Part 23

_M. Mery._ Yea and perchaunce that way ye shall much sooner speede, For one madde propretie these women have in fey, When ye will, they will not: Will not ye, then will they. Ah foolishe woman, ah moste unluckie Custance, 95 Ah unfortunate woman, ah pievishe Custance, Art thou to thine harmes so obstinately bent, That thou canst not see where lieth thine high preferment? Canst thou not lub[521] dis man, which coulde lub dee so well? Art thou so much thine own foe[?] 100

_R. Royster._ Thou dost the truth tell.

_M. Mery._ Wel I lament.

_R. Royster._ So do I.

_M. Mery._ Wherfor?

_R. Royster._ For this thing Bicause she is gone.

_M. Mery._ I mourne for an other thing.

_R. Royster._ What is it Merygreeke, wherfore thou dost griefe take?

_M. Mery._ That I am not a woman myselfe for your sake, I would have you my selfe, and a strawe for yond Gill, 105 And mocke[522] much of you though it were against my will. I would not I warrant you, fall in such a rage, E iv As so to refuse suche a goodly personage.

_R. Royster._ In faith I heartily thanke thee Merygreeke.

_M. Mery._ And I were a woman. 110

_R. Royster._ Thou wouldest to me seeke.

_M. Mery._ For though I say it, a goodly person ye bee.

_R. Royster._ No, no.

_M. Mery._ Yes a goodly man as ere I dyd see.

_R. Royster._ No, I am a poore homely man as God made mee.

_M. Mery._ By the faith that I owe to God sir, but ye bee. Woulde I might for your sake, spend a thousande pound land. 115

_R. Royster._ I dare say thou wouldest have me to thy husbande.

_M. Mery._ Yea: And I were the fairest lady in the shiere, And knewe you as I know you, and see you nowe here. Well I say no more.

_R. Royster._ Grammercies with all my hart.

_M. Mery._ But since that can not be, will ye play a wise parte? 120

_R. Royster._ How should I?

_M. Mery._ Refraine[523] from Custance a while now. And I warrant hir soone right glad to seeke to you, Ye shall see hir anon come on hir knees creeping. And pray you to be good to hir salte teares weeping.

_R. Royster._ But what and she come not? 125

_M. Mery._ In faith then farewel she. Or else if ye be wroth, ye may avenged be.

_R. Royster._ By cocks precious potsticke, and een so I shall. I wyll utterly destroy hir, and house and all, But I woulde be avenged in the meane space, On that vile scribler, that did my wowyng disgrace. 130

_M. Mery._ Scribler (ko you) in deede he is worthy no lesse. I will call hym to you, and ye bidde me doubtlesse.

_R. Royster._ Yes, for although he had as many lives, As a thousande widowes, and a thousande wives, As a thousande lyons, and a thousand rattes, 135 A thousande wolves, and a thousande cattes, A thousande bulles, and a thousande calves, And a thousande legions divided in halves, He shall never scape death on my swordes point, Though I shoulde be torne therfore joynt by joynt. 140

_M. Mery._ Nay, if ye will kyll him, I will not fette him, E iv _b_ I will not in so muche extremitie sette him, He may yet amende sir, and be an honest man, Therefore pardon him good soule, as muche as ye can.

_R. Royster._ Well, for thy sake, this once with his lyfe he shall passe, 145 But I wyll hewe hym all to pieces by the Masse.

_M. Mery._ Nay fayth ye shall promise that he shall no harme have, Else I will not set him.

_R. Royster._ I shall so God me save. But I may chide him a good.[524]

_M. Mery._ Yea that do hardely.

_R. Royster._ Go then. 150

_M. Mery._ I returne, and bring him to you by and by. _Ex._

Actus iii. Scæna v.

ROISTER DOISTER. MATHEWE MERYGREEKE. SCRIVENER.

_R. Royster._ What is a gentleman but his worde and his promise? I must nowe save this vilaines lyfe in any wife, And yet at hym already my handes doe tickle, I shall uneth holde them, they wyll be so fickle. But lo and Merygreeke have not brought him sens? 5

_M. Mery_ [_entering with the Scriv._]. Nay I woulde I had of my purse payde fortie pens.

_Scrivener._ So woulde I too: but it needed not that stounde,

_M. Mery._ But the jentman[525] had rather spent five thousande pounde, For it disgraced him at least five tymes so muche.

_Scrivener._ He disgraced hym selfe, his loutishnesse is suche. 10

_R. Royster._ Howe long they stande prating? Why comst thou not away?

_M. Mery._ Come nowe to hymselfe, and hearke what he will say.

_Scrivener._ I am not afrayde in his presence to appeere.

_R. Royster._ Arte thou come felow?

_Scrivener._ How thinke you? am I not here? 14

_R. Royster._ What hindrance hast thou done me, and what villanie?

_Scrivener._ It hath come of thy selfe, if thou hast had any.

_R. Royster._ All the stocke thou comest of later or rather,[526] From thy fyrst fathers grandfathers fathers father, Nor all that shall come of thee to the worldes ende, F i Though to three score generations they descende, 20 Can be able to make me a just recompense, For this trespasse of thine and this one offense.

_Scrivener._ Wherin?

_R. Royster._ Did not you make me a letter brother?[527]

_Scrivener._ Pay the like hire, I will make you suche an other.

_R. Royster._ Nay see and these whooreson Phariseys and Scribes 25 Doe not get their livyng by polling[528] and bribes.[529] If it were not for shame [_advances towards the Scr. to strike him._]

_Scrivener_[530]. Nay holde thy hands still.

_M. Mery._ Why[,] did ye not promise that ye would not him spill?

_Scrivener_ [_prepares to fight_]. Let him not spare me. [_Strikes R._]

_R. Royster._ Why wilt thou strike me again?

_Scrivener._ Ye shall have as good as ye bring of me that is plaine. 30

_M. Mery._ I can not blame him sir, though your blowes wold him greve. For he knoweth present death to ensue of all ye geve.

_R. Royster._ Well, this man for once hath purchased thy pardon.

_Scrivener._ And what say ye to me? or else I will be gon.

_R. Royster._ I say the letter thou madest me was not good. 35

_Scrivener._ Then did ye wrong copy it of likelyhood.

_R. Royster._ Yes, out of thy copy worde for worde I wrote.

_Scrivener._ Then was it as ye prayed to have it I wote, But in reading and pointyng there was made some faulte.

_R. Royster._ I wote not, but it made all my matter to haulte. 40

_Scrivener._ How say you, is this mine originall or no?

_R. Royster._ The selfe same that I wrote out of, so mote I go.

_Scrivener._ Loke you on your owne fist,[531] and I will looke on this. And let this man be judge whether I reade amisse. To myne owne dere coney birde, sweete heart, and pigsny,[532] 45 Good mistresse Custance, present these by and by. How now? doth not this superscription agree?

_R. Royster._ Reade that is within, and there ye shall the fault see.

_Scrivener._ Sweete mistresse, where as I love you, nothing at all Regarding your richesse and substance: chiefe of all 50 For your personage, beautie, demeanour and witte I commende me unto you: Never a whitte Sory to heare reporte of your good welfare. F i _b_ For (as I heare say) suche your conditions are, That ye be worthie favour: of no living man 55 To be abhorred: of every honest man To be taken for a woman enclined to vice Nothing at all: to vertue giving hir due price. Wherefore concerning mariage, ye are thought Suche a fine Paragon, as nere honest man bought. 60 And nowe by these presents I doe you advertise, That I am minded to marrie you: In no wyse For your goodes and substance: I can be content To take you as you are: yf ye will be my wife, Ye shall be assured for the time of my life, 65 I wyll keepe you right well: from good raiment and fare, Ye shall not be kept: but in sorowe and care Ye shall in no wyse lyve: at your owne libertie, Doe and say what ye lust: ye shall never please me But when ye are merrie: I will bee all sadde 70 When ye are sorie: I wyll be very gladde When ye seeke your heartes ease: I will be unkinde At no time: in me shall ye muche gentlenesse finde. But all things contrary to your will and minde Shall be done otherwise: I wyll not be behynde 75 To speake: And as for all they that woulde do you wrong, (I wyll so helpe and maintayne ye) shall not lyve long. Nor any foolishe dolte shall cumber you, but I, I, who ere say nay, wyll sticke by you tyll I die. Thus good mistresse Custance, the lorde you save and kepe. 80 From me Roister Doister, whether I wake or slepe, Who favoureth you no lesse, (ye may be bolde) Than this letter purporteth, which ye have unfolde. Now sir, what default can ye finde in this letter?

_R. Royster._ Of truth in my mynde there can not be a better. 85

_Scrivener._ Then was the fault in readyng, and not in writyng, No nor I dare say in the fourme of endityng, F ii But who read this letter, that it sounded so nought?

_M. Mery._ I redde it in deede.

_Scrivener._ Ye red it not as ye ought.

_R. Royster._ Why thou wretched villaine was all this same fault in thee? [_Advances angrily against M._] 90

_M. Mery_ [_strikes R._]. I knocke your costarde[533] if ye offer to strike me.

_R. Royster._ Strikest thou in deede? and I offer but in jest?

_M. Mery._ Yea and rappe you againe except ye can sit in rest. And I will no longer tarie here me beleve.

_R. Royster._ What wilt thou be angry, and I do thee forgeve? 95 Fare thou well scribler, I crie thee mercie in deede.

_Scrivener._ Fare ye well bibbler, and worthily may ye speede.

_R. Royster._ If it were an other but thou, it were a knave.

_M. Mery._ Ye are an other your selfe sir, the lorde us both save, Albeit in this matter I must your pardon crave, 100 Alas woulde ye wyshe in me the witte that ye have? But as for my fault I can quickely amende, I will shewe Custance it was I that did offende.

_R. Royster._ By so doing hir anger may be reformed.

_M. Mery._ But if by no entreatie she will be turned, 105 Then sette lyght by hir and bee as testie as shee, And doe your force upon hir with extremitie.

_R. Roister._ Come on therefore lette us go home in sadnesse.

_M. Mery._ That if force shall neede all may be in a readinesse,[534] And as for thys letter hardely[535] let all go, 110 We wyll know where[536] she refuse you for that or no. _Exeant am_[_bo._]

Actus iiii. Scæna i.

SYM SURESBY.

_Sim Sure._ Is there any man but I Sym Suresby alone, That would have taken such an enterprise him upon, In suche an outragious tempest as this was. Suche a daungerous gulfe of the sea to passe. F ii _b_ I thinke verily _Neptunes_ mightie godshyp, 5 Was angry with some that was in our shyp, And but for the honestie which in me he founde, I thinke for the others sake we had bene drownde. But fye on that servant which for his maisters wealth[537] Will sticke for to hazarde both his lyfe and his health. 10 My maister Gawyn Goodlucke after me a day Bicause of the weather, thought best hys shyppe to stay, And now that I have the rough sourges so well past, God graunt I may finde all things safe here at last. Then will I thinke all my travaile well spent. 15 Nowe the first poynt wherfore my maister hath me sent Is to salute dame Christian Custance his wife[538] Espoused: whome he tendreth no lesse than his life, I must see how it is with hir well or wrong, And whether for him she doth not now thinke long: 20 Then to other friendes I have a message or tway, And then so to returne and mete him on the way. Now wyll I goe knocke that I may dispatche with speede, But loe forth commeth hir selfe happily in deede.

Actus iiii. Scæna ii.

CHRISTIAN CUSTANCE. SIM. SURESBY.

_C. Custance._ I come to see if any more stirryng be here, But what straunger is this, which doth to me appere?

_Sym Surs._ I will speake to hir: Dame the lorde you save and see.

_C. Custance._ What friende Sym Suresby? Forsoth right welcome ye be, Howe doth mine owne Gawyn Goodlucke, I pray the tell? 5

_S. Suresby._ When he knoweth of your health he will be perfect well.

_C. Custance._ If he have perfect helth, I am as I would be. F iii

_Sim. Sure._ Suche newes will please him well, this is as it should be.

_C. Custance._ I thinke now long for him.

_Sym Sure._ And he as long for you. 10

_C. Custance._ When wil he be at home?

_Sym Sure._ His heart is here een now His body commeth after.

_C. Custance._ I woulde see that faine.

_Sim Sure._ As fast as wynde and sayle can cary it a maine. But what two men are yonde comming hitherwarde?

_C. Custance._ Now I shrew their best Christmasse chekes[539] both togetherward. 14

Actus. iiii. Scæna. iii.

CHRISTIAN CUSTANCE. SYM SURESBY. RALPH ROISTER. MATHEW MERYGREKE. TRUPENY.

_C. Custance._ What meane these lewde felowes thus to trouble me stil? Sym Suresby here perchance shal therof deme som yll. And shall su[s]pect[540] in me some point of naughtinesse, And they come hitherward.

_Sim Sure._ What is their businesse?

_C. Custance._ I have nought to them, nor they to me in sadnesse 5

_Sim Sure._ Let us hearken them, somewhat there is I feare it.

_R. Royster._ I will speake out aloude best, that she may heare it.

_M. Mery._ Nay alas, ye may so feare hir out of hir wit.

_R. Royster._ By the crosse of my sworde, I will hurt hir no whit.

_M. Mery._ Will ye doe no harme in deede, shall I trust your worde? 10

_R. Royster._ By Roister Doisters fayth I will speake but in borde.

_Sim Sure._ Let us hearken them, somwhat there is I feare it.

_R. Royster._ I will speake out aloude, I care not who heare it: Sirs, see that my harnesse, my tergat, and my shield, Be made as bright now, as when I was last in fielde, 15 As white as I shoulde to warre againe to morrowe: For sicke shall I be, but I worke some folke sorow. Therfore see that all shine as bright as sainct George, Or as doth a key newly come from the Smiths forge. I woulde have my sworde and harnesse to shine so bright,[541] F iii _b_ 20 That I might therwith dimme mine enimies sight, I would have it cast beames as fast I tell you playne, As doth the glittryng grasse after a showre of raine. And see that in case I shoulde neede to come to arming, All things may be ready at a minutes warning, 25 For such chaunce may chaunce in an houre, do ye heare?

_M. Mery._ As perchance shall not chaunce againe in seven yeare.

_R. Royster._ Now draw we neare to hir, and here what shall be sayde. [_Advances towards Cust._]

_M. Mery._ But I woulde not have you make hir too muche afrayde.

_R. Royster._ Well founde sweete wife[542] (I trust) for al this your soure looke. 30

_C. Custance._ Wife, why cal ye me wife?

_Sim Sure._ [_enters while the last words are spoken_]. Wife? this gear goth acrook.

_M. Mery._ Nay mistresse Custance, I warrant you, our letter Is not as we redde een nowe, but much better, And where ye halfe stomaked this gentleman afore, For this same letter, ye wyll love hym now therefore, 35 Nor it is not this letter, though ye were a queene, That shoulde breake marriage betweene you twaine I weene.

_C. Custance._ I did not refuse hym for the letters sake.

_R. Royster._ Then ye are content me for your husbande to take.

_C. Custance._ You for my husbande to take? nothing lesse truely. 40

_R. Royster._ Yea say so, sweete spouse, afore straungers hardly.

_M. Mery._ And though I have here his letter of love with me, Yet his ryng and tokens he sent, keepe safe with ye.

_C. Custance._ A mischiefe take his tokens, and him and thee too. But what prate I with fooles? have I nought else to doo? 45 Come in with me Sym Suresby to take some repast.

_Sim Sure._ I must ere I drinke by your leave, goe in all hast, To a place or two, with earnest letters of his.

_C. Custance._ Then come drink here with me.

_Sim Sure._ I thank you.

_C. Custance._ Do not misse. You shall have a token to your maister with you. 50

_Sym Sure._ No tokens this time gramercies, God be with you. _Exeat._

_C. Custance._ Surely this fellowe misdeemeth some yll in me. Which thing but God helpe, will go neere to spill me.

_R. Royster._ Yea farewell fellow, and tell thy maister Goodlucke That he cometh to late of thys blossome to plucke. F iv 55 Let him keepe him there still, or at least wise make no hast. As for his labour hither he shall spende in wast. His betters be in place nowe.

_M. Mery_ [_aside_]. As long as it will hold.

_C. Custance._ I will be even with thee thou beast, thou mayst be bolde.

_R. Royster._ Will ye have us then? 60

_C. Custance._ I will never have thee.[543]

_R. Royster._ Then will I have you!

_C. Custance._ No, the devill shall have thee. I have gotten this houre more shame and harme by thee, Then all thy life days thou canst do me honestie.

_M. Mery [to Roister_]. Why nowe may ye see what it comth too in the ende, To make a deadly foe of your most loving frende: 65 [_To Custance_]. And ywis this letter if ye woulde heare it now--

_C. Custance._ I will heare none of it.

_M. Mery_ [_to Cust._]. In faith would ravishe you.

_C. Custance._ He hath stained my name for ever this is cleare.

_R. Royster._ I can make all as well in an houre--

_M. Mery_ [_aside_]. As ten yeare-- [_To Cust._]. How say ye, will ye have him? 70

_C. Custance._ No.

_M. Mery._ Will ye take him?

_C. Custance._ I defie him.

_M. Mery._ At my word?

_C. Custance._ A shame take him. Waste no more wynde, for it will never bee.

_M. Mery._ This one faulte with twaine shall be mended, ye shall see. Gentle mistresse Custance now, good mistresse Custance, Honey mistresse Custance now, sweete mistresse Custance, 75 Golden mistresse Custance now, white[544] mistresse Custance, Silken mistresse Custance now, faire mistresse Custance.

_C. Custance._ Faith rather than to mary with suche a doltishe loute, I woulde matche my selfe with a beggar out of doute.

_M. Mery._ Then I can say no more, to speede we are not like, 80 Except ye rappe out a ragge of your Rhetorike.

_C. Custance._ Speake not of winnyng me: for it shall never be so.

_R. Royster._ Yes dame, I will have you whether ye will or no, I commaunde you to love me, wherfore shoulde ye not? Is not my love to you chafing and burning hot? 85

_M. Mery._ Too hir, that is well sayd.

_R. Royster._ Shall I so breake my braine To dote upon you, and ye not love us againe?

_M. Mery._ Wel sayd yet.

_C. Custance._ Go to[,] you goose.

_R. Royster._ I say Kit Custance, In case ye will not haze,[545] well, better yes perchaunce. F iv _b_

_C. Custance._ Avaunt lozell,[546] picke thee hence. 90

_M. Mery._ Well sir, ye perceive, For all your kinde offer, she will not you receive.

_R. Royster._ Then a strawe for hir, and a strawe for hir againe, She shall not be my wife, woulde she never so faine, No and though she would be at ten thousand pounde cost.

_M. Mery._ Lo dame, ye may see what an husbande ye have lost. 95

_C. Custance._ Yea, no force, a jewell muche better lost than founde.

_M. Mery._ Ah, ye will not beleve how this doth my heart wounde. How shoulde a mariage betwene you be towarde, If both parties drawe backe, and become so frowarde.

_R. Royster_ [_threatening, advancing upon Cust._]. Nay dame, I will fire thee out of thy house,[547] 100 And destroy thee and all thine, and that by and by.

_M. Mery._ Nay for the passion of God sir, do not so.

_R. Royster._ Yes, except she will say yea to that she sayd no.

_C. Custance._ And what, be there no officers trow we, in towne To checke idle loytrers,[548] braggyng up and downe? 105 Where be they, by whome vacabunds shoulde be represt? That poore sillie[549] Widowes might live in peace and rest. Shall I never ridde thee out of my companie? I will call for helpe, what hough, come forth Trupenie.

_Trupenie_ [_entering_]. Anon. What is your will mistresse? dyd ye call me? 110

_C. Custance._ Yea, go runne apace, and as fast as may be, Pray Tristram Trusty, my moste assured frende, To be here by and by, that he may me defende.

_Trupenie._ That message so quickly shall be done by Gods grace, That at my returne ye shall say, I went apace. _Exeat._ 115

_C. Custance._ Then shall we see I trowe, whether ye shall do me harme,

_R. Royster._ Yes in faith Kitte, I shall thee[550] and thine so charme, That all women incarnate by thee may beware.

_C. Custance._ Nay, as for charming me, come hither if thou dare, I shall cloute thee tyll thou stinke, both thee and thy traine, 120 And coyle thee mine owne handes, and sende thee home againe.

_R. Royster._ Yea sayst thou me that dame? dost thou me threaten? Goe we, I still see whether I shall be beaten. Gi

_M. Mery._ Nay for the paishe[551] of God, let me now treate peace, For bloudshed will there be in case this strife increace. 125 Ah good dame Custance, take better way with you.

_C. Custance._ Let him do his worst.

_M. Mery._ [_Roister advances upon Cust., attempts to strike_]. Yeld in time. [_to Cust._]

_R. Royster_ [_is beaten back by Cust.; retiring to Mery._:]. Come hence thou. _Exeant Roister et Mery._

Actus. iiii. Scæna. iiii.

CHRISTIAN CUSTANCE. ANOT ALYFACE. TIBET T. M. MUMBLECRUST.