Part 2

I regret that distance prohibits me from attending the summer meeting of the Philological Society in person; more especially as I have been making certain investigations which, I venture to think, will have far-reaching consequences. Allow me to enclose the report of my experiments.

ihr ergebenst

OTTO VON PUMPENSTEIN.

_Enclosure_

Report of certain experiments carried out in the Monkey-house of the Hamburg Zoological Gardens.

The following experiments were made by me by kind permission of the Herr Vorsteher of the Zoological Gardens, with the object of ascertaining whether monkeys actually converse in language. I was drawn to make these experiments by a consideration of the extraordinary similarity between the structure of the mouth and vocal chords in Man and the Anthropoid Apes, and by the amazing correspondence between their brain-charts. I accordingly had a small travelling cage fitted up with table, ink-stand, and so forth, and placed inside the large cage of the chimpanzees, which happened to be next that of the spider monkeys, in such a position that I could enter it without fear of attack.

In this cage I spent my holiday, arriving at the Monkey-house at 10 every morning, and leaving at 6 p.m. My meals I took when the chimpanzees were fed, to avoid arousing jealousy. During the first week I filled five notebooks with the noises made by these animals (spelt phonetically), but without being able to attach any particular thought to any of them. My first success was the result of flashing a mirror in the eyes of the old male chimpanzee. He invariably showed signs of distress, beat the wires of my cage, and said, “Kee--kee--r-r-r-t!” which would seem to mean, “This I can no longer stand!” I tried this experiment on 105 occasions, and always with the same result.

My next success was with regard to the spider monkeys. I discovered that by singing a particular note I could induce these monkeys to imitate me in a very shrill strident tone, but always in perfect pitch. In a few days’ time they could sing up and down the scale, but without any articulation. I next sang them “Deutschland, Deutschland über alles” in a loud voice. They received the first few lines in silence, and were then seized with a wild enthusiasm, gathering handfuls of bran and flinging them into my cage. Since that experiment I have so far been unable to induce them to sing.

I next carried out a series of important experiments with the aid of a gramophone. Observing that an old fierce chimpanzee was kept in a cage by himself, I induced his keeper to deprive him of water for several hours. I then approached a basin of water to the outside of the beast’s cage, placing the gramophone close to his mouth as he hung by one foot from the ceiling. I took a record of his remarks, which appeared to consist of a repetition of the word “G-r-r-ump”. I then carried the record to my original cage and turned it on. My first trials were unsuccessful, but on the fifteenth repetition I observed that an old female chimpanzee pushed her saucer of water in my direction. From this I concluded that the meaning of the old ape’s remark was, “I a drink of water want”. I have made a great number of experiments with the gramophone, and am inclined to believe that the chimpanzee for “nut” is “warra-yak”; “banana” is “kee-e” (very shrill), and so forth.

I shall spend another fortnight in my cage, and I confidently hope for still more startling and far-reaching results. I have attempted to reproduce these noises, or phrases, myself; but so far they have not been received in a friendly spirit.

No. 7.--The Island

Report of Captain H. Cardew, R.N., on the condition of the Island of Ingelos.

H.M.S. _Dundonald_, off St. Helena. _June 1._

To the Colonial Secretary.

SIR,

I have the honour to inform you that I have just returned from a visit to the island of Ingelos, and I herewith submit my report.

The _Dundonald_ was the first ship to visit this island since October, 1910, though an Italian brigantine was wrecked there a year ago. (All the crew were drowned with the exception of the cook, one Antonio Posillippo, who has since married and settled down, and has no intention of leaving.)

The inhabitants consist of 38 men, 30 women, and 23 children. Their Head-man is John Brown, grandson of the original John Brown who was wrecked there in 1848. They appear to be happy and contented, and there has never been any illness on the island, barring a virulent cold in the head started by Posillippo a few days after his rescue. The original flock of goats does exceedingly well on the mountain, providing the community with milk, cheese, and goats’ flesh; while the islanders have developed a wonderful capacity for fishing under difficult conditions. Potatoes do very well, and the yearly wheat crop is most carefully looked after.

The Head-man told me that the community had suffered very seriously for many months from a plague of rats, the ancestors of which had swum ashore from the wrecked brigantine. They swarm in prodigious numbers, spoiling crops and even killing kids. The ship’s terrier wrought great havoc during our three days’ stay, and I have left several tins of rat-poison. Under the direction of the ship’s carpenter some 50 rat-traps were constructed, and the people are setting to work to make many more.

The Head-man is deeply religious and possesses the Bible that belonged to the original John Brown. He conducts a service on the day after every new moon--for there are no “days of the week”. We attended one of these services, and found it to consist of a strange mixture of traditions, very crude, but reverent. The Chaplain has given the Head-man a prayer-book.

All the inhabitants talk and read English, but their language is interspersed with a large number of Italian and Spanish words imported by wrecked mariners. There are a certain number of words that appear to be indigenous, such as “skat” and “glob”--the names of certain fish; “latté” for porridge, and “lootoos” for the long goat-skin waders that the fishers wear to protect their legs from stinging fish.

The island is quite self-supporting; but the Head-man is anxious to have a telescope, and knives of all sorts would be exceedingly useful. The people are very grateful for the illuminated texts and pocket-handkerchiefs sent out in the _Dundonald_, and they are wearing both upon their persons.

The education of the children is entirely in the hands of the Head-man Brown.

I have the honour to be,

Your obt. Servt.

H. CARDEW, Captain R.N.

Notes

The following three exercises are short accounts of trials and investigations.

RULE V.--=In making a précis of the evidence of various witnesses DO NOT PROCEED BY QUESTION AND ANSWER. It is often convenient to keep the evidence of different witnesses in separate paragraphs, but do not repeat the same points. Just tell the story in your own words, and as far as possible in the order in which events happened.=

In making a précis of the Witch Trial be careful to write in modern English.

No. 8.--A Seventeenth-Century Witch Trial

The fourteenth day of the third month in the year of Grace 1616, His most gracious, learned, and religious Majesty King James I being on throne, was brought to trial at Quarter Sessions one Mistress Banbury, charged with having correspondence with the Prince of Darkness, and of practising the detestable rites of witchcraft, whereby sundry persons suffered grievous harm. Whereof the evidence of witnesses was thus and thus.

Master Mark Rubbleyard duly sworn. May it please your worship, on Wednesday last at high noon I and my servants, having felled certain trees in Bishop’s copse, and having tied them upon a wain, did drive by the cottage of Mistress Banbury. Now the trees being large and the branches thereof stretching athwartwise, they catched upon the fence of Mistress Banbury’s garden. And thereupon, incontinent looked forth Mistress Banbury, and in a loud voice put a curse upon me, upon my horses, and upon my wain. And the curse was of such power that the wain did fall into the ditch ere reaching my farm; moreover, my horses are fallen sick and eat not their oats, and I myself am stricken with a grievous colic.

Mistress Kate Brokedish duly sworn. May it please your worship. Not long since came Mistress Banbury to my house selling simples and charms. And may it please your worship, I did purchase certain snails stewed in milk as a cure for my goodman’s warts. And as I made my purchase she did maliciously cast her eyes upon my son Nicholas, he being two years old. And before the day was out my son Nicholas was smitten with a cough and did spit pins until the evening.

Master Noak, Beadle, duly sworn. May it please your worship. Yesternight three lads of the village passing by the house of Mistress Banbury, she cast an evil eye upon them; and they being affrighted threw sundry stones. Whereupon did Mistress Banbury curse them roundly, debeasting herself with detestable oaths. And incontinent the lads have become crossed-eyed, and do hourly vomit forth needles.

Questioned as to whether she were in league with the Devil, Mistress Banbury answered, Yea; howsoever, not with the Prince of Darkness, but with three demons. On being questioned as to their names, she replied, “Pluck, Catch, and Chitabob.” On being questioned as to which had forced her to do these things, she replied, “Chitabob did this thing.” Then said the judge unto her that was accused: Mistress Banbury, you are accused of the most heinous crime of witchcraft before God and man. Whereof to make an ensample, and to insure right judgement, I hereby give order that your thumbs and your great toes be tied together as it were in the form of a cross, and that you be cast into Tiddler’s Pond. And if the sacred element receive you, and mercifully you shall be drowned, then is your innocence approved. But if the sacred element cast you upon its surface and you swim, then is your guilt proven; your body shall be burnt unto death, and your soul shall enter into torment.

Notes

The following exercise will obviously work out at five paragraphs:--In the first tell the ‘state of affairs’; in the others give the evidence of the various witnesses without repeating or overlapping more than is necessary.

Remember that the story must be told in good English, not in the language of the witnesses.

No. 9.--The Miser

Evidence concerning the death of Mr. Timothy Keek, of No. 215A Tapley Street, Bristol; before Mr. Jules Curtis.

_Evidence of 1st witness in answer to questions._

My name is Clara Cloggs. I am a charwoman and charred for Mr. Keek regular. Once a fortnight, Fridays, I done his room out with soap and soda and opened the winders and made the bed. No, he never had no fires. I was charring on the 3rd floor at 11 o’clock Friday, leaving Mr. Keek’s room to the last, as per usual. I knocks at his door with the broom-’andle, which there was no answer. Mrs. ’Uggins from 2nd floor calls up, “He ain’t been down for his walk yet, Mrs. Cloggs!” I tries the door, which it were no good; so I calls to Mrs. ’Uggins, “Mrs. ’Uggins!” I sez, “we better fetch the perlice,” I sez; “and I for one don’t want to be mixed up with no locked doors and suchlike!” I sez. So me and Mrs. ’Uggins fetched the perlice sergeant; and me, I goes ’ome to mind the children’s dinner.

_Evidence of 2nd witness._

I am Police Constable Blades, 7X. On Friday, 11.20 a.m. precise, I was on my beat between Tapley Street and the King’s Arms, when I was met by Mrs. Cloggs and Mrs. ’Uggins, which they are both well known to me. They told me of the business in ’and, and me and Mrs. ’Uggins proceeds to the apartment of Mr. Keek, which we reached it at 11.32 a.m. I then knocked smartly on the door with the knuckles of the left ’and. Receiving no reply I continued the process, at the same time sending Mrs. ’Uggins for the poker. I then broke open the door, and discovered the deceased Mr. Keek at the table with his ’ead on his arms, and his arms on a pile of golden sovereigns. Two or three thousand at a rough estimate. I then whistled for assistance, and sent Mrs. ’Uggins for the doctor. This was at 11.53 a.m. precise.

_Evidence of 3rd witness._

Mrs. Jane ’Uggins I am. Yes I knew Mr. Keek, five years I knew ’im. Very quiet regular old gentleman he was. Went out the same time every day, and took his meals out. Couldn’t say what his business was--nobody didn’t know. I went with Mrs. Cloggs to fetch the perlice. I ’elped Sergeant Blades open Mr. Keek’s door, and I see him lying on the sovereigns.

_Evidence of 4th witness._

I am Doctor Theodore Simpson. I was fetched to No. 215A Tapley Street at noon on Friday. I found the police in possession of Mr. Keek’s room, and Mr. Keek lying across a great pile of gold, as the sergeant told in his evidence. Upon making an examination I found that the deceased had literally died of starvation. He must have been starving himself more or less for years; and for the last few days I should say he had eaten nothing at all.

Notes

Remember that you must not proceed by question and answer. Just tell the story shortly in the order in which events took place.

You will see that it is of no importance whatever to know the _names_ of the persons concerned. (If mentioned, they should be enclosed in brackets.) But perhaps it is important to know the _ages_ of the boys, as this affects the story.

No. 10.--The Boy Scouts

Part of the evidence taken in the Police Court, in the trial of two boys, Albert Home (16) and James Hopkins (16).

_Mr. Carter, J.P._ “Your name?”

_1st Witness--a boy scout._ “Tom Appleby, sir.”

_Mr. C._ “Age?”

_1st W._ “Fourteen-a-half, sir.”

_Mr. C._ “Tell the Court exactly what you were doing on Thursday afternoon.”

_1st W._ “Me and my patrol were doing Spider and Fly--that’s a scout game, sir--down below Barley’s Farm, and I was creeping through the trees so as not to make no noise when I heard somebody laugh, and when I crawls nearer I sees the--the prisoners sitting on the bank of Barley’s duck pond.”

_Mr. C._ “Could you see exactly what they were doing?”

_1st W._ “Yes, sir. The short one had hold of a frog by the back legs, and the tall one had a bicycle pump, and he put the connection down the frog’s throat, and was blowin’ him up with the bicycle pump.”

_Mr. C._ “Are you quite certain of this?”

_1st W._ “Yes, sir; and here’s the body all busted.” (Frog’s body produced.)

_Mr. C._ “And then what did you do?”

_1st W._ “Crawled back through the wood and signalled instructions to my patrol, sir. And when we got back they was starting in on another frog.”

_Mr. C._ “And how did you manage to catch these boys? They seem to be much bigger and stronger than any of you.”

_1st W._ “We lassooed ’em with ropes, sir, and pulled ’em backwards, sir, and then all ten of us set on ’em, sir, and tied ’em up, sir!” (Laughter.)

_Mr. C._ “And how did you get them to the camp?”

_1st W._ “Semaphored for the ’and-cart, sir.” (Laughter.)

_2nd Witness called._

_Mr. C._ “Your name?”

_2nd W._ “My name is George Collinson.”

_Mr. C._ “You are scoutmaster in charge of the scouts’ summer camp, I believe?”

_2nd W._ “That is so.”

_Mr. C._ “Kindly tell the Court what you saw in connection with this business.”

_2nd W._ “At 3.30 on Thursday afternoon I was returning from the railway station with a newly arrived patrol when I saw a party of scouts coming from the direction of Barley’s Farm. They were pulling the small hand-cart in which two boys appeared to be lying. Fearing an accident I ran to meet them, and found these two lads tied securely hand and foot and fastened into the cart by means of the luggage-straps.”

_Mr. C._ “And what orders did you give?”

_2nd W._ “After hearing the whole story from Tom Appleby, I gave directions that the two lads should be taken to my tent. I also sent into Crickley for the police.”

Several scouts were then heard as witnesses; and the two lads, having admitted their cruelty, were sentenced to receive six strokes each with the cane.

Notes

Remember that the evidence concerning the treatment of children is the subject of the following letter. The personal feelings of the clergyman are of secondary importance.

RULE VI.--=Proper Names and Titles must be mentioned when it increases the value of the evidence, or report, or whatever it is, to know WHO IS WRITING OR SPEAKING AND WHOM HE IS ADDRESSING. Otherwise do as you like.=

In the following précis it is obviously important to know both.

No. 11.--Child Labourers in 1836

To the Rt. Rev. the Lord Bishop of Lancaster.

THE VICARAGE, _Aug. 10, 1836_.

MY LORD,

Having the welfare of my crowded and poverty-stricken parish at heart, and being very greatly exercised in my mind as to the condition of the children living therein, I have thought it well to write to you giving you a brief outline of certain investigations I have made--of which I am now preparing full reports--in the hope that you will interest yourself in the matter, and bring the question of child labour before the Upper House.

My Lord, to say that I am appalled is to use a euphemism. I am shocked beyond all power of expression. Few of the horrors recounted of the African Slave-trade--now so happily abolished--can surpass the callous cruelties inflicted upon children of our own race, living in our own towns--not only by their task-masters and slave-drivers (for one can use no other term), but by their parents even, who, though not altogether dead to feelings of affection, are so ignorant and so harassed that they cannot grasp the idea that any better system is possible.

Let me cite two or three cases, my Lord, in general terms. (Detailed evidence I reserve for my report.)

First there are the boy chimney-sweepers. Orphan boys of eight, nine, and ten, are given away or even sold by the town authorities--who are only too thankful to be rid of the encumbrance--to abandoned ruffians, who, quite dead to all feelings of pity, treat them worse than they treat their half-starved asses. The boys are flogged incessantly, kicked, and starved; they spend their lives climbing about the chimneys of the district in an atmosphere of soot and filth; and if the work is not done soon enough to suit the slave-drivers, as often as not a fire is lit below, and the boy falls burnt and struggling, half-suffocated with the smoke. And the only excuse that the town authorities bring forward for their connivance at this horrible cruelty, is the fact that “many chimneys in the district are built in the old style, and it is absurd to allow these new-fangled ideas of humanity to interfere with the comfort of the home.”

My parish, as you are aware, my Lord, is in the mining area; and I have found by personal investigations that the condition of the children in the pits is worse even than that of the chimney boys. For a miserable wage of one shilling a week, and an occasional extra penny for several hours’ work overtime, hundreds of little boys are kept working down in the pits for from twelve to sixteen hours a day. Often the children are so young--very many of them are not more than six or seven years old--and so feeble that they are carried to the pit’s mouth by their fathers, and this at four o’clock in the morning. They are then taken down to work all day, even during “meals”, and only return to the surface after daylight is over.

I myself have been down the shafts many times, and the sights I have seen there are pitiful in the extreme. The galleries in deep mines are provided with doors and traps, “to prevent inflammable drafts”, and children of six are trained to sit by themselves all day long, in the dark, opening and shutting these doors as the trucks pass and repass. Can it be wondered at that these infants often become feeble-minded?

But the lot of the older children is even worse. Little boys of eight and nine are harnessed by chains round the hips to small flat trucks, and these they pull on hands and knees through passages only a couple or two and a half feet high. The mines are very wet, and often these narrow pipes through which the children drag their loads are more than half full of water.

Their food is wretchedly inadequate; they are beaten incessantly to keep them awake, for, as the men have often told me, the boys “will fall asleep over their work”; and their home life, such as it is, is wretched and demoralizing beyond words.

In this letter, my Lord, I can do no more than touch upon the surface of things. But for the sake of countless children’s lives, I beg you will interest yourself in this matter, that you will read the full report which I have prepared, and use your great influence towards causing these horrors to cease.

Believe me, my Lord,

Your humble and obedient servant,

H. STOKES.

Notes

In this précis the curator and the Nizam should occupy a very small place. The Museum is the real subject--not the curator.

Arrange the points of interest, and group them in separate paragraphs.

Remember that Euclid was the best-known figure the Museum produced; and treat him accordingly.

No. 12.--The Museum, 300 B.C.

(_The Nizam Ramayana Gosh, from the Ganges Valley, is shown over the Museum at Alexandria by the chief Curator._)

If the great Nizam will deign to step through the portico, I will conduct his Mightiness at once to the two great libraries.

Here beneath these two great domes is gathered all the literature and learning of the world. These shelves that you see are loaded with books in papyrus or parchment by the hundred thousand, many of them dispatched from Babylon by the great Alexander himself. This door upon our right leads to the amphitheatre where sages and philosophers debate, while upon our left is the hall of banquets.

As your Mightiness will observe--permit me to throw open the door--it is the hour of the afternoon meal. Here you can see some two thousand students reclining at the feast. (Slave! wine for his Mightiness the Nizam!) We cultivate the luxury of our tables and the subtlety of our cooking to the fullest extent. The dignity and splendour of our dinners is beyond belief. I myself spend many hours a day in quiet mastication and enjoyment.

This door opens straight upon the Porch or Colonnade where the Walking philosophers discuss the Cosmos and digest their dinner. These gardens beyond are set apart for the study of botany. Every species of plant and tree has been collected, from the Pillars of Hercules to the shores of the Euxine, from Mesopotamia to the lands of the Ganges, which your Mightiness honours by his gracious rule.