Part 13

At length, then, for the present, there's an end to all their labours, The Mountain Pack are now let loose to howl it with their neighbours; And so we bid them thus adieu, until the next campaign, Sir, When if they bark, or snap, or bite, we'll--whip 'em in again, Sir. Bow, wow, wow.

GAFFER GREY.

A SONG.

(With alterations and additions) written by the late patriotic Whig Citizen, THOMAS HOLCROFT, and addressed to his Friend and Patron, the Head of all the Whigs.

Ho!--Why do'st thou shiver and shake, Gaffer Grey? And why does thy nose look so blue? "'Tis the people grow cold, And I--prosy and old, And my speeches, they say, are not new, Well-a-day!"

Then clap a new tail on the rump, Gaffer Grey, Or the Whiggamores must go to pot "Nay, but credit I've none, All the Grenvilles have run, Except Nugent--who's not worth the shot, Well-a-day!"

Then hie to the house--you know where, Gaffer Grey, And steal up the stairs--you know when. "No, 'though roughshod, I swore To march in, through the door, I shall ne'er pass that threshold again, Well-a-day!"

There's Brougham, who can shift, like his nose, Gaffer Grey, Who browbeats the Parliament down. "Pshaw, he shifts for himself, Whilst he pockets the pelf, And would sell the whole squad for a gown, Well-a-day!"

There's the Patriot in Ilchester Jail, Gaffer Grey, Who will talk by the job--or the day. "He's a low-minded carl, Fit only to snarl, And just as well out of the way, Well-a-day!"

There's Hume with his tots and his vots, Gaffer Grey, With his scalpel cuts through thick and thin. "Oh, he's worse than the other, He'd cut up his brother, If only to keep his hand in, Well-a-day!"

Little Michael has beeves and fat ale, Gaffer Grey, Buona Roti--surnamed by the pack. "His dinners be d----d; When the starvelings are cramm'd, Duncannon can't whistle them back, Well-a-day!"

There's Creevy, your crony of old, Gaffer Grey, Who shew'd up the Board of Control. "He's heavy and lame, And his speeches the same, Are uncommonly prosy and dull, Well-a-day!"

There's Wooler, the Bibliopole bold, Gaffer Grey, Who at laws and at lawgivers laughs. "Very well in his way, But I beg leave to say, I've a mortal aversion to Raffs, Well-a-day!"

There's Bennet the Arch Philanthrope, Gaffer Grey, Who weeps for man, woman, and brute. "He may weep as he will, If he'll keep his tongue still; But your best sort of weeper's--a Mute! Well-a-day!"

There's Lambton, a sure card at hand, Gaffer Grey, Not given to blush or to flinch. "He's a good sort of fellow, Though rather too yellow, And only of use at a pinch, Well-a-day!"

There's Lushington, Denman, and Co., Gaffer Grey, And their friend--what's his name--Mister Wood; "No--the sweet Queen is gone, Their vocation is done, And they cannot do harm, if they would, Well-a-day!"

There's Sefton the Good!--four-in-hand, Gaffer Grey, And there's Grosvenor the Great!--from his beeves. "One wants for his head A new lining, 'tis said; And the other--some strawberry leaves, Well-a-day!"

There's Ossulston, gallant as high, Gaffer Grey, Can prove his descent--without flaw. "He was named for a stick, 'Twas a sad scurvy trick, For he look'd like--a Frog with a Straw! Well-a-day!"

Your chance is but bad, I confess, Gaffer Grey, But freedom may still be your butt. "Talk of freedom--my eye! If in the State Pie I could get but a finger, I'd cut,-- Happy day!"

The times are not yet come to that, Gaffer Grey. What then?--"Whilst there's life there is hope: Though John Bull turns his back On the talented Pack, You may still get Pat Bull from the Pope By your play!"

THE IDLE APPRENTICE TURNED INFORMER.

A NEW BALLAD, BY T. C., ESQ.[24]

_Tune_--"When I was Maid, oh then, oh then!"

I once was a placeman, but then, but then, I once was a placeman, but then 'Twas in the pure day Of Lansdowne and Grey, And the rest of the talented men--men! And the rest of the talented men!

I had been a lawyer, but then, but then, I had been a lawyer, but then I hated the fag Of the wig and the bag, And envied the Parliament men--men, And envied the Parliament men.

So I married a widow, and then, and then, So I married a window, and then Folks wonder'd to see That a woman could be So fond of a face like a wen--wen, So fond of a face like a wen.

But she had a borough, and then, and then, She had a borough, and then, By the help of the dame, I got into the same, But never could do it again--again, Never could do it again.

So I found out another, and then, and then, So I found out another, and then The worthy Lord Thanet, He chose me to man it, As free----as a sheep in a pen--pen! As free as a sheep in a pen!

At last we got power, and then, and then, At last we got power, and then A salary clean Of hundreds fifteen, Made me the most happy of men--men, Made me the most happy of men.

The first quarter-day came, and then, and then, The first quarter-day came, and then I reckon'd my score, But I never did more Till quarter-day came round again--'gain, Till quarter-day came round again.

Despatches came sometimes, but then, but then, Despatches came sometimes, but then I handed them slyly To Morpeth or Hiley, And limp'd back to Brookes's again--'gain, And limp'd back to Brookes's again.

If Ossulston call'd on me, then, oh then, If Ossulston call'd on me then, We stroll'd through the Park, And the folks would remark, We look'd like an owl and a wren--wren, We look'd like an owl and a wren.

If I walk'd with dear Sefton, oh then, oh then, If I walk'd with dear Sefton, oh then, The people would stare, And think us a pair Of mummers, that parodied men--men, Of mummers, that parodied men.

If I stay'd at the office, oh then, oh then, If I stay'd at the office, oh then, I damn'd all the Hindoos-- Look'd out of the windows-- And sometimes I mended a pen--pen! And sometimes I mended a pen!

Such toil made me sulky, and then, and then, Such toil made me sulky, and then, If I ask'd for old Wright, He came in in a fright, As if to a bear in his den--den, As if to a bear in his den.

This lasted a twelvemonth, and then, oh then, This lasted a twelvemonth, and then, To end all our cares, They kick'd us down stairs, As a hint not to come back again--'gain, As a hint not to come back again.

The tumble was heavy, and then, oh then, The tumble was heavy, and then I grew very sour At placemen and power, And croak'd like a frog in a fen--fen, And croak'd like a frog in a fen.

I vow'd to have vengeance, and then, oh then, I vow'd to have vengeance, and then 'Tis a vulgar belief, At catching a thief, An accomplice is equal to ten--ten, An accomplice is equal to ten.

So I turn'd informer, and then, oh then, I turn'd informer, and then I tried to expose My friends and my foes, As equally infamous men--men, As equally infamous men.

The Whigs they cashier'd me, and then, oh then, The Whigs they cashier'd me, and then Grey haughtily swore He'd trust me no more, Not even with cutting a pen--pen, Not even with cutting a pen.

Next Canning chastised me, and then, oh then, Next Canning chastised me, and then, If what is called shame, Were aught but a name, I could ne'er show my visage again--'gain, I could ne'er show my visage again.

THE QUEEN'S SUBSCRIPTION.[25]

_Tune_--"The Black Joke."

Whoe'er knows St. James's, knows where the Whigs met In behalf of the Queen, a subscription to get, For her Black Wig and her Character white. By Truth and by Wisdom supported she stood-- Truth's part play'd by Brougham, that of Wisdom by Wood-- They cursed, and they swore that she ne'er did amiss, Though the Baron, they own'd, was so rude as to kiss The Black Wig with the Character white.

At Brookes's they met--but demurr'd to the call Of producing the cash--as they had none at all For the Black Wig and the Character white. Coke growl'd about rents, swore the funds ought to pay; But Baring grimaced, and Ricardo squeak'd "Nay!" And the young ones exclaim'd, in a querulous tone, They each had to pay for a Saint of their own, With a Black Wig and a Character white.

But though the subscription was tardy, and they Had nothing to give, they had plenty to say For the Black Wig and the Character white. Lord Tavistock stammer'd three words in her praise, And Sefton his voice and his shoulders did raise; And Calcraft his nose cock'd, and Grant cock'd his eye, And hypocrite Bennet pretended to cry For the Black Wig and her Character white.

Fitzwilliam, that reverend proselyte, rose-- (We'll make him speak verse since he cannot speak prose) For the Black Wig and her Character white. "You seem," quoth the sage, "all averse to give cash, And, in truth, you are right--what is money but trash?" Let's give something better to end all these quarrels, And raise a subscription of virtue and morals, For the Black Wig and her Character white.

Besides, 'tis no merit one's surplus to share, Then let us give _that_ which the least we can spare To the Black Wig and her Character white. For me I have changed all my friends at the brunt, From Fox, Pitt, and Burke, down to Cobbett and Hunt, As fickle in age as I was in my youth: So freely subscribe my political truth To the Black Wig and her Character white.

Old Tierney set down, with a sorrowful face, The hopes of his life, all the prospects of place, To the Black Wig and her Character white. The message which Brougham had advised and had penn'd, Poor Tierney had rashly advanced to defend, And not to subscribe would be rather uncivil, So he gives very frankly--he gives--to the Devil The Black Wig and her Character white.

Such cheap contributions delighted the pack, And, for once, they were ready their leaders to back, For the Black Wig and her Character white. Silly Billy, God bless him! subscribed all his sense; Of loyalty Grey made a gallant expense; The Gospels, Lord Grosvenor flung down in a boast; And Erskine gave nobly--himself, as a toast; For the Black Wig and her Character white.

Bald Bedford, his still balder eloquence gave; And Blessington thought that his _coup-d'œil_ might save The Black Wig and her Character white. Big Nugent bestow'd all his graces upon her, Ned Ellice his credit, and Guildford his honour; The Heathcotes, their sense--both the old and the young-- And Hume gave--a notice, and Lambton gave--tongue For the Black Wig and her Character white.

By Fergusson back'd, Michael Angelo Taylor Supposed that his statesman-like views might avail her Black Wig and her Character white. Charles Calvert and Hurst their gentility join; And Grenfell was ready, his visage to coin; And Creevy, of other donations bereft, Subscribed all the courage that Warrender left, To the Black Wig and her Character white.

Grave Folkstone, who once before leap'd in the dark, Transfers his devotions from Mary Ann Clarke To the Black Wig and her Character white. And Wetherell and Tennyson, _soi-disant_ Lawyers, Would give her their fees--if they had but employers. Scarlett offers his law and his wit too,--for Scarlett Chimes in--as he pleasantly tell us--with Harlot In a Black Wig and a Character white.

But some with whom nominal morals ran low, Contrived other modes their devotion to show, To the Black Wig and her Character white. Burdett gave the bond he recover'd from Scott-- And Wilson the thanks in the field he had got-- And Leinster a visiting card of his rib's-- And Foley a draft upon--Howard and Gibbs! For the Black Wig and her Character white.

But as to the rest it were tedious to sing, How they sacrificed love of their Country and King, To the Black Wig and her Character white. Such talents, such virtues, how much they surpass Baring's stock, Grenfell's copper, or Lushington's brass! Endow'd with such treasures, who would not dispense With the paltry account of pounds, shillings, and pence, For the Black Wig and her Character white?

But when the great Lady was told of the kind Of efforts the Whigs made for raising the wind For her Black Wig and her Character white, She rose in a fury, and roar'd out, "God-zounds! Run, Vizard, secure me Lord Liverpool's pounds; Of the virtues of Whigs I have more than my share, And their talents and truth are not worth half an hair Of my Black Wig and my Character white."

[Music: OPPOSITION.

Sam Rogers proposed, To my Lady half dosed, To indite a fine new compo- si - tion, In which he might greet Her Ladyship's feet With proof of his tuneful sub - mis-sion. Says Holland, "Sam, you've my per- mis - sion;" But my Lady has no dis-po - si - tion To have her name seen With the friends of the Queen, Or, in short, with the raff Opposition.]

We don't mean to rob Poor Sam of his job, But we have a shrewdish suspicion, It will be fifteen years Before it appears, So painful is Sam's parturition; He's not like the Northern Magician, Who writes while he's shooting or fishing, So we'll borrow Sam's hint, And put into print An ode to the Whig Opposition.

There's Tierney, the sly, With his grey sunken eye, Which rolls with a scowl of suspicion, He hates all the Broughams, And despises the Humes, And sits with a look of contrition. He pleads a sham indisposition, And shirks in the House his position; Nor can he be blamed For feeling ashamed To lead such a raff Opposition.

There is he whom they call Squire Brougham of Brougham Hall, Who would pass for a man of condition; In blood, to be sure, He may match Peter Moore, But the Hall is a mere imposition; The fellow's a hack politician, A tailor in all but ambition, Who offer'd to bilk For a gown of black silk The Queen--and her whole Opposition.

There's Wilson--poor Bob, Who headed a mob, And in consequence lost his commission, Considers it hard, That haranguing the Guard Should be voted an act of sedition; Besides, 'twas his greatest ambition To witness one real ignition; To shot and to danger His skin was a stranger, Till the day of the Park Opposition.

There's Sefton, who drives His ladies by fives, In a gig of the latest edition; Which looks like a cart Of the Guards when they start With their wives on a Dutch expedition: He greases with anti-attrition-- Would his tongue had the same composition!-- For, whenever he speaks, It hitches and squeaks Like the drag of the Bath Opposition.

There's little Spring Rice, Of Newport the Vice, Who was painted in last Exhibition, Was ready to swear That Limerick and Clare Were dying from pure inanition; But how did he mend their condition? Did he visit those scenes of perdition? No!--Erin was undone, While he talk'd in London, And smirk'd with the fat Opposition.

There's stultified Hume, Who (some people assume) Is an excellent arithmetician, Began as a Tory,-- But honour and glory Soon gave such an ass his dismission; Now Joe was a sort of physician, But being no frequent practician, For want of another Dissected his brother, Though the corps made a strong Opposition.

There's the new _rara avis_, The once Colonel Davis, Now Statesman as much as Tactician, He seems to presume To emulate Hume, But, in truth, there is no competition; For Davis sold out his commission-- But Hume's more plebeian ambition Is cribbing the winnings Of Constantine Jennings, The hopes of the whole Opposition.

Lord Althorpe, who bent His way beyond Trent To challenge a hostile collision, At Ferrybridge found He might choose his own ground, And therefore abandon'd his mission; Then--aware of the force of derision, He spoke on some turnpike petition, And explain'd, without end, How he and his friend Return'd to rejoin Opposition.

There's that little thing Bennet-- Once turn'd from the Senate, On poor Tyrwhit Jones's petition, The quack, from whom they, Doom'd to Botany Bay, So justly expect manumission. For think what would be his condition, If laws were to have no remission; For, if folks don't tell fibs, Messrs. Howard and Gibbs Have claims on this pure Opposition.

The Grosvenor-gate fillies May rail at Achilles, And blush at his naked condition, But Nugent's tight dress,-- Which we can't well express,-- Is, to us, a more gross exposition. But strange are the freaks of ambition; Which, when a man once sets his wish on, If his head chance to fail, He must try how his tail Can give weight to a light Opposition.

There's Williams and Scarlett, Who spoke for "The Harlot," With airs like the Greek Rhetorician; Williams knows some small Greek, But Scarlett can't speak Plain English, without much tuition:[26] In Cambridge, his great erudition Stands as high as Lord Byron's Politian! "Naked feet, naked feet" Will kick through the street Fat Scarlett and his Opposition.

There's Wood, who, for hops, Goes offering to shops An excellent new composition, And proves that the plant, The staple of Kent, Is a Tory and vile imposition; But he gets very little commission, The folks eye his drugs with suspicion; The profit much less is Than getting Addresses, Or plate from the Queen's Opposition.

There's Creevey, the crawler, That under-bred brawler, Once Clerk to the Indian Commission, He told us himself That the mere love of pelf Had placed him in such a position! A Negro exposed to vendition Would have blush'd to have made such admission; Yet the bird who at best Bewrays his own nest, Is the Phœnix of this Opposition!

If we could take part in Debates like Dick Martin, And venture to tell our volition, We should certainly pray, By night and by day, For men in their present position. The country has made its decision, Which needs neither change nor revision; May the King, of his grace, Keep out the whole race Of this wonderful wise Opposition!

THE INVITATION.

(FROM ONE OF THE PATRONESSES OF THE LADIES' FANCY BALL.)

_Tune_--"Run, Neighbours, Run," &c.

Come, ladies, come, 'tis now the time for capering, Freedom's flag, at Willis's, is just unfurl'd; We, with French dances, will overcome French vapouring, And with ice and Roman punch amaze the world: There's I myself, and Lady L. you'll seldom meet a rummer set, With Lady Grosvenor, Lady Foley, and her Grace of Somerset, While Lady Jersey fags herself, regardless of the bustle, Ma'am, With Lady Cowper, Lady Anne, and Lady William Russell, Ma'am. Come, ladies, come, 'tis now the time for capering, Freedom's flag, at Willis's, is just unfurl'd.

Oh, such a treat--'twill be pleasant, past conception, Ma'am, Such a crowd of patriot dames were never, never seen; Most of them at Brandenburgh have met a warm reception, Ma'am, And were boon companions of our gracious Queen! In smiles array'd, my Lady Grey, with such a noble work elate, The lemonade, and water-ice, will undertake to circulate, With meat in slices, laid on bread, about the rooms to hand which, is Of course the task of Lady S., the head of all the Sandwiches. Come, ladies, come, 'tis now the time for capering, Freedom's flag, at Willis's, is just unfurl'd.

Then, Ma'am, for company!--there ne'er has been a rush in town Half so great as there will be to this Whig thing: Mrs. Brougham and Mrs. Wilde, the Doctor, Mrs. Lushington, Mrs. Ellis, Mrs. Baring, Lord and Lady King; The Duke of Gloucester, Mr. Forster, little Colonel Higgins, Ma'am, Mrs. Barber Beaumont, Mrs. Byng, and Mrs. Figgins, Ma'am; Lady Morgan, Lady Stanhope, old Sir Robert Baker, Ma'am, And Mrs. Smith, and Mrs. Frith, and Lord and Lady Dacre, Ma'am. Come, ladies, come, 'tis now the time for capering, Freedom's flag, at Willis's, is just unfurl'd.