; Gaffer goes for gin; she recovers and refuses it; Gaffer winks, and drinks it himself; Squire, recitative--"Never knew about True Blue, constant Sue;" "Devilish glad; here, my lad; what says dad?" William, recitative--"Thank ye, Squire; heart's desire; roam no more; moored ashore." Squire joins lovers--"Take her hand; house, and bit of land; my own ground;

"And for a portion, here's two hundred pound!"

Grand chorus; huntsmen, gipsies, and sailors with pigtails; Solo, Susan--"Constant Sue; own True Blue." Chorus; Solo, William--"Dearest wife, laid up for life." Chorus; Solo, Squire--"Happy lovers, truth discovers." Chorus; Solo, Gaffer--"Curtain draws, your applause." Grand chorus; huntsmen, gipsies, sailors in pigtails; William and Susan in centre; Gaffer (O.P.), Squire (P.S.), retire singing--

"Blithe and gay--Hark away! Merry, merry May; Bill and Susan's wedding-day."

--_Diary of Thomas Ingoldsby (Rev. R. H. Barham), November 6th, 1827._

"ASS-ASS-INATION."

"Ass-ass-ination," a sort of burlesque on Hamlet, was another of Hook's extravaganzas, broad enough "for the meanest capacity," but amusing withal, abounding in point and pun, as well as local hits, and quite worthy the attention of any country manager, whether amateur or professional, who may happen to be at a loss for Christmas novelties. Take, by way of sample, the opening scene:--

_Enter_ Princess, _with a light_.

_Princess._ 'Tis midnight! Suspicion's gone to sleep. Credulity has warmed the bed, and Dulness tucked him up. My father is not dead; I've hoaxed the public; I've shut my regal daddy in the coal-hole, and now am Regent. The dirty work is done, and I'll to bed! to bed! to bed!

[_Exit on tiptoe_, P. S.

_Re-enter_, O. P. _and_ P. S., Amatavelli _and_ Mumptifoni, _each peeping in_.

_Ama._ Have you been listening?

_Mum._ I have.

_Ama._ How like a courtier!--'tis well. Falalaria, our Princess Regent, loves----

_Mum._ (_With a considerable degree of self-complacency._) I think she _does_!

_Ama._ Not _you_--another.

_Mum._ Then, by my soul, he dies!

_Ama._ Nay! by my soul, he _lives_! 'Tis Blubbero, the mighty King of Finland.

_Mum._ From Finland!--pshaw! A king of dolphins and Prince of Whales.

"WEATHER OR NO."

The last time that Theodore Hook dined at Amen Corner, he was unusually late, and dinner was served before he made his appearance. Mr. Barham apologized for having sat down without him, observing that he had quite given him up, and had supposed "that the weather had deterred him."

"Oh!" replied Hook, "I had determined to come, _weather_ or no."--_Life of Rev. R. H. Barham._

DIAMOND CUT DIAMOND.

Hook told a story of a gentleman driving his Irish servant in his cab, and saying to him, half jocularly, half in anger:

"If the gallows had its due, you rascal, where would you be now?"

"Faith, then, your honour, it's riding in this cab I'd be, all alone by myself may be!"

TOM MOORE.--LOSING A HAT.

Words cannot do justice to Theodore Hook's talent for improvisation: it was perfectly wonderful. He was one day sitting at the pianoforte, singing an extempore song as fluently as if he had had the words and music before him, when Moore happened to look into the room, and Hook instantly introduced a long parenthesis,

"And here's Mr. Moore, Peeping in at the door," &c.

The last time I saw Hook was in the lobby of Lord Canterbury's house after a large evening party there. He was walking up and down, singing with great gravity, to the astonishment of the footmen, "Shepherds, I have lost my hat."--_Rogers's Table Talk._

"GOOD NIGHT."

Wherever Hook came he was a welcome guest; and his arrival was the signal for hilarity and festivity. The dining-room and the drawing-room were alike his theatres; the former was enlivened by the jest and song, the latter by music and improvisation, of which he was master beyond any man that perhaps England ever beheld. Our untractable language was to him as easy as the fascile Italian, and whether seated at the genial board, with a few choice companions, or at the pianoforte, surrounded by admiring beauty, his performances in this way were the delight and admiration of all who heard them. They were, indeed, very extraordinary. Some of them might have been printed as finished ballads; and others, though not so perfect in parts as metrical compositions, were so studded with bright conceits, and often so touched with exquisite sentiment and pathos, that their effect upon the audience was evinced by shouts of laughter, or starting tears.

We remember one beautiful example of the latter. At a party at Prior's Bank, Fulham, it was morning before the guests departed, yet Hook remained to the last, and a light of other days brightened his features as he again opened the piano and began a recitative. Another extempore song had been begged by a bevy of lovely dames, and Hook hastened to comply with their request--the subject this time being "Good Night." The singer had proceeded through a few verses, and at length uttered a happy thought, which excited a joyous laugh in a fair young boy standing by his side. At this moment one of the servants suddenly opened the drawing-room shutters, and a flood of light fell upon the lad's head. The effect was very touching, but it became a thousand times more so as Hook, availing himself of the incident, placed his hand upon the youth's brow, and in tremulous tones uttered a verse of which only the concluding lines are remembered:--

"For _you_ is the dawn of the morning, For _me_ is the solemn good night."

He rose from the piano, burst into tears, and left the room. Few of those who were present saw him afterwards.

INDEX.

Agnew, Sir Andrew, 400

Allan, William, clerk in the Treasury Office at Mauritius, 20; suicide of, 28

Allendale, Alfred, pseudonym of Hook, 15, 29

_Arcadian_, the, started by Hook and Terry, 24; collapses after the second number, 25; quoted, 133

_Ass-ass-ination_, 135, 578

Baird, Sir David, Life of, 32

Banks, Sir Joseph, 16

Barham, Rev. R. H., his last interview with Hook, 36

Beckford, William, 386

Berners-street Hoax, the, 539

Blinkinsop, Vicesimus, pseudonym of Hook, 23, 209

Broughton, Lord, see _Hobhouse_

Bubbles of 1825, 194

Bull, see _John Bull_

Byron, Lord, at Harrow with Theodore Hook, 3, 5; his attacks on Hook in "English Bards and Scotch Reviewers," 6, 10; his treatment of Leigh Hunt, 280; supposed conversations of, 285

Canterbury, Lord, 23

Clubs, 333, 516

Coates, Romeo, 541

"Contingencies," 573

Creevy, Mr., 170, 183

Croker, John Wilson, 23

Curwen, Mr., M.P., 160

Daly's Practical Jokes, 471

Dancing, Hook's contempt for, 556

Daylight Dinners, 515

Dido, 522

Dillon, Dr., Chaplain to the Lord Mayor, his ridiculous book, 288, 304

Dilworth's Instructions, 347

Dowton the Actor, Hook and, 554

Entick's Dictionary, 317, 320

Errors of the Press, 409

Fanny's Thumb, 519

Farquhar, Sir R. J. (Governor of Mauritius), 18; connected by marriage with Hook's family, _ib._; returns to England, 20

Foote, Samuel, 226

Fulham, Hook's residence at, 31; Buried at, 38

_Gaffer Grey_, 166

_Gilbert Gurney_, 33

Godwin, William, his Life of Chaucer, 215

"Good Night," 579

Goethe, his Preface to Prince Puckler-Muskau's Tour, 355

Hall, Major-General, appointed Deputy-Governor of Mauritius, 20

Haydon, R. B., the painter, 249

Hobhouse, John Cam, 133, 217

Holcroft, Thomas, imitated, 166

Holland, Lady, 24

Hone, William, his Parodies, 190

Hook, James (father of Theodore Hook), his musical compositions, 4; weak character of, 6

---- (Dr. James), Dean of Worcester, 4

HOOK, THEODORE, birth and parentage, 3, 4; sent to Harrow, 5; death of his mother, 6; commences writing vaudevilles for the stage, 7; ridicules the Methodists, 11; his first appearance as a novelist, 15; appointed Accountant-General and Treasurer at the Mauritius, 18; describes his mode of life there in a letter to Mathews, 19; arrested for irregularities in the Treasury accounts, 21; sent to England for trial, 21; visit to Napoleon at St. Helena, 22; arrives in England, and is liberated, _ib._; establishes himself at Somers Town, _ib._; opens his campaign against Queen Caroline, 23; starts a small magazine, 24; establishes the _John Bull_ newspaper, 25; and publishes a series of brilliant songs and squibs in it, 26; arrested under an Exchequer writ, 27; transferred to the Rules of the King's Bench, 28; publishes the first series of _Sayings and Doings_, 29; takes a cottage at Putney, 30; removes to a fashionable quarter of the West-end, _ib._; finally settles down at Fulham, 31; various successive works, 32; undertakes the editorship of the _New Monthly Magazine_, 33; errors of his career, 35; last interview with his friend Ingoldsby, 36; illness and death, 37; buried at Fulham, 38

Hunt, Leigh, on Methodism, 14; his connexion with Lord Byron, 280

_Hunting the Hare_, 147

Ingoldsby, see _Barham, Rev. R. H._

_Jack Brag_, 33

Jeffrey, Lord, 217, 280

_John Bull_ newspaper, establishment of, 25; Hook's connexion with, 26

Kelly, Michael, his _Reminiscences_ revised by Hook, 30

Knight, Richard Payne, 220, 258

Larpent, Mr., 11, 12

L'Estrange, Father, 378

"List" Shoes, 567

Liston, performs in Hook's farces, 8

Lockhart, John Gibson, on Hook's _Tentamen_, 23

Lowth, 182

Madden, Miss, the mother of Theodore Hook, 4

Mathews, Charles, performs in Hook's farces, 8

----, Charles, jun., 9

Maurice, M. Charles, his _Babillard_, 8

Mauritius, Letter from, 555

_Maxwell_, 31

Melodrama, an extempore, 575

Melville, Lord, trial of, 560

Michael's Dinner, 138

Miller, Joe, quoted, 243

_Minus_, Mr., the poet, 16, 338

Moore, Thomas, 16, 67; quoted, 106; sketched under the title of _Mr. Minus_, 338

Morgan, Lady, 67; described, 368

_Muggins's (Mrs.) Visit to the Queen_, 140

Naldi, his _Fanatico per la Musica_, 10

Napoleon at St. Helena, 22

Night Air, a Receipt against, 566

O'Connell, Daniel, described, 377

Owenson, Miss, see _Morgan, Lady_

Peel, Sir Robert, contemporary with Theodore Hook at Harrow, 5; his Anecdotes of Theodore Hook, 565

Pope, Alexander, saying of, 8

Prince Puckler-Muskau's Tour, 355

Punning, 316, 320

Punting, 566

Putney Bridge, 568

---- Hook's residence at, 30

_Ramsbottom Papers_, 26, 41-130