Part 26
"Some of the cream-coloured horses formerly attached to the Royal Coach, and which were only used on state days, are now employed in the daily drudgery of hackney coaches. The present proprietor values them very highly, and thinks, from their great receipt of custom, that they will draw him into an easy fortune."--(_Times, Aug. 10, 1796._)
* * * * *
"To the CONDUCTOR of the TIMES.
"Sir,--Among many others, I was yesterday a spectator of what you notice in your paper of this morning. A pair of those noble animals, which, for several years, have drawn his Majesty's State Coach, degraded to a hack. The spectacle really gave me concern, and must certainly reflect disgrace somewhere. It necessarily suggests two considerations, one relative to the dignity of Majesty itself, the other to the natural emotions of sensibility. What! say the vulgar, are the _King's_ State Horses come to this? Oh! what a pity! says the man of sensibility, that these poor creatures recently, and habitually, so caressed, and pampered, should experience such a lamentable reverse! How fallen, how abused, how galled! I assure you, Mr. Editor, they are _literally_, and _grievously_, _galled_. Surely his Majesty must be a stranger to all this: and it would be of no dis-service to him, to let the Public know that he is so. Those who love him, cannot but feel for his horses, nor refrain from thinking that his sensibility, as a man, must be hurt, at hearing of the sufferings of those stately animals, which once contributed to his most magnificent public appearance.
A Dutiful Subject."
--(_Times, Aug. 12, 1796._)
Here is a bit of Satire on the Prince of Wales, who was notoriously at variance with both his father and mother.
"An illustrious Personage is now engaged in making a collection of the profile likenesses of his friends. The number already collected is stated to amount to _fifty_. His friends are certainly more numerous than those of almost any Prince we ever heard of, except our own Sovereign. The wealthy Croesus had but one friend, and that was his son."--(_Times, Nov. 6, 1799._)
VARIETIES.
The year 1788 begins well, with an account of a coming of age, which seems to have been conducted in the classical taste peculiar to this period.
"The late celebration of Miss Pulteney coming of age, bore much the appearance of idolatrous sacrifice. The procession headed by an _ox_, adorned with _flowers_, his horns painted _blue_, and _tipped with gold_, preceded by a band of music, and afterwards offered up, were all so much in character, that could the _High Priest_, himself, of Rome been present, and beheld the charming object of their veneration, he would have mistaken her for a _Venus_, and joined the throng, with all that ardour the immediate presence of a divinity ought to inspire."--(_Morning Post, Jan. 1, 1788._)
The following advertisement from the _Morning Post_ of March 13, 1788, gives us perhaps the earliest glimmer of reform on the old tinder box, flint and steel, and matches, Lucifer Matches not being generally used till 1834:--
"For Travellers, Mariners, &c.
"Promethean Fire and Phosphorus.
"G. Watts respectfully acquaints the public, that he has prepared a large variety of machines of a portable, and durable kind, with Promethean fire, paper and match inclosed, most admirably calculated to prevent those disagreeable sensations, which frequently arise in the dreary hour of midnight, from the sudden alarm of thieves, fire, or sickness; as, by procuring an instantaneous light, the worst calamities and depredations might often be prevented in families. Experience has likewise proved this invention to be of the first utility to the traveller, mariners, and those people who frequently rise in the night-time, as they can, with one of these matches procure light instantly, without the great expence, and danger, of burning a lamp or candle."
Anything that illustrates the Social Life of "Old Times," must needs be of interest, even though, as in the accompanying engraving, the subject be painful. It is by Rowlandson, and shews, better than words can convey, the then treatment of that saddest of all human maladies--mental aberration.
Chained by the neck to a wall--scantily clothed--barefoot, and with but straw to lie on, was hardly the usage by which the alienated intellect could be restored to its proper tone--yet so it was, in too many cases, that mad people were treated: the whip, and even harsher punishment following, should they show any signs of rebellion.
"The bet of his Grace of Bedford, that Lord Barrymore will not eat a live Cat, is not without precedent on the records of sporting. On a wager of fifty pounds, a fellow who lived near the race-course of Kildare, in Ireland, devoured five fox cubs, and literally began eating each while alive. It is, however, to be observed, that the devourer was a natural fool, having been born deaf, dumb, and without a palate."--(_Morning Post, Mar. 15, 1788._)
* * * * *
"A fine topaz sold at Tenducci's sale for seven guineas; the finest in the kingdom: is the property of Mrs. More of Stockwell, and what, perhaps, would increase its value in the estimation of many people, this topaz once belonged to Queen Anne. It is near an inch in diameter, and of most uncommon brilliancy."--(_Morning Post, Ap. 17, 1788._)
That Agriculture was not neglected, we can well imagine, for England had to be almost self contained, as regarded food for her population--but few know to what a pitch of perfection sheep breeding was carried--nor the enormous prices paid for the hire of stud rams.
"Mr. Bakewell, the famous grazier, has lost one of his most remarkable rams. It was of such value, that he let it out to hire, and received £400 for the season."--(_Morning Post, Sept. 12, 1788._)
This was the far famed agriculturist. Robert Bakewell--who brought his father's famous "Dishley" sheep to such perfection, that in 1787, he let three rams, for a year, for £1250, and was offered, but refused, £1050 for twenty ewes. When we think of the difference of the value of Currency, then, and now, these prices are fairly staggering. These Dishley sheep had good qualities, they were quiet--they fattened quickly, and well--and they had small bones. But Bakewell, even in his cattle, as well as his sheep, always kept in view, what, even now, are the guiding principles in our Cattle shows--Perfection of form--the most meat from the least food--the least offal--and large joints with small bones.
"The following is a copy of a hand bill, which was a few days ago distributed in the city of Edinburgh:--
"'_Thou shalt not steal_--All persons whom it may concern are desired to take notice, that _steel traps of the largest sort_, for catching breakers of the eighth Commandment, are, every night, placed in the garden at St. Bernard's, between Stockbridge and the Water of Leith, on the North side of the water: That _spring guns_ are set to rake the Walls with shot, upon a touch of a wire; and, that a _tent, having in it an armed Watchman_, is pitched in the middle, with orders to fire without mercy.
"'If, therefore, any evil disposed unhappy person or persons, shall attempt to break into the ground of St. Bernard's, their blood be upon their own heads.
"'Of the fruit of the garden thou shalt not eat; for in the day that thou eatest thereof, thou shalt surely die,'" _Gen. 2. 27._--(_Morning Post, Sept. 17, 1788._)
"One day last week a Sub distributor of Stamps, who resides a few miles from London, and who is also a Glover, was convicted in the penalty of Eighty Pounds, before the Sitting Magistrates at the Public Office, in St. Martin's Lane, for selling Four Pair of Gloves without Stamps." Probably under 25 Geo. 3, cap. 55. (1785.)--(_Morning Post, Oct. 20, 1788._)
The following singular inscription is literally taken from a sign in the vicinity of Reading:--
"Beards taken off and registered.
"_By Isaac Fac-totum._
"Barber, Peri-wig maker, Surgeon, Parish Clerk, Scool master, and Man midwife.
"Shaves for a penne, cuts hare for toopense and oyld and powdird into the bargain--Young Ladys genteely edicated, Lamps lited by the hear or quarter. Young Gentlemen also taut their Grammer Langwage in the neetest maner and great cear takin of their Morels and Spelin--Also Saline singing and horse Shewin by the real maker! Likewise makes and mends all sorts of Butes and Shoes, Teches the Ho-boy and Jews-harp, Cuts corns bledes and blisters on the lowes Terms; Glisters and purgis at a penne apiece. Cow-tillions and other dances taut at home and abrode. Also deals holesale and retale pirfummery in all its branchis. Sells all sorts of Stationary wair twogether with blackin balls red herrins gingerbred Coles scrubbin brushes traycle mouce traps and other swetemetes.
"Likewise Godfathers Cordiel red rutes Tatoes Sassages and all other gardin stuff. N.B.--I teches joggrafy and those outlandish kind of things--A Bawl on Wensdays and Fridays all pirfomed god willin by me Isaac Factotum."--(_Morning Post, Nov. 19, 1788._)
* * * * *
"An Impromptu on Mr. Domford's Piety.
"So pious was Josiah's care He sacred would keep one day, And in the gutter threw his beer For Working on a Sunday."
--(_Morning Post, Jan. 6, 1789._)
Who can say after reading the following that our grandfathers were not a match for the Americans, at telling a "tall" story:--
"Natural History.
"A very curious incident happened near Edmonton last week, to account for which we are unable, and leave the explanation to botanical and Chirurgical professors.
"A farmer requested some lettuces from a gentleman in the neighbourhood, who permitted the farmer's maid to gather what she wanted; she gathered likewise some Cucumbers, and near them were glasses covering sensitive and humble plants, which the wench gathered as small sallad.
"The farmer eat heartily of these, and the effect was, that after dinner, tho' he is a very fat man, a slight touch from another person made him shrink at least five stone; but, towards the evening, he recovered gradually his usual bulk and weight; and, when he had evacuated the sallad and mimosa, he retained his corpulency as if nothing extraordinary had happened.
"This we insert as a caution to persons not to mix this plant with other pot herbs."--(_Morning Post, Aug. 31, 1789._)
Gillray, Oct. 4, 1791, gives us the accompanying extremely graphic illustrations--shewing the difference of behaviour at the Opera and at Church--the vivacity of the one, and the somnolence of the other.
"A Card
"Addressed to those among the female sex, whose desires are neither Romantic nor Extravagant, who stand in need and wish for such an opportunity as is now offered.
"A SINGLE GENTLEMAN who is blest with an Independence, adequate to every real comfort in life, and having none to provide for, prefers permanent friendship and protection to a Lady possessing the following requisites: age not exceeding 35, person well shaped, teeth sound and regular, good voice, a stranger to the hackneyed tricks of the town: good temper, constancy, a social disposition, engaging manners, a turn to economy, and a knowledge by experience of domestic concerns, a taste for simplicity and elegance in dress, spruce in her person, and attentive to neatness in others; free from incumbrance, affectation and unpleasant habits: a pleasing countenance, if the face should neither be beautiful nor pretty--musical talents, vocal and instrumental--and she who may be the greatest proficient on the pianoforte or harpsichord, or what is still more irresistible, the harp, if in other respects equal, will claim the preference. The Lady, of course, must be totally at her own disposal: if a native of Britain, a Knowledge of French so as to speak it fluently; if a foreigner, capable of speaking and writing the English language with ease and propriety: and both native, and foreign, habituated to the English Customs in every point of cleanliness and delicacy.
"Should she be conversant with Italian, with a genius for painting, poetry, astronomy, botany, &c., she would be the more acceptable. Not only the utmost regard to decorum will be observed upon this occasion, but that respect which the delicacy of the sex demands, shall be manifested as early as possible. He hopes, therefore, since his motives are so obvious, that those whose sentiments are congenial with his own, who mean to notice this address will do it speedily, as the Author will soon be going to the Continent on an extensive tour.
"For this and other cogent reasons, which hereafter may be specified, Principals only will be treated with. Such communications, and positively no other, as are written in the Party's own hand, at once explicit respecting situation, intention and expectation, &c., shall according to their merits be duly acknowledged, and the necessary steps in consequence will be pointed out to bring the matter with safety to an immediate issue.
"Should an object whose person, talents, and accomplishments, &c., are superior to the generality of females, be discovered with proofs of serious intention, a marriage may be the result. The want of pelf, if of a respectable connection, should with the Author, be no impediment thereto, being, with prudence, amply provided for. The Advertiser forbears saying any more of himself, than that his person, age, qualities, &c., would probably suit such a Lady as he has described: and as a well cultivated mind, united with the requisites above stated, would be preferred to the consideration of either family, or fortune, he hopes some credit will be allowed him for his good intentions.
"Letters free of postage will be received if addressed to G. A. S., at the Recorder Printing Office, No. 12 Duke St. Drury Lane."--(_Times, Feby. 7, 1793._)
* * * * *
"ELEGANT PRIZE FOR LADIES.
"Marriage Ceremonies, Science of Match-Making, Names Qualifications and Fortunes, of Heirs and Heiresses--Copious and Alphabetical List of Marriages in Great Britain and Ireland--New and Chaste Love Epistles--Matrimonial Bon Mots--Art of Tormenting--New and predominant Fashions, delineated by the Pen and Pencil,--And a new Cassino Fan, by way of reward, to the Lady who shall best answer the prize Enigma, Charade, or Puzzle.
"This day is published, price 6d, embellished with--1. Ludicrous representation of a Foreign Marriage Ceremony.--2. Exact sketches of the newest and most prevailing Male and Female Dresses.--3. A new Matrimonial Song set to Music.
Number 1. (to be continued monthly) of
"THE MATRIMONIAL MAGAZINE for January 1793. To contain, besides what is above enumerated, original Essays, Biographical Sketches, Dramatic Tales, Tales humorous and pathetic, alike calculated for the Maid, the Widow, and the Wife, the Stripling and the Greybeard. Wit will be combined with decency, and humour with sense.
"London: Printed for H. D. Symonds, No. 20 Paternoster Row."--(_Times, Feb. 15, 1793._)
* * * * *
"Advt.--BOLD STROKE FOR A WIFE.
"A person who has been six months deprived of what he calls Heaven's chiefest blessing, domestic happiness, is not ashamed of thus avowing his intention of again endeavouring to regain, by Marriage, that solid felicity he so much regrets the loss of, and hopes this way to become acquainted with some Maiden Lady, who has a soul superior to vulgar prejudices, and who will venture to go a little out of the beaten road, in order to form a truly rational plan for that sociable happiness which is only to be found in the Marriage State. The writer of this has no children, his age is between 40 and 50: he has acquired, by trade, £20,000, has a house at the West end of the town, another in Kent, and a Coach to take him from one to the other: so that he thinks himself deserving of a Lady of equal fortune: the more so, as he will permit her to make it over to herself or her relations: and if she should not possess more than half that sum, 'he'd ne'er quarrel for that.'--A line, addressed to W. W., No. 32 Snow Hill, by any Lady, or her friends, will be considered as a mark of good sense, and treated with the respect that is due from a man of sense to the fair sex."--(_Times, March 10, 1794._)
* * * * *
Advt.--"Matrimony. A Gentleman of small independent Fortune, occupying a Farm in a retired Part of the Country, within 20 miles South West of London, takes this public method of addressing any Lady, who may feel happy, and disposed to place herself under the protection of such a person. He is a Widower, 28 years of age, with an only child, who is amply provided for. On the part of the Lady, it will be expected that her person be fair, her mind amiable, and well-informed, her disposition feminine. In return, the conduct of the Gentleman will be found to be in every respect manly, honourable, and sincere. A line by way of introduction, addressed to Mr. Amiens, Epsom, will be paid every attention to, and it is particularly entreated, that no other, but of the above description, will give themselves that trouble."--(_Times, Novr. 26, 1798._)
The French were very badly off for clothing, and as war was on the very eve of commencement--(diplomatic relations between the two Countries having ceased, and the French already having begun open hostilities)--clothing, naturally, was considered "Contraband of War:" hence the following:--
"A vessel loaded with cloathing, to the amount of £120,000, was on Tuesday stopped in the River. She was bound to a port in France."--(_Times, Feb. 7, 1793._)
* * * * *
"The Earl of Bute's grand Orrery was sold yesterday for the trifling sum of sixty guineas, and the celebrated annual clock, regulating the revolutionary movements of two globes, and of an orrery for twenty-six guineas."--(_Times, Feb. 9, 1793._)
* * * * *
"Tuesday as Mrs. Fitzherbert, (George 4th's wife) attended by Miss Bell Pigott, was riding in her carriage in Pall Mall, the carriage of Colonel Strickland came in close contact with that of the ladies, by which they were both overturned.
"On Mrs. Fitzherbert and Miss Bell Pigott's overturn--
"What ups and downs a Woman feels In almost every station; Down went our Heads, up came our Heels 'Talk of a Coronation!!!'
"COETERA DESUNT."
--(_Times, Feb. 28, 1793._)
* * * * *
"On the late INUNDATION in OLD PALACE YARD.
"On one side Duke Norfolk[20] pushed forward with strife For he never liked Water throughout his whole life."
[Footnote 20: He was notorious for his drinking propensities.]
--(_Times, March 1, 1793._)
* * * * *
"The Duke of Norfolk is attacked by the _Hydrophobia_, he can't bear the sight of _water_. His Physicians have prescribed Wine. The Marquis of _Stafford_, Marquis of _Bath_, and Lord _Thurlow_ who were present, sanctified this prescription with their most hearty consent."--(_Times, Feb. 17, 1794._)
* * * * *
"_A new way to travel expeditiously and safely._
"The Duke of Luxembourg, wishing to return to his family at _Lisbon_, and being apprehensive of going in one of the common packets, which, if taken by the French, would probably cost him his life, lately applied to Lord Chatham, for a passage in an English frigate going to Lisbon. His Lordship very obligingly acquiesced, and a few days since the Duke sailed in her from Portsmouth. It turns out, however, that this frigate has been ordered to _cruise for six weeks_ before she makes for Lisbon: and thus is the unfortunate Duke exposed to the risk of the elements and the hazard of an engagement, from having employed his influence to procure a _safe passage_."--(_Times, May. 10, 1793._)
* * * * *
"There was a rapid trade between Birmingham and France, of base coin, carried from the former to the latter in Folkstone vessels, and with this coin great part of the Army was paid, but the whole is now stopped, and the French Soldiers are paid in paper."--(_Times, May 10, 1793._)
* * * * *
"The Duke of Bedford has just completed at Wooburn a Dog-Kennel, that far exceeds his Grace of Richmond's in all points of extent and magnificence: independently of the immense suite of canine apartments, it has _baths_, _coffee rooms_, _billiard room_, &c., and in the centre is a most spacious _riding house_, &c., for the equestrian amusement of his friends in bad weather."--(_Times, Jan. 31, 1794._)
* * * * *
"We know not the Nobleman or Gentleman alluded to lately in the House of Commons, as contracting at £800 a year for supplying his Dog-Kennel; but we have heard it said on very good authority, that there are two kennels, not far from Brighton, in Sussex, which cost very little short of this sum. The Duke of Bedford's Dog-Kennel is a mere nothing to either of those alluded to."--(_Times, April 13, 1796._)
* * * * *
"THE FUNERAL!!
"It was not a Tom Cat, for its melodious squalls plainly proved it had long been qualified for the Opera.--It was, however, a prodigious favourite with its Mistress. Long had it lived upon the fat of the land, in Charlotte St., Queen Anne St., where it took great care of Number One! For the space of six years and three months did its Mistress indulge it with 'Rivers of Milk;' and besides it was a sad Cat, for the matter of that, in skimming the cream off everything worth skimming. But as Cats, though they may have nine lives, are not immortal, poor Ralph fell sick and died--without giving time even for a consultation of Physicians! His Mistress, after the first transports of grief were subsided, sent for a Surgeon, who opened the body. He reported that poison was not the cause, as suspected, of his death, but that he was literally killed with kindness. In plain English, he died of a Plethora, for he was fat at heart.