Chapter LXV

After Gud had regaled himself on pork and beans he laid down under a deadly nightshade tree and fell asleep. As he slept a worm happened along and stepped on Gud, and Gud turned.

"Pardon," said the worm, "but I did not notice you until you turned. You see I was very preoccupied, for I have just returned from the Diet of Worms, which was called by the Conqueror Worm to suppress a book. As soon as I heard that a book had been suppressed I went in search of a copy. I found one in the Master's chamber of a deserted mansion of the newly cultured. I carefully chewed it up and removed the fragments to my nest, where I pieced them together again."

"What kind of book is it?" asked Gud. "I am rather fond of forbidden books."

"It is a book of etiquette," replied the worm, "and if you will promise me not to mark it up or tear out any choice passages, I will lend you my copy."

So Gud sat down upon a gravel and the worm climbed a stalk of timothy and handed Gud the book; but it was so badly patched up that he could not read it.

"Perhaps," suggested the worm, "I should read it to you. See, this is the table of contents. It says:

"'How to shake hands with gloves on.

"'How to introduce people who already know each other.

"'How to steal postage stamps without having a guilty conscience.

"'How to dance without knowing how.

"'How to pretend to understand relativity.

"'What to wear if you don't like spats.

"'How to tell a risque story in the presence of a minister.

"'How to get rich without making your friends envious.

"'How to catch large fish with little worms.'

"Ah," cried the worm, "that is the very line that caused the Diet of Worms to suppress the book, for that is an allusion to the bitter truth that worms are put on hooks to catch fish. We worms, who know that in the end we shall conquer man himself, do not like to be reminded that in the meanwhile man may use us for fish bait."

Gud smiled at the thought that the worms could only suppress the truth, whereas he could change it. So he made it to be that men should no longer put worms on hooks to catch fish, but should henceforth put fish on hooks to catch worms. That is how came the great sport of worming; and some of the worm tales men tell do not need to be suppressed, for there is no truth in them.