Part 20

_M. Mery._ I wyll not heare him, but make as I had haste, Farewell all my good friendes, the tyme away dothe waste, 10 And the tide they say, tarieth for no man.

_R. Roister._ Thou must with thy good counsell helpe me if thou can.

_M. Mery._ God keepe thee worshypfull Maister Roister Doister, And fare well the lustie Maister Roister Doister.

_R. Royster._ I muste needes speake with thee a worde or twaine. 15

_M. Mery._ Within a month or two I will be here againe, Negligence in greate affaires ye knowe may marre all.

_R. Roister._ Attende upon me now, and well rewarde thee I shall.

_M. Mery._ I have take my leave, and the tide is well spent.

_R. Roister._ I die except thou helpe, I pray thee be content, 20 Doe thy parte wel nowe, and aske what thou wilt, For without thy aide my matter is all spilt.

_M. Mery._ Then to serve your turne I will some paines take, And let all myne owne affaires alone for your sake.

_R. Royster._ My whole hope and trust resteth onely in thee. 25

_M. Mery._ Then can ye not doe amisse what ever it bee.

_R. Royster._ Gramercies Merygreeke, most bounde to thee I am. A iv

_M. Mery._ But up with that heart, and speake out like a ramme, Ye speake like a Capon that had the cough now: Bee of good cheere, anon ye shall doe well ynow. 30

_R. Royster._ Upon thy comforte, I will all things well handle.

_M. Mery._ So loe, that is a breast to blowe out a candle. But what is this great matter I woulde faine knowe, We shall fynde remedie therefore I trowe. Doe ye lacke money? ye knowe myne olde offers, 35 Ye have always a key to my purse and coffers.

_R. Royster._ I thanke thee: had ever man suche a frende?

_M. Mery._ Ye gyve unto me: I must needes to you lende

_R. Royster._ Nay I have money plentie all things to discharge.[350]

_M. Mery_ [_aside_]. That knewe I ryght well when I made offer so large. 40

_R. Royster._ But it is no suche matter.[351]

_M. Mery._ What is it than? Are ye in daunger of debte to any man? If ye be, take no thought nor be not afraide, Let them hardly[352] take thought how they shall be paide.

_R. Royster._ Tut I owe nought. 45

_M. Mery._ What then? fear ye imprisonment?

_R. Royster._ No.

_M. Mery._ No I wist ye offende not so,[353] to be shent. But if [y]e[354] had, the Toure coulde not you so holde, But to breake out at all times ye would be bolde. What is it? hath any man threatned you to beate?

_R. Royster._ What is he that durst have put me in that heate? 50 He that beateth me, by his armes,[355] shall well fynde, That I will not be farre from him nor runne behinde.

_M. Mery._ That thing knowe all men ever since ye overthrewe, The fellow of the Lion which _Hercules_ slewe.[356] But what is it than? 55

_R. Royster._ Of love I make my mone.

_M. Mery._ Ah this foolishe a[357] love, wilt neare let us alone? But bicause ye were refused the last day, Ye said ye woulde nere more be intangled that way: "I would medle no more, since I fynde all so unkinde,"[358]

_R. Royster._ Yea, but I can not so put love out of my minde. 60

_Math. Mer._ But is your love tell me first, in any wise, A iv _b_ In the way of Mariage, or of Merchandise? If it may otherwise than lawfull be founde, Ye get none of my helpe for an hundred pounde.

_R. Royster._ No by my trouth I would have hir to my Wife. 65

_M. Mery._ Then are ye a good man, and God save your life, And what or who is she, with whome ye are in love?

_R. Royster._ A woman whome I knowe not by what meanes to move.

_M. Mery._ Who is it?

_R. Royster._ A woman yond.

_M. Mery._ What is hir name?

_R. Royster._ Hir yonder. 70

_M. Mery._ Who[359][?]

_R. Royster._ Mistresse ah--

_M. Mery._ Fy fy for shame[!] Love ye, and know not whome? but hir yonde, a Woman, We shall then get you a Wyfe, I can not tell whan.

_R. Royster._ The faire Woman, that supped wyth us yesternyght-- And I hearde hir name twice or thrice, and had it ryght.

_M. Mery._ Yea, ye may see ye nere[360] take me to good cheere with you, 75 If ye had, I coulde have tolde you hir name now.

_R. Royster._ I was to blame in deede, but the nexte tyme perchaunce: And she dwelleth in this house.

_M. Mery._ What Christian Custance.

_R. Royster._ Except I have hir to my Wife, I shall runne madde.

_M. Mery._ Nay unwise perhaps, but I warrant you for madde. 80

_R. Royster._ I am utterly dead unlesse I have my desire.

_M. Mery._ Where be the bellowes that blewe this sodeine fire?

_R. Royster._ I heare she is worthe a thousande pounde and more.

_M. Mery._ Yea, but learne this one lesson of me afore, An hundred pounde of Marriage money doubtlesse, 85 Is ever thirtie pounde sterlyng, or somewhat lesse, So that hir Thousande pounde yf she be thriftie, Is muche neere[361] about two hundred and fiftie, Howebeit wowers and Widowes are never poore.

_R. Royster._ Is she a Widowe?[362] I love hir better therefore. 90

_M. Mery._ But I heare she hath made promise to another.

_R. Royster._ He shall goe without hir, and[363] he were my brother.

_M. Mery._ I have hearde say, I am right well advised, That she hath to Gawyn Goodlucke promised.

_R. Royster._ What is that Gawyn Goodlucke? B i 95

_M. Mery._ a Merchant man.

_R. Royster._ Shall he speede afore me? nay sir by sweete Sainct Anne. Ah sir, Backare quod Mortimer to his sowe,[364] I wyll have hir myne owne selfe I make God a vow. For I tell thee, she is worthe a thousande pounde.

_M. Mery._ Yet a fitter wife for your maship[365] might be founde: 100 Suche a goodly man as you, might get one wyth lande,[366] Besides poundes of golde a thousande and a thousande, And a thousande, and a thousande, and a thousande, And so to the summe of twentie hundred thousande, Your most goodly personage is worthie of no lesse.[367] 105

_R. Royster._ I am sorie God made me so comely doubtlesse,[368] For that maketh me eche where so highly favoured, And all women on me so enamoured.[369]

_M. Mery._ Enamoured quod you? have ye spied out that? Ah sir, mary nowe I see you know what is what. 110 Enamoured ka?[370] mary sir say that againe, But I thought not ye had marked it so plaine.

_R. Royster._ Yes, eche where they gaze all upon me and stare.

_M. Mery._ Yea malkyn, I warrant you as muche as they dare. And ye will not beleve what they say in the streete, 115 When your mashyp passeth by all such as I meete, That sometimes I can scarce finde what aunswere to make. Who is this (sayth one) sir _Launcelot du lake_?[371] Who is this, greate _Guy_[372] of Warwike, sayth an other? No (say I) it is the thirtenth _Hercules_ brother. 120 Who is this? noble _Hector_ of _Troy_, sayth the thirde? No, but of the same nest (say I) it is a birde. Who is this? greate _Goliah_, _Sampson_, or _Colbrande_?[373] No (say I) but it is a brute[374] of the Alie[375] lande. Who is this? greate _Alexander_?[376] or _Charle le Maigne_? 125 No, it is the tenth Worthie, say I to them agayne: I knowe not if I sayd well.

_R. Royster._ Yes for so I am.

_M. Mery._ Yea, for there were but nine worthies before ye came. B i _b_ To some others, the third _Cato_[377] I doe you call. And so as well as I can I aunswere them all. 130 Sir I pray you, what lorde or great gentleman is this? Maister Ralph Roister Doister dame say I, ywis. O Lorde (sayth she than) what a goodly man it is, Woulde Christ I had such a husbande as he is. O Lorde (say some) that the sight of his face we lacke:[378] 135 It is inough for you (say I) to see his backe. His face is for ladies of high and noble parages.[379] With whome he hardly scapeth great mariages. With muche more than this, and much otherwise.

_R. Royster._ I can thee thanke that thou canst suche answeres devise: 140 But I perceyve thou doste me throughly knowe.

_M. Mery._ I marke your maners for myne owne learnyng I trowe, But suche is your beautie, and suche are your actes, Suche is your personage, and suche are your factes,[380] That all women faire and fowle, more and less, 145 They[381] eye you, they lubbe[382] you, they talke of you doubtlesse, Your p[l]easant looke maketh them all merie, Ye passe not by, but they laugh till they be werie, Yea and money coulde I have[,] the truthe to tell, Of many, to bryng you that way where they dwell. 150

_R. Royster._ Merygreeke for this thy reporting well of mee:

_M. Mery._ What shoulde I else sir, it is my duetie pardee:

_R. Royster._ I promise thou shalt not lacke, while I have a grote.

_M. Mery._ Faith sir, and I nere had more nede of a newe cote.

_R. Royster._ Thou shalte have one to morowe, and golde for to spende. 155

_M. Mery._ Then I trust to bring the day to a good ende. For as for mine owne parte having money inowe, I could lyve onely with the remembrance of you. But nowe to your Widowe whome you love so hotte.

_R. Royster._ By cocke thou sayest truthe, I had almost forgotte. 160

_M. Mery._ What if Christian Custance will not have you what?

_R. Royster._ Have me? yes I warrant you,[383] never doubt of that, I knowe she loveth me, but she dare not speake. B ii

_M. Mery._ In deede meete it were some body should it breake.

_R. Royster._ She looked on me twentie tymes yesternight, 165 And laughed so.

_M. Mery._ That she coulde not sitte upright,

_R. Royster._ No faith coulde she not.

_M. Mery._ No even such a thing I cast.[384]

_R. Royster._ But for wowyng thou knowest women are shamefast. But and she knewe my minde, I knowe she would be glad, And thinke it the best chaunce that ever she had. 170

_M. Mery._ Too[385] hir then like a man, and be bolde forth to starte, Wowers never speede well, that have a false harte.

_R. Royster._ What may I best doe?

_M. Mery._ Sir remaine ye a while [here[386]]? Ere long one or other of hir house will appere. Ye knowe my minde. 175

_R. Royster._ Yea now hardly[387] lette me alone.

_M. Mery._ In the meane time sir, if you please, I wyll home, And call your Musitians,[388] for in this your case It would sette you forth, and all your wowyng grace, Ye may not lacke your instrumentes to play and sing.

_R. Royster._ Thou knowest I can doe that. 180

_M. Mery._ As well as any thing. Shall I go call your folkes, that ye may shewe a cast?[389]

_R. Royster._ Yea runne I beseeche thee in all possible haste.

_M. Mery._ I goe. _Exeat._

_R. Royster._ Yea for I love singyng out of measure, It comforteth my spirites and doth me great pleasure. 185 But who commeth forth yond from my swete hearte Custance? My matter frameth well, thys is a luckie chaunce.

Actus. i. Scæna iii.

MAGE MUMBLE CRUST,[390] _spinning on the distaffe_. TIBET TALK APACE, _sowyng_. ANNOT ALYFACE, _knittyng_. R. ROISTER.

_M. Mumbl._ If thys distaffe were spoonne[,] Margerie Mumblecrust[--]

_Tib. Talk._[391] Where good stale ale is will drinke no water I trust.

_M. Mumbl._ Dame Custance hath promised us good ale and white bread.[392]

_Tib. Talk._ If she kepe not promise, I will beshrewe hir head: B ii _b_ But it will be starke nyght before I shall have done. 5

_R. Royster_ [_aside_]. I will stande here a while, and talke with them anon, I heare them speake of Custance, which doth my heart good, To heare hir name spoken doth even comfort my blood.

_M. Mumbl._ Sit downe to your worke Tibet like a good girle.

_Tib. Talk._ Nourse medle you with your spyndle and your whirle, 10 No haste but good, Madge Mumblecrust, for whip and whurre[393] The olde proverbe doth say, never made good furre.

_M. Mumbl._ Well, ye wyll sitte downe to your worke anon, I trust.

_Tib. Talk._ Soft fire maketh sweete malte,[394] good Madge Mumblecrust.

_M. Mumbl._ And sweete malte maketh joly good ale for the nones. 15

_Tib. Talk._ Whiche will slide downe the lane without any bones. _Cantet._[395] Olde browne bread crustes must have much good mumblyng, But good ale downe your throte hath good easie tumbling.

_R. Royster_ [_aside_]. The jolyest wench that ere I hearde, little mouse,-- May I not rejoice that she shall dwell in my house? 20

_Tib. Talk._ So sirrha, nowe this geare beginneth for to frame.

_M. Mumbl._ Thanks to God, though your work stand stil, your tong is not lame

_Tib. Talk._ And though your teeth be gone, both so sharpe and so fine Yet your tongue can renne on patins[396] as well as mine.

_M. Mumbl._ Ye were not for nought named Tyb Talke apace. 25

_Tib. Talk._ Doth my talke grieve you? Alack, God save your grace.

_M. Mumbl._ I holde[397] a grote ye will drinke anon for this geare.

_Tib. Talk._ And I wyll pray you the stripes for me to beare.

_M. Mumbl._ I holde a penny, ye will drink without a cup.

_Tib. Talk._ Wherein so ere ye drinke, I wote ye drinke all up. 30

_An. Alyface._[398] By Cock and well sowed, my good Tibet Talke apace.

_Tib. Talk._ And een as well knitte my nowne Annot Alyface.

_R. Royster_ [_aside_]. See what a sort she kepeth that must be my wife[!] Shall not I when I have hir, leade a merrie life?

_Tib. Talk._ Welcome my good wenche, and sitte here by me just. 35

_An. Alyface._ And howe doth our old beldame here, Mage Mumblecrust?

_Tib. Talk._ Chyde, and finde faultes, and threaten to complaine.

_An. Alyface._ To make us poore girles shent to hir is small gaine. B iii

_M. Mumbl._ I dyd neyther chyde, nor complaine, nor threaten.

_R. Royster_ [_aside_]. It woulde grieve my heart to see one of them beaten. 40

_M. Mumbl._ I dyd nothyng but byd hir worke and holde hir peace.

_Tib. Talk._ So would I, if you coulde your clattering ceasse: But the devill can not make olde trotte[399] holde hir tong.

_An. Alyface._ Let all these matters passe, and we three sing a song, So shall we pleasantly bothe the tyme beguile now, 45 And eke dispatche all our workes ere we can tell how.

_Tib. Talk._ I shrew them that say nay, and that shall not be I.

_M. Mumbl._ And I am well content.

_Tib. Talk._ Sing on then by and by.

_R. Royster_ [_aside_]. And I will not away, but listen to their song, Yet Merygreeke and my folkes tary very long. 50

TIB, AN, _and_ MARGERIE, _doe singe here_.

Pipe mery Annot.[400] etc. Trilla, Trilla. Trillarie. Worke Tibet, worke Annot, worke Margerie. Sewe Tibet, knitte Annot, spinne Margerie. Let us see who shall winne the victorie. 55

_Tib. Talk._ This sleve is not willyng to be sewed I trowe, A small thing might make me all in the grounde to throwe.

_Then they sing agayne._

Pipe merrie Annot. etc. Trilla. Trilla. Trillarie. What Tibet, what Annot, what Margerie. 60 Ye sleepe, but we doe not, that shall we trie. Your fingers be nombde, our worke will not lie.

_Tib. Talk._ If ye doe so againe, well I would advise you nay. In good sooth one stoppe[401] more, and I make holy day.

_They singe the thirde tyme._

Pipe Mery Annot. etc. 65 Trilla. Trilla. Trillarie. Nowe Tibbet, now Annot, nowe Margerie. B iii _b_ Nowe whippet[402] apace for the maystrie, But it will not be, our mouth is so drie.

_Tib. Talk._ Ah, eche finger is a thombe to day me thinke, 70 I care not to let all alone, choose it swimme or sinke.

_They sing the fourth tyme._

Pipe Mery Annot. etc. Trilla. Trilla. Trillarie. When Tibet, when Annot, when Margerie. I will not, I can not, no more can I. 75 Then give we all over, and there let it lye. _Lette hir caste downe hir worke._

_Tib. Talk._ There it lieth, the worste is but a curried cote[!][403] Tut I am used therto, I care not a grote.

_An. Alyface._ Have we done singyng since? then will I in againe, Here I founde you, and here I leave both twaine. _Exeat._

_M. Mumbl._ And I will not be long after: Tib Talke apace.

_Tib. Talk._ What is yᵉ matter?

_M. Mumbl._ [_looking at R._]. Yond stode a man al this space And hath hearde all that ever we spake togyther.

_Tib. Talk._ Mary the more loute he for his comming hither. And the lesse good he can to listen maidens talke. 85 I care not and I go byd him hence for to walke: It were well done to knowe what he maketh here away.[404]

_R. Royster_ [_aside_]. Nowe myght I speake to them, if I wist what to say.

_M. Mumbl._ Nay we will go both off, and see what he is.

_R. Royster._ One that hath hearde all your talke and singyng ywis. 90

_Tib. Talk._ The more to blame you, a good thriftie husbande[405] Woulde elsewhere have had some better matters in hande.

_R. Royster._ I dyd it for no harme, but for good love I beare, To your dame mistresse Custance, I did your talke heare. And Mistresse nource I will kisse you for acquaintance. 95

_M. Mumbl._ I come anon sir.

_Tib. Talk._ Faith I would our dame Custance Sawe this geare.

_M. Mumbl._ I must first wipe al cleane, yea I must.

_Tib. Talk._ Ill chieue[406] it dotyng foole, but it must be cust.

[ROYSTER _kisses_ MUMBLECRUST.]

_M. Mumbl._ God yelde[407] you sir, chad[408] not so much ichotte[408] not whan, Nere since chwas bore chwine, of such a gay gentleman. 100

_R. Royster._ I will kisse you too[,] mayden[,] for the good will I beare you. B iv

_Tib Talk._ No forsoth, by your leave ye shall not kisse me.

_R. Royster._ Yes be not afearde, I doe not disdayne you a whit.

_Tib. Talk._ Why shoulde I feare you? I have not so little wit, Ye are but a man I knowe very well. 105

_R. Royster._ Why then?

_Tib. Talk._ Forsooth for I wyll not, I use not to kisse men.

_R. Royster._ I would faine kisse you too good maiden, if I myght.

_Tib. Talk._ What shold that neede?

_R. Royster._ But to honor you by this light. I use to kisse all them that I love[,] to God I vowe.

_Tib. Talk._ Yea sir? I pray you when dyd ye last kisse your cowe.[409] 110

_R. Royster._ Ye might be proude to kisse me, if ye were wise.

_Tib. Talk._ What promotion were therein?

_R. Royster._ Nourse is not so nice.[410]

_Tib. Talk._ Well I have not bene taught to kissing and licking.

_R. Royster._ Yet I thanke you mistresse Nourse, ye made no sticking.

_M. Mumbl._ I will not sticke for a kosse with such a man as you. 115

_Tib. Talk._ They that lust: I will againe to my sewyng now.

_An. Alyfac_[_e_, _re-entering_]. Tidings hough, tidings, dame Custance greeteth you well.

_R. Royster._ Whome me?

_An. Alyface._ You sir? no sir? I do no suche tale tell.

_R. Royster._ But and she knewe me here.

_An. Alyface._ Tybet Talke apace, Your mistresse Custance and mine, must speake with your grace.

_Tib. Talk._ With me?

_An. Alyface._ Ye muste come in to hir out of all doutes.

_Tib. Talk._ And my work not half done? A mischief on all loutes. _Ex_[_eant_] _am_[_bae_.]

_R. Royster._ Ah good sweet nourse[!]

_M. Mumb._ A good sweete gentleman[!]

_R. Royster._ What?

_M. Mumbl._ Nay I can not tel sir, but what thing would you?

_R. Royster._ Howe dothe sweete Custance, my heart of gold, tell me[,] how? 125

_M. Mumbl._ She dothe very well sir, and commaunde me to you.

_R. Royster._ To me?

_M. Mumbl._ Yea to you sir.

_R. Royster._ To me? nurse tel me plain To me?

_M. Mumb._ Ye.

_R. Royster._ That word maketh me alive again.

_M. Mumbl._ She commaunde me to one last day who ere it was.

_R. Royster._ That was een to me and none other by the Masse. 130

_M. Mumbl._ I can not tell you surely, but one it was.

_R. Royster._ It was I and none other: this commeth to good passe. I promise thee nourse I favour hir.

_M. Mumb._ Een so sir.

_R. Royster._ Bid hir sue to me for mariage.

_M. Mumbl._ Een so sir. B iv _b_

_R. Royster._ And surely for thy sake she shall speede. 135

_M. Mumb._ Een so sir.

_R. Royster._ I shall be contented to take hir.

_M. Mumb._ Een so sir.

_R. Royster._ But at thy request and for thy sake.

_M. Mumb._ Een so sir.

_R. Royster._ And come hearke in thine eare what to say.

_M. Mumb._ Een so sir.

_Here lette him tell hir a great long tale in hir eare._[411]

Actus. i. Scæna. iiii.

MATHEW MERYGREEKE. DOBINET DOUGHTIE. HARPAX [_and Musitians entering_]. RALPH ROYSTER. MARGERIE MUMBLECRUST [_still on the scene, whispering_].

_M. Mery._ Come on sirs apace, and quite your selves like men, Your pains shalbe rewarded.

_D. Dou._ But I wot not when.

_M. Mery._ Do your maister worship as ye have done in time past.

_D. Dough._ Speake to them: of mine office he shall have a cast.

_M. Mery._ _Harpax_,[412] looke that thou doe well too, and thy fellow. 5

_Harpax._ I warrant, if he will myne example folowe.

_M. Mery._ Curtsie whooresons, douke you and crouche at every worde,

_D. Dough._ Yes whether our maister speake earnest or borde.

_M. Mery._ For this lieth upon his preferment in deede.

_D. Dough._ Oft is hee a wower, but never doth he speede. 10

_M. Mery._ But with whome is he nowe so sadly roundyng yond?

_D. Dough._ With Nobs nicebecetur miserere[413] fonde.

[_M._] _Mery_ [_approaching R. R._]. God be at your wedding, be ye spedde alredie? I did not suppose that your love was so greedie, I perceive nowe ye have chose[414] of devotion, 15 And joy have ye ladie of your promotion.

_R. Royster._ Tushe foole, thou art deceived, this is not she.

_M. Mery._ Well mocke[415] muche of hir, and keepe hir well I vise[416] ye. I will take no charge of such a faire piece keeping.

_M. Mumbl._ What ayleth thys fellowe? he driveth me to weeping. 20

_M. Mery._ What weepe on the weddyng day? be merrie woman, Though I say it, ye have chose a good gentleman.

_R. Royster._ Kocks nownes[417] what meanest thou man[?] tut a whistle[418][!]