Chapter 4

Aureli, pater essuritionum, Non harum modo, sed quot aut fuerunt Aut sunt aut aliis erunt in annis, Pedicare cupis meos amores. Nec clam: nam simul es, iocaris una, 5 Haeres ad latus omnia experiris. Frustra: nam insidias mihi instruentem Tangem te prior inrumatione. Atque id si faceres satur, tacerem: Nunc ipsum id doleo, quod essurire, 10 A me me, puer et sitire discet. Quare desine, dum licet pudico, Ne finem facias, sed inrumatus.

XXI.

TO AURELIUS THE SKINFLINT.

Aurelius, father of the famisht crew, Not sole of starvelings now, but wretches who Were, are, or shall be in the years to come, My love, my dearling, fain art thou to strum. Nor privately; for nigh thou com'st and jestest 5 And to his side close-sticking all things questest. 'Tis vain: while lay'st thou snares for me the worst, By ---- I will teach thee first. An food-full thus do thou, my peace I'd keep: But what (ah me! ah me!) compels me weep 10 Are thirst and famine to my dearling fated. Cease thou so doing while as modest rated, Lest to thy will thou win--but ----

Aurelius, father of the famished, in ages past in time now present and in future years yet to come, thou art longing to paedicate my love. Nor is't done secretly: for thou art with him jesting, closely sticking at his side, trying every means. In vain: for, instructed in thy artifice, I'll strike home beforehand by irrumating thee. Now if thou didst this to work off the results of full-living I would say naught: but what irks me is that my boy must learn to starve and thirst with thee. Wherefore, desist, whilst thou mayst with modesty, lest thou reach the end,--but by being irrumated.

XXII.

Suffenus iste, Vare, quem probe nosti, Homost venustus et dicax et urbanus, Idemque longe plurimos facit versus. Puto esse ego illi milia aut decem aut plura Perscripta, nec sic ut fit in palimpseston 5 Relata: chartae regiae, novei libri, Novei umbilici, lora rubra, membrana Derecta plumbo, et pumice omnia aequata. Haec cum legas tu, bellus ille et urbanus Suffenus unus caprimulgus aut fossor 10 Rursus videtur; tantum abhorret ac mutat. Hoc quid putemus esse? qui modo scurra Aut siquid hac re scitius videbatur, Idem infacetost infacetior rure, Simul poemata attigit, neque idem umquam 15 Aequest beatus ac poema cum scribit: Tam gaudet in se tamque se ipse miratur. Nimirum idem omnes fallimur, nequest quisquam, Quem non in aliqua re videre Suffenum Possis. suus cuique attributus est error: 20 Sed non videmus, manticae quod in tergost.

XXII.

TO VARUS ABUSING SUFFENUS.

Varus, yon wight Suffenus known to thee Fairly for wit, free talk, urbanity, The same who scribbles verse in amplest store-- Methinks he fathers thousands ten or more Indited not as wont on palimpsest, 5 But paper-royal, brand-new boards, and best Fresh bosses, crimson ribbands, sheets with lead Ruled, and with pumice-powder all well polished. These as thou readest, seem that fine, urbane Suffenus, goat-herd mere, or ditcher-swain 10 Once more, such horrid change is there, so vile. What must we wot thereof? a Droll erst while, Or (if aught) cleverer, he with converse meets, He now in dullness, dullest villain beats Forthright on handling verse, nor is the wight 15 Ever so happy as when verse he write: So self admires he with so full delight. In sooth, we all thus err, nor man there be But in some matter a Suffenus see Thou canst: his lache allotted none shall lack 20 Yet spy we nothing of our back-borne pack.

That Suffenus, Varus, whom thou know'st right well, is a man fair spoken, witty and urbane, and one who makes of verses lengthy store. I think he has writ at full length ten thousand or more, nor are they set down, as of custom, on palimpsest: regal paper, new boards, unused bosses, red ribands, lead-ruled parchment, and all most evenly pumiced. But when thou readest these, that refined and urbane Suffenus is seen on the contrary to be a mere goatherd or ditcher-lout, so great and shocking is the change. What can we think of this? he who just now was seen a professed droll, or e'en shrewder than such in gay speech, this same becomes more boorish than a country boor immediately he touches poesy, nor is the dolt e'er as self-content as when he writes in verse,--so greatly is he pleased with himself, so much does he himself admire. Natheless, we all thus go astray, nor is there any man in whom thou canst not see a Suffenus in some one point. Each of us has his assigned delusion: but we see not what's in the wallet on our back.

XXIII.

Furei, quoi neque servos est neque arca Nec cimex neque araneus neque ignis, Verumst et pater et noverca, quorum Dentes vel silicem comesse possunt, Est pulchre tibi cum tuo parente 5 Et cum coniuge lignea parentis. Nec mirum: bene nam valetis omnes, Pulchre concoquitis, nihil timetis, Non incendia, non graves ruinas, Non furta inpia, non dolos veneni, 10 Non casus alios periculorum. Atqui corpora sicciora cornu Aut siquid magis aridumst habetis Sole et frigore et essuritione. Quare non tibi sit bene ac beate? 15 A te sudor abest, abest saliva, Mucusque et mala pituita nasi. Hanc ad munditiem adde mundiorem, Quod culus tibi purior salillost, Nec toto decies cacas in anno, 20 Atque id durius est faba et lapillis; Quod tu si manibus teras fricesque, Non umquam digitum inquinare possis. Haec tu commoda tam beata, Furi, Noli spernere nec putare parvi, 25 Et sestertia quae soles precari Centum desine: nam sat es beatus.

XXIII.

TO FURIUS SATIRICALLY PRAISING HIS POVERTY.

Furius! Nor chest, nor slaves can claim, Bug, Spider, nor e'en hearth aflame, Yet thine a sire and step-dame who Wi' tooth can ever flint-food chew! So thou, and pleasant happy life 5 Lead wi' thy parent's wooden wife. Nor this be marvel: hale are all, Well ye digest; no fears appal For household-arsons, heavy ruin, Plunderings impious, poison-brewin' 10 Or other parlous case forlorn. Your frames are hard and dried like horn, Or if more arid aught ye know, By suns and frosts and hunger-throe. Then why not happy as thou'rt hale? 15 Sweat's strange to thee, spit fails, and fail Phlegm and foul snivel from the nose. Add cleanness that aye cleanlier shows A bum than salt-pot cleanlier, Nor ten times cack'st in total year, 20 And harder 'tis than pebble or bean Which rubbed in hand or crumbled, e'en On finger ne'er shall make unclean. Such blessings (Furius!) such a prize Never belittle nor despise; 25 Hundred sesterces seek no more With wonted prayer--enow's thy store!

O Furius, who neither slaves, nor coffer, nor bug, nor spider, nor fire hast, but hast both father and step-dame whose teeth can munch up even flints,--thou livest finely with thy sire, and with thy sire's wood-carved spouse. Nor need's amaze! for in good health are ye all, grandly ye digest, naught fear ye, nor arson nor house-fall, thefts impious nor poison's furtive cunning, nor aught of perilous happenings whatsoe'er. And ye have bodies drier than horn (or than aught more arid still, if aught there be), parched by sun, frost, and famine. Wherefore shouldst thou not be happy with such weal. Sweat is a stranger to thee, absent also are saliva, phlegm, and evil nose-snivel. Add to this cleanliness the thing that's still more cleanly, that thy backside is purer than a salt-cellar, nor cackst thou ten times in the total year, and then 'tis harder than beans and pebbles; nay, 'tis such that if thou dost rub and crumble it in thy hands, not a finger canst thou ever dirty. These goodly gifts and favours, O Furius, spurn not nor think lightly of; and cease thy 'customed begging for an hundred sesterces: for thou'rt blest enough!

XXIIII.

O qui flosculus es Iuventiorum, Non horum modo, sed quot aut fuerunt Aut posthac aliis erunt in annis, Mallem divitias Midae dedisses Isti, quoi neque servus est neque arca, 5 Quam sic te sineres ab illo amari. 'Qui? non est homo bellus?' inquies. est: Sed bello huic neque servos est neque arca. Hoc tu quam lubet abice elevaque: Nec servom tamen ille habet neque arcam. 10

XXIIII.

TO JUVENTIUS CONCERNING THE CHOICE OF A FRIEND.

O of Juventian youths the flowret fair Not of these only, but of all that were Or shall be, coming in the coming years, Better waste Midas' wealth (to me appears) On him that owns nor slave nor money-chest 5 Than thou shouldst suffer by his love possest. "What! is he vile or not fair?" "Yes!" I attest, "Yet owns this man so comely neither slaves nor chest My words disdain thou or accept at best Yet neither slave he owns nor money-chest." 10

O thou who art the floweret of Juventian race, not only of these now living, but of those that were of yore and eke of those that will be in the coming years, rather would I that thou hadst given the wealth e'en of Midas to that fellow who owns neither slave nor store, than that thou shouldst suffer thyself to be loved by such an one. "What! isn't he a fine-looking man?" thou askest. He is; but this fine-looking man has neither slaves nor store. Contemn and slight this as it please thee: nevertheless, he has neither slave nor store.

XXV.

Cinaede Thalle, mollior cuniculi capillo Vel anseris medullula vel imula oricilla Vel pene languido senis situque araneoso, Idemque Thalle turbida rapacior procella, Cum diva munerarios ostendit oscitantes, 5 Remitte pallium mihi meum, quod involasti, Sudariumque Saetabum catagraphosque Thynos, Inepte, quae palam soles habere tamquam avita. Quae nunc tuis ab unguibus reglutina et remitte, Ne laneum latusculum manusque mollicellas 10 Inusta turpiter tibi flagella conscribillent, Et insolenter aestues velut minuta magno Deprensa navis in mari vesaniente vento.

XXV.

ADDRESS TO THALLUS THE NAPERY-THIEF.

Thou bardache Thallus! more than Coney's robe Soft, or goose-marrow or ear's lowmost lobe, Or Age's languid yard and cobweb'd part, Same Thallus greedier than the gale thou art, When the Kite-goddess shows thee Gulls agape, 5 Return my muffler thou hast dared to rape, Saetaban napkins, tablets of Thynos, all Which (Fool!) ancestral heirlooms thou didst call. These now unglue-ing from thy claws restore, Lest thy soft hands, and floss-like flanklets score 10 The burning scourges, basely signed and lined, And thou unwonted toss like wee barque tyned 'Mid vasty Ocean vexed by madding wind!

O Thallus the catamite, softer than rabbit's fur, or goose's marrow, or lowmost ear-lobe, limper than the drooping penis of an oldster, in its cobwebbed must, greedier than the driving storm, such time as the Kite-Goddess shews us the gaping Gulls, give me back my mantle which thou hast pilfered, and the Saetaban napkin and Thynian tablets which, idiot, thou dost openly parade as though they were heirlooms. These now unglue from thy nails and return, lest the stinging scourge shall shamefully score thy downy flanks and delicate hands, and thou unwonted heave and toss like a tiny boat surprised on the vasty sea by a raging storm.

XXVI.

Furi, villula nostra non ad Austri Flatus oppositast neque ad Favoni Nec saevi Boreae aut Apeliotae, Verum ad milia quindecim et ducentos. O ventum horribilem atque pestilentem! 5

XXVI.

CATULLUS CONCERNING HIS VILLA.

Furius! our Villa never Austral force Broke, neither set thereon Favonius' course, Nor savage Boreas, nor Epeliot's strain, But fifteen thousand crowns and hundreds twain Wreckt it,--Oh ruinous by-wind, breezy bane! 5

Furius, our villa not 'gainst the southern breeze is pitted nor the western wind nor cruel Boreas nor sunny east, but sesterces fifteen thousand two hundred oppose it. O horrible and baleful draught.

XXVII.

Minister vetuli puer Falerni Inger mi calices amariores, Vt lex Postumiae iubet magistrae, Ebriosa acina ebriosioris. At vos quo lubet hinc abite, lymphae 5 Vini pernicies, et ad severos Migrate: hic merus est Thyonianus.

XXVII.

TO HIS CUP-BOY.

Thou youngling drawer of Falernian old Crown me the goblets with a bitterer wine As was Postumia's law that rules the feast Than ebriate grape-stone more inebriate. But ye fare whither please ye (water-nymphs!) 5 To wine pernicious, and to sober folk Migrate ye: mere Thyonian juice be here!

Boy cupbearer of old Falernian, pour me fiercer cups as bids the laws of Postumia, mistress of the feast, drunker than a drunken grape. But ye, hence, as far as ye please, crystal waters, bane of wine, hie ye to the sober: here the Thyonian juice is pure.

XXVIII.

Pisonis comites, cohors inanis Aptis sarcinulis et expeditis, Verani optime tuque mi Fabulle, Quid rerum geritis? satisne cum isto Vappa frigoraque et famem tulistis? 5 Ecquidnam in tabulis patet lucelli Expensum, ut mihi, qui meum secutus Praetorem refero datum lucello 'O Memmi, bene me ac diu supinum Tota ista trabe lentus inrumasti.' 10 Sed, quantum video, pari fuistis Casu: nam nihilo minore verpa Farti estis. pete nobiles amicos. At vobis mala multa di deaeque Dent, opprobria Romulei Remique. 15

XXVIII.

TO FRIENDS ON RETURN FROM TRAVEL.

Followers of Piso, empty band With your light budgets packt to hand, Veránius best! Fabúllus mine! What do ye? Bore ye enough, in fine Of frost and famine with yon sot? 5 What loss or gain have haply got Your tablets? so, whenas I ranged With Praetor, gains for loss were changed. "O Memmius! thou did'st long and late ---- me supine slow and ----" 10 But (truly see I) in such case Diddled you were by wight as base Sans mercy. Noble friends go claim! Now god and goddess give you grame Disgrace of Romulus! Remus' shame! 15

Piso's Company, a starveling band, with lightweight knapsacks, scantly packed, most dear Veranius thou, and my Fabullus eke, how fortunes it with you? have ye borne frost and famine enow with that sot? Which in your tablets appear--the profits or expenses? So with me, who when I followed a praetor, inscribed more gifts than gains. "O Memmius, well and slowly didst thou irrumate me, supine, day by day, with the whole of that beam." But, from what I see, in like case ye have been; for ye have been crammed with no smaller a poker. Courting friends of high rank! But may the gods and goddesses heap ill upon ye, reproach to Romulus and Remus.

XXVIIII.

Quis hoc potest videre, quis potest pati, Nisi inpudicus et vorax et aleo, Mamurram habere quod Comata Gallia Habebat ante et ultima Britannia? Cinaede Romule, haec videbis et feres? 5 _Es inpudicus et vorax et aleo._ 5b Et ille nunc superbus et superfluens Perambulabit omnium cubilia Vt albulus columbus aut Adoneus? Cinaede Romule, haec videbis et feres? Es inpudicus et vorax et aleo. 10 Eone nomine, imperator unice, Fuisti in ultima occidentis insula, Vt ista vostra defututa Mentula Ducenties comesset aut trecenties? Quid est alid sinistra liberalitas? 15 Parum expatravit an parum eluatus est? Paterna prima lancinata sunt bona: Secunda praeda Pontica: inde tertia Hibera, quam scit amnis aurifer Tagus. Timentne Galliae hunc, timent Britanniae? 20 Quid hunc malum fovetis? aut quid hic potest, Nisi uncta devorare patrimonia? Eone nomine urbis, o potissimei Socer generque, perdidistis omnia?

XXVIIII.

TO CÆSAR OF MAMURRA, CALLED MENTULA.

Who e'er could witness this (who could endure Except the lewdling, dicer, greedy-gut) That should Mamurra get what hairy Gaul And all that farthest Britons held whilòme? (Thou bardache Romulus!) this wilt see and bear? 5 Then art a lewdling, dicer, greedy-gut! 5b He now superb with pride superfluous Shall go perambulate the bedrooms all Like white-robed dovelet or Adonis-love. Romulus thou bardache! this wilt see and bear? Then art a lewdling, dicer, greedy-gut! 10 Is't for such like name, sole Emperor thou! Thou soughtest extreme Occidental Isle? That this your ---- Mentula Millions and Milliards might at will absorb? What is't but Liberality misplaced? 15 What trifles wasted he, small heirlooms spent? First his paternal goods were clean dispersed; Second went Pontus' spoils and for the third,-- Ebro-land,--weets it well gold-rolling Tage. Fear him the Gallias? Him the Britons' fear? 20 Why cherish this ill-wight? what 'vails he do? Save fat paternal heritage devour? Lost ye for such a name, O puissant pair (Father and Son-in-law), our all-in-all?

Who can witness this, who can brook it, save a whore-monger, a guzzler, and a gamester, that Mamurra should possess what long-haired Gaul and remotest Britain erstwhile had. Thou catamite Romulus, this thou'lt see and bear? Then thou'rt a whore-monger, a guzzler, and a gamester. And shall he now, superb and o'er replete, saunter o'er each one's bed, as though he were a snow-plumed dove or an Adonis? Thou catamite Romulus, this thou'lt see and hear? Then thou'rt a whore-monger, a guzzler, and a gamester. For such a name, O general unique, hast thou been to the furthest island of the west, that this thy futtered-out Mentula should squander hundreds of hundreds? What is't but ill-placed munificence? What trifles has he squandered, or what petty store washed away? First his patrimony was mangled; secondly the Pontic spoils; then thirdly the Iberian, which the golden Tagus-stream knoweth. Do not the Gauls fear this man, do not the Britons quake? Why dost thou foster this scoundrel? What use is he save to devour well-fattened inheritances? Wast for such a name, O most puissant father-in-law and son-in-law, that ye have spoiled the entire world.

XXX.

Alfene inmemor atque unanimis false sodalibus Iam te nil miseret, dure, tui dulcis amiculi?

Iam me prodere, iam non dubitas fallere, perfide? Nec facta inpia fallacum hominum caelicolis placent:

Quod tu neglegis, ac me miserum deseris in malis. 5 Eheu quid faciant, dic, homines, cuive habeant fidem?

Certe tute iubebas animam tradere, inique, me Inducens in amorem, quasi tuta omnia mi forent.

Idem nunc retrahis te ac tua dicta omnia factaque Ventos inrita ferre ac nebulas aerias sinis. 10

Si tu oblitus es, at di meminerunt, meminit Fides, Quae te ut paeniteat postmodo facti faciet tui.

XXX.

TO ALFENUS THE PERJUROR.

Alfénus! short of memory, false to comrades dearest-dear, Now hast no pity (hardened Soul!) for friend and loving fere?

Now to betray me, now to guile thou (traitor!) ne'er dost pause? Yet impious feats of fraudful men ne'er force the Gods' applause:

When heed'st thou not deserting me (Sad me!) in sorest scathe, 5 Ah say whate'er shall humans do? in whom shall man show faith?

For sure thou bad'st me safely yield my spirit (wretch!) to thee, Lulling my love as though my life were all security.

The same now dost withdraw thyself and every word and deed Thou suffer'st winds and airy clouds to sweep from out thy head. 10

But an forget thou, mindful be the Gods, and Faith in mind Bears thee, and soon shall gar thee rue the deeds by thee design'd.

Alfenus, unmemoried and unfaithful to thy comrades true, is there now no pity in thee, O hard of heart, for thine sweet loving friend? Dost thou betray me now, and scruplest not to play me false now, dishonourable one? Yet the irreverent deeds of traitorous men please not the dwellers in heaven: this thou takest no heed of, leaving me wretched amongst my ills. Alas, what may men do, I pray you, in whom put trust? In truth thou didst bid me entrust my soul to thee, sans love returned, lulling me to love, as though all [love-returns] were safely mine. Yet now thou dost withdraw thyself, and all thy purposeless words and deeds thou sufferest to be wafted away into winds and nebulous clouds. If thou hast forgotten, yet the gods remember, and in time to come will make thee rue thy doing.

XXXI.

Paeninsularum, Sirmio, insularumque Ocelle, quascumque in liquentibus stagnis Marique vasto fert uterque Neptunus, Quam te libenter quamque laetus inviso, Vix mi ipse credens Thyniam atque Bithynos 5 Liquisse campos et videre te in tuto. O quid solutis est beatius curis, Cum mens onus reponit, ac peregrino Labore fessi venimus larem ad nostrum Desideratoque acquiescimus lecto. 10 Hoc est, quod unumst pro laboribus tantis. Salve, o venusta Sirmio, atque ero gaude: Gaudete vosque, o Libuae lacus undae: Ridete, quidquid est domi cachinnorum.

XXXI.

ON RETURN TO SIRMIO AND HIS VILLA.

Sirmio! of Islands and Peninsulas Eyelet, and whatsoe'er in limpid meres And vasty Ocean either Neptune owns, Thy scenes how willing-glad once more I see, At pain believing Thynia and the Fields 5 Bithynian left, I'm safe to sight thy Site. Oh what more blessèd be than cares resolved, When mind casts burthen and by peregrine Work over wearied, lief we hie us home To lie reposing in the longed-for bed! 10 This be the single meed for toils so triste. Hail, O fair Sirmio, in thy lord rejoice: And ye, O waves of Lybian Lake be glad, And laugh what laughter pealeth in my home.

Sirmio! Eyebabe of Islands and Peninsulas, which Neptune holds whether in limpid lakes or on mighty mains, how gladly and how gladsomely do I re-see thee, scarce crediting that I've left behind Thynia and the Bithynian champaign, and that safe and sound I gaze on thee. O what's more blissful than cares released, when the mind casts down its burden, and when wearied with travel-toils we reach our hearth, and sink on the craved-for couch. This and only this repays our labours numerous. Hail, lovely Sirmio, and gladly greet thy lord; and joy ye, wavelets of the Lybian lake; laugh ye the laughters echoing from my home.

XXXII.

Amabo, mea dulcis Ipsithilla, Meae deliciae, mei lepores, Iube ad te veniam meridiatum. Et si iusseris illud, adiuvato, Nequis liminis obseret tabellam, 5 Neu tibi lubeat foras abire, Sed domi maneas paresque nobis Novem continuas fututiones. Verum, siquid ages, statim iubeto: Nam pransus iaceo et satur supinus 10 Pertundo tunicamque palliumque.

XXXII.

CRAVING IPSITHILLA'S LAST FAVOURS.