Chapter IX

So they trudged along very happily until they met some one.

Gud was dumbfounded. "What can you be doing on this Impossible Curve?" he cried, "for I destroyed everything and my dog has eaten nothing. Speak up, sir, and tell me what you are before I annihilate you again."

"I am Cruickshank, the bookkeeper," replied the some one.

"Ah ha," exclaimed Gud, "and so you are another of those living things that evolved out of the ooze and slime of that little sphere that got the valences of its carbon atoms so dreadfully entangled!"

"I am a man," said Cruickshank, the bookkeeper.

"But," said Gud, quite exasperated, "I told you I destroyed everything."

"And so you did," agreed Cruickshank, the bookkeeper, "but do you not recall those that escaped and floated down on the star dust to wait for the day of judgment?"

"I certainly remember them very well," said Gud, "but I would have you to know that this is not the day of judgment but the day after eternity, and what is more, you did not escape on the star dust as you claim, for I chased after that bunch and destroyed them quite utterly."

"In a way," said Cruickshank, the bookkeeper, "you did, but we saved our souls by losing them."

"But," cried Gud, "you are not a soul, for see--" and Gud poked Cruickshank, the bookkeeper, gingerly in the ribs--"you are a material man with ribs and life and a liver and much orthodox and conventional stupidity. In fact, you seem very much like Cruickshank that you always were. How do you explain that?"

"The explanation is very simple," said Cruickshank, the bookkeeper, "and also very important; and you would do well not to forget it or tamper with it. I am Cruickshank the bookkeeper, just as I always have been, because you can not change human nature. And what is more, I tell you that if you divided all the wealth up equally it would be unequal again before sunset."

"Mere popular fallacies," said Gud. "And now I am going to show you who I really am. When my Underdog here barks at the moon you are going to change into a boiled lobster with one great claw--a very red lobster, on which your insufferable white collar will look quite ridiculous."

"But," cried Cruickshank, "you can not change human nature!"

"Yes, yes, I know," said Gud. "That is why I am doing it. Now bark," commanded Gud, addressing the Underdog, whose name was Fidu.

"But," said Fidu, "I do not see any moon to bark at."

"Imagine one, stupid," said Gud.

So Fidu imagined a moon to bark at, and barked at the moon he imagined; and then he and Gud went on their way, leaving a great, red, boiled lobster, wearing a white collar and crawling backward with one claw, along the Impossible Curve.