Part 3
We have now reached the Zoological Gardens. (The collection of these animals was begun by the great philosopher Aristotle.) Here are wolves from the Northern Isles far beyond the Pillars of Hercules; there are monkeys from Northern Africa; tigers from India; river-horses from the far south; and this--I marvel not that your Mightiness is astonished; but have no fear, they harm neither man nor beast!--here is the camelopard, tallest known of beasts. The neck of this specimen measures seven cubits! Those are the bird-houses, and these are ponds and tanks containing all manner of fish. And here are innumerable pheasants, bred for the philosophers’ table.
We now reach the lecture-theatre, and I must lower my voice, for lectures are now in progress. Observe, your Mightiness, this old philosopher with the grey whiskers. That is Euclid, professor of Geometry and Conic Sections. It is he who refuted the Sceptics. The Sceptics, your Mightiness? They are philosophers who say that they know nothing at all, not even that they know nothing at all--and _even that_ they do not know that they do not know. But Euclid has discovered certain Truths that all must admit. Observe him now, demonstrating upon the screen. I have attended his lectures, and I understand. He is now demonstrating that the two angles at the base of an isosceles triangle are equal. Listen to the cries of enthusiasm and delight with which the students hail his proof! Those cries from the farther room? Your Mightiness is right--_those_ are not screams of enthusiasm and enjoyment, for that is the dissecting-room where students learn anatomy and all the wonders of the human frame. The city authorities allow us three criminals a week upon whom we may experiment for the advancement of science. The criminal whose screams you hear is a Nile boatman who stole three measures of meal from the public market. They are now operating upon his stomach, and I am told it is like to be a most entertaining and instructive lecture. Your Mightiness would prefer not to attend? It is as your Mightiness wishes; though I cannot but feel that much instruction and enjoyment will be missed.
These are the instruments of the Astronomers--armils, astrolabes, and the like; these are the halls for light reading and discussion of general topics. And these padded cells, marked ‘Silence’, are reserved for poets. Here also theologians sit in contemplation, for in the Museum six hundred different religions are represented. No, we have no trouble with them at all, except occasionally with the devil-worshippers.
And now we reach our original starting-point, and I have done. I humbly thank your Mightiness for your courtesy and attention, for the honour which you have done us by gracing the Museum with your kingly presence, and for the brace of panthers which you have so generously presented.
Notes
The following précis is quite straightforward. Start with Mr. Hunt’s reasons for writing the letter, and then proceed with the events in the order in which they happened, leaving out all unessential talk.
This exercise will afford a good example of the following important rule:
RULE VII.--=Never put in any critical or explanatory remarks of your own.=
In this précis, for instance, one is tempted to point out that Mr. Hunt was _not_ in a normal state, that on his own showing he was dreadfully depressed and lonely, and that this would affect the value of his evidence. But one must do nothing of the sort. One’s business in this, as in every précis, is to write a concise summary of the story as it stands, and leave all criticism to the reader’s common sense.
No. 13.--The Warning
Letter to the Secretary of the Psychical Research Society.
SPORTSMAN’S HOTEL, ALBERTA, CANADA.
DEAR SIR,
I should be glad if you would allow me to bring before the notice of the Society an amazing case of Forewarning which I myself have experienced. To my mind this extraordinary event carries with it its own evidence; for, had it not been for this premonition, I should not now be here to write the story. These are the facts, to which, if necessary, I am prepared to set my oath.
In the summer of the present year, 1910, I and my friend Colonel Symes arranged a grizzly-bear-shooting expedition in the Rocky Mountains. We wished to be entirely alone, and so we pushed off into the wilder country, eventually building our little hut just within the upper limits of the tree-line at a place marked on the enclosed map, a spot so remote that it has as yet no name.
Three weeks of excellent sport followed, and then calamity overtook us. While rounding a precipice path in Indian file we were met and attacked by a bear, and, before I could do anything to help, both the colonel and the bear had fallen over the cliff and were dashed onto the rocks below.
There was nothing to be done. Thirty seconds had sufficed to close our expedition in appalling disaster. I returned alone to the hut. For the rest of the day I wandered aimlessly round the clearing, trying in vain to make up my mind to return home to civilization. But I was numbed by the disaster, and after much barren thought I decided to put a double boarding onto the hut and stay where I was.
For the next five weeks I spent a solitary existence, living on what I shot and on the provisions which the Indian pack-horses had brought up when we first arrived. And then began the snow. It started little at first, and I cleared it away from the door of the hut. But soon the storms grew in violence, and before long all hunting was out of the question, and I spent my days in clearing a path from the hut door, and in reading over the camp stove.
On the fourth day of the blizzard the wind got up, and blew very hard with a most melancholy and dispiriting noise through the pine-trees above my hut. I felt wretchedly lonely; and, though I managed to pass the day in cooking meals and putting the finishing stitches to a heavy sleeping-suit of bear-skin, by the time darkness came on I was in the depths of depression.
At ten o’clock I turned in--that is, I rolled myself up on my bear-skin couch--and for half an hour I read in my copy of Shakespeare: showing that my mind was in a perfectly normal condition. At 10.30 I shut the stove, blew out the lantern, and went to sleep, the blizzard still raging with great violence outside.
It must have been about five hours later that I woke with a feeling of oppression and horror such as I had never before experienced. At first I was at a loss to understand the cause of my fright. I sat up, on one elbow, and shivered. Then I realized what it was--there was someone else in the room! Now the door was barred against wild animals; moreover I was full fifty miles from the nearest encampment. And the horror of this unseen presence made the hair crawl upon my scalp. I sat bolt upright and held my breath. It was then that a full perception of the Horror flooded in upon me like a wave--the Thing was lying on the couch by my side! It was pitch dark of course, and I could see nothing. I merely “sensed” this presence on the couch. With a leap I was across the room and lighting my lantern with trembling fingers. Then I returned to the couch.
I cannot attempt to express the horror of what I saw. My breathing stopped with a jerk and my heart stood still. For there was _myself_ lying dead upon the couch, crushed across the body by some unseen and appalling weight!
I dropped the lamp, leapt to the door, and in a frenzy of terror staggered out into the storm. Twenty seconds passed--it can hardly have been more--when with a rending noise like an avalanche one of the great pine-trees fell clean across the centre of the hut, crushing it into matchwood!
As soon as it was day I pushed off for the lowlands (luckily my ski and gun were in the outhouse, and so escaped).
I have no evidence beyond the word of a gentleman to prove the truth of what I have narrated; I can only assure you of the absolute and literal truth of the premonition; though whether the apparition was an objective reality or a figment of my own imagination I must leave to the opinion of the Psychical Research Society.
Believe me, Sir,
Yours very truly,
NIMROD HUNT.
Notes
In the following précis do not proceed by question and answer. Arrange the subjects in definite groups as you think best.
The main point to remember is that you _must not criticize_ this wonderful medley of nonsense. All you have to do is to give a concise idea of the kind of pseudo-science that boys had to learn by heart a hundred and fifty years ago. (The original is largely taken from old school-books.) You must not use a single phrase such as ‘this absurd idea’. Your _title_ should imply that such stuff is very much out-of-date.
No. 14.--Science as taught in our Great-grandfathers’ School-days
_Preceptor._ What is Science?
_Child._ Science is the investigation and proper appreciation of the phenomena of the Universe in which it has pleased the Creator to place us. This investigation is applied to the Elements and to the Immutable Laws which govern them.
_Preceptor._ How many Elements are there?
_Child._ Four: Fire, Water, Earth, and Air--the Igneous element, the Aqueous element, the Earthy, and the Aerial elements.
_Preceptor._ What is Fire?
_Child._ Fire, or the Igneous element, is the element of destruction. It consists of flame, which devours materials, and imparts a comfortable warmth to man and beast. The sun is the primary source of heat; the interior of the Earth consists of Fire; combustion can be produced artificially by man; and the Lightning is its most terrific manifestation.
_Preceptor._ What is Lightning?
_Child._ Lightning is a large bright flame darting through the air to a considerable distance, of momentary duration, and usually accompanied by thunder.
_Preceptor._ What is Thunder?
_Child._ Thunder is a loud rattling noise accompanied by Lightning, caused by the sudden clashing or rushing together of several clouds which are filled with sulphurous and nitrous exhalations. Its reverberations fill the hearer with awe, and turn the mind to thoughts of piety and submission.
_Preceptor._ What is the Earthy element?
_Child._ The Earthy element is the solid ground upon which we live. It is divided into mountains, hills, valleys, and plains, in a variety pleasing to the eye, and adapted to all sorts and conditions of men.
_Preceptor._ Of what is the Earthy element composed?
_Child._ The Earth is composed of rocks, sand, metals, and mud, in which are also to be found the more precious stones, such as the diamond, the jacynth, the topaz, and the chrysoprasus.
_Preceptor._ When was the Earth created?
_Child._ The Earth was created by the Divine Will in the year 4004 B.C., the sun, moon, and stars, being created shortly afterwards for the use and benefit of man.
_Preceptor._ How were the Mountains formed?
_Child._ For the first few thousand years it would seem that the Earth was subjected to occasional violent catastrophes, both by fire and water. In these catastrophes great mountain chains were sometimes flung up; at other times the waters swept over the tops of the hills, and the shells of sea creatures may be found there to this day.
_Preceptor._ Have these catastrophes ceased?
_Child._ They have become less violent in their nature, though the recent Earthquake and Wave at Lisbon and the Eruption of Mount Hecla in Iceland attest their continued activity.
_Preceptor._ What is the Aerial Element?
_Child._ It is that elastic fluid with which the Earth is surrounded. It is generally called Air. It partakes of all the motions of the earth.
_Preceptor._ What is the cause of the Wind?
_Child._ The cause of the Wind has never been ascertained.
_Preceptor._ Then are the Winds of no benefit to us?
_Child._ Yes, the benefits arising from them are innumerable: they dry the damp, they chase vile humours, they bring us the rain in due season, and waft our ships from every corner of the Earth.
_Preceptor._ What is the Aqueous element?
_Child._ The Aqueous element is generally called Water. It is the fluid which covers half the surface of the Globe, and it is divided into seas and oceans. It is also manifested in rivers, streams, springs, rain, and mist.
_Preceptor._ Why is the sea salt?
_Child._ The saltness of the sea is due to certain saline properties in water when brought together in very large quantities.
_Preceptor._ Do we derive any advantage from the study of Science and Natural Philosophy?
_Child._ Yes; for without a competent knowledge of Natural Philosophy we cannot form a true conception of the Purpose of Creation; nor can we adapt our daily lives in accordance with the Law by which all things work together for the benefit and improvement of Mankind.
Notes
It is very important to be able to make a précis of a number of letters or telegrams.
RULE VIII.--=In making a précis of a number of letters DO NOT PROCEED LETTER BY LETTER. Get the gist of the whole story; then pick out the important points and arrange them in the order in which the events happened. Several letters or telegrams may be combined in one paragraph, if they are on the same topic, but the topics must be kept separate.=
RULE IX.--=Never omit the principal DATES AND TIMES.=
No. 15--The Hut-Tax
Correspondence between the Administrator of British Bongoland, the Commissioner of the M’Gobi District, and the Colonial Secretary.
1. To Mr. Commissioner Philips:--
From GOVERNMENT HOUSE, BONGOLAND. _June 1._
There has been a serious falling off in the income from your district, for which it is difficult to account. You will therefore kindly increase the Hut-tax to the extent of 2 pounds of rubber and 10 brass rods per hut. Kindly acquaint me when this has been done.
O. F. Administrator.
2. To the Administrator:--
From COMMISSIONER’S HUT, M’GOBI DISTRICT. _June 14._
SIR,
I have the honour to report that the utmost possible has been done in the matter of collecting taxes. The people have suffered great hardship this year owing to sleeping-sickness, and though the disease has been stamped out, labour has been scarce, and I do not feel justified in advising H.M. Government to increase the tax.
I have the honour to be,
Your Obedient Servant,
H. PHILIPS.
3. To Mr. Commissioner Philips:--
From GOVERNMENT HOUSE. _July 1._
You are not expected to advise H.M. Government. Kindly collect the tax as I order, and report to me later.
O. F. Administrator.
4. To the Administrator:--
From COMMISSIONER’S HUT, M’GOBI DISTRICT. _July 11._
SIR,
I have the honour to inform you, from evidence obtained on the spot, that any attempt to levy an extra tax will be attended with serious consequences--disorder and probable loss of life. I therefore cannot hold myself responsible for the lives of missionaries and other white men in the district in case the tax is levied.
I have the honour to be,
Your Obedient Servant,
H. PHILIPS.
5. To Mr. Commissioner Philips:--
From GOVERNMENT HOUSE. _July 20._
You may take what steps you like with regard to missionaries; but the tax must be collected.
O. F. Administrator.
(For Précis. Paper 2.)
6. (By telegram.)
To the Administrator, British Bongoland:--
From COLONIAL OFFICE, WHITEHALL. _July 30._
SIR,
Roman Catholic and Protestant missionaries in M’Gobi district report having been removed to coast by order of Mr. Commissioner Philips. Danger apprehended from levy of extra Hut-tax. H.M. Government is very averse to the imposition of harsh taxes, and I must therefore ask you to delay collection and furnish information without delay.
HEDLEY: Assist. Sec.
7. (By telegram.)
To the Colonial Office:--
From BRITISH BONGOLAND. _Aug. 1._
SIR,
I am not accustomed to having my actions criticized. You may leave this matter entirely in my hands.
I have the honour to be,
Your Obedient Servant,
OBADIAH FITZBLANK, Administrator.
8. (By telegram.)
To Sir Obadiah FitzBlank:--
From COLONIAL OFFICE, WHITEHALL. _Aug. 2_, 1 p.m.
You will inform Mr. Commissioner Philips that H.M. Government are of opinion, in agreement with him, that the new tax should not be imposed. You will also resign your office immediately and return by the boat that leaves to-morrow night. Your successor has already left.
JOSEPH CHAMBERLAIN.
Notes
Remember Rule VIII and Rule IX.
Also, it is often convenient to use a _general_ term instead of names: such as ‘The Naval Authorities’ or ‘The British Government’.
No. 16.--The Mandarin
Correspondence concerning the bastinadoing of a British subject in the village of Ching-Wang, 30 miles from Shang-Hai.
1. To the British Consul at Shang-Hai:--
From CHING-WANG. _April 2._
SIR,
I write to say as how I have been bastinadoed on both feet. My feet is swole something cruel. This was done by the Mandarin Lu-Chu. He says as how I stole his cherries, which I never done it. Please investigate. I am a British subjick, which my mother was a Chinee.
Yours truly,
FU-LING THOMPSON.
2. To His Complacency the Mandarin Lu-Chu:--
From CONSUL’S HOUSE, SHANG-HAI. _April 8._
Having been informed by the half-caste Fu-Ling Thompson, a British subject, that corporal punishment had been unjustly inflicted upon him by your orders, I sent my agent to investigate the matter. He informs me that Thompson speaks the truth, and that you yourself are perfectly aware of the man’s innocence. I therefore suggest that, to avoid complications with H.M. Government, you compensate Mr. Thompson to the extent of £50 or 100,000 sens.
H. CASLON, British Consul.
3. (Translation.)
To the British Consul:--
From CHING-WANG.
Almighty Consul whose face shines like the moon. I cannot give Mr. Thompson 100,000 sens, for I am a poor man. Moreover, the cherries were stolen. It was right and fitting that someone should be bastinadoed.
LU-CHU.
4. To Lieut.-Commander Hanlon of H.M.S. _Laverock_:--
(Per picket boat.)
From CONSUL’S HOUSE, SHANG-HAI. _April 12._
DEAR HANLON,
The Mandarin of Ching-Wang has been up to his old tricks again--bastinadoing a British subject. I have ordered him to pay the man £50 and he refuses. I suggest that you make a demonstration. (Correspondence enclosed.)
Yours,
H. CASLON.
5. (By Wireless.)
To Admiral Groves, China Station:--
_April 12._
Another case of unjustified bastinadoing. Mandarin refuses compensation. What steps may I take?
HANLON, Lieut.-Commander.
6. (By Wireless from H.M.S. _Thunderer_):--
Leave entirely in your hands. Use great firmness but avoid complications.
GROVES, Admiral.
7. From H.M.S. _Laverock_ (by letter):--
_April 13._
To his Complacency the Mandarin Lu-Chu.
In the matter of the bastinadoing of Mr. Thompson, a British subject, the case as you know has been investigated, and I am authorized to demand the immediate payment of 100,000 sens. Unless this demand is complied with before 4 o’clock, I shall be reluctantly compelled to blow your house to pieces.
HANLON, Lieut.-Commander.
8. To Lieut.-Commander Hanlon (translation):--
Most superb Lieutenant-Commander, whose guns roar like many devils. I cannot pay Mister Thompson 100,000 sens, for I am a poor man. Moreover, I did but beat him upon the soles of his feet.
LU-CHU.
9. To the British Consul at Shang-Hai:--
From H.M.S. _Laverock_. _April 14._
DEAR CASLON,
Lu-Chu flatly refused to pay; so, with the Admiral’s leave, I took the law into my own hands. At ten past four I stood right into the harbour and fired a large wad of cotton-waste into his cherry-trees. The old fellow was frightened out of his life, and sent the money within five minutes.
Yours,
J. HANLON.
Notes
RULE X.--=ALWAYS KEEP A PROPER BALANCE. That is to say, it often happens that in the original too much space is given to picturesque details, and too little to the more important facts. In your précis this must be put right.=
This is obviously the case in the following Life of Isaac Newton.
No. 17--Isaac Newton
Newton was born in 1643, and was the smallest baby in the world. He went to school when very young, but does not appear to have done any work till one day the top-boy kicked him violently in the stomach for daring to get his sums right. Then Newton began to work, not with any idea of becoming the greatest of mathematicians, but simply because he resented being kicked in the stomach, and determined to get the better of his tormentor. His spare time was spent in making ingenious little contrivances, water-clocks, paper lamps attached to kites with which to frighten the villagers, a ‘wind-mill’ turned by a pet mouse with a string tied to its tail. When he left school he was tried on the farm, but it was no use. Newton was always behind a hedge inventing some new automatic toy, while the pigs wallowed in clover, and the cows trampled down the corn. So he went to Trinity College, Cambridge, and there his serious studies began.
His first discoveries were on the subject of light, about which very little was then known. On darkening his room and allowing a circular beam of sunlight to pass through a hole in the shutter, and thence through a triangular glass prism, he found that an oblong patch of light was cast on the screen five times as long as the hole in the shutter. Moreover, it was no longer white, but made up of all the colours of the rainbow--violet, indigo, blue, green, yellow, orange, red--always ranged in the same order. He soon came to the conclusion that white is not a separate colour, but is made up of all the colours of the ‘spectrum’.
He next invented the reflecting telescope, forerunner of all the vast instruments by means of which the wonders of the sky have been investigated.
He then turned his great mind to the problem of finding out what light really is, and, though his theory has been given up for a better, it was the best that had been suggested up to that time. He also found out that light travels at the rate of nearly 200,000 miles a second.
Meanwhile the Plague broke out at Cambridge, making it necessary for him to retire into the country. It was in the garden of his country house that the fall of an apple is supposed to have suggested to Newton the theory of gravitation.