Chapter 5

I'll love my Ipsithilla sweetest, My desires and my wit the meetest, So bid me join thy nap o' noon! Then (after bidding) add the boon Undraw thy threshold-bolt none dare, 5 Lest thou be led afar to fare; Nay bide at home, for us prepare Nine-fold continuous love-delights. But aught do thou to hurry things, For dinner-full I lie aback, 10 And gown and tunic through I crack.

I'll love thee, my sweet Ipsithilla, my delight, my pleasure: an thou bid me come to thee at noontide. And an thou thus biddest, I adjure thee that none makes fast the outer door [against me], nor be thou minded to gad forth, but do thou stay at home and prepare for us nine continuous conjoinings. In truth if thou art minded, give instant summons: for breakfast o'er, I lie supine and ripe, thrusting through both tunic and cloak.

XXXIII.

O furum optime balneariorum Vibenni pater, et cinaede fili, (Nam dextra pater inquinatiore, Culo filius est voraciore) Cur non exilium malasque in oras 5 Itis, quandoquidem patris rapinae Notae sunt populo, et natis pilosas, Fili, non potes asse venditare.

XXXIII.

ON THE VIBENII--BATH-THIEVES.

Oh, best of robbers who in Baths delight, Vibennius, sire and son, the Ingle hight, (For that the father's hand be fouler one And with his anus greedier is the Son) Why not to banishment and evil hours 5 Haste ye, when all the parent's plundering powers Are public knowledge, nor canst gain a Cent Son! by the vending of thy pilèd vent.

O, chiefest of pilferers, baths frequenting, Vibennius the father and his pathic son (for with the right hand is the sire more in guilt, and with his backside is the son the greedier), why go ye not to exile and ill hours, seeing that the father's plunderings are known to all folk, and that, son, thou can'st not sell thine hairy buttocks for a doit?

XXXIIII.

Dianae sumus in fide Puellae et pueri integri: _Dianam pueri integri_ Puellaeque canamus.

O Latonia, maximi 5 Magna progenies Iovis, Quam mater prope Deliam Deposivit olivam,

Montium domina ut fores Silvarumque virentium 10 Saltuumque reconditorum Amniumque sonantum.

Tu Lucina dolentibus Iuno dicta puerperis, Tu potens Trivia et notho's 15 Dicta lumine Luna.

Tu cursu, dea, menstruo Metiens iter annuom Rustica agricolae bonis Tecta frugibus exples. 20

Sis quocumque tibi placet Sancta nomine, Romulique, Antique ut solita's, bona Sospites ope gentem.

XXXIIII.

HYMN TO DIANA.

Diana's faith inbred we bear Youths whole of heart and maidens fair, Let boys no blemishes impair, And girls of Dian sing!

O great Latonian progeny, 5 Of greatest Jove descendancy, Whom mother bare 'neath olive-tree, Deep in the Delian dell;

That of the mountains reign thou Queen And forest ranges ever green, 10 And coppices by man unseen, And rivers resonant.

Thou art Lucína, Juno hight By mothers lien in painful plight, Thou puissant Trivia and the Light 15 Bastard, yclept the Lune.

Thou goddess with thy monthly stage, The yearly march doth mete and guage And rustic peasant's messuage, Dost brim with best o' crops, 20

Be hailed by whatso name of grace, Please thee and olden Romulus' race, Thy wonted favour deign embrace, And save with choicest aid.

We, maids and upright youths, are in Diana's care: upright youths and maids, we sing Diana.

O Latonia, progeny great of greatest Jove, whom thy mother bare 'neath Delian olive,

That thou mightst be Queen of lofty mounts, of foliaged groves, of remote glens, and of winding streams.

Thou art called Juno Lucina by the mother in her travail-pangs, thou art named potent Trivia and Luna with an ill-got light.

Thou, Goddess, with monthly march measuring the yearly course, dost glut with produce the rustic roofs of the farmer.

Be thou hallowed by whatsoe'er name thou dost prefer; and cherish, with thine good aid, as thou art wont, the ancient race of Romulus.

XXXV.

Poetae tenero, meo sodali Velim Caecilio, papyre, dicas, Veronam veniat, Novi relinquens Comi moenia Lariumque litus: Nam quasdam volo cogitationes 5 Amici accipiat sui meique. Quare, si sapiet, viam vorabit, Quamvis candida milies puella Euntem revocet manusque collo Ambas iniciens roget morari, 10 Quae nunc, si mihi vera nuntiantur, Illum deperit inpotente amore: Nam quo tempore legit incohatam Dindymi dominam, ex eo misellae Ignes interiorem edunt medullam. 15 Ignosco tibi, Sapphica puella Musa doctior: est enim venuste Magna Caecilio incohata mater.

XXXV.

AN INVITATION TO POET CECILIUS.

Now to that tender bard, my Comrade fair, (Cecilius) say I, "Paper go, declare, Verona must we make and bid to New Comum's town-walls and Larian Shores adieu;" For I determined certain fancies he 5 Accept from mutual friend to him and me. Wherefore he will, if wise, devour the way, Though the blonde damsel thousand times essay Recall his going and with arms a-neck A-winding would e'er seek his course to check; 10 A girl who (if the truth be truly told) Dies of a hopeless passion uncontroul'd; For since the doings of the Díndymus-dame, By himself storied, she hath read, a flame Wasting her inmost marrow-core hath burned. 15 I pardon thee, than Sapphic Muse more learn'd, Damsel: for truly sung in sweetest lays Was by Cecilius Magna Mater's praise.

To that sweet poet, my comrade, Caecilius, I bid thee, paper, say: that he hie him here to Verona, quitting New Comum's city-walls and Larius' shore; for I wish him to give ear to certain counsels from a friend of his and mine. Wherefore, an he be wise, he'll devour the way, although a milk-white maid doth thousand times retard his going, and flinging both arms around his neck doth supplicate delay--a damsel who now, if truth be brought me, is undone with immoderate love of him. For, since what time she first read of the Dindymus Queen, flames devour the innermost marrow of the wretched one. I grant thee pardon, damsel, more learned than the Sapphic muse: for charmingly has the Mighty Mother been sung by Caecilius.

XXXVI.

Annales Volusi, cacata charta, Votum solvite pro mea puella: Nam sanctae Veneri Cupidinique Vovit, si sibi restitutus essem Desissemque truces vibrare iambos, 5 Electissima pessimi poetae Scripta tardipedi deo daturam Infelicibus ustulanda lignis. Et haec pessima se puella vidit Iocose lepide vovere divis. 10 Nunc, o caeruleo creata ponto, Quae sanctum Idalium Vriosque portus Quaeque Ancona Cnidumque harundinosam Colis quaeque Amathunta quaeque Golgos Quaeque Durrachium Adriae tabernam, 15 Acceptum face redditumque votum, Si non inlepidum neque invenustumst. At vos interea venite in ignem, Pleni ruris et inficetiarum Annales Volusi, cacata charta. 20

XXXVI.

ON "THE ANNALS"--A SO-CALLED POEM OF VOLUSIUS.

Volusius' Annals, paper scum-bewrayed! Fulfil that promise erst my damsel made; Who vowed to Holy Venus and her son, Cupid, should I return to her anon And cease to brandish iamb-lines accurst, 5 The writ selected erst of bards the worst She to the limping Godhead would devote With slowly-burning wood of illest note. This was the vilest which my girl could find With vow facetious to the Gods assigned. 10 Now, O Creation of the azure sea, Holy Idalium, Urian havenry Haunting, Ancona, Cnidos' reedy site, Amathus, Golgos, and the tavern hight Durrachium--thine Adrian abode-- 15 The vow accepting, recognize the vowed As not unworthy and unhandsome naught. But do ye meanwhile to the fire be brought, That teem with boorish jest of sorry blade, Volusius' Annals, paper scum-bewrayed. 20

Volusius' Annals, merdous paper, fulfil ye a vow for my girl: for she vowed to sacred Venus and to Cupid that if I were re-united to her and I desisted hurling savage iambics, she would give the most elect writings of the pettiest poet to the tardy-footed God to be burned with ill-omened wood. And _this_ the saucy minx chose, jocosely and drolly to vow to the gods. Now, O Creation of the cerulean main, who art in sacred Idalium, and in Urian haven, and who doth foster Ancona and reedy Cnidos, Amathus and Golgos, and Dyrrhachium, Adriatic tavern, accept and acknowledge this vow if it lack not grace nor charm. But meantime, hence with ye to the flames, crammed with boorish speech and vapid, Annals of Volusius, merdous paper.

XXXVII.

Salax taberna vosque contubernales, A pileatis nona fratribus pila, Solis putatis esse mentulas vobis, Solis licere, quidquid est puellarum, Confutuere et putare ceteros hircos? 5 An, continenter quod sedetis insulsi Centum an ducenti, non putatis ausurum Me una ducentos inrumare sessores? Atqui putate: namque totius vobis Frontem tabernae scorpionibus scribam. 10 Puella nam mi, quae meo sinu fugit, Amata tantum quantum amabitur nulla, Pro qua mihi sunt magna bella pugnata, Consedit istic. hanc boni beatique Omnes amatis, et quidem, quod indignumst, 15 Omnes pusilli et semitarii moechi; Tu praeter omnes une de capillatis, Cuniculosae Celtiberiae fili Egnati, opaca quem bonum facit barba Et dens Hibera defricatus urina. 20

XXXVII.

TO THE FREQUENTERS OF A LOW TAVERN.

Salacious Tavern and ye taverner-host, From Pileate Brothers the ninth pile-post, D'ye claim, you only of the mentule boast, D'ye claim alone what damsels be the best To swive: as he-goats holding all the rest? 5 Is't when like boobies sit ye incontinent here, One or two hundred, deem ye that I fear Two hundred ---- at one brunt? Ay, think so, natheless all your tavern-front With many a scorpion I will over-write. 10 For that my damsel, fro' my breast took flight, By me so lovèd, as shall loved be none, Wherefor so mighty wars were waged and won, Does sit in public here. Ye fain, rich wights, All woo her: thither too (the chief of slights!) 15 All pitiful knaves and by-street wenchers fare, And thou, (than any worse), with hanging hair, In coney-breeding Celtiberia bred, Egnatius! bonnified by beard full-fed, And teeth with Spanish urine polishèd. 20

Tavern of lust and you its tippling crowd, (at ninth pile sign-post from the Cap-donned Brothers) think ye that ye alone have mentules, that 'tis allowed to you alone to touzle whatever may be feminine, and to deem all other men mere goats? But, because ye sit, a row of fools numbering one hundred or haply two hundred, do ye think I dare not irrumate your entire two hundred--loungers!--at once! Think it! but I'll scrawl all over the front of your tavern with scorpion-words. For my girl, who has fled from my embrace (she whom I loved as ne'er a maid shall be beloved--for whom I fought fierce fights) has seated herself here. All ye, both honest men and rich, and also, (O cursed shame) all ye paltry back-slum fornicators, are making hot love to her; and thou above all, one of the hairy-visaged sons of coney-caverned Celtiberia, Egnatius, whose quality is stamped by dense-grown beard, and teeth with Spanish urine scrubbed.

XXXVIII.

Malest, Cornifici, tuo Catullo, Malest, me hercule, et est laboriose, Et magis magis in dies et horas. Quem tu, quod minimum facillimumquest, Qua solatus es adlocutione? 5 Irascor tibi. sic meos amores? Paulum quid lubet adlocutionis, Maestius lacrimis Simonideis.

XXXVIII.

A COMPLAINT TO CORNIFICIUS.

Cornificius! 'Tis ill with thy Catullus, 'Tis ill (by Hercules) distressfully: Iller and iller every day and hour. Whose soul (as smallest boon and easiest) With what of comfort hast thou deign'd console? 5 Wi' thee I'm angered! Dost so prize my love? Yet some consoling utterance had been well Though sadder 'twere than Simonídean tears.

'Tis ill, Cornificius, with thy Catullus, 'tis ill, by Hercules, and most untoward; and greater, greater ill, each day and hour! And thou, what solace givest thou, e'en the tiniest, the lightest, by thy words? I'm wroth with thee. Is my love but worth this? Yet one little message would cheer me, though more full of sadness than Simonidean tears.

XXXVIIII.

Egnatius, quod candidos habet dentes, Renidet usque quaque. sei ad rei ventumst Subsellium, cum orator excitat fletum, Renidet ille. sei ad pii rogum fili Lugetur, orba cum flet unicum mater, 5 Renidet ille. quidquid est, ubicumquest, Quodcumque agit, renidet. hunc habet morbum, Neque elegantem, ut arbitror, neque urbanum. Quare monendum test mihi, bone Egnati. Si urbanus esses aut Sabinus aut Tiburs 10 Aut fartus Vmber aut obesus Etruscus Aut Lanuinus ater atque dentatus Aut Transpadanus, ut meos quoque attingam, Aut quilubet, qui puriter lavit dentes, Tamen renidere usque quaque te nollem: 15 Nam risu inepto res ineptior nullast. Nunc Celtiber es: Celtiberia in terra, Quod quisque minxit, hoc sibi solet mane Dentem atque russam defricare gingivam, Vt quo iste vester expolitior dens est, 20 Hoc te amplius bibisse praedicet loti.

XXXVIIII.

ON EGNATIUS OF THE WHITE TEETH.

Egnatius for that owns he teeth snow-white, Grins ever, everywhere. When placed a wight In dock, when pleader would draw tears, the while He grins. When pious son at funeral pile Mourns, or lone mother sobs for sole lost son, 5 He grins. Whate'er, whene'er, howe'er is done, Of deed he grins. Such be his malady, Nor kind, nor courteous--so beseemeth me-- Then take thou good Egnatius, rede of mine! Wert thou corrupt Sabine or a Tiburtine, 10 Stuffed Umbrian or Tuscan overgrown Swarthy Lanuvian with his teeth-rows shown, Transpádan also, that mine own I touch, Or any washing teeth to shine o'er much, Yet thy incessant grin I would not see, 15 For naught than laughter silly sillier be. Thou Celtiber art, in Celtiberia born, Where man who's urined therewith loves a-morn His teeth and ruddy gums to scour and score; So the more polisht are your teeth, the more 20 Argue they sipping stale in ampler store.

Egnatius, who has milk-white teeth, grins for ever and aye. An he be in court, when counsel excites tears, he grins. An he be at funeral pyre where one mourns a son devoted, where a bereft mother's tears stream for her only one, he grins. Whatever it may be, wherever he is, whate'er may happen, he grins. Such ill habit has he--neither in good taste, well assumed, nor refined. Wherefore do thou take note from me, my good Egnatius. Be thou refined Sabine or Tiburtine, paunch-full Umbrian or obese Tuscan, Lanuvian dusky and large-tusked, or Transpadine (to touch upon mine own folk also), or whom thou wilt of those who cleanly wash their teeth, still I'd wish thee not to grin for ever and aye; for than senseless giggling nothing is more senseless. Now thou'rt a Celtiberian! and in the Celtiberian land each wight who has urined is wont each morn to scrub with it his teeth and pinky gums, so that the higher the polish on thy teeth, the greater fund it notes that thou hast drunk of urine.

XXXX.

Quaenam te mala mens, miselle Ravide, Agit praecipitem in meos iambos? Quis deus tibi non bene advocatus Vecordem parat excitare rixam? An ut pervenias in ora vulgi? 5 Quid vis? qua lubet esse notus optas? Eris, quandoquidem meos amores Cum longa voluisti amare poena.

XXXX.

THREATENING RAVIDUS WHO STOLE HIS MISTRESS.

What thought of folly Rávidus (poor churl!) Upon my iambs thus would headlong hurl? What good or cunning counsellor would fain Urge thee to struggle in such strife insane? Is't that the vulgar mouth thy name by rote? 5 What will'st thou? Wishest on any wise such note? Then _shalt_ be noted since my love so lief For love thou sued'st to thy lasting grief.

What mind ill set, O sorry Ravidus, doth thrust thee rashly on to my iambics? What god, none advocate of good for thee, doth stir thee to a senseless contest? That thou may'st be in the people's mouth? What would'st thou? Dost wish to be famed, no matter in what way? So thou shalt be, since thou hast aspired to our loved one's love, but by our long-drawn vengeance.

XXXXI.

Ametina puella defututa Tota milia me decem poposcit, Ista turpiculo puella naso, Decoctoris amica Formiani. Propinqui, quibus est puella curae, 5 Amicos medicosque convocate: Non est sana puella. nec rogate, Qualis sit: solet esse imaginosa.

XXXXI.

ON MAMURRA'S MISTRESS.

That Ametina, worn-out whore, Me for a myriad oft would bore, That strumpet of th' ignoble nose, To leman, rakehell Formian chose. An ye would guard her (kinsmen folk) 5 Your friends and leaches d'ye convoke: The girl's not sound-sens'd; ask ye naught Of her complaint: she's love-distraught.

Ametina, out-drainèd maiden, worries me for a whole ten thousand, that damsel with an outspread nose, _chère amie_ of Formianus the wildling. Ye near of kin in whose care the maiden is, summon ye both friends and medicals: for the girl's not sane. Nor ask ye, in what way: she is subject to delusions.

XXXXII.

Adeste, hendecasyllabi, quot estis Omnes undique, quotquot estis omnes. Iocum me putat esse moecha turpis Et negat mihi nostra reddituram Pugillaria, si pati potestis. 5 Persequamur eam, et reflagitemus. Quae sit, quaeritis. illa, quam videtis Turpe incedere, mimice ac moleste Ridentem catuli ore Gallicani. Circumsistite eam, et reflagitate, 10 'Moecha putida, redde codicillos, Redde, putida moecha, codicillos.' Non assis facis? o lutum, lupanar, Aut si perditius potest quid esse. Sed non est tamen hoc satis putandum. 15 Quod si non aliud potest, ruborem Ferreo canis exprimamus ore. Conclamate iterum altiore voce 'Moecha putida, redde codicillos, Redde, putida moecha, codicillos.' 20 Sed nil proficimus, nihil movetur. Mutandast ratio modusque vobis, Siquid proficere amplius potestis, 'Pudica et proba, redde codicillos.'

XXXXII.

ON A STRUMPET WHO STOLE HIS TABLETS.

Come, Hendecasyllabics, many as may All hither, every one that of you be! That fulsome harlot makes me laughing-stock And she refuses at our prayer restore Our stolen Note-books, an such slights ye bear. 5 Let us pursue her clamouring our demands. "Who's she?" ye question: yonder one ye sight Mincingly pacing mime-like, perfect pest, With jaws wide grinning like a Gallic pup. Stand all round her dunning with demands, 10 "Return (O rotten whore!) our noting books. Our noting books (O rotten whore!) return!" No doit thou car'st? O Mire! O Stuff o' stews! Or if aught fouler filthier dirt there be. Yet must we never think these words suffice. 15 But if naught else avail, at least a blush Forth of that bitch-like brazen brow we'll squeeze. Cry all together in a higher key "Restore (O rotten whore!) our noting books, Our noting books (O rotten whore!) restore!" 20 Still naught avails us, nothing is she moved. Now must our measures and our modes be changed An we would anywise our cause advance. "Restore (chaste, honest Maid!) our noting books!"

Hither, all ye hendecasyllables, as many as may be, from every part, all of ye, as many soever as there be! A shameless prostitute deems me fair sport, and denies return to me of our writing tablets, if ye are able to endure this. Let's after her, and claim them back. "Who may she be," ye ask? That one, whom ye see strutting awkwardly, stagily, and stiffly, and with a laugh on her mouth like a Gallic whelp. Throng round her, and claim them back. "O putrid punk, hand back our writing tablets; hand back, O putrid punk, our writing tablets." Not a jot dost heed? O Muck, Brothel-Spawn, or e'en loathsomer if it is possible so to be! Yet think not yet that this is enough. For if naught else we can extort a blush on thy brazened bitch's face. We'll yell again in heightened tones, "O putrid punk, hand back our writing tablets, hand back, O putrid punk, our writing tablets." But naught we profit, naught she budges. Changed must your measure and your manner be, an you would further progress make--"O Virgin pure and spotless, hand back our writing tablets."

XXXXIII.

Salve, nec minimo puella naso Nec bello pede nec nigris ocellis Nec longis digitis nec ore sicco Nec sane nimis elegante lingua, Decoctoris amica Formiani. 5 Ten provincia narrat esse bellam? Tecum Lesbia nostra conparatur? O saeclum insapiens et infacetum!

XXXXIII.

TO MAMURRA'S MISTRESS.

Hail, girl who neither nose of minim size Owns, nor a pretty foot, nor jetty eyes, Nor thin long fingers, nor mouth dry of slaver Nor yet too graceful tongue of pleasant flavour, Leman to Formian that rake-a-hell. 5 What, can the Province boast of thee as belle? Thee with my Lesbia durst it make compare? O Age insipid, of all humour bare!

Hail, O maiden with nose not of the tiniest, with foot lacking shape and eyes lacking darkness, with fingers scant of length, and mouth not dry and tongue scant enough of elegance, _chère amie_ of Formianus the wildling. And thee the province declares to be lovely? With thee our Lesbia is to be compared? O generation witless and unmannerly!

XXXXIIII.

O funde noster seu Sabine seu Tiburs, (Nam te esse Tiburtem autumant, quibus non est Cordi Catullum laedere: at quibus cordist, Quovis Sabinum pignore esse contendunt) Sed seu Sabine sive verius Tiburs, 5 Fui libenter in tua suburbana Villa malamque pectore expuli tussim, Non inmerenti quam mihi meus venter, Dum sumptuosas adpeto, dedit, cenas. Nam, Sestianus dum volo esse conviva, 10 Orationem in Antium petitorem Plenam veneni et pestilentiae legi. Hic me gravido frigida et frequens tussis Quassavit usque dum in tuum sinum fugi Et me recuravi otioque et urtica. 15 Quare refectus maximas tibi grates Ago, meum quod non es ulta peccatum. Nec deprecor iam, si nefaria scripta Sesti recepso, quin gravidinem et tussim Non mi, sed ipsi Sestio ferat frigus, 20 Qui tum vocat me, cum malum librum legi.

XXXXIIII.

CATULLUS TO HIS OWN FARM.