SCENE III.--_Covent Garden.

_Enter_ TRIM, _with a company of ragged fellows, with a cane._

_1st Sol._ Why then, I find, Mr. Trim, we shall come to blows before we see the French.

_Trim._ Harkee, friend, 'tis not your affair to guess or enquire what you're going to do; 'tis only for us commanders.

_2nd Sol._ The French? Pox! they are but a Company of scratching civet cats. They fight!

_Trim._ Harkee, don't bluster. Were not you a little mistaken in your facings at Steinkirk?

_2nd Sol._ I grant it; you know I have an antipathy to the French--I hate to see the dogs. Look you here, gentlemen, I was shot quite through the body, look you.

_Trim._ Prithee, look where it entered at your back.

_2nd Sol._ Look you, Mr. Trim, you will have your joke, we know you are a wit--but what's that to a fighting man?

_Enter_ KATE.

_Kate._ Mr. Trim! Mr. Trim!

_Trim._ Things are not as they have been, Mrs. Kate. I now pay the Company, and we that pay money expect a little more ceremony.

_Kate._ Will your honour please to taste some right French brandy?

_Trim._ Art thou sure, good woman, 'tis right? [_Drinks._ How--French--pray--nay, if I find you deceive me, who pay the men----[_Drinks._

_Kate._ Pray, good master, have you spoken to my lord about me?

_Trim._ I have, but you shall speak to him yourself. Thou hast been a true campaigner, Kate, and we must not neglect thee. Do you sell grey pease yet of an evening, Mrs. Matchlock? [_Drinks again._

_Kate._ Anything to turn the penny, but I got more by crying pamphlets this year, than by anything I have done a great while. Now I am married into the Company again, I design to cross the seas next year. But, master, my husband, a Temple porter, and a Parliament man's footman, last night by their talk made me think there was danger of a peace; why, they said, all the prime people were against a war.

_Trim._ No, no, Kate, never fear; you know I keep great company. All men are for a war, but some would have it abroad, and some would have it at home in their own country.

_Kate._ Ay, say you so? Drink about, gentlemen, not a farthing to pay; a war is a war, be it where it will. But pray, Mr. Trim, speak to my lord, that when these gentlemen have shirts I may wash for 'em.

_Trim._ I tell you, if you behave well to-night, you shall have a fortnight's pay each man as a reward; but there's none of you industrious. There's a thousand things you might do to help out about this town, as to cry, puff, puff pies--have you any knives or scissors to grind? or, late in an evening, whip from Grub Street, strange and bloody news from Flanders--votes from the House of Commons--buns, rare buns--old silver lace, cloaks, suits, or coats--old shoes, boots, or hats--But here, here, here's my lord a-coming; here's the captain. Fall back into the rank there; move up in the centre.

_Enter_ LORD HARDY _and_ CAMPLEY.

_Ld. H._ Let me see whether my ragged friends are ready and about me.

_Kate._ Ensign Campley, Ensign Campley, I am overjoyed to see your honour; ha! the world's surely altered, ha!

_Cam._ 'Tis so, faith! Kate, why thou art true to the cause, with the Company still, honest amazon.

_Kate._ Dear soul, not a bit of pride in him; but won't your honour help in my business with my lord? Speak for me, noble ensign, do.

_Cam._ Speak to him yourself; I'll second you.

_Kate._ Noble captain, my lord! I suppose Mr. Trim has told your honour about my petition. I have been a great sufferer in the service. 'Tis hard for a poor woman to lose nine husbands in a war, and no notice taken; nay, three of 'em, alas, in the same campaign. Here the woman stands that says it. I never stripped a man 'till I first tried if he could stand on his legs, and, if not, I think 'twas fair plunder, except our adjutant, and he was a puppy, that made my eighth husband run the gauntlet for not turning his toes out.

_Ld. H._ Well, we'll consider thee, Kate, but fall back into the rear. A roll of what? Gentlemen soldiers?

_Trim_ [_To_ PUMKIN]. Do you hear that? My lord himself can't deny but we are all gentlemen, as much as his honour.

_Ld. H._ [_Reading_]. Gentlemen soldiers quartered in and about Guy Court in Vinegar Yard, in Russel Court in Drury Lane, belonging to the honourable Captain Hardy's Company of Foot--So, answer to your names, and march off from the left. John Horseem, corporal, march easy, that I may view you as you pass by me. Drums Simon Ruffle, Darby Tattoo--there's a shilling for you--Tattoo be always so tight; how does he keep himself so clean?

_Trim._ Sir, he is a tragedy drum to one of the playhouses.

_Ld. H._ Private gentlemen: Alexander Cowitch, Humphrey Mundungus, William Faggot, Nicholas Scab, Timothy Megrim, Philip Scratch, Nehemiah Dust, Humphrey Garbage, Nathaniel Matchlock.

_Cam._ What! Is Matchlock come back to the Company? That's the fellow that brought me off at Steinkirk.

_Ld. H._ No, sir, 'tis I am obliged to him for that. [_Offering to give him money._] There, friend, you shall want for nothing; I'll give thee a halbert too.

_Kate._ O brave me! Shall I be a sergeant's lady? I' faith, I'll make the drums, and the corporal's wives, and Company-keepers know their distance.

_Cam._ How far out of the country did you come to list? Don't you come from Cornwall? How did you bear your charges?

_Match._ I was whipped from constable to constable----

_Trim._ Ay, my lord, that's due by the courtesy of England to all that want in red coats; besides, there's an Act that makes us free of all corporations, and that's the ceremony of it.

_Cam._ But what pretence had they for using you so ill? You did not pilfer?

_Match._ I was found guilty of being poor.

_Cam._ Poor devil!

_Ld. H._ Timothy Ragg! O Ragg! I thought when I gave you your discharge, just afore the peace, we should never have had you again. How came you to list now?

_Ragg._ To pull down the French king.

_Ld. H._ Bravely resolved! But pull your shirt into your breeches in the mean time. Jeoffrey Tatter--What's become of the skirts and buttons of your coat?

_Tatter._ In our last clothing in the regiment I served in afore, the colonel had one skirt before, the agent one behind, and every captain of the regiment a button.

_Ld. H._ Hush, you rogue, you talk mutiny. [_Smiling._

_Trim._ Ay, sirrah, what have you to do with more knowledge than that of your right hand from your left? [_Hits him a blow on the head._]

_Ld. H._ Hugh Clump--Clump, thou growest a little too heavy for marching.

_Trim._ Ay, my lord, but if we don't allow him the pay he'll starve, for he's too lame to get into the hospital.

_Ld. H._ Richard Bumpkin! Ha! A perfect country hick. How came you, friend, to be a soldier?

_Bump._ An't please your honour, I have been crossed in love, and am willing to seek my fortune.

_Ld. H._ Well, I've seen enough of 'em. If you mind your affair, and act like a wise general, these fellows may do--come, take your orders. [TRIM _puts his hat on his stick, while my lord is giving him the ring, and whispers orders._] Well, gentlemen, do your business manfully, and nothing shall be too good for you.

_All._ Bless your honour. [_Exeunt_ HARDY _and_ CAMPLEY.

_Trim._ Now, my brave friends and fellow-soldiers--[_Aside._] I must fellow-soldier 'em just afore a battle, like a true officer, though I cane 'em all the year round beside--[_Strutting about._] Major-General Trim; no, pox, Trim sounds so very short and priggish--that my name should be a monosyllable! But the foreign news will write me, I suppose, Monsieur or Chevalier Trimont. Seigneur Trimoni, or Count Trimuntz, in the German Army, I shall perhaps be called; ay, that's all the plague and comfort of us great men, they do so toss our names about. But, gentlemen, you are now under my command--huzza! thrice--faith, this is very pleasing, this grandeur! Why, after all, 'tis upon the neck of such scoundrels as these gentlemen that we great captains build our renown. A million or two of these fellows make an Alexander, and as that my predecessor said in the tragedy of him on the very same occasion, going to storm for his Statira, so do I for my dear seamstress, Madam d'Epingle--

When I rush on, sure none will dare to stay; 'Tis beauty calls, and glory leads the way.[31]

ACT THE FIFTH.