Chapter 4

+C. Custance.+ No creature hath my faith and trouth but one, That is Gawin Goodlucke: and if it be not hee, He hath no title this way what euer he be, Nor I know none to whome I haue such worde spoken.

+M. Mery.+ Ye knowe him not you by his letter and token.

+C. Custance.+ In dede true it is, that a letter I haue, But I neuer reade it yet as God me saue.

+M. Mery.+ Ye a woman? and your letter so long vnredde.

+C. Custance.+ Ye may therby know what hast I haue to wedde. But now who it is, for my hande I knowe by gesse.

+M. Mery.+ Ah well I say.

+C. Custance.+ It is Roister Doister doubtlesse.

+M. Mery.+ Will ye neuer leaue this dissimulation? Ye know hym not.

+C. Custance.+ But by imagination, For no man there is but a very dolt and loute That to wowe a Widowe woulde so go about. He shall neuer haue me hys wife while he doe liue.

+M. Mery.+ Then will he haue you if he may, so mote I thriue, And he biddeth you sende him worde by me, That ye humbly beseech him, ye may his wife be, And that there shall be no let in you nor mistrust, But to be wedded on sunday next if he lust, And biddeth you to looke for him.

+C. Custance.+ Doth he byd so?

+M. Mery.+ When he commeth, aske hym whether he did or no?

+C. Custance.+ Goe say, that I bid him keepe him warme at home For if he come abroade, he shall cough me a mome. My mynde was vexed, I shrew his head sottish dolt.

+M. Mery.+ He hath in his head.

+C. Custance.+ As much braine as a burbolt.

+M. Mery.+ Well dame Custance, if he heare you thus play choploge.

+C. Custance.+ What will he?

+M. Mery.+ Play the deuill in the horologe.

+C. Custance.+ I defye him loute.

+M. Mery.+ Shall I tell hym what ye say?

+C. Custance.+ Yea and adde what so euer thou canst, I thee pray, And I will auouche it what so euer it bee.

+M. Mery.+ Then let me alone we will laugh well ye shall see, It will not be long ere he will hither resorte.

+C. Custance.+ Let hym come when hym lust, I wishe no better sport. Fare ye well, I will in, and read my great letter. I shall to my wower make answere the better. _Exeat._

Actus. iij. Scæna. iij.

+Mathew Merygreeke. Roister Doister.+

+M. Mery.+ Nowe that the whole answere in my deuise doth rest, I shall paint out our wower in colours of the best. And all that I say shall be on Custances mouth, She is author of all that I shall speake forsoth. But yond commeth Roister Doister nowe in a traunce.

+R. Royster.+ Iuno sende me this day good lucke and good chaunce. I can not but come see how Merygreeke doth speede.

+M. Mery.+ I will not see him, but giue him a iutte in deede. I crie your mastershyp mercie.

+R. Royster.+ And whither now?

+M. Mery.+ As fast as I could runne sir in poste against you. But why speake ye so faintly, or why are ye so sad?

+R. Royster.+ Thou knowest the prouerbe, bycause I can not be had. Hast thou spoken with this woman?

+M. Mery.+ Yea that I haue.

+R. Royster.+ And what will this geare be?

+M. Mery.+ No so God me saue.

+R. Royster.+ Hast thou a flat answer?

+M. Mery.+ Nay a sharp answer.

+R. Royster.+ What

+M. Mery.+ Ye shall not (she sayth) by hir will marry hir cat. Ye are such a calfe, such an asse, such a blocke, Such a lilburne, such a hoball, such a lobcocke, And bicause ye shoulde come to hir at no season, She despised your maship out of all reason. Bawawe what ye say (ko I) of such a ientman, Nay I feare him not (ko she) doe the best he can. He vaunteth him selfe for a man of prowesse greate, Where as a good gander I dare say may him beate. And where he is louted and laughed to skorne, For the veriest dolte that euer was borne, And veriest lubber, slouen and beast, Liuing in this worlde from the west to the east: Yet of himselfe hath he suche opinion, That in all the worlde is not the like minion. He thinketh eche woman to be brought in dotage With the onely sight of his goodly personage: Yet none that will haue hym: we do hym loute and flocke, And make him among vs, our common sporting stocke, And so would I now (ko she) saue onely bicause, Better nay (ko I) I lust not medle with dawes. Ye are happy (ko I) that ye are a woman, This would cost you your life in case ye were a man.

+R. Royster.+ Yea an hundred thousand pound should not saue hir life.

+M. Mery.+ No but that ye wowe hir to haue hir to your wife, But I coulde not stoppe hir mouth.

+R. Royster.+ Heigh how alas,

+M. Mery.+ Be of good cheere man, and let the worlde passe.

+R. Royster.+ What shall I doe or say nowe that it will not bee.

+M. Mery.+ Ye shall haue choise of a thousande as good as shee, And ye must pardon hir, it is for lacke of witte.

+R. Royster.+ Yea, for were not I an husbande for hir fitte? Well what should I now doe?

+M. Mery.+ In faith I can not tell.

+R. Royster.+ I will go home and die.

+M. Mery.+ Then shall I bidde toll the bell?

+R. Royster.+ No.

+M. Mery.+ God haue mercie on your soule, ah good gentleman, That er ye shuld th[u]s dye for an vnkinde woman. Will ye drinke once ere ye goe.

+R. Royster.+ No, no, I will none.

+M. Mery.+ How feele your soule to God.

+R. Royster.+ I am nigh gone.

+M. Mery.+ And shall we hence streight?

+R. Royster.+ Yea.

+M. Mery.+ _Placebo dilexi._ Maister Doister Doister will streight go home and die. _vt infra._*

[Footnote *: _See pp. 87, 88._]

[Transcriber's Note: "Ut infra" directions refer to "Certaine Songs" printed separately at the end of the play. The text "Maister Doister Doister" is unchanged.]

+R. Royster.+ Heigh how, alas, the pangs of death my hearte do breake.

+M. Mery.+ Holde your peace for shame sir, a dead man may not speake. _Nequando_: What mourners and what torches shall we haue?

+R. Royster.+ None.

+M. Mery.+ _Dirige._ He will go darklyng to his graue, _Neque, lux, neque crux, neque_ mourners, _neque_ clinke, He will steale to heauen, vnknowing to God I thinke. _A porta inferi_, who shall your goodes possesse?

+R. Royster.+ Thou shalt be my sectour, and haue all more and lesse.

+M. Mery.+ _Requiem æternam._ Now God reward your mastershyp. And I will crie halfepenie doale for your worshyp. [Sidenote: _Euocat seruos militis._] Come forth sirs, heare the dolefull newes I shall you tell. Our good maister here will no longer with vs dwell, But in spite of Custance, which hath hym weried, Let vs see his mashyp solemnely buried. And while some piece of his soule is yet hym within, Some part of his funeralls let vs here begin. _Audiui vocem_, All men take heede by this one gentleman, Howe you sette your loue vpon an vnkinde woman. For these women be all such madde pieuishe elues, They will not be wonne except it please them selues. But in fayth Custance if euer ye come in hell, Maister Roister Doister shall serue you as well. And will ye needes go from vs thus in very deede?

+R. Royster.+ Yea in good sadnesse?

+M. Mery.+ Now Iesus Christ be your speede. Good night Roger olde knaue, farewell Roger olde knaue, Good night Roger olde knaue, knaue knap. _vt infra.**_ Pray for the late maister Roister Doisters soule, And come forth parish Clarke, let the passing bell toll. [Sidenote: _Ad seruos militis._] Pray for your mayster sirs, and for hym ring a peale. He was your right good maister while he was in heale. _Qui Lazarum._

[Footnote **: See p. 88.]

+R. Royster.+ Heigh how.

+M. Mery.+ Dead men go not so fast In Paradisum.

+R. Royster.+ Heihow.

+M. Mery.+ Soft, heare what I haue cast

+R. Royster.+ I will heare nothing, I am past.

+M. Mery.+ Whough, wellaway. Ye may tarie one houre, and heare what I shall say, Ye were best sir for a while to reuiue againe, And quite them er ye go.

+R. Royster.+ Trowest thou so?

+M. Mery.+ Ye plain.

+R. Royster.+ How may I reuiue being nowe so farre past?

+M. Mery.+ I will rubbe your temples, and fette you againe at last.

+R. Royster.+ It will not be possible.

+M. Mery.+ Yes for twentie pounde.

+R. Royster.+ Armes what dost thou?

+M. Mery.+ Fet you again out of your sound By this crosse ye were nigh gone in deede, I might feele Your soule departing within an inche of your heele. Now folow my counsell.

+R. Royster.+ What is it?

+M. Mery.+ If I wer you, Custance should eft seeke to me, ere I woulde bowe.

+R. Royster.+ Well, as thou wilt haue me, euen so will I doe.

+M. Mery.+ Then shall ye reuiue againe for an houre or two.

+R. Royster.+ As thou wilt I am content for a little space.

+M. Mery.+ Good happe is not hastie: yet in space com[e]th grace, To speake with Custance your selfe shoulde be very well, What good therof may come, nor I, nor you can tell. But now the matter standeth vpon your mariage, Ye must now take vnto you a lustie courage. Ye may not speake with a faint heart to Custance, But with a lusty breast and countenance, That she may knowe she hath to answere to a man.

+R. Royster.+ Yes I can do that as well as any can.

+M. Mery.+ Then bicause ye must Custance face to face wowe, Let vs see how to behaue your selfe ye can doe. Ye must haue a portely bragge after your estate.

+R. Royster.+ Tushe, I can handle that after the best rate.

+M. Mery.+ Well done, so loe, vp man with your head and chin, Vp with that snoute man: so loe, nowe ye begin, So, that is somewhat like, but prankie cote, nay whan, That is a lustie brute, handes vnder your side man: So loe, now is it euen as it should bee, That is somewhat like, for a man of your degree. Then must ye stately goe, ietting vp and downe, Tut, can ye no better shake the taile of your gowne? There loe, suche a lustie bragge it is ye must make.

+R. Royster.+ To come behind, and make curtsie, thou must som pains take.

+M. Mery.+ Else were I much to blame, I thanke your mastershyp. The lorde one day all to begrime you with worshyp, Backe sir sauce, let gentlefolkes haue elbowe roome, Voyde sirs, see ye not maister Roister Doister come? Make place my maisters.

+R. Royster.+ Thou iustlest nowe to nigh.

+M. Mery.+ Back al rude loutes.

+R. Royster.+ Tush.

+M. Mery.+ I crie your maship mercy Hoighdagh, if faire fine mistresse Custance sawe you now, Ralph Royster Doister were hir owne I warrant you.

+R. Royster.+ Neare an M by your girdle?

+M. Mery.+ Your good mastershyps Maistershyp, were hir owne Mistreshyps mistreshyps, Ye were take vp for haukes, ye were gone, ye were gone, But now one other thing more yet I thinke vpon.

+R. Royster.+ Shewe what it is.

+M. Mery.+ A wower be he neuer so poore Must play and sing before his bestbeloues doore, How much more than you?

+R. Royster.+ Thou speakest wel out of dout.

+M. Mery.+ And perchaunce that woulde make hir the sooner come out.

+R. Royster.+ Goe call my Musitians, bydde them high apace.

+M. Mery.+ I wyll be here with them ere ye can say trey ace. _Exeat._

+R. Royster.+ This was well sayde of Merygreeke, I lowe hys wit, Before my sweete hearts dore we will haue a fit, That if my loue come forth, that I may with hir talke, I doubt not but this geare shall on my side walke. But lo, how well Merygreeke is returned sence.

+M. Mery.+ There hath grown no grasse on my heele since I went hence, Lo here haue I brought that shall make you pastance.

+R. Royster.+ Come sirs let vs sing to winne my deare loue Custance.

_Cantent._

+M. Mery.+ Lo where she commeth, some countenaunce to hir make And ye shall heare me be plaine with hir for your sake.

Actus. iij. Scæna. iiij.

+Custance. Merygreeke. Roister Doister.+

+C. Custance.+ What gaudyng and foolyng is this afore my doore?

+M. Mery.+ May not folks be honest, pray you, though they be pore?

+C. Custance.+ As that thing may be true, so rich folks may be fooles,

+R. Royster.+ Hir talke is as fine as she had learned in schooles.

+M. Mery.+ Looke partly towarde hir, and drawe a little nere.

+C. Custance.+ Get ye home idle folkes.

+M. Mery.+ Why may not we be here? Nay and ye will haze, haze: otherwise I tell you plaine, And ye will not haze, then giue vs our geare againe.

+C. Custance.+ In deede I haue of yours much gay things God saue all.

+R. Royster.+ Speake gently vnto hir, and let hir take all.

+M. Mery.+ Ye are to tender hearted: shall she make vs dawes? Nay dame, I will be plaine with you in my friends cause.

+R. Royster.+ Let all this passe sweete heart and accept my seruice.

+C. Custance.+ I will not be serued with a foole in no wise, When I choose an husbande I hope to take a man.

+M. Mery.+ And where will ye finde one which can doe that he can? Now thys man towarde you being so kinde, You not to make him an answere somewhat to his minde.

+C. Custance.+ I sent him a full answere by you dyd I not?

+M. Mery.+ And I reported it.

+C. Custance.+ Nay I must speake it againe.

+R. Royster.+ No no, he tolde it all.

+M. Mery.+ Was I not metely plaine?

+R. Royster.+ Yes.

+M. Mery.+ But I would not tell all, for faith if I had With you dame Custance ere this houre it had been bad, And not without cause: for this goodly personage, Ment no lesse than to ioyne with you in mariage.

+C. Custance.+ Let him wast no more labour nor sute about me.

+M. Mery.+ Ye know not where your preferment lieth I see, He sending you such a token, ring and letter.

+C. Custance.+ Mary here it is, ye neuer sawe a better.

+M. Mery.+ Let vs see your letter.

+C. Custance.+ Holde, reade it if ye can. And see what letter it is to winne a woman.

+M. Mery.+ To mine owne deare coney birde, swete heart, and pigsny Good Mistresse Custance present these by and by, Of this superscription do ye blame the stile?

+C. Custance.+ With the rest as good stuffe as ye redde a great while.

+M. Mery.+ Sweete mistresse where as I loue you nothing at all, Regarding your substance and richesse chiefe of all, For your personage, beautie, demeanour and wit, I commende me vnto you neuer a whit. Sorie to heare report of your good welfare. For (as I heare say) suche your conditions are, That ye be worthie fauour of no liuing man, To be abhorred of euery honest man. To be taken for a woman enclined to vice. Nothing at all to Vertue gyuing hir due price. Whersore concerning mariage, ye are thought Suche a fine Paragon, as nere honest man bought. And nowe by these presentes I do you aduertise That I am minded to marrie you in no wise. For your goodes and substance, I coulde bee content To take you as ye are. If ye mynde to bee my wyfe, Ye shall be assured for the tyme of my lyfe, I will keepe ye ryght well, from good rayment and fare, Ye shall not be kepte but in sorowe and care. Ye shall in no wyse lyue at your owne libertie, Doe and say what ye lust, ye shall neuer please me, But when ye are mery, I will be all sadde, When ye are sory, I will be very gladde. When ye seeke your heartes ease, I will be vnkinde, At no tyme, in me shall ye muche gentlenesse finde. But all things contrary to your will and minde, Shall be done: otherwise I wyll not be behinde To speake. And as for all them that woulde do you wrong I will so helpe and mainteyne, ye shall not lyue long. Nor any foolishe dolte, shall cumbre you but I. Thus good mistresse Custance, the lorde you saue and kepe, From me Roister Doister, whether I wake or slepe. Who fauoureth you no lesse, (ye may be bolde) Than this letter purporteth, which ye haue vnfolde.

+C. Custance.+ Howe by this letter of loue? is it not fine?

+R. Royster.+ By the armes of Caleys it is none of myne.

+M. Mery.+ Fie you are fowle to blame this is your owne hand.

+C. Custance.+ Might not a woman be proude of such an husbande?

+M. Mery.+ Ah that ye would in a letter shew such despite.

+R. Royster.+ Oh I would I had hym here, the which did it endite.

+M. Mery.+ Why ye made it your selfe ye tolde me by this light.

+R. Royster.+ Yea I ment I wrote it myne owne selfe yesternight.

+C. Custance.+ Ywis sir, I would not haue sent you such a mocke.

+R. Royster.+ Ye may so take it, but I ment it not so by cocke.

+M. Mery.+ Who can blame this woman to fume and frette and rage? Tut, tut, your selfe nowe haue marde your owne marriage. Well, yet mistresse Custance, if ye can this remitte, This gentleman other wise may your loue requitte.

+C. Custance.+ No God be with you both, and seeke no more to me. _Exeat._

+R. Royster.+ Wough, she is gone for euer, I shall hir no more see.

+M. Mery.+ What weepe? fye for shame, and blubber? for manhods sake, Neuer lette your foe so muche pleasure of you take. Rather play the mans parte, and doe loue refraine. If she despise you een despise ye hir againe.

+R. Royster.+ By gosse and for thy sake I defye hir in deede.

+M. Mery.+ Yea and perchaunce that way ye shall much sooner speede, For one madde propretie these women haue in fey, When ye will, they will not: Will not ye, then will they. Ah foolishe woman, ah moste vnluckie Custance, Ah vnfortunate woman, ah pieuishe Custance, Art thou to thine harmes so obstinately bent, That thou canst not see where lieth thine high preferment? Canst thou not lub dis man, which coulde lub dee so well? Art thou so much thine own foe.

+R. Royster.+ Thou dost the truth tell.

+M. Mery.+ Wel I lament.

+R. Royster.+ So do I.

+M. Mery.+ Wherfor?

+R. Royster.+ For this thing Bicause she is gone.

+M. Mery.+ I mourne for an other thing.

+R. Royster.+ What is it Merygreeke, wherfore thou dost griefe take?

+M. Mery.+ That I am not a woman myselfe for your sake, I would haue you my selfe, and a strawe for yond Gill, And mocke much of you though it were against my will. I would not I warrant you, fall in such a rage, As so to refuse suche a goodly personage.

+R. Royster.+ In faith I heartily thanke thee Merygreeke.

+M. Mery.+ And I were a woman.

+R. Royster.+ Thou wouldest to me seeke.

+M. Mery.+ For though I say it, a goodly person ye bee.

+R. Royster.+ No, no.

+M. Mery.+ Yes a goodly man as ere I dyd see.

+R. Royster.+ No, I am a poore homely man as God made mee.

+M. Mery.+ By the faith that I owe to God sir, but ye bee. Woulde I might for your sake, spende a thousande pound land.

+R. Royster.+ I dare say thou wouldest haue me to thy husbande.

+M. Mery.+ Yea: And I were the fairest lady in the shiere, And knewe you as I know you, and see you nowe here. Well I say no more.

+R. Royster.+ Gramercies with all my hart.

+M. Mery.+ But since that can not be, will ye play a wise parte?

+R. Royster.+ How should I?

+M. Mery.+ Refraine from Custance a while now. And I warrant hir soone right glad to seeke to you, Ye shall see hir anon come on hir knees creeping, And pray you to be good to hir salte teares weeping.

+R. Royster.+ But what and she come not?

+M. Mery.+ In faith then farewel she. Or else if ye be wroth, ye may auenged be.

+R. Royster.+ By cocks precious potsticke, and een so I shall. I wyll vtterly destroy hir, and house and all, But I woulde be auenged in the meane space, On that vile scribler, that did my wowyng disgrace.

+M. Mery.+ Scribler (ko you) in deede he is worthy no lesse. I will call hym to you, and ye bidde me doubtlesse.

+R. Royster.+ Yes, for although he had as many liues, As a thousande widowes, and a thousande wiues, As a thousande lyons, and a thousand rattes, A thousande wolues, and a thousande cattes, A thousande bulles, and a thousande calues, And a thousande legions diuided in halues, He shall neuer scape death on my swordes point, Though I shoulde be torne therfore ioynt by ioynt.

+M. Mery.+ Nay, if ye will kyll him, I will not fette him, I will not in so muche extremitie sette him, He may yet amende sir, and be an honest man, Therfore pardon him good soule, as muche as ye can.

+R. Royster.+ Well, for thy sake, this once with his lyfe he shall passe, But I wyll hewe hym all to pieces by the Masse.

+M. Mery.+ Nay fayth ye shall promise that he shall no harme haue, Else I will not fet him.

+R. Royster.+ I shall so God me saue. But I may chide him a good.

+M. Mery.+ Yea that do hardely.

+R. Royster.+ Go then.

+M. Mery.+ I returne, and bring him to you by and by. _Ex._

Actus. iij. Scæna. v.

+Roister Doister. Mathewe Merygreeke. Scriuener.+

+R. Royster.+ What is a gentleman but his worde and his promise? I must nowe saue this vilaines lyfe in any wise, And yet at hym already my handes doe tickle, I shall vneth holde them, they wyll be so fickle. But lo and Merygreeke haue not brought him sens?

+M. Mery.+ Nay I woulde I had of my purse payde fortie pens.

+Scriuener.+ So woulde I too: but it needed not that stounde,

+M. Mery.+ But the ientman had rather spent fiue thousande pounde, For it disgraced him at least fiue tymes so muche.

+Scriuener.+ He disgraced hym selfe, his loutishnesse is suche.

+R. Royster.+ Howe long they stande prating? Why comst thou not away?

+M. Mery.+ Come nowe to hymselfe, and hearke what he will say.

+Scriuener.+ I am not afrayde in his presence to appeere.

+R. Royster.+ Arte thou come felow?

+Scriuener.+ How thinke you? am I not here?

+R. Royster.+ What hindrance hast thou done me, and what villanie?

+Scriuener.+ It hath come of thy selfe, if thou hast had any.

+R. Royster.+ All the stocke thou comest of later or rather, From thy fyrst fathers grandfathers fathers father, Nor all that shall come of thee to the worldes ende, Though to three score generations they descende, Can be able to make me a iust recompense, For this trespasse of thine and this one offense.

+Scriuener.+ Wherin?

+R. Royster.+ Did not you make me a letter brother?

+Scriuener.+ Pay the like hire, I will make you suche an other.

+R. Royster.+ Nay see and these whooreson Phariseys and Scribes Doe not get their liuyng by polling and bribes. If it were not for shame.

+Scriuener.+ Nay holde thy hands still.

+M. Mery.+ Why did ye not promise that ye would not him spill?

+Scriuener.+ Let him not spare me.

+R. Royster.+ Why wilt thou strike me again?

+Scriuener.+ Ye shall haue as good as ye bring of me that is plaine.

+M. Mery.+ I can not blame him sir, though your blowes wold him greue. For he knoweth present death to ensue of all ye geue.

+R. Royster.+ Well, this man for once hath purchased thy pardon.

+Scriuener.+ And what say ye to me? or else I will be gon.

+R. Royster.+ I say the letter thou madest me was not good.

+Scriuener.+ Then did ye wrong copy it of likelyhood.

+R. Royster.+ Yes, out of thy copy worde for worde I wrote.

+Scriuener.+ Then was it as ye prayed to haue it I wote, But in reading and pointyng there was made some faulte.

+R. Royster.+ I wote not, but it made all my matter to haulte.

+Scriuener.+ Howe say you, is this mine originall or no?

+R. Royster.+ The selfe same that I wrote out of, so mote I go.

+Scriuener.+ Loke you on your owne fist, and I will looke on this, And let this man be iudge whether I reade amisse. To myne owne dere coney birde, sweete heart, and Good mistresse Custance, present these by and by. How now? doth not this superscription agree?

+R. Royster.+ Reade that is within, and there ye shall the fault see.