Chapter 2

Loose thinking: Shakespeare's _Hamlet_ occurs in Denmark [The scene is laid?]. Many passages are powerful, especially the grave-digging [Is grave-digging a passage?]. The character of Horatio is a noble fellow [conception], and the same is true of Ophelia [Ophelia a fellow?]. The drama takes place over several weeks. [The action covers a period of several weeks.]

Exercise:

1. The victrola brings to the home the world's musical ability.

2. The user of Dietzgen instruments is not vexed by numerous troubles that accompany the inferior makes.

3. To the picnicker rainy weather is bad weather, while the farmer raises a big crop.

4. Some diseases can be checked by preventives, and in many cases can be of great use to an army.

5. This idea of breaking all records held for eating is naturally harmful to the digestion, and these important organs may thank their stars that Christmas does not come very often.

=Transitions=

The state of mind of a writer is not the state of mind of his reader. The writer knows his ideas, and has spent much time with them. The reader meets these ideas for the first time, and must gather them in at a glance. The relation between two ideas may be clear to the writer, and not at all clear to the reader. Therefore,

=8. In passing from one thought to another, make the connection clear. If necessary, insert a word, a phrase, or even a sentence, to carry the reader safely across.=

Space transition needed: We were surprised to see a house in the distance, but we went to the door and knocked. [This sentence does not give a reader the effect of distance.]

Better: We were surprised to see a house in the distance. _But we hastened toward it with thoughts of a warm meal and a good lodging. We entered the yard_, and went up to the door, and knocked.

Exterior-interior transition needed: We noticed that the house was built of cobblestones. There was a broad window from which we could look out upon the small stream that dashed down the rocky hillside.

Better: We noticed that the house was built of cobblestones. _We went inside, and found that the living room was large and airy._ There was a broad window from which we could look out upon the small stream that dashed down the rocky hillside.

Cause transition lacking: The Romans were great road-builders. They wished to maintain their empire.

Better: The Romans were great road-builders, _because means of moving troops quickly were necessary_ to the maintenance of their empire.

General-to-particular transition needed: Modern machinery often makes men its slaves. Last summer I worked for the Chandler Company. [This gap in thought occurs oftenest between the first two sentences of a paragraph or theme.]

Better: Modern machinery often makes men its slaves. _This truth is well illustrated by my own experience._ Last summer I worked for the Chandler Company.

Transition to be improved by changing order: A careless trainer may spoil a good colt. A good horse can never be made of a vicious colt. [Here the order of ideas is: "Trainer ... colt. Horse ... colt." Turn the last sentence end for end.]

Better: A careless trainer may spoil a good colt. And a vicious colt can never be made a good horse. [Now the order of ideas is "Trainer ... colt. Colt ... horse."]

Transition to be improved by removal of a disturbing element: Our class in physics last week visited a pumping station in which the Corliss type of steam engine is used. _The engines are manufactured by the Allis-Chalmers Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin._ This type of engine is used because it has several advantages. [The italicized sentence should be omitted here, and used later in the theme.]

Note.--The divisions of thought within a paragraph may likewise be indicated by connectives: _however_, _on the other hand_, _equally important_, _another interesting problem is_, _for this reason_, _the remedy for this_, _so much for_, _it remains to mention_, _of course I admit_, _finally_. (For a longer list see 36.) Such phrases are also useful in linking one paragraph to another.

When a student first learns the art, he is likely to use transition phrases in excess, and produce something like the following: "When I have to write a theme, I first think of my subject. As soon as I have my subject, I take out my paper. On the paper I then make a rough outline." This abuse of transition causes an overlapping of thought, like shingles laid three inches to the weather. An abrupt transition is better than wordiness.

Exercise:

1. The shore looked far off. Then we reached it.

2. A light snow was falling last night. This is a good day for hunting rabbits.

3. A dollar is often a large sum. I sold newspapers when I was a boy.

4. Many English words still preserve their old meanings. There is the teller in the bank.

5. We had to walk half a mile across the pastures in the fresh morning air. Exercise indoors does not arouse much zest or enthusiasm.

=9.= EXERCISE IN COMPLETENESS OF THOUGHT

=A. Fragments Misused as Sentences=

Rewrite the following statements in sentences each of which expresses a complete thought.

1. He gave me a flower. Which was wilted.

2. The gasoline flows through the supply tube to the carburetor. Where it should vaporize and enter the cylinders.

3. People of all ages were there. Old men, young women, and even children.

4. He told us that you had a good standing among business men. That you always met your bills promptly.

5. Excuse Everett Smith from school this morning. He having the measles.

6. The internal combustion engine may be either one of two types. The two cycle or the four cycle.

7. The young men and women acted like children. Who should have known better.

8. There was a cross cow in the pasture. Which had long horns.

9. Bacteria are microscopic organisms. Especially found where milk or some other substance decomposes.

10. We pass on down the street. The buildings rising two or three stories high on either side.

11. The Y. M. C. A. enables you to keep your religious interests alive. As well as to associate with clean young men.

12. She wasted her time on foolish clothes. While her mother took in washing.

13. He was dressed in a ridiculous fashion. Wearing, for instance, an orange necktie.

14. The point is similar to that of the ordinary steel pen, except that it is made of gold. Gold being used on account of its greater smoothness and durability.

15. Tire troubles have been made less formidable by the invention of a compact, efficient little vulcanizer. A factory for making which is now being built.

=B. Incomplete Constructions=

Improve the following statements. Supply missing words. Make sure that each construction and each sentence is complete.

1. When one year old, my mother died.

2. Yours received, and in reply would say your order has been filled.

3. While in there a man came in and bought a quarter's worth of soap.

4. War is largely dependent upon the engineers to design new machinery.

5. When you talk to a man look at him, not the floor or ceiling.

6. In writing a book, an author's first one is usually not very good.

7. Every summer while in high school, our family has gone to our cottage on Lake Michigan.

8. When a boy, Mary was my best friend.

9. There is, however, another reason a person should know how to swim.

10. I think more of her than anyone else.

11. Corrupt laws are often the means rich people obtain the earnings of others.

12. A hundred dollars invested in a warning signal, future accidents would be prevented.

13. Electric transmission is sometimes used on automobiles more of an experiment than anything else.

14. Was delighted to hear from you. Glad to hear you entered the wholesale business. Wish you success.

15. As a rule people eat too much. This point should be noticed, and not overwork the digestive organs.

=C. Incomplete Logic=

The following sentences are inadequate statements of cause, comparison, etc. Complete the thought.

1. His neck is as long as a giraffe.

2. His name was David Meek, from New Hampshire.

3. The Pacific Ocean is larger than any ocean.

4. Because he never worked led to his failure.

5. A monitor is where a heavily armored boat of light draft can go near the shore.

6. Democracy is when people, through representatives, govern themselves.

7. The story of _Huckleberry Finn_ is in reality Mark Twain himself.

8. Because a man has money is no reason why he should be lazy.

9. The character of Sydney Carton is the real hero of this novel.

10. A forester leads an interesting life is the reason I want to be one.

11. Tact is where a man anticipates the criticism of others, and acts with discretion.

12. The comfort of a modern house is much greater than the old-time house.

13. Free trade is when no revenue is collected on imports, beyond enough to run the government.

14. The cost of room, board, and tuition is low at this school, compared to the more fashionable schools.

15. The theme of this novel tells how a peasant, Jean Valjean, from a convict comes to be a respected citizen.

=D. Undeveloped Thought and Transitions=

Complete the thought of the following sentences, and secure a smooth transition between parts.

1. As you enter this room, to the left is an interesting painting of the Canterbury Pilgrims.

2. Poe delights in fantastic plots. A pirate's treasure chest was discovered in _The Gold Bug_.

3. I got up and ate a bite of breakfast. A few of my friends came over. We went to play golf.

4. All the loose material on the trail is carried off by the rush of the water. The last time I was on it was in early summer, and I found it in this rough condition.

5. I managed to find the softest board in the floor and went to sleep. Some of the boys found pleasure in arousing me with a shower of cold water.

6. Under guise of friendly escort the Indians accompanied the inhabitants of the fort a few miles. Only three escaped the massacre.

7. Many people say that in civil engineering it depends on the prosperity of the country; in hard times they do not build and in good times they do build.

8. Canada has more forests than minerals. Canada has made only a start in the lumber industry. The minerals are found, for the most part, in the mountain district near Lake Superior.

9. Thanksgiving day, as we are told, is a day on which our Puritan forefathers gathered round the roast turkey and gave thanks to God for his goodness. Last Thanksgiving I was at home.

10. The old method was to dig the holes by hand, and drop two or three kernels in each hole. Corn has become a staple crop. Machinery is used. The preparing of a field for corn has become a science.

UNITY OF THOUGHT

Unity means oneness. A sentence should contain one thought. It may contain two or more statements only when these are closely related parts of a larger thought or impression. A writer should make certain, first, that his thought has unity; and second, that this unity will be obvious to the reader.

=Unrelated Ideas in One Sentence=

=10. Do not combine ideas which have no obvious relation to each other. Place the ideas in separate sentences. Or, write the ideas as one sentence, making their relation obvious.=

Wrong: The Spartans did not care for literature, and lived in the southern part of Greece.

Wrong: The coffee business is not difficult to learn, and the most important work in preparing coffee for the market is the roasting of the green berries.

The simplest method of correction is to divide the sentence.

Right: The Spartans lived in the southern part of Greece. They did not care for literature.

Right: The coffee business is not difficult to learn. The most important work in preparing the coffee for the market is the roasting of the green berries.

Another method of correction is to subordinate one idea to the other, or to change the wording until the relation between the ideas is obvious.

Right: The Spartans, who lived in the southern part of Greece, did not care for literature.

Right: The coffee business is not difficult to learn, since the only important work in preparing the coffee for the market is the roasting of the green berries.

Exercise:

1. Franklin is often regarded as the typical American, and wrote an interesting autobiography.

2. Coal miners wear little oil lamps in their caps, and they seldom receive very good wages.

3. My neighbor, Mr. Houghton, was always a very good friend of mine, and died last night.

4. I dropped the clock and injured the works, but the jeweler told me it would be cheaper for me to buy a new clock.

5. The next thing the camper should do is to make a bed, and the branches of the spruce are the best.

=Excessive Detail=

=11. Do not encumber the main idea of a sentence with superfluous details. Place some of the details in another sentence, or omit them.=

Faulty: In the town in which I live there are several large churches, and about six o'clock one morning, in a violent storm, one of these churches was struck by lightning.

Right: In my home town there are several large churches. One morning about six o'clock, in a violent storm, one of these churches was struck by lightning.

Wrong: In 1836, in Baltimore, Poe married Virginia Clemm, his cousin, who was hardly more than a child, being then fourteen years old, while Poe himself was twenty-eight, and to her he wrote much of his best verse.

Right: In 1836 Poe married Virginia Clemm. Poe was then twenty-eight, and Virginia was only fourteen. To this girl Poe wrote much of his best verse.

Exercise:

1. The house with the red tile roof is the finest in the city, and is owned by Mr. Saunders, who made his money speculating in land.

2. Then the engine tilted and fell over on one side, and the boiler exploded and added to the frightful scene.

3. The deer whose antlers you see over the fireplace as you enter the room was shot by my Uncle Will, who is now in South America on a hunting expedition.

4. The seeds, which have previously been soaked in water over night, are now planted carefully, not too deep, in straight rows sixteen inches apart, the best time being in April, when the ground is soft and has been thoroughly spaded.

5. One day last week my employer, Mr. Conway, a jolly, peculiar man, raised my salary, first telling me I was about to be discharged, and laughing at me when I looked so surprised.

=Stringy Sentences to be Broken up=

=12. Avoid stringy compound sentences. The crude, rambling style which results from their use may be corrected by separating the material into shorter sentences, or by subordinating lesser ideas to the main thought.=

Faulty: The second speaker had sat quietly waiting, and he was a man of a different type, and he began calmly, yet from the very first words he showed great earnestness.

Right: The second speaker, who had sat quietly waiting, was a man of a different type. He began calmly, yet from his very first words he showed great earnestness.

Faulty: There are many stops on the organ which control the tones of the different pipes and one has to learn how and when to use these and this takes time and practice.

Right: On the organ are many stops which control the tones of the different pipes. To learn how and when to use these takes time and practice.

Faulty: He published prose fiction, and this was then the accepted literary form, and the drama was neglected.

Better: He published prose fiction, which was then the accepted literary form, the drama being neglected. [This sentence makes three statements in a diminishing series. The important idea is expressed in a main clause; a less important explanation is fitted into a relative clause; and a still less important comment takes a parenthetical phrase at the end.]

Note.--One of the crying faults of the immature writer is that by excessive coördination he obscures the fine shades of meaning. When two clauses are joined, the meaning will very often be more exact if one is subordinated to the other. For a list of subordinating connectives, see 36.

Exercise:

1. He went down town, and it began to rain, and so he decided to go to the city library.

2. There is an old saying which I have often heard and I believe in it to a certain extent, and it runs as follows: The more you live at your wit's end, the more the wit's end grows.

3. Our salesman, Mr. Powers, has spoken very favorably of your firm, and we feel that our relations will be most pleasant, and the report of the commercial agencies is sufficient evidence of your good financial standing.

4. There was no escaping from this churn, so one of the frogs, after a brief struggle thought that he might just as well die one time as another, and so he gave up and sank to the bottom.

5. Socrates did no writing himself, and the only information we have of him we get from the writings of his pupils and from later writers, and our most reliable knowledge comes from two of these writers, Plato and Xenophon.

=Choppy Sentences to be Combined=

=13. Do not use two or three short sentences to express ideas which will make a more unified impression in one sentence. Place subordinate ideas in subordinate grammatical constructions.=

Excessive predication: Excavating is the first operation in street paving. The excavating is usually done by means of a steam shovel. The shovel scoops up the dirt and loads it directly into wagons.

Right: Excavating, the first operation in street paving, is usually done by a steam shovel which loads the dirt directly into wagons.

Monotonous: The doe is wading along the shore. She is nibbling the lily pads as she goes. Now she moves slowly around the point. She has a little spotted fawn with her. The fawn frolics along at the heels of his mother.

Better: Wading along the shore, the doe nibbles the lily pads by the way, and moves slowly around the point. A spotted fawn frolics at her heels.

Primer style: Rooms are marked on the floor. These rooms are about fourteen feet square.

Better: The floor is marked off into rooms about fourteen feet square.

Note.--An occasional short sentence is permissible, even desirable. Successive short sentences may be used to express rapid action, or emphatic assertion, or deliberate simplicity. Otherwise, avoid them.

Exercise.

1. Decatur has wide streets. The streets are paved with brick, asphalt, and creosote blocks.

2. Sixteen posts are set in a row. All of these are at equal intervals.

3. The boat approaches the leeward side of the ship. This side is the side protected from the wind.

4. The _Scientific American_ reports the progress of science. It explains new inventions. It makes practical applications of scientific principles.

5. The beans are usually harvested about the middle of September. They are cut when the plants turn color at the roots and the beans turn white. They are cut by a bean-cutter which takes two rows at a time.

=Excessive Coördination=

In structure a sentence may be

A. Simple: The rain fell.

B. Compound: The rain continued and the stream rose.

C. Complex: When the rain ceased, the flood came.

In B, the clauses are of almost equal importance, and the first is coördinated with the second. In C, the clauses are not of equal importance, and the first is subordinated to the second. _And_ is a coördinating conjunction. _When_ is a subordinating conjunction. For a list of connectives see 36.

=14. Do not use coördination when subordination will secure a more clear and emphatic unit of thought. Especially do not coördinate a main idea with an explanatory detail.= The speech of children connects all ideas, important and unimportant, with _and_. Discriminating writers place minor ideas in subordinate clauses, consign still less important ideas to participial or prepositional phrases, and omit trivial details altogether.

Childish: I went down town and saw a crowd standing in the street, and wanted to know what was the matter, and so I went up and asked a man.

Right: When I went down town, I saw a crowd standing in the street, and since I wanted to know what was the matter, I asked a man. [Two clauses are subordinated by the use of _when_ and _since_. This change abolishes two _ands_. The words _went up and_ are struck out. One _and_ remains, and deserves to remain, for it joins two ideas which are truly coördinate.]

Main idea not emphasized: I talked with an old man and his name was Ned.

Better: I talked with an old man named Ned. [A participial phrase replaces a clause. The name is now subordinated.]

Main idea not emphasized: Developing is the next step in preparing the film, and it is very important.

Better: Developing, the next step in preparing the film, is very important. [An appositional phrase replaces the first predicate.]

Main idea not emphasized: They began their perilous journey, and they had four horses.

Right [emphasizing _perilous journey_]: With four horses they began their perilous journey. [A prepositional phrase replaces a clause.]

Right [emphasizing _having the horses_]: When they began their perilous journey, they had four horses. [A subordinate clause replaces a main clause.]

Capable of greater unity: The frog is a stupid animal, and may be caught with a hook baited with red flannel. [Is the writer trying to tell us _how to catch frogs_, or merely that _frogs are stupid_? Coördination makes the two ideas appear equally important.]

Right [emphasizing _frogs are stupid_]: The fact that the frog can be caught with a hook baited with red flannel proves his stupidity.

Right [emphasizing _how to catch frogs_]: The frog, being stupid, will bite at a piece of red flannel.

Exercise.

1. Men were sent to Panama and could not live in such unsanitary conditions.

2. When a letter came and it bore a familiar handwriting, I always opened it eagerly.

3. West Hickory is the name of the place where the tannery is situated, and it is a laboring man's town.

4. She wore a dress and it was silk, and cost her father a lot of money.

5. Every race horse has a care taker or groom, and this man spends all his time and makes the horse comfortable.

=Faulty Subordination of the Main Thought=

=15. Do not put the principal statement of a sentence in a subordinate clause or phrase.= This violation of unity is sometimes called "upside-down subordination".

Faulty: I was going down the street, when I heard an explosion. [If _hearing the explosion_ is the main thought, it should be placed in the main clause.]

Right: When I was going down the street, I heard an explosion.

Faulty: Longstreet received orders to attack the Federal right wing, which he did immediately.

Right: As soon as Longstreet received orders, he attacked the Federal right wing.

Faulty: I suspected that it would rain, although I did not take an umbrella.

Right: Although I suspected that it would rain, I did not take an umbrella.

Exercise:

1. An old man used to work for us, who died yesterday.