Chapter 6

12. I like to cross the harbor on the ferry, to dodge in and out among the ships, see the gulls dart among the waves, smell the sharp tang of salty air, and to feel the rocking motion of the boat.

13. In the sultry autumn, and when the winter's storms came, and when in spring the winds whistled, and in the summer's heat, he always wore the same old coat.

14. He knew that if he did not ignite the piece of wet bark this time, that he could not dry his clothing or broil the bacon.

15. The next speaker said that the need was critical, the schools must be enlarged, and that the paving now begun must be completed, and a new board of health should be created, that the interest on past debts had to be paid, and the city treasury was at this moment out of funds.

EMPHASIS

=Emphasis by Position=

=40. Reserve the emphatic positions in a sentence for important words or ideas. (The emphatic positions are the beginning and the end--especially the end.)=

Weak ending: Then like a flash a vivid memory of my uncle's death came to me.

Weak: I demand the release of the prisoners, in the first place.

Weak: This principle is one we cannot afford to accept, if my understanding of the question is correct.

Place the important idea at the end. Secure, if possible, an emphatic beginning. "Tuck in" unimportant modifiers.

Emphatic: Like a flash came to me a vivid memory of my uncle's death.

Emphatic: I demand, in the first place, the release of the prisoners.

Emphatic: This principle, if my understanding of the question is correct, is one we cannot afford to accept.

Exercise:

1. "War is inevitable," he said.

2. The cat had been poisoned to all appearances.

3. There are several methods of learning to swim, as everyone knows.

4. A liar is as bad as a thief, in my estimation.

5. He saw a fight below him in the street, happening to look out of the window.

=Emphasis by Separation=

=41. An idea which needs much emphasis may be detached, and allowed to stand in a sentence by itself.=

Faulty: The flames were by this time beyond control, and the walls collapsed, and several firemen were hurt. [The ideas here are too important to be run together in one sentence.]

Right: By this time the flames were beyond control, and the walls collapsed. Several firemen were hurt.

A quotation gains emphasis when it is separated from what follows.

Faulty: "The best laid schemes o' mice an' men Gang aft a-gley,"

are some lines from Burns which McDonald was always quoting.

Right: "The best laid schemes o' mice an' men Gang aft a-gley."

McDonald was always quoting these lines from Burns.

Direct discourse is more emphatic when it is separated from explanatory phrases, particularly from those which follow.

Faulty: Mosher leaped to the stage and shouted defiantly, "I will never consent to that!" and he looked as if he meant what he said.

Right: Mosher leaped to the stage and shouted his defiance: "I will never agree to that!" And he looked as if he meant what he said.

Exercise:

1. After the tents are pitched, the beds made, and the fires started, the first meal is cooked and served, and this meal is the beginning of camp-life joy.

2. He tried to make his wife vote for his own, the Citizen's Party, but she firmly refused.

3. At the word of command the dog rushed forward; the covey rose with a mighty whir, and the hunter fired both barrels, and the dog looked in vain for a dead bird, and then returned disconsolate.

4. I sat and gazed at the motto, "Aim high, and believe yourself capable of great things," which my mother had placed there for me.

5. "A Book of Verses underneath the Bough, A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread, and Thou Beside me singing in the Wilderness."

were the four things Omar Khayyam wanted to make him happy.

=Emphasis by Subordination=

=42. Do not place the important idea of a sentence in a subordinate clause or phrase. Make the important idea grammatically independent. If possible, subordinate the rest of the sentence to it.=

Faulty: He had a manner which made me angry.

Faulty: The fire spread to the third story, when the house was doomed.

Faulty: For years the Indians molested the white people, thereby causing the settlers to want revenge.

The important idea should not be placed in a _which_ clause, or a _when_ clause, or a participial phrase.

Right: His manner made me angry.

Right: When the fire spread to the third story, the house was doomed.

Right: Years of molestation by the Indians made the white men want revenge.

Exercise:

1. I was riding on the train, when suddenly there was an accident.

2. There are two windows in each bedroom, thus insuring good ventilation.

3. Yonder is the house which is my home.

4. He saw that argument was useless, so he let her talk.

5. His clothes were very old, making him look like a tramp.

=The Periodic Sentence=

A sentence is periodic when the completion of the main thought is delayed until the end. This delay creates a feeling of suspense. A periodic sentence is doubly emphatic: it has emphasis by position because the important idea comes at the end; it has emphasis by subordination because all ideas except the last one are grammatically dependent.

=43. To give emphasis to a loosely constructed sentence, turn it into periodic form.=

Loose: I saw two men fight a duel, many years ago, on a moonlit summer night, in a little village in northern France. [What is most important, the time? the place? or the actual duel? Place the important idea last.]

Periodic: Many years ago, on a moonlit summer night, in a little village in northern France, I saw two men fight a duel.

Loose: We left Yellowstone Gateway for the ride of our lives in a six-horse tally-ho. [Place the important idea last, _and make all other ideas grammatically subordinate_.]

Periodic: Leaving Yellowstone Gateway in a six-horse tally-ho, we had the ride of our lives.

Loose: The river was swollen with incessant rain, and it swept away the dam. [Which is the important idea? Why not make it appear more important by subordinating everything to it?]

Periodic: The river, swollen with incessant rain, swept away the dam.

Loose: War means to have our pursuit of knowledge and happiness rudely broken off, to feel the sting of death and bereavement, to saddle future generations with a burden of debt and national hatred.

Periodic: To have our pursuit of knowledge and happiness rudely broken off, to feel the sting of death and bereavement, to saddle future generations with a burden of debt and national hatred--this is war.

Exercise:

1. I am happy when the spring comes, when the sun is warm, when the fields revive.

2. He cares nothing for culture, for justice, for progress.

3. As the boat gathered speed, the golden sun was setting far across the harbor.

4. He amassed a great fortune, standing there behind his dingy counter, discounting bills, pinching coins, buying cheap and selling dear.

5. The shattered aqueducts, pier beyond pier, melt into the darkness, from the plains to the mountains.

=Order of Climax=

=44. In a series of words, phrases, or clauses of noticeable difference in strength, use the order of climax.=

Wrong order: He was insolent and lazy.

Weak ending: Literature has expanded into a sea, where before it was only a small stream.

Weak ending: As we listened to his story we felt the sordid misery and the peril and fear of war.

Emphatic: He was lazy and insolent.

Emphatic: The stream of literature has swollen into a torrent, expanded into a sea.

Emphatic: As we listened to his story we felt the fear, the peril, the sordid misery of war.

Exercise:

1. We boarded the train, after having bought our tickets and checked our baggage.

2. War brings famine, death, disease after it.

3. They have broken up our homes, enslaved our children, and stolen our property.

4. In the old story, the drunken man, carried into the duke's palace, sees himself surrounded with luxury, and imagines himself a true prince, after waking up.

5. The becalmed mariners were famished, hungry.

=The Balanced Sentence=

=45. Two ideas similar or opposite in thought gain in emphasis when set off, one against the other, in similar constructions.=

Weak and straggling: This paper, like many others, has many bad features, but in some ways it is very good. The news articles are far better than the editorials, which are feeble.

Balanced structure: This paper is in some respects good; in other respects very poor. The news articles are impressive, the editorials are feeble.

Weak and complicated: From the East a man who lives in the West can learn a great deal, and an Easterner ought to be able to understand the West.

Balanced: A Westerner can learn much from the East, and an Easterner needs to understand the West.

Weak: Both Mill and Macaulay influenced the younger writers. Mill taught some of them to reason, but many more of them learned from Macaulay only a superficial eloquence.

Balanced: Both Mill and Macaulay influenced the younger writers. If Mill taught some of them to reason, Macaulay tempted many more of them to declaim.

Note.--Although excessive use of balance is artificial, occasional use of it is powerful. It can give to writing either dignity (as in an oration) or point (as in an epigram). Observe how many proverbs are in balanced structure. "Seeing is believing.--Nothing venture, nothing have.--For every grain of wit there is a grain of folly.--You cannot do wrong without suffering wrong.--An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth." Note the effective use of balance in Emerson's _Essays_, particularly in _Compensation_; and in the Old Testament, particularly in _Psalms_ and _Proverbs_.

Exercise:

1. Machinery is of course labor-saving, but countless men are thrown out of work.

2. There is a difference between success in business and in acquiring culture.

3. I attend concerts for the pleasure of it, and to get an understanding of music.

4. The stag in the fable admired his horns and blamed his feet; but when the hunter came, his feet saved him, and afterward, caught in the thicket, he was destroyed by his horns.

5. We do not see the stars at evening, sometimes because there are clouds intervening, but oftener because there are glimmerings of light; thus many truths escape us from the obscurity we stand in, and many more from the state of mind which induces us to sit down satisfied with our imaginations and of our knowledge unsuspicious. [This sentence is correctly balanced, except at the end.]

=The Weak Effect of the Passive Voice=

=46. Use the active voice unless there is a reason for doing otherwise. The passive voice is, as the name implies, not emphatic.=

Weak: Your gift is appreciated by me.

Better: I appreciate your gift.

Weak and vague: His step on the porch was heard.

Better: His step sounded on the porch. [Or] I heard his step on the porch.

The passive voice is especially objectionable when by failing to indicate the agent of the verb it unnecessarily mystifies the reader.

Vague: The train was seen speeding toward us.

Better: We saw the train speeding toward us.

Exercise:

1. Their minds were changed frequently as to what profession should be taken up by them.

2. A gun should be examined and oiled well before a hunter starts.

3. Finally the serenaders were recognized.

4. In athletics a man is developed physically.

5. If a man uses slang constantly, a good impression is not made.

=Effective Repetition=

=47a. The simplest and most natural way to emphasize a word or an idea is to repeat it.= The Bible is the best standard of simplicity and dignity in our language, and the Bible uses repetition constantly. A word or idea that is repeated must, of course, be important enough to deserve emphasis.

Fairly emphatic: He works and toils and labors, but he seems never to get anywhere.

Very emphatic: Work, work, work, all he does is work, and still he seems never to get anywhere.

Fairly emphatic: How did the general meet this new menace? He withdrew before it!

Very emphatic: How did the general meet this new menace? He withdrew! He retreated! He ran away!

Homely but emphatic: "I went under," said the old salt; "bows, gunnels, and starn--all under."

Deliberately too emphatic: Everywhere we hear of efficiency--efficiency experts, efficiency bureaus, efficiency methods, in the office, in the school, in the home--until one longs to fly to some savage island beyond the reach of inhuman modern science.

=b. Not only words, but an entire grammatical structure may be repeated on a large scale for emphasis.=

Weak: We hope that this shipment will reach you in good condition, and that you will favor us with other orders in the future, which will be given prompt and courteous attention. [This sentence is flimsy and spineless because the writer had a timid reluctance to repeat.]

Strong: We hope that this shipment will reach you in good condition. We believe that the quality of our goods will induce you to send us a second order. We assure you that such an order will receive prompt and courteous attention. [Note the emphasis derived from the resolute march of the expressions _We hope_, _We believe_, _We assure_.]

Emphatic: Through the patience, the courage, the high character of Alfred the country was saved--saved from the rapacities of fortune, saved from the malignancy of its enemies, saved from the sluggish despair of the people of England themselves.

Emphatic and natural: This corner of the garden was my first playground. Here I made my first toddling effort to walk. Here on the soft grass I learned the delight of out-of-doors. Here I became acquainted with the bull-frog, and the bumble-bee, and the neighbor's dog.

Emphatic and delightful: He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul; he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Exercise:

1. He kept digging away for gold through long years.

2. Breaking against the shore, came innumerable waves.

3. Sand, sagebrush, shimmering flat horizon. I could not endure the barren monotony of the desert.

4. We want you to come and visit us, and bring along a good appetite and your customary high spirits. Plan to stay a long time.

5. 'Twas bitter cold outside. The cat meowed until I had to let her in.

=Offensive Repetition=

Careless repetition attracts attention to words that do not need emphasis. It is extremely annoying to the reader.

=48a. Unless a word or phrase is repeated deliberately to gain force or clearness, its repetition is a blunder. Get rid of recurring expressions in one of three ways: (1) by substituting equivalent expressions, (2) by using pronouns more liberally, (3) by rearranging the sentence so as to say once what has awkwardly been said twice.= Each of these schemes is illustrated below.

=1.= Repetition cured by the use of equivalent expressions (synonyms).

Bad: _Just_ as we were half way down the lake, _just_ off Milwaukee, we _began_ to feel a slight motion of the ship and the _wind began_ to freshen. The _wind began_ to blow more fiercely from the south and the waves _began_ to leap high. The boat _began_ to pitch and roll.

Right: _Just_ as we were half way down the lake, _opposite_ Milwaukee, we began to feel a slight motion of the ship, for the wind _had_ freshened. Before long _a gale_, _blowing_ from the south, _kicked up a heavy sea and caused_ the boat to pitch and roll. [Notice how combining the last two sentences helps to solve the problem of the last _began_, besides giving firmer texture to the construction.]

=2.= Repetition cured by the use of pronouns. (In using this method, one should take care that the reference of the pronouns is clear.)

Bad: The _Law Building_, the _Commerce Building_, and the _Science Building_ are close together. The _Commerce Building_ is south of the _Law Building_, and the _Science Building_ is south of the _Commerce Building_. The _Law Building_ is old and dilapidated. The _Commerce Building_ is a red brick _building_, trimmed in terra-cotta. The _Science Building_ resembles the _Commerce Building_.

Right: The Law, Commerce, and Science Buildings are close together in a row. _The first of these_ is old and dilapidated. South of it stands the Commerce Building, _which_, because of _its_ red brick and terra-cotta trimmings, somewhat resembles the Science Building.

=3.= Repetition cured by rearranging and condensing.

Bad: The _autumn_ is my favorite of all the _seasons_. While _autumn_ in the _city_ is not such a pleasant _season_ as _autumn_ in the country, yet even in the _city_ my preference will always be for the _autumn_.

Right: My favorite season is autumn. I like it best in the country, but even in the city it is the best time of the year.

=b. Avoid a monotonous repetition of sentence structure. To give variety to successive sentences: (1) vary the length, (2) vary the beginnings, (3) avoid a series of similar compound sentences, (4) interchange loose with periodic structure, (5) use rhetorical question, exclamation, direct discourse, (6) avoid an excessive use of participles or adjectives.=

=1.= Vary the length of sentences.

Bad: Walter came up the path carrying Betty in his arms. She was wet from head to toe. Damp curls clung to her pale face. Water dripped from her clothes. One hand hung loosely over Walter's arm. The other held a live duckling. She had saved the little duck from drowning. This was Betty's first day in the country.

Right: Walter came up the path carrying Betty in his arms--little Betty who was spending her first day in the country. She was wet from head to toe; damp curls clung to her pale face, and water dripped from her clothes. In one hand she held a live duckling. Her face lighted with courage as she told how she jumped into the pond and saved the little duck from drowning.

=2.= Vary the beginnings of sentences. Do not allow too many sentences to begin with the subject, or with a time clause, or with a participle, or with _so_. When you have finished a composition, rapidly read over the opening words of each sentence, to see if there is sufficient variety.

Bad [too many sentences begin directly with the subject]: Our way is circuitous. A sharp turn brings us round a rocky point. The road drops suddenly into a little valley. The roof of a house appears in a grove of trees below. A cottage is there and a flower garden. An old-fashioned well is near the door.

Right: Presently, on our circuitous way, we make a sharp turn round a rocky point. Before us the road drops suddenly into a little valley. In a grove of trees below appears the roof of a house, and as we draw nearer we see a cottage surrounded by flowers. Nothing could be more attractive to a weary traveler than the old-fashioned well near the door.

=3.= Avoid a series of similar compound sentences, especially those of two parts of equal length, joined by _and_ or _but_.

Bad: Ring was a sheep dog, and tended the flock with his master. One day there came a deep snow, and the flock did not return. They found the herder frozen stiff, and the dog shivering beside him.

Right: Ring was a sheep dog, and tended the flock with his master. One day there came a deep snow. When the flock failed to return, the men became uneasy, and began to search. They found the herder frozen stiff, with the dog shivering beside him.

=4.= Change occasionally from loose to periodic or balanced structure (See 43 and 45).

Monotonous: I stood at the foot of Tunbridge hill. I saw on the horizon a dense wood, which, in the evening sunlight, was veiled in purple haze [Loose]. On the left was the village, the houses appearing like specks in the distance [Loose]. Nearer on the right was the creek, winding through the willows [Loose]. The creek approached nearer until it reached the dam, over which it rushed tumultuously [Loose]. Near by was a thicket of tall trees, through which I could see the white tents of my fellow campers, and their glowing camp fires [Loose].

Right: Far south from Tunbridge hill, on the dim horizon, I saw, veiled in the evening haze, a dense wood [Periodic, long, conveying the idea of distance better than a loose sentence]. On my left stood the village, the houses like specks; on my right wound the creek, nearer and nearer through the willows [Balanced]. The creek advanced by slow sinuous turns, until, reaching the dam, it plunged over tumultuously [Loose]. Through a thicket of tall trees, near at hand, I could see the white tents of my fellow campers, and their glowing camp fires [Periodic through the middle of the sentence; then loose].

=5.= Use question, exclamation, direct quotation.

Somewhat flat: He asked me the road to Camden. I did not know. I told him to ask Thurber, who knew the country well.

Better: He asked me the road to Camden. The road to Camden? How should I know? "Ask Thurber," I said impatiently; "he knows this country. I'm a stranger."

=6.= Avoid an excessive use of participles. Do not pile adjectives around every noun. Above all, do not form a habit of using adjectives in pairs or triplets.

Bad: Sitting by the window, I saw a sharp, dazzling flash of lightning, and heard a loud rumbling crash of heavy thunder, warning me of the coming of the storm. Darting across the gray, leaden sky, the quick, jagged lightning flashed incessantly. The tall stately poplar trees thrashed around in the boisterous wind. Then across the window, like a great white curtain, swept the streaming, blinding rain.

Right: I sat by the window. Suddenly a sharp flash of lightning and a roll of thunder gave warning of the approach of a storm. Soon lightning zig-zagged across the sky incessantly. The wind huddled the poplar trees. Then like a white curtain across the window streamed the rain.

Exercise:

1. The parts of the tables are not put together at the factory, but the different parts are shipped in different shipments.

2. In order to convince the reader that the present management of farms is inefficient, I shall give some examples of efficiency in the farm management on some farms with which I am acquainted.

3. When one wishes to learn how to swim one must first become accustomed to the water. The best way to become accustomed to the water is to go into it frequently. After one has become accustomed to the water he may begin to learn the strokes.

4. _The Life of Sir Walter Scott_, written by J. G. Lockhart, is an interesting biography of this great writer. It consists of a short biography by Scott himself, and also consists of a continuation of this biography by his son-in-law, J. G. Lockhart.