Chapter 16

_Chommodious_ did Arrius say, whenever he had need to say commodious, and for insidious _hinsidious_, and felt confident he spoke with accent wondrous fine, when aspirating _hinsidious_ to the full of his lungs. I understand that his mother, his uncle Liber, his maternal grand-parents all spoke thus. He being sent into Syria, everyone's ears were rested, hearing these words spoken smoothly and slightly, nor after that did folk fear such words from him, when on a sudden is brought the nauseous news that th' Ionian waves, after Arrius' arrival thither, no longer are Ionian hight, but are now the _Hionian Hocean_.

LXXXV.

Odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris. Nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.

LXXXV.

HOW THE POET LOVES.

Hate I, and love I. Haps thou'lt ask me wherefore I do so. Wot I not, yet so I do feeling a torture of pain.

I hate and I love. Wherefore do I so, peradventure thou askest. I know not, but I feel it to be thus and I suffer.

LXXXVI.

Quintia formosast multis, mihi candida, longa, Rectast. haec ego sic singula confiteor, Totum illud formosa nego: nam nulla venustas, Nulla in tam magnost corpore mica salis. Lesbia formosast, quae cum pulcherrima totast, 5 Tum omnibus una omnes surripuit Veneres.

LXXXVI.

OF QUINTIA.

Quintia beautiful seems to the crowd; to me, fair, and tall, Straight; and merits as these readily thus I confess, But that she is beauteous all I deny, for nothing of lovesome, Never a grain of salt, shows in her person so large. Lesbia beautiful seems, and when all over she's fairest, 5 Any Venus-gift stole she from every one.

Quintia is lovely to many; to me she is fair, tall, and shapely. Each of these qualities I grant. But that all these make loveliness I deny: for nothing of beauty nor scintilla of sprightliness is in her body so massive. Lesbia is lovely, for whilst the whole of her is most beautiful, she has stolen for herself every love-charm from all her sex.

LXXXVII.

Nulla potest mulier tantum se dicere amatam Vere, quantum a me Lesbia amata mea's. Nulla fides ullo fuit umquam foedere tanta, Quanta in amore tuo ex parte reperta meast. Nunc est mens diducta tua, mea Lesbia, culpa, LXXV Atque ita se officio perdidit ipsa suo, Vt iam nec bene velle queat tibi, si optima fias, Nec desistere amare, omnia si facias.

LXXXVII.

TO LESBIA.

Never a woman could call herself so fondly belovèd Truly as Lesbia mine has been beloved of myself. Never were Truth and Faith so firm in any one compact As on the part of me kept I my love to thyself. Now is my mind to a pass, my Lesbia, brought by thy treason, LXXV So in devotion to thee lost is the duty self due, Nor can I will thee well if best of women thou prove thee, Nor can I cease to love, do thou what doings thou wilt.

No woman can say with truth that she has been loved as much as thou, Lesbia, hast been loved by me: no love-troth was ever so greatly observed as in love of thee on my part has been found.

Now is my mind so led apart, my Lesbia, by thy fault, and has so lost itself by its very worship, that now it can not wish well to thee, wert thou to become most perfect, nor cease to love thee, do what thou wilt!

LXXVI.

Siqua recordanti benefacta priora voluptas Est homini, cum se cogitat esse pium, Nec sanctam violasse fidem, nec foedere in ullo Divom ad fallendos numine abusum homines, Multa parata manent in longa aetate, Catulle, 5 Ex hoc ingrato gaudia amore tibi. Nam quaecumque homines bene cuiquam aut dicere possunt Aut facere, haec a te dictaque factaque sunt; Omniaque ingratae perierunt credita menti. Quare iam te cur amplius excrucies? 10 Quin tu animo offirmas atque istinc teque reducis Et dis invitis desinis esse miser? Difficilest longum subito deponere amorem. Difficilest, verum hoc quae lubet efficias. Vna salus haec est, hoc est tibi pervincendum: 15 Hoc facias, sive id non pote sive pote. O di, si vestrumst misereri, aut si quibus umquam Extremam iam ipsa morte tulistis opem, Me miserum aspicite (et, si vitam puriter egi, Eripite hanc pestem perniciemque mihi), 20 Ei mihi surrepens imos ut torpor in artus Expulit ex omni pectore laetitias. Non iam illud quaero, contra me ut diligat illa, Aut, quod non potisest, esse pudica velit: Ipse valere opto et taetrum hunc deponere morbum. 25 O di, reddite mi hoc pro pietate mea.

LXXVI.

IN SELF-GRATULATION.

If to remember deeds whilòme well done be a pleasure Meet for a man who deems all of his dealings be just, Nor Holy Faith ever broke nor in whatever his compact Sanction of Gods abused better to swindle mankind, Much there remains for thee during length of living, Catullus, 5 Out of that Love ingrate further to solace thy soul; For whatever of good can mortal declare of another Or can avail he do, such thou hast said and hast done; While to a thankless mind entrusted all of them perisht. Why, then, crucify self now with a furthering pain? 10 Why not steady thy thoughts and draw thee back from such purpose, Ceasing wretched to be maugrè the will of the Gods? Difficult 'tis indeed long Love to depose of a sudden, Difficult 'tis, yet do e'en as thou deem to be best. This be thy safe-guard sole; this conquest needs to be conquered; 15 This thou must do, thus act, whether thou cannot or can. If an ye have (O Gods!) aught ruth, or if you for any Bring at the moment of death latest assistance to man, Look upon me (poor me!) and, should I be cleanly of living, Out of my life deign pluck this my so pestilent plague, 20 Which as a lethargy o'er mine inmost vitals a-creeping, Hath from my bosom expelled all of what joyance it joyed, Now will I crave no more she love me e'en as I love her, Nor (impossible chance!) ever she prove herself chaste: Would I were only healed and shed this fulsome disorder. 25 Oh Gods, grant me this boon unto my piety due!

If to recall good deeds erewhiles performed be pleasure to a man, when he knows himself to be of probity, nor has violated sacred faith, nor has abused the holy assent of the gods in any pact, to work ill to men; great store of joys awaits thee during thy length of years, O Catullus, sprung from this ingrate love of thine. For whatever of benefit men can say or can do for anyone, such have been thy sayings and thy doings, and all thy confidences have been squandered on an ingrate mind. Wherefore now dost torture thyself further? Why not make firm thy heart and withdraw thyself from that [wretchedness], and cease to be unhappy despite the gods' will? 'Tis difficult quickly to depose a love of long growth; 'tis difficult, yet it behoves thee to do this. This is thine only salvation, this is thy great victory; this thou must do, whether it be possible or impossible. O gods, if 'tis in you to have mercy, or if ever ye held forth help to men in death's very extremity, look ye on pitiful me, and if I have acted my life with purity, snatch hence from me this canker and pest, which as a lethargy creeping through my veins and vitals, has cast out every gladness from my breast. Now I no longer pray that she may love me in return, or (what is not possible) that she should become chaste: I wish but for health and to cast aside this shameful complaint. O ye gods, vouchsafe me this in return for my probity.

LXXXVIII.

Quid facit is, Gelli, qui cum matre atque sorore Prurit et abiectis pervigilat tunicis? Quid facit is, patruom qui non sinit esse maritum? Ecqui scis quantum suscipiat sceleris? Suscipit, o Gelli, quantum non ultima Tethys 5 Nec genitor lympharum abluit Oceanus: Nam nihil est quicquam sceleris, quo prodeat ultra, Non si demisso se ipse voret capite.

LXXXVIII.

TO GELLIUS.

What may he (Gellius!) do that ever for mother and sister Itches and wakes thro' the nights, working wi' tunic bedoffed? What may he do who nills his uncle ever be husband? Wottest thou how much he ventures of sacrilege-sin? Ventures he (O Gellius!) what ne'er can ultimate Tethys 5 Wash from his soul, nor yet Ocean, watery sire. For that of sin there's naught wherewith this sin can exceed he ---- his head on himself.

What does he, Gellius, who with mother and sister itches and keeps vigils with tunics cast aside? What does he, who suffers not his uncle to be a husband? Dost thou know the weight of crime he takes upon himself? He takes, O Gellius, such store as not furthest Tethys nor Oceanus, progenitor of waters, can cleanse: for there is nothing of any crime which can go further, not though with lowered head he swallow himself.

LXXXVIIII.

Gellius est tenuis: quid ni? cui tam bona mater Tamque valens vivat tamque venusta soror Tamque bonus patruos tamque omnia plena puellis Cognatis, quare is desinat esse macer? Qui ut nihil attingit, nisi quod fas tangere non est, 5 Quantumvis quare sit macer invenies.

LXXXVIIII.

ON GELLIUS.

Gellius is lean: Why not? For him so easy a mother Lives, and a sister so boon, bonny and buxom to boot, Uncle so kindly good and all things full of his lady- Cousins, how can he cease leanest of lankies to be? Albeit, touch he naught save that whose touch is a scandal, 5 Soon shall thou find wherefor he be as lean as thou like.

Gellius is meagre: why not? He who lives with so good a mother, so healthy and so beauteous a sister, and who has such a good uncle, and a world-*full of girl cousins, wherefore should he leave off being lean? Though he touch naught save what is banned, thou canst find ample reason wherefore he may stay lean.

LXXXX.

Nascatur magus ex Gelli matrisque nefando Coniugio et discat Persicum aruspicium: Nam magus ex matre et gnato gignatur oportet, Si verast Persarum inpia relligio, Navos ut accepto veneretur carmine divos 5 Omentum in flamma pingue liquefaciens.

LXXXX.

ON GELLIUS.

Born be a Magus, got by Gellius out of his mother (Marriage nefand!) who shall Persian augury learn. Needs it a Magus begot of son upon mother who bare him, If that impious faith, Persian religion be fact, So may their issue adore busy gods with recognised verses 5 Melting in altar-flame fatness contained by the caul.

Let there be born a Magian from the infamous conjoining of Gellius and his mother, and he shall learn the Persian aruspicy. For a Magian from a mother and son must needs be begotten, if there be truth in Persia's vile creed that one may worship with acceptable hymn the assiduous gods, whilst the caul's fat in the sacred flame is melting.

LXXXXI.

Non ideo, Gelli, sperabam te mihi fidum In misero hoc nostro, hoc perdito amore fore, Quod te cognossem bene constantemve putarem Aut posse a turpi mentem inhibere probro, Sed neque quod matrem nec germanam esse videbam 5 Hanc tibi, cuius me magnus edebat amor. Et quamvis tecum multo coniungerer usu, Non satis id causae credideram esse tibi. Tu satis id duxti: tantum tibi gaudium in omni Culpast, in quacumque est aliquid sceleris. 10

LXXXXI.

TO GELLIUS.

Not for due cause I hoped to find thee (Gellius!) faithful In this saddest our love, love that is lost and forlore, Or fro' my wotting thee well or ever believing thee constant, Or that thy mind could reject villany ever so vile, But that because was she to thyself nor mother nor sister, 5 This same damsel whose Love me in its greatness devoured. Yet though I had been joined wi' thee by amplest of usance, Still could I never believe this was sufficient of cause. Thou diddest deem it suffice: so great is thy pleasure in every Crime wherein may be found somewhat enormous of guilt. 10

Not for other reason, Gellius, did I hope for thy faith to me in this our unhappy, this our desperate love (because I knew thee well nor thought thee constant or able to restrain thy mind from shameless act), but that I saw this girl was neither thy mother nor thy sister, for whom my ardent love ate me. And although I have had many mutual dealings with thee, I did not credit this case to be enough cause for thee. Thou didst find it enough: so great is thy joy in every kind of guilt in which is something infamous.

LXXXXII.

Lesbia mi dicit semper male nec tacet umquam De me: Lesbia me dispeream nisi amat. Quo signo? quia sunt + totidem mea: deprecor illam Absidue, verum dispeream nisi amo.

LXXXXII.

ON LESBIA.

Lesbia naggeth at me evermore and ne'er is she silent Touching myself: May I die but that by Lesbia I'm loved. What be the proof? I rail and retort like her and revile her Carefully, yet may I die but that I love her with love.

Lesbia forever speaks ill of me nor is ever silent anent me: may I perish if Lesbia do not love me! By what sign? because I am just the same: I malign her without cease, yet may I die if I do not love her in sober truth.

LXXXXIII.

Nil nimium studeo Caesar tibi belle placere, Nec scire utrum sis albus an ater homo.

LXXXXIII.

ON JULIUS CÆSAR.

Study I not o'ermuch to please thee (Cæsar!) and court thee, Nor do I care e'en to know an thou be white or be black.

I am not over anxious, Caesar, to please thee greatly, nor to know whether thou art white or black man.

LXXXXIIII.

Mentula moechatur. moechatur mentula: certe. Hoc est, quod dicunt, ipsa olera olla legit.

LXXXXIIII.

AGAINST MENTULA (MAMURRA).

Mentula wooeth much: much wooeth he, be assured. That is, e'en as they say, the Pot gathers leeks for the pot.

Mentula whores. By the mentule he is be-whored: certes. This is as though they say the oil pot itself gathers the olives.

LXXXXV.

Zmyrna mei Cinnae nonam post denique messem Quam coeptast nonamque edita post hiemem, Milia cum interea quingenta Hortensius uno * * * * Zmyrna cavas Satrachi penitus mittetur ad undas, 5 Zmyrnam cana diu saecula pervoluent. At Volusi annales Paduam morientur ad ipsam Et laxas scombris saepe dabunt tunicas. Parva mei mihi sint cordi monumenta _sodalis_, At populus tumido gaudeat Antimacho. 10

LXXXXV.

ON THE "ZMYRNA" OF THE POET CINNA.

"Zmyrna" begun erstwhile nine harvests past by my Cinna Publisht appears when now nine of his winters be gone; Thousands fifty of lines meanwhile Hortensius in single * * * * "Zmyrna" shall travel afar as the hollow breakers of Satrax, 5 "Zmyrna" by ages grey lastingly shall be perused. But upon Padus' brink shall die Volusius his annals And to the mackerel oft loose-fitting jacket afford. Dear to my heart are aye the lightest works of my comrade, Leave I the mob to enjoy tumidest Antimachus. 10

My Cinna's "Zmyrna" at length, after nine harvests from its inception, is published when nine winters have gone by, whilst in the meantime Hortensius thousands upon thousands in one * * * * "Zmyrna" shall wander abroad e'en to the curving surf of Satrachus, hoary ages shall turn the leaves of "Zmyrna" in distant days. But Volusius' Annals shall perish at Padua itself, and shall often furnish loose wrappings for mackerel. The short writings of my comrade are gladsome to my heart; let the populace rejoice in bombastic Antimachus.

LXXXXVI.

Si quicquam mutis gratum acceptumve sepulcris Accidere a nostro, Calve, dolore potest, Quo desiderio veteres renovamus amores Atque olim missas flemus amicitias, Certe non tanto mors inmatura dolorist 5 Quintiliae, quantum gaudet amore tuo.

LXXXXVI.

TO CALVUS ANENT DEAD QUINTILIA.

If to the dumb deaf tomb can aught or grateful or pleasing (Calvus!) ever accrue rising from out of our dule, Wherewith yearning desire renews our loves in the bygone, And for long friendships lost many a tear must be shed; Certès, never so much for doom of premature death-day 5 Must thy Quintilia mourn as she is joyed by thy love.

If aught grateful or acceptable can penetrate the silent graves from our dolour, Calvus, when with sweet regret we renew old loves and beweep the lost friendships of yore, of a surety not so much doth Quintilia mourn her untimely death as she doth rejoice o'er thy constant love.

LXXXXVII.

Non (ita me di ament) quicquam referre putavi, Vtrumne os an culum olfacerem Aemilio. Nilo mundius hoc, niloque immundior ille, Verum etiam culus mundior et melior: Nam sine dentibus est: dentes os sesquipedales, 5 Gingivas vero ploxeni habet veteris, Praeterea rictum qualem diffissus in aestu Meientis mulae cunnus habere solet. Hic futuit multas et se facit esse venustum, Et non pistrino traditur atque asino? 10 Quem siqua attingit, non illam posse putemus Aegroti culum lingere carnificis?

LXXXXVII.

ON ÆMILIUS THE FOUL.

Never (so love me the Gods!) deemed I 'twas preference matter Or Æmilius' mouth choose I to smell or his ---- Nothing is this more clean, uncleaner nothing that other, Yet I ajudge ---- cleaner and nicer to be; For while this one lacks teeth, that one has cubit-long tushes, 5 Set in their battered gums favouring a muddy old box, Not to say aught of gape like wide-cleft gap of a she-mule Whenas in summer-heat wont peradventure to stale. Yet has he many a motte and holds himself to be handsome-- Why wi' the baker's ass is he not bound to the mill? 10 Him if a damsel kiss we fain must think she be ready With her fair lips ----

Nay (may the Gods thus love me) have I thought there to be aught of choice whether I might smell thy mouth or thy buttocks, O Aemilius. Nothing could the one be cleaner, nothing the other more filthy; nay in truth thy backside is the cleaner and better,--for it is toothless. Thy mouth hath teeth full half a yard in length, gums of a verity like to an old waggon-box, behind which its gape is such as hath the vulva of a she-mule cleft apart by the summer's heat, always a-staling. This object swives girls enow, and fancies himself a handsome fellow, and is not condemned to the mill as an ass? Whatso girl would touch thee, we think her capable of licking the breech of a leprous hangman.

LXXXXVIII.

In te, si in quemquam, dici pote, putide Victi, Id quod verbosis dicitur et fatuis. Ista cum lingua, si usus veniat tibi, possis Culos et crepidas lingere carpatinas. Si nos omnino vis omnes perdere, Victi, 5 Hiscas: omnino quod cupis efficies.

LXXXXVIII.

TO VICTIUS THE STINKARD.

Rightly of thee may be said, an of any, (thou stinkingest Victius!) Whatso wont we to say touching the praters and prigs. Thou wi' that tongue o' thine own, if granted occasion availest Brogues of the cowherds to kiss, also their ---- Wouldst thou undo us all with a thorough undoing (O Victius!) 5 Open thy gape:--thereby all shall be wholly undone.

To thee, if to anyone, may I say, foul-mouthed Victius, that which is said to wind bags and fatuities. For with that tongue, if need arrive, thou couldst lick clodhoppers' shoes, clogs, and buttocks. If thou wishest to destroy us all entirely, Victius, thou need'st but gape: thou wilt accomplish what thou wishest entirely.

LXXXXVIIII.

Surripui tibi, dum ludis, mellite Iuventi, Suaviolum dulci dulcius ambrosia. Verum id non inpune tuli: namque amplius horam Suffixum in summa me memini esse cruce, Dum tibi me purgo nec possum fletibus ullis 5 Tantillum vostrae demere saevitiae. Nam simul id factumst, multis diluta labella Abstersti guttis omnibus articulis, Ne quicquam nostro contractum ex ore maneret, Tamquam conmictae spurca saliva lupae. 10 Praeterea infesto miserum me tradere Amori Non cessasti omnique excruciare modo, Vt mi ex ambrosia mutatum iam foret illud Suaviolum tristi tristius helleboro. Quam quoniam poenam misero proponis amori, 15 Numquam iam posthac basia surripiam.

LXXXXVIIII.

TO JUVENTIUS.

E'en as thou played'st, from thee snatched I (O honied Juventius!) Kisslet of savour so sweet sweetest Ambrosia unknows. Yet was the theft nowise scot-free, for more than an hour I Clearly remember me fixt hanging from crest of the Cross, Whatwhile I purged my sin unto thee nor with any weeping 5 Tittle of cruel despite such as be thine could I 'bate. For that no sooner done thou washed thy liplets with many Drops which thy fingers did wipe, using their every joint, Lest of our mouths conjoined remain there aught by the contact Like unto slaver foul shed by the butterèd bun. 10 Further, wretchedmost me betrayed to unfriendliest Love-god Never thou ceased'st to pain hurting with every harm, So that my taste be turned and kisses ambrosial erstwhile Even than hellebore-juice bitterest bitterer grow. Seeing such pangs as these prepared for unfortunate lover, 15 After this never again kiss will I venture to snatch.

I snatched from thee, whilst thou wast sporting, O honied Juventius, a kiss sweeter than sweet ambrosia. But I bore it off not unpunished; for more than an hour do I remember myself hung on the summit of the cross, whilst I purged myself [for my crime] to thee, nor could any tears in the least remove your anger. For instantly it was done, thou didst bathe thy lips with many drops, and didst cleanse them with every finger-joint, lest anything remained from the conjoining of our mouths, as though it were the obscene slaver of a fetid fricatrice. Nay, more, thou hast handed wretched me over to despiteful Love, nor hast thou ceased to agonize me in every way, so that for me that kiss is now changed from ambrosia to be harsher than harsh hellebore. Since thou dost award such punishment to wretched amourist, never more after this will I steal kisses.

C.

Caelius Aufilenum et Quintius Aufilenam Flos Veronensum depereunt iuvenum, Hic fratrem, ille sororem. hoc est, quod dicitur, illud Fraternum vere dulce sodalitium. Cui faveam potius? Caeli, tibi: nam tua nobis 5 Per facta exhibitast unica amicitia, Cum vesana meas torreret flamma medullas. Sis felix, Caeli, sis in amore potens.

C.

ON CÆLIUS AND QUINTIUS.

Cælius Aufilénus and Quintius Aufiléna, Love to the death, both swains bloom of the youth Veronese, This woo'd brother and that sue'd sister: so might the matter Claim to be titled wi' sooth fairest fraternalest tie. Whom shall I favour the first? Thee (Cælius!) for thou hast provèd 5 Singular friendship to us shown by the deeds it has done, Whenas the flames insane had madded me, firing my marrow: Cælius! happy be thou; ever be lusty in love.

Caelius, Aufilenus; and Quintius, Aufilena;--flower of the Veronese youth,--love desperately: this, the brother; that, the sister. This is, as one would say, true brotherhood and sweet friendship. To whom shall I incline the more? Caelius, to thee; for thy single devotion to us was shewn by its deeds, when the raging flame scorched my marrow. Be happy, O Caelius, be potent in love.

CI.