Chapter 9

"Well, we did, 'n' it was 'xcitin', I c'n tell you, 'n' I wish you'd been there to see their faces. Mrs. Macy drew first, seein' 't it was her plan, 'n' she was awful put out over gettin' Henry Ward Beecher. Seems she was countin' on using her trundle-bed, 'n' she said right flat out 't she _must_ use her trundle-bed, 'n' so she jus' up 'n' put Henry Ward Beecher right straight back in the sugar-bowl. Mrs. Sweet drew next, 'n' 'f _she_ didn't get Henry Ward Beecher too, 'n' she was madder yet 'cause she was intendin' to have her child sleep with Emma, 'n' she said 't her child had jus' _got_ to sleep with Emma, so she up 'n' stuffed Henry Ward Beecher back into the sugar-bowl too. Then Mrs. Brown wanted to draw, 'n' so they put on the cover 'n' shook 'em up hard, 'n' I couldn't but be a little took with how anxious they was to draw when there was only twelve childern 'n' sixteen women, so 't stood to reason 't there was four as couldn't get no child to save their necks. I didn't try to draw none myself--I hauled out a lot of stitches 'n' sat back'n' said when they was all through I'd come 'n' draw for you and me too, 'n' then I watched 'em all hurryin' Mrs. Brown, 'n' 'f _she_ didn't get Henry Ward Beecher same 's all the rest! But she was perfectly satisfied,--she said 't she was lonesome now young Dr. Brown's gone 'n' married and 't Henry Ward Beecher c'd have his room. So Henry Ward Beecher was out o' the sugar-bowl at last, 'n' I must say 't it was a great relief to see him settled."

"Who drew--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

"Mrs. Sweet drew next. 'N' she drew Augustus, 'n' when she see 't she'd got Augustus she didn't mince matters none,--she jus' said she'd never have no Augustus in her house, not now 'n' not never, 'n' she put him right back, 'n' some one said 't it wasn't fair. But they shook the bowl up good, 'n' Gran'ma Mullins 'd been tryin' so hard to get a chance at it 't they let her come next, 'n' she drew, 'n'--my Lord!--she let off a scream like she'd draw'd a snake 'n' it seemed 't it was Bobby she'd got, 'n' she said, fair or not, she couldn't abide no small boy since she god-mothered Sam Duruy, 'n' so we must excuse her puttin' Bobby back into the sugar-bowl, and so back into the sugar-bowl Bobby got put. Then every one begin sayin' 't it wasn't fair, 'n' Mrs. Sperrit stood up 'n' said she knowed a good way. We'd put sixteen numbers in the sugar-bowl 'n' all draw numbers 'n' then choose from the childern in accordance with our numbers, No. 1 gettin' first pick 'n' No. 2 second 'n' so on. So we did it, 'n' I drew with a pretty heavy heart, I c'n assure you, Mrs. Lathrop, for Lord knows what I'd 'a' done if--"

"I c'd 'a' taken--" interposed the friend.

"Yes, 'n' you'd 'a' had to too," rejoined the other. "I thought o' that as I was feelin' 'round, prayin' Heaven to guide me; 'n' it did too, for I got 14, 'n' after that the rest o' the meetin' was nothin' but sheer circus for me. That was what you missed, Mrs. Lathrop, f'r I don't believe there ever was or ever will be such a Sewin' Society again. Every one quit sewin' in the first place, 'n' Mrs. Duruy, who 'd got No. 1, reflected some 'n' then said she 'd take Felicia Hemans 'cause Felicia c'd help her with her sewin'. Mrs. Sweet was No. 2, 'n' she took Rachel Rebecca to sleep with Emma. Then come Gran'ma Mullins, 'n' she studied a long while 'n' then at last she decided on little Jane 'cause little Jane sucks her thumb 'n' that's the sign of a good child. Then Mrs. Sperrit came next, 'n' she said she'd take Bobby 'cause he couldn't do no mischief out on the farm. Gran'ma Mullins shook her head 'n' said them laughs best as laughs last, but Mrs. Sperrit stuck to Bobby 'n' didn't pay no attention to Gran'ma Mullins. Well--then Mrs. Brown took Henry Ward Beecher, 'n' Mrs. Kimball took Billy 'cause he's in the store anyhow, 'n' Mrs. Maxwell took 'Liza Em'ly to rip, 'n' Mrs. Fisher took John Bunyan for weeds. 'N' then Mrs. Macy just pounced on the last girl for her trundle-bed, 'n' Mrs. Jilkins was pretty mad at there bein' no more girls after the last one 'n' she give a sort o' flounce 'n' said 'Josephus,' 'n' Miss White give a sort o' groan 'n' said 'Fox' in a voice like death. 'N' _then_ come _the_ time!--Mrs. Davison was No. 12, 'n' every one knew it, 'n' every one 'd been lookin' at her from time to time 'n' she hadn't been lookin' at no one, only jus' at her number, 'n' when the time come f'r her to say who she'd got (for naturally she didn't have no choice) she didn't say nothin' at all, only just begun to pick up all her work things 'n' stuff 'em in that little black bead bag o' hers, 'n' there was a meanin' way about her stuffin' 't said more 'n was necessary.--But o' course some one had to speak, so Mrs. Sweet begun to smile 'n' say, ''N' Mrs. Davison gets Augustus!' 'n' at that Mrs. Davison come up out o' her chair like it was a live coal, 'n' shook all over 'n' glared right in front of her, 'n' said, 'Ladies, this may appear as a joke to you, but it's far from seemin' funny to the one as gets Augustus. I decline Augustus right square 'n' sharp 'n' flat 'n' now, 'n' if I ever hear another word on the subjeck I shall cease to ever again play the organ in church on Sunday!'"

Miss Clegg paused dramatically.

Mrs. Lathrop opened her mouth in awe at the climax.

"Well, you c'd 'a' heard the dust settle for a minute or two! No one couldn't think o' nothin' to say, f'r the only thing to say was suthin' 't no one in their senses would think o' sayin', but o' course some one had to say it, 'n' Mrs. Craig got up at last 'n' with the tears standin' in her eyes 'n' a kind o' sad look all around her nice tidy house, she sort o' sighed out, 'We must have the organ Sundays, 'n' I'll take Augustus.' There was a air o' bein' sorry for her all over, but every one was so glad it was her 'n' not them 't they couldn't help bein' more relieved 'n anythin' else, 'n' then we all remembered 't we was hot, 'n' hungry too, so we made short work o' app'intin' Mrs. Allen to go 'n' tell the minister how everythin' was arranged for his vacation, 'n' 't it'd be a favor to us all if he could get away pretty prompt to-morrow so 's we could be all settled down for Sunday. Mrs. Sperrit says she'll take the bird right along with Bobby, 'n' Mrs. Allen says 't if they have Brunhilde Susan they can just as well fuss with the cow too, so 's far as I c'n see there'll be no church Sunday, 'n' I certainly am grateful, for all the time 't I was in church last Sunday I was wishin' 't I was in the crick instid, 'n' I don't consider such thoughts upliftin'."

Mrs. Lathrop slapped at a mosquito.

"They say it's better to be born lucky 'n rich," said Susan, getting up to go, "'n' what you said jus' now, Mrs. Lathrop, proves 't it's true in your case. For if I _had_ been obliged to take Brunhilde Susan or any other of 'em, it'd surely 'a' been a awful care to you just now, what with your picklin' 'n' your not bein' no great hand at childern anyhow."

Mrs. Lathrop assented with two slow nods.

"Mrs. Brown 'n' me walked home together," said Susan, as she slowly turned her steps in the direction of her own house. "Mrs. Brown thinks she's got the flower o' the flock in gettin' Henry Ward Beecher. She says he's so big he'll be no care a _tall_, except to fill his pitcher once in a while."

"It's Mrs. Craig as has--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

"Yes, I sh'd say so," assented Susan.

And then they spoke no more.

* * * * *

The minister, on the receipt of his parishioners' ultimatum, tarried not upon the order of his going, but went almost at once. Indeed he and his wife packed with such alacrity that at ten o'clock upon the following day (which was Saturday) they were both gone, and the thirteen children, the bird, and the cow had all been distributed according to the Sewing Society's programme.

The day was intensely hot, and in spite of the deep interest which both felt in the wide-spread situation, neither Susan nor Mrs. Lathrop heard any news from the thirteen seats of war until late in the afternoon. At that hour Mrs. Macy called on Miss Clegg, and after the call the latter walked "as far as the square" with her friend. Mrs. Lathrop saw them go out together from her kitchen window, and when Susan failed to return, she possessed her soul with all the unlimited resignation which was her strong point.

Susan did not return until seven o'clock.

"I ain't comin' over," she called from the back stoop, before Mrs. Lathrop could get to the fence; "there ain't nothin' particular to tell 'n' under them circumstances I ain't one to bother to tell it. Every one 't I see was out runnin' about 'n' recountin' how much better they're doin' than might 'a' been expected. Mrs. Craig's awful pleased over Augustus, says it was all clean slander the talk about him, for he's 's good 's gold, jus' lays on his back on the floor 'n' says, 'Wash zhat? Is zhat a fly? Zhi a fly? Zhu a fly?' or 'Wash zhat? Zhat dinner? Zhi dinner? Zhu dinner?' 'n' all you have to say is 'Yes--No--No--No' pretty prompt. She says she don't consider him no care a _tall_ 'n' she's glad to have the chance to say so right out.--Mrs. Fisher was into the store while Mrs. Craig was talkin', 'n' she says she's 'mused to death over John Bunyan. Seems she was never in favor o' Mr. Fisher's havin' a garden, 'n' now John Bunyan 's gone 'n' pulled up all the beets 'n' five rows of little radishes. She was buyin' him a ball an' laughin' to tears over how mad Mr. Fisher was. She says he took John Bunyan by the shoulders 'n' shook him hard 'n' asked him 'f he didn't know a radish 'n' a beet when he saw one, 'n' John Bunyan spoke right up 'n' said, 'Course he knowed a radish 'n' a beet when he saw 'em, but how was any one to see a radish or a beet till after he pulled it up first?' Oh my! but Mrs. Fisher says Mr. Fisher was hot about it, 'n' it was all of a half hour afore he got over his mad enough to be ready to teach John Bunyan anythin' else, 'n' then he wanted to show him the first principles of graftin', 'n' so she put a big plate of apples where they was handy for the boy to reach, 'n' come down town herself."

Mrs. Lathrop had approached the fence step by step, and now leaned in a confidence-inspiring attitude against its firm support. The sight seemed to affect Miss Clegg without her being conscious of the fact, and she abandoned her first position on the doorstep and advanced also.

"After all, we might 's well be comfortable while we visit," she commented simply, when they found themselves adjusted as of old, "'n' come to think it over I really did hear quite a piece o' news in town. Mrs. Duruy says she's set Felicia Hemans to makin' Sam some shirts 'n' Sam is runnin' the sewin'-machine for 'em. Now o' course 'f it comes to such doin's the first day any one can figger on a week ahead, 'n' I had a good mind to say 's much to Mrs. Duruy, but then I thought if I had it in me to do any warnin' I'd best warn Felicia, 'n' as far 's my experience goes a woman afore she marries a man always admires him full 's much or maybe even more 'n' his own mother can, so it's breath wasted to try 'n' tell either of 'em a plain truth about him. Now you know, Mrs. Lathrop, 's I was never one to waste my breath, so when Mrs. Duruy said 's she was thinkin' o' goin' over to Meadville to visit her cousin, now 's she had somebody to keep her house for her, I jus' remarked as I hoped she'd get her house back when she come back 'n' let it go at that. Mrs. Allen was in after mail, 'n' she said Brunhilde Susan was in bed, 'n' the cow was all milked for the night, 'n' her mind was easy over 'em both; 'n' Gran'ma Mullins was to the drug-store after some quinine to put on little Jane's thumb. She says this week as she has little Jane she 'll jus' cure her o' thumb-suckin' once an' f'r all time by keepin' it dipped in quinine.

"I didn't see none o' the others, but I didn't hear o' their bein' in difficulties, so I come home. Mrs. Macy says Roxana sits 'n' weeps straight along, but she says she didn't have no choice as to her drawin', for between her bein' No. 9 'n' only havin' a trundle-bed Roxana was just forced right down her throat, so she ain't botherin' over her a _tall_. She come out to make calls this afternoon, 'n' she says she sh'll see to her own marketin' same 's ever, 'n' Roxana c'n weep or not weep to suit herself."

"I'm glad you--" said Mrs. Lathrop thoughtfully.

"I am too," said Susan quickly, "I'm glad 'n' I sh'll always stay glad. I just had that one time o' carin' for children, 'n' the Lord dealt me a lion instid of a baby, 'n' I 'm free to confess 't I've never seen no occasion to say other than Thy Will be Done. The sparrows do build awful in the notches of that lion, 'n' the nest in his mouth aggravates me so I d'n' know what to do some days, but still when all's said 'n' done a sparrow's nest in the mouth of your father's tombstone ain't any such trial as gettin' a child to bed nights 'n' keepin' its hands clean would be. 'N' if I had adopted a child, Mrs. Lathrop, I sh'd cert'nly 'a' kept it clean, f'r, if you'll excuse me remarkin' it right in your face, I was raised to wash 'n' dust 'n' be neat. That's why that nest in my lion's mouth with the straws stickin' every way do try me so. Mr. Kimball 's forever askin' me if the lion 's raisin' a beard against the winter, 'n' the other day he said he was give to understand 't it was tippin' a little, 'n' I was recommended to brace him up by givin' him raw eggs for his breakfast. Well, maybe all Mr. Kimball says is very witty, but it's a poor kind o' wit, I think. He makes good enough jokes about the rest of the c'mmunity, but I may tell you in confidence, Mrs. Lathrop, 't I ain't never heard one joke 't he's told on me 't I considered even half-way amusin'."

Mrs. Lathrop shook her head sadly.

Then they went in.

The Sunday which followed this particular Saturday was of a heat truly tropical. All the blinds of the Clegg and Lathrop houses stayed tightly closed all day, and it is only fair to surmise that those who remained behind them were not sorry that the minister's absence allowed them to do so with a clear conscience.

But about half-past seven in the evening Susan's shutters began to bang open with a succession of blast-like reports, and shortly after she emerged from her kitchen door and started down town. Mrs. Lathrop, who was of course cognizant of every movement on her neighbor's part, saw her go and made haste to be ready against her home-coming. To that end she set her front door hospitably open, drew two rockers out upon the porch, laid a palm-leaf fan in one, and deposited herself in the other.

It was nearly an hour before Miss Clegg returned from town. She appeared very warm, but pleased with herself for having gone. As she sank down in the chair and began to agitate the fan, Mrs. Lathrop's eyes fairly gleamed with anticipation.

"I s'pose--" she began.

"Well, no," said Susan, "seems they ain't, after all. The air down town is more like a revival than anythin' else, everybody 's up tellin' their experience an' callin' out on Heaven to save 'em. 'N' the worst of all is Mrs. Brown!--she _never_ knew 't Henry Ward Beecher walks in his sleep! No more did I nor nobody else, 'n' I must say 't I do think 't the minister 'd ought to 'a' told some of us so's we could 'a' been a little prepared, for there's many a night 's I've left clothes out on the line 's I'd never risked 'f I'd been aware o' the possibility o' Henry Ward Beecher bein' broad-cast. Mrs. Brown says, though, 's it ain't his walkin' in his sleep as is troublin' her, it's his eatin' in his walkin'. Mrs. Lathrop, you never hear the like o' what she told me! It's beyond all belief! He eat the Sunday layer-cake 'n' the Sunday-dinner pie 'n' the whole week's tin o' doughnuts, 'n' then went back to bed 'n' never turned a hair. Why, she says she never _did_--in all her life. She says when she see the jelly streaks on the bed an' felt his sticky door-knob, she was all used up, for Babes in the Woods was criminal beside the way he looked to be sleepin'. 'N' he don't remember nothin' a _tall_ to-day, not one livin' doughnut does that boy recolleck, 'n' she says 'f she didn't know it to be so on a'count o' the empty tin she'd doubt herself an' believe him by choice, he looks so truthful. But empty tins is empty tins, 'n' no one can deny that fact.

"I see Mrs. Craig too. Mrs. Craig's some altered as to her yesterday's view in regard to Augustus. That cat 't she makes so much over 's gone, 'n' she's most crazy as a consequence. It's him as she warms her feet on winters, 'n' when I asked her how under the sun she come to feel the need o' it to-day she didn't even smile. She says she asked Augustus right off 's quick 's she missed it, 'n' all he said was, 'Wash zhat? Zhat a cat? Zhi a cat? Zhu a cat?' 'n' she see 't there wasn't no information to be got out o' him. She says, though, that if you bar the cat he's pretty good, only he's so tiresome. He follows her all over, sayin', 'Wash zhat? Zhat a hair-pin? Zhi a hair-pin? Zhu a hair-pin?' She says it ain't nothin' to really complain of, but it's gettin' a little wearin', 'n' she was lookin' more worried 'n her talk bore out, but Miss White come up 'n' begun about Fox, 'n' that kind o' ended Augustus. Miss White says 'f the minister wanted to name a child after Fox's Martyrs he was welcome, but she 'n' her family never bargained on bein' the martyrs. She says 't Fox takes fits o' yellin' 'n' when he begins he don't never stop. Her mother's deaf, 'n' said to let the child yell it out 'n' teach him a lesson, but Deacon White has got his ears same as ever, 'n' he couldn't stand the noise, 'n' so he hired Fox to stop by promisin' him a trumpet 's soon as the store is open to-morrow mornin'. Miss White says her mother said buyin' trumpets was a poor kind o' discipline, 'n' Mrs. Fisher come along just then 'n' said her notion o' discipline was rewardin' the good instead o' the bad, 'n' 't she was goin' to give John Bunyan a dish o' cookies to keep in his washstand drawer, 'cause he went out in the garden this mornin' while Mr. Fisher was down for the mail, 'n' he tried his last night's lesson in graftin' on things in general there, 'n' he grafted corn 'n' potatoes 'n' asparagus all back 'n' forth 'n' killed 'em all. She says Mr. Fisher was awful mad 'n' wanted to shake John Bunyan, but she jus' up 'n' told Mr. Fisher 't she'd been tellin' him 't there was a mighty big difference between theory 'n' practice f'r these many years, 'n' 't now John Bunyan was sent by the hand o' Providence to show him jus' what she meant.

"I see Mrs. Macy too, 'n' she's happy for the whole town. Seems Roxana was so lonesome for the other dozen 't she jus' sat 'n' rolled down tears steady, 'n' this afternoon when Mrs. Sperrit drove in to see her sister she jus' took Roxana home with her. She says Roxana 'll be happy with Bobby on the farm, 'n' it's easy to be seen as Mrs. Maxwell is envyin' Mrs. Macy, for she says 't it's as plain 's the nose on the outside o' your face 't 'Liza Em'ly 's nothin' to rip."

Miss Clegg ceased speech to rock and fan for a minute or two.

"Did you see--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

"I see every one almost," replied the other. "I see Polly Allen wheelin' Brunhilde Susan around the square. Polly said 't the heat was hard on the cow 'n' hard on Brunhilde Susan. She says the cow's got to have suthin' on 'n' Brunhilde Susan's got to have everythin' off or they ain't neither of them peaceable to live with long. I ain't so happy over Brunhilde Susan 's I would be if she had more sense. She was cryin' 'Moo--moo' at every dog she see, 'n' I give her a nickel to keep her quiet, 'n' then she up 'n' lost it. We hunted an' hunted 'n' did everythin' in kingdom come to find it--for I naturally didn't feel to come away without it--'n' finally Polly said 's she must 'a' swallowed it, 'n' she asked her, 'n' she said 'Yes,' 'n' I was more 'n disgusted. It was a full minute before I could remember to thank my stars as it wasn't a half-dollar--'s it might easy 'a' been, for bein' the namesake of a child kind o' obliges you to be nice to 'em. Brunhilde Susan can't never expect to get nothin' out o' her front half, for I was give to understand 't the Brunhilde 's Felicia Hemans was so book-took with is long dead, 'Dragged at horses' tails,' she had the face to tell me--the joint godmother!--''N' who by?' I couldn't in decency but ask.--'By the horses,' says Felicia Hemans, a-gigglin' fit to beat the band. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I'm pretty patient with the young in general, but I must say 's I can't but feel 't when them shirts o' Sam Duruy's is done 'n' their consequences is added up, it's a even thing which draws the least,--him or Felicia. Mrs. Macy told me 't Mrs. Duruy has her things all washed 'n' ironed to go to Meadville to-morrow, 'n' I reckon 't a woman 's is as blind 's that 'll be jus' 's happy in Meadville as anywhere else."

Susan paused and rose from her seat.

"Are you a--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

"Looks like it, don't it?" replied Miss Clegg. "'S a matter o' fact, Mrs. Lathrop, I'm that hot 'n' tired 'd it 'd take a long sight more 'n you to keep me any longer, so I 'll say good-bye 'n' go."

* * * * *

On Monday the thermometer bounded higher than ever. It was wash-day too, which rendered one half of the community infinitely hotter yet. As the burden of the minister's vacation fell upon the same half that the washing did, one might have looked for very little friendly exchanging of personal trials on the evening that followed such a trying day. Susan felt such to be the case and concluded not to try and go down town. Mrs. Lathrop took two or three wilted clovers, and sat on her steps and chewed submissively after tea,--too much overcome even to waft a questioning glance across the interim of parched grass which stretched between her kitchen stoop and that of her friend; but the latter saw her sitting there and felt a keen, remorseful stab.

"I guess I 'll go down in the square f'r jus' five minutes," she called to the dejected figure, and forthwith sallied out to the conflict.

The five minutes stretched to an hour, and Mrs. Lathrop was frankly asleep when her vigil was terminated by her neighbor's return. The latter came up and sat down on the steps, heaving a mighty sigh as she did so.

"Well, I see Mrs. Brown," she began in a tone of reminiscent sympathy, "'n' I can tell you 't Mrs. Brown is in a situation not to be lightly sneezed over."

"What did--" remarked Mrs. Lathrop, rubbing her eyes.