ACT II, SCENE III

CHARACTERS: Brummell; Isidore; Fotherby; Nurse; another Old Woman; Landlord; Waiter.

SCENE: Brummell's lodgings in a miserable apartment house at Caen, France. Eight years have elapsed. With no means of livelihood and pursued by creditors, Brummell is now reduced to abject poverty, broken health, and a deranged mind. He is thrown among people of low rank and is subjected to many indignities; but to the last he clings to his fastidious tastes and is a gentleman among imaginary aristocrats.

OLD NURSE. _in high Norman cap, discovered seated in arm chair, mending stockings; another_ WOMAN _near her._

NURSE. Yes, my dear, clean out of his mind--that's what he's gone.

OLD WOMAN. Deary me!

NURSE. Aye, and there be folks as says he was once as neat and tidy as a new sixpence. Now he's as dirty as a George the First halfpenny!

OLD W. Deary me!

NURSE. Aye, child, and he knew lords and dooks--and such like--now it's anybody as'll give him a dinner. It's time they did something with him--for put up with his going's on any longer, I cannot! A nuss's is a horrid life, ain't it, child?

OLD W. 'Orrid--deary me! So this very afternoon that's comin', he's to go?

NURSE. Aye, child--the landlord's goin' to offer to take him for a walk, which'll please him--and then take him off to see if the nuns'll have charity upon him--if not, there's nothing but the street. He wouldn't go if he know'd it--still he hasn't a copper coin--he's as cunning as any fox. Have a little drop of somethin' comfortable, child!

OLD W. Deary me!--at this time of day--but I do feel a sinking!

NURSE. It'll do you a world of good. [_Getting bottle_--_a knock._] Lawk! what an awkward hour for people to call! [_Knock again._]

OLD W. Deary me! Perhaps it's Mr. Brummell.

NURSE. Not it! It's more than he dare do, to knock twice like that. It's his old man-servant, come to take off that there dirty screen. [_Opens door._]

_Enter_ BRUMMELL--_muddy_--_supported by_ ISIDORE

BRUM. Isidore, give me my dressing gown!

ISID. Dressing gown! that's good--why I never put my own on nowadays!

BRUM. [_talking to himself_]. That screen mustn't go--nor the duchess's armchair. [_Turning to_ NURSE.] Mind that, nurse, whatever happens to me, this chair and the screen remain. Ha! ha! what would Ballarat say, if----

NURSE. There, never mind them folks. Pull your coat off, and put your dressing gown on, do!

BRUM. Dear me! I hope the ices will be better--the punch I've seen to! The duchess shall sit here.

NURSE [_to_ OLD WOMAN]. That's how he goes on nearly every day. The high folks he knew have turned his head. Sometimes he makes one of the waiters announce a lot of folks, as never come, while he, like an old fool, bows to nobody, and hands nothing to that old chair.

OLD W. What work it must give you.

NURSE [_to_ BRUMMELL]. There, take that muddy coat off, nobody's coming to-day.

BRUM. Leave the room and see that everything is ready.

NURSE. Drat it. [_Rings the bell._] I must have the waiter up. He'll soon manage him.

BRUM. [_rising, totters forward, and arranges his shabby dress_]. Well, now I'm ready! Hark! I think I hear the first carriage. Sir Harry, no doubt.

_Enter_ WAITER

NURSE. Just see to this old man--make him change his coat, for I can't.

WAITER. Well, this is the last of it. Master says he may sleep in the streets, but he doesn't stay here another night if he knows it. They won't have him at the asylum without money, and he hasn't a rap.

NURSE. Nor a stick; for there's little enough left to pay my poor wages.

WAITER [_to_ BRUMMELL]. Come, off with the coat!

BRUM. My good fellow, leave it me to-night. I've a few friends coming. Hush! there's the first arrival. Pray, my good sir, see to my guests.

WAITER. Well, let's humor the old blade once more--he'll be in the streets to-morrow.

NURSE [_to_ OLD WOMAN]. Just notice this tomfoolery, child.

OLD W. Deary me! it almost frightens me. See how pleased he is.

WAITER. Sir Harry Gill!

BRUM. [_advancing ceremoniously, and holding out his hand, and coming down, as though talking to somebody at his side_]. My dear Harry, I'm delighted to see you. Were you at the opera last night?

NURSE [_to_ OLD WOMAN]. Did you ever hear the like of it?

WAITER. Here goes again! [_Goes as before to door, and throws it open._] Lord Ballarat!

BRUM. [_advancing as before, and receiving imaginary visitor_]. My good fellow, I'm sorry I missed you at the club the other night; but I went into the duchess's box, and----

WAITER. I must stop this. The duchess always comes last, and then he's satisfied. [_Throwing open the door, and calling pompously._] Her Highness the Duchess of Canterbury.

BRUM. [_totters to door, bowing very profoundly, and handing the imaginary duchess to his armchair--leans over the chair, and bows frequently as he talks_]. Your highness is too good! This is indeed an honor. Permit me the satisfaction of handing you to your seat. And is the duke well? And little Nutmeg--is his ear better? Poor little fellow! I hope you will allow me to give him a charming little collar I have for him.

WAITER. There, that'll do! [_To_ BRUMMELL.] Come, now, they're all gone--take your coat off.

BRUM. [_starting, and falling into chair_]. Yes, gone--gone--true--they're gone! [WAITER _helps him to take his coat off._] Give me my cap! [NURSE _puts his old velvet cap on._]

WAITER. [_going_]. Call me up again, nurse, if he won't mind you. Do you hear what I say, Mr. Brummell?

BRUM. Yes--yes--I'll be very good, nurse--I'll be very good.

WAITER. Well, it will be a lucky day when we get rid of this business! [_Exit._

OLD W. But think of the poor creature turned into the streets! He'd die upon the nighest door-step!

NURSE. Can't be helped--out he goes to-night and no mistake! I'll nuss him no longer--and the landlord wants the room. The men are comin' to whitewash it at sunrise to-morrow.

OLD W. Deary me! Well--good-day!

NURSE. Good-day, child. You'll find me at home to-morrow. Good-bye! [_Exit_ OLD WOMAN.

BRUM. [_tottering to an old bureau, sits before it_]. Dinner at four. Nurse, nurse! my glass and razors--come!

NURSE. Drat the old man! [_Gives him glass, etc._]

_Enter_ LANDLORD, _followed by_ WAITER

Now he's completely done up!

BRUM. [_politely to_ LANDLORD]. Good morning, monsieur, delighted to see----

LANDLORD. Hang your compliments--I want no more of them.

BRUM. My good sir, you surprise me!

LAND. [_to_ WAITER]. Get his rubbish together--for out he goes, and no mistake. [_To_ BRUMMELL.] Now, Mr. Brummell, can you pay me--or can't you--or won't you?

BRUM. Dear, dear me! We'll talk about it.

LAND. No, we won't. I'll have it--or out you bundle this minute.

BRUM. [_rising_]. Sir, I am a gentleman--a poor one, it is true; and this hand, fleshless as it is--is strong enough to chastise a man who forgets it! [BRUMMELL _falls back in chair exhausted._]

LAND. [_to_ WAITER]. Now for it--out with him! [LANDLORD _and_ WAITER _rush forward, and are about to seize_ BRUMMELL.]

_Enter_ FOTHERBY

FOTHER. [_pushing back_ LANDLORD _and_ WAITER]. Put your hands on the old man at your peril.

LAND. Do you know that you are in my house, sir?--stand back!

FOTHER. Do you know that you are in my rooms, sir? [_Throws paper to him_.] I think you will find that regular. Leave the room.

NURSE [_aside_]. Wonders'll never cease. But the old fool'll spile all again--you'll see.

LAND. [_aside to Waiter_]. He's paid missus the rent--there's luck! [_Exit_.

WAITER. A pretty bit of business I've done for myself. Not a sou for the waiter, I'll bet. [_Exit_.

FOTHER. [_advancing to_ BRUMMELL]. My dear Mr. Brummell.

BRUM. Really, you have the advantage of me.

FOTHER. You surely remember me, Mr. Brummell. [_To_ NURSE.] The good sisters will take care of him for the rest of his days. I must take him to them. Is he always so, my good woman?

NURSE. Poor dear, good, kind old gentleman, not allays. He takes on so at times.

BRUM. Don't know you in the least. [_Imagines he sees Ballarat_.] Ballarat! dear old boy! Tut! tut! Ballarat! Well, this is kind. But I can't be seen in this state.

FOTHER. No. Here you are among friends, my good sir. [_Leading him out_.] This way, Mr. Brummell, I come from Lord Ballarat.

BRUM. Well--be it so. Ballarat--mind--when you return to England let them know that, even in this squalor--to his last hour in the world--Brummell--poor Brummell was a gentleman still. I am ready--I am ready.

[_Exit_ FOTHERBY, _leading_ BRUMMELL, _the_ NURSE _following_.

THE SET OF TURQUOISE

THOMAS BAILEY ALDRICH