Part 1

Transcriber’s Notes

Obvious typographical errors have been silently corrected, but period spelling remains unchanged. Quotation marks around dialogue was absent in some paragraphs and has been corrected.

Italics are represented thus _italic_ and underline thus +underline+.

MUSICAL TRAVELS

THROUGH

ENGLAND.

BY

JOEL COLLIER, ORGANIST.

Nam, adhuc per domum, aut hortos cecinerat; quos ut parùm celebres, et tantæ voci angustos, spernebat. Non tamen ROMÆ incipere ausus. T A C.

LONDON:

Printed for G. +KEARSLY+, in Fleet-street. M. DCC. LXXIV.

(Price One Shilling.)

TO THE

GOVERNORS of the HOSPITAL for the Maintenance and Education of exposed and deserted young Children.

GENTLEMEN,

_While I was extracting the following sheets from my voluminous Journal, and connecting them together as accurately as I was able, in order to present the Public with a Specimen of my laborious investigation of the present state of_ MUSIC _in this my native country, I was somewhat at a loss to whom I could with most propriety inscribe my work. Whether to_ DOCTOR BURNEY_, as the original inventor of this species of composition, and the first musical traveller of our nation, to whom I stand so much indebted for the plan, and conduct of my book, and of whom I might truly say in his own words, “that he has long been my_ magnus Apollo_:”—or whether I was in duty bound to pay homage to the King of_ Prussia_, as the greatest_ Dilettante _performer of the age; who, I suppose, at this present writing, like another_ Nero_, is playing his new_ Solfeggi _to the dying groans of the obstinate_ Dantziggers_;—or whether I ought not to call forth from his obscurity that venerable Judge, who contented with less ambitious pleasures, cultivates the fine arts by humbler and modester, but not less curious experiments, and amuses the leisure hours of a long vacation in_ caponizing blackbirds[1]_; or whether I should not do well to express my gratitude, and that of the nation, to the honourable Directors of our Opera, for having at last condescended to permit an_ Englishwoman _to be called_ Signora_, and by virtue of that title to share some of the princely incomes which have been hitherto lavished on_ Italians_, and which, I dare say, those worthy Noblemen and Gentlemen would as readily bestow upon_ EnglishMEN_, if they would but consent to be properly_ qualified. _This dilemma, however, was at an end, as soon as I learnt, that Dr._ Burney_, and Signor_ Giardini_, had, under your authority, just founded a school for music (in imitation, I suppose, of the Italian_ Conservatorios_) in the_ FOUNDLING HOSPITAL_, where about an hundred of such poor children, as have hitherto been placed out to trades and services, in which they had no opportunity of making_ a noise _in the world, are, in future, to be trained to harmony from their infancy, and constantly employed in the study of music; ’till in process of time they take their regular degrees as_ Doctors_, and_ Doctoresses _of music, and come forth, sufficiently accomplished (as they must be under such masters,) to form the national taste, by the true_ Italian _standard. When I was informed of this event, I hailed the happy omen, the dawn of an_ Augustan æra_; and resolved to offer my tribute of congratulation and applause, and to dedicate this work to a set of gentlemen, who have so distinguished their zeal for the interest and advancement of music. Perhaps it will at first appear a bold undertaking in the guardians of deserted orphans, chiefly supported by parliamentary grants of public money, to declare, that they cannot be maintained by the public for a more useful purpose, than to be taught to sing and play_ Italian _airs. For men of narrow and contrasted minds, who have neither_ ear_, nor_ voice_, nor_ hand_, will still imagine, that it might prove of more national utility, to breed these adopted children of the public, to Husbandry, Navigation, &c. the objects of their original destination; than to convert one of the noblest of our public charities into a nursery for the supply of musical performers at our Theatres, gardens, and hops.—But this is a vulgar prejudice. The improvement of the fine arts ought to be the first object of public attention in an age of luxury,_ PEACE_, and plenty, like the present; when we have rivalled the_ Italians _in music, it will be time enough to think of our navy, and our agriculture. We have already (to our shame be it spoken,) better sailors than fiddlers, and more farmers than_ contrapuntists_. But as I take this circumstance to arise entirely from the different degree of encouragement those occupations have hitherto received; I do not despair of seeing the reverse take place, when gentlemen of your rank deign to stand forward, and correct the errors of the public, by the influence and sanction of your example. Should any obstacles arise to impede the immediate execution of your plan, from some obsolete but unrepealed parliamentary restrictions, doubtless the same legislators who so readily expended the public money in the purchase of Sir_ William Hamilton_’s_ collection _of antique vases, and_ Etruscan _rarities, will not only repeal any former act which may stand in your way; but rejoice in a fresh opportunity of displaying their fine taste and love of the arts, by laying an additional tax upon such of the necessaries of life as are not already overloaded, in order to raise a competent sum for the purchase of the best_ Cremonas_, and other instruments which can be procured on the continent, for the service of your_ Academia_. I have only to add, gentlemen, that if upon a perusal of the following sheets you shall find, as I am persuaded you will, that my travels are also[2] in some measure, a matter of national concern; I hope you will be kind enough to second my intended application to parliament, that the charges of my future expeditions may be defrayed at the public expence. This, gentlemen, may be done by a very short clause; and as it will enable me to pursue my enquiries with spirit, credit, and success, will lay a lasting obligation upon,_

_Gentlemen,_

_Your very obedient,_

_and devoted humble Servant,_

JOEL COLLIER.

[1] Vide the last Vol. of the _Philosophical Transactions_.

[2]—“He was the first who seemed to think my journey was, in some measure, a matter of national concern.” TOUR TO GERMANY, &c.

MUSICAL TRAVELS, _&c._

I was born in the Parish of _Gotham_, in the county of _Nottingham_: my father was a sawyer, and my mother had, for many years before her marriage, cried oysters and Newcastle-salmon about the streets of London. Neither of them are said to have been remarkable for their vocal or instrumental talents. My mother’s voice was, indeed, exceedingly shrill and dissonant, as I have been credibly informed by the neighbours; however, I was no sooner born than I gave proofs of uncommon musical propensities. I entered the world, singing, instead of crying; at least, my squall was truly melodious, and ravished the ears of the midwife; tho’, I must confess, the envious old hag of a nurse did pretend that my mother and Mrs. _Midnight_ mistook the origin of the wild notes I uttered as soon as I saw the light; and, insisting that they only denoted the wind-cholic, immediately drenched me with a large dose of rhubarb: however, she has candidly confessed, that she easily sang me to sleep whenever I was peevish, and that even by means of such simple melody as _Jack Sprat_, or _hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle_. A harsh and menacing recitative would as effectually deter me from a naughty trick, as a good whipping. The sound of a drum, or any other martial music, had such an immediate effect upon my nerves, that I was always obliged to be turned dry before the piece was half over. The famous _March in Saul_ is too powerful for me even at this day, tho’ I can stand any other, without being offensive. Indeed, I am so well convinced of the connection between the sound and the sense in all good music, that I will venture to prescribe _Handel’s water-piece_, and _water parted from the sea_, as specifics for a strangury. I know that there is great truth in what _Shakespear_ says of the bag-pipe; and I have observed that a jockey always whistles to his horse upon these occasions, which never fails to produce great effects, tho’ the performer want brilliancy of execution ever so much.

One of the first circumstances I myself can recollect in my early years, was the great pleasure I took in hearing a blind boy play tunes on a bladder of air press’d between a bow-stick and its string. The Jew’s-harp next engaged my attention; and afterwards the bag-pipe and bassoon. Indeed I do remember having been told by my Grandmother, that whilst I was yet in coats, I took vast delight in pinching the tails of the Parson’s litter of pigs, and would listen to their various notes and tones from the _f_ sharp of the whine of the least of the family, quite down to the _b_ flat of the boar himself. This, with my attention to my coral and bells, and rattle, singing thro’ a comb and brown paper, together with the great expertness I afterwards shew’d in making whistles of reeds, and the recent bark of sycamore twigs, made the oldest people of the parish foretel, that I should one day or other become a great and celebrated Musician.

My taste for the sister art of music, Poetry, was likewise, as I am inform’d, observed very early in my childhood; as I always held my mouth wide open, when the Psalm was sang at our Parish-Church; and soon was able to repeat without book a great part of _Sternhold_ and _Hopkins_’s excellent version of that great Dilettanti performer on the harp, King _David_’s pieces.

Having been well inform’d that the infancy, and indeed the riper years of the great Mus. D. or musical Doctor (whom I call, _par excellence_, DR. MUS) passed in much the same manner, and with similar expectations from all the old ladies of his acquaintance; and having observed with what _eclat_, and indeed universal approbation of all people of taste, his ingenious account of his ingenious travels has been received, I conceived a design of following so illustrious an example, and travelling through the dominions of _England_, _Scotland_ and _Ireland_, with the town of _Berwick_ upon _Tweed_, to give a true state of the musical improvement and progression in these kingdoms; and hope I may flatter myself, that the Dr. himself will applaud my undertaking, and consider it as a proper supplement to his elaborate work.

Before I set forwards on my travels, I chose to change my name from _Collier_ to _Coglioni_ or _Collioni_, as more euphonious; and on the first of April, having torn myself from the arms of my weeping wife, and four small children, I put my bassoon into a green-bag, and slung it across my shoulders; my large violoncello was laid on my knee as I sat in the waggon, and my clothes, with a bottle of brandy and some biscuits, were pack’d up in the viol-case. As I was neither patronized, nor franked on my tour by any Dilettanti Lord, I must confess the low state of my circumstances, and the poverty in which I had left my family, cast a damp on my spirits; but this was always soon dissipated by an air on the violoncello, and by recollecting the great advantages my travels, to enquire into the state of music in this island, would be to my dear native country, and the fame and glory I should acquire by the publication of my work, perhaps only inferior to that of the great Dr. _Mus_ himself.

Inspir’d by taste, o’er lands and seas HE flew, Europe he saw, and Europe saw him too. Thro’ lands of singing, or of dancing slaves, Love-echoing woods, and lute-resounding waves. O while along the stream of time, that name Expanded flies, and gathers all its fame; Say, shall my little bark attendant sail, Pursue the triumph and partake the gale?—

LINCOLN.

Thus occasionally consoling myself, the waggon arrived at the famous and ancient city of _Lincoln_. My first visit was to a young lady of high musical acquirements. She received me with a most bewitching air, which she sang to her guittar, for she had heard of my fame at _Gotham_, and was not unapprized of my ambulatory design: her name was originally _Fernihough_, but she had long dropped the _hough_ at the end of it, as gothic and inharmonious. Thus she saluted me:

“Dear Collioni, Collioni, Collioni; Dear, dear, dear, Collioni; Happy, happy, Gotham, Gotham; Gotham, Gotham, happy Gotham.”

I could only bow and smile in answer to this compliment, (which indeed, tho’ very elegant, I did not conceive was above my merits,) as I had not an extempore sonnet ready made to answer it.

Then taking my hand with a delightful air, she introduced me to Dr. _Dilettanti_, a most illustrious timeist; he sat musing and beating with his foot, and took hold of, and quitted my hand in the same portion of time, which he measured by the pulsations of his foot.

“Excuse,” said he, “illustrious _Collioni_, the measured mode of my gestures in saluting you; but I have long accustomed myself to measure out the parts of time on a variety of sounding instruments, and have at length introduced it into all the motions of my body. At my house, sir, you will learn to cut your meat, and move your jaws at dinner in common or triple time, according to the instruments that accompany our meals.——By dealing the cards at quadrille, how easy it is to judge if the party has an ear!——yonder gentleman who comes towards our window, see how he swings his arms in exact time, true as the pendulum of a clock. I can assure you, sir, he is great on the violoncello. My dear wife says, the conjugal endearments are doubly improved, if a husband is a good timeist. She approves of triple time; and on this account I formerly had a servant who play’d in our bed-room every Sunday night, ’till we slept. And since I became one of the _castrati_, I have acquired the habit of making water at intervals in the truest time like a pig; and may say, that I believe for exactness of ear, that I am not exceeded by any modern musician.”

On this, this great man took up a Jew’s harp that lay by him, and with a twing, twang, twong, moving his finger across his lips, and making faces in the most exact time, he fetched out such prurient harmony, as ravished my very soul, and threw sweet Miss _Ferni_ into the most agreeable convulsions.

During our dinner, two of the Doctor’s servants entertained us with many excellent and solemn pieces of music. Indeed, I was so solicitous to cut and eat my meat in true time, as I thought my character depended on this circumstance, that I unfortunately cut my lips, so that the blood much terrified me; and sweet Miss _Ferni_ was so earnestly attending to the fiddlers, that on their suddenly changing the time from _adagio_ to _sestina_, she swallowed the ivory spoon out of a mustard pot; which, as it stuck across her throat, I am sure must have given that excellent young lady exquisite pain, yet did she cough, and even vomit repeatedly in most accurate time, and screamed from fear most harmoniously through the whole gamut, from _a_ to _g_ inclusively, long after the spoon was restored to its place.

SHEFFIELD.

Dr. _Dilettanti_ was so kind as to make me a present of a place in the stage coach to _Sheffield_ in my road to _York_, that I might inquire into the present state of the music of that city and cathedral. Amongst the other passengers, was a gentleman of a grave aspect; who, from his not attending to me at the inn, when I play’d a most inchanting solo on my hautboy, appear’d at first to have no ears, but on further conversation I found him a most agreeable companion. He cry’d up the ingenuity of the _Sheffield_ manufacturers, and told me of a new musical instrument, more complicate, he thought, and louder than an organ. The next day he was so good as to accompany me to hear this new organic instrument. The first thing I could observe was a number of iron pipes, and a water wheel to work the large bellows, like that organ of which there is a print in _Kempleri Musurgia_. When the wheel was in motion, I observed many of the notes higher than in any organ I had ever heard; and was told, that these ingenious people had found the only way to produce these was, by boring gun-barrels: to these a symphony was adduced by files which cut the teeth of large saws, and the mellow tones of two great hammers, which at intervals struck on large pieces of red-hot iron, made a more tremendous and affecting concert, than all the mingled whittles of _Cecilia_’s organ.

Having paid a shilling to the performers of this stupendous piece of harmony, at which my grave companion seem’d much delighted, and listen’d to my remarks upon it with the greatest avidity and approbation; “Signior _Collioni_,” says he, “your observations inchant me; the most antient music, as you well explain, was made with hammers beating upon anvils, as invented by _Tubal Cain_, and practised in the shop of his successor, _Vulcan_, tho’ _Saturn_ is thought to have been the first of the _castrati_.—But this invention was not compleat, Signior _Collioni_, it was not compleat, till this excellent treble made by boring guns, and cutting saws was added.—It is now become the true antient, celebrated, long-lost, and long-deplored chromatic, which that _Heathen_, _Plato_, who had doubtless ass’s ears, expelled from his artificial commonwealth.”

“Doubtless you are right in your conjectures,” reply’d I, “Mr. _Hummings_, (for that was my kind companion’s name) it was music like this, which could disenchant the moon, and make trees and stones dance _allemands_. Would you believe it, Mr. _Hummings_, I once cured a girl bit with a tarantula myself with this simple bassoon?

“_Trut, turrut, phub, phub, bush!_—This was the air, Mr. _Hummings_, you shall hear it——_trut, turrut, phub, phub, bush_:—the girl rising from her melancholy attitude, danced till the sweat ran down to the hem of her scarlet petticoat; and after I had presented her with a bit of money, became so lively as to strip herself like King _David_, and danced like a _Heinel_. I can assure you, Mr. _Hummings_, I drove away the evil spirit, and cured her of her tarantulism that night.

“Not unlike this, is a fact recorded by the divine _Homer_. _Ulysses_ had a large rent made in his thigh by a wild boar,—a terrible animal, Mr. _Hummings_:—well, and what happen’d?—why, he only sent for the town-waits, and after the first bar or two were play’d, the blood stopp’d; and as the fiddles proceeded, the wound contracted, and by the time they had finished _Alley Croaker_, _Moggy Lauder_, and _A lovely Lass to a Fryar came_, (which are all antient _Greek_ tunes, sir,) the wound was quite healed, and the cicatrix as smooth as the back of my hand.”

During this conversation, an unfortunate accident had happened near us. One of the performers on the hammer and iron by a fall had broken his leg. A surgeon was sent for with all dispatch, but Mr. _Hummings_ said I had as well try the effect of the bassoon upon him; and pointing to me, told the people that they need seek no farther, for I was superior to any surgeon. Upon this, untying my green bag, the man cry’d out, he begg’d no instruments might be used. “No, (says I,) none but a musical instrument.” So I began with a gentle blast, and played and sung alternately,—“_You’ll ne’er go the sooner to the Stygian Ferry. Let not your noble spirits be cast down, but drink, drink, drink, and be merry._”—“Give me some ale, (cries the wounded man) I like this, Doctor.” Afterward I blew till I nearly had burst my cheeks, and then sung, _If ’tis joy to wound a lover_; but the bone would not knit:—indeed I could not make it knit at all—and I don’t believe, as Mr. _Hummings_ said, that if Dr. _Mus_ himself, and all the musicians of Britain, fiddlers, violoncellos, double violoncellos, trumpets, and trumpet-marinos, together with every _Maestro di Capella_ in _Italy_ had been present, they could have made this bone knit—which, I suppose, was owing to the scorbutic habit of body of the patient; indeed, Mr. _Hummings_ attributed it entirely to this cause; for the blood stopped before I had finished the first song.

YORK.

Nothing worth remark occur’d in my journey from hence to _York_; but at my approach to this celebrated city, my heart leapt for joy as soon as I beheld the towers of the cathedral; here, says I, I shall be much caressed and followed, I dare believe, as there are so many of the _Dilettanti_ who reside within the precincts of this antient seat of music and superstition. This letter, says I, is of inestimable value, taking it from my pocket, and reading the direction, “For that incomparable Musician and Antiquarian, Dr. _Hiccup_;” doubtless he will pay great attention to his friends at _Lincoln_, who have honoured me with it. The footman shewed me into an elegant parlour, where there was a clock with chimes, so contrived that St. _Peter_, St. _Paul_, and the _Virgin Mary_ were seen striking alternately on the bells, and by a sweet trio announced every hour of the day. Dr. _Hiccup_ was, it seems, at his devotions, which he always performed in imitation of that great and devout musician, King _David_. He was a tall, boney figure, with a swarthy complexion, and blear eyes. As I sat down he took no notice of me, but continued dancing with a harp in his hand, without his breeches, and with his night-gown and shirt tucked up above his waist; and as he turned his brown posteriors this way and that, in the gyrations of the dance, all the women and children that were looking in through the window of his parlour, giggled, and made faces, and shewed variety of indecent gesticulations and noises. None of these, however, interrupted the devotions of this great man.

Never were such charming tunes elicited from mortal harp, _Cambrian_ or _Eolic!_ the dance was Devotion itself in human form! After a little refreshment, this illustrious Musician condescended to entertain me with several interesting particulars of the manner of his life, which I begg’d leave to copy in my pocket book in his presence.

He rose every morning, when his chime-clock struck eleven, (for, like the famous _Chevalier Gluck_, he is too great a genius to rise early) and generally gaped all the time his lady was putting on his breeches. For breakfast he always eat rolls and butter, whether in summer or winter; and after his breakfast paid a visit to _Cloacina_, but assured me he never used old music books on this occasion on any account. He retired to rest about ten, and seldom fail’d once in a month to compliment his lady for undressing him.

He communicated many other particulars to me of less moment, and was so obliging at length to beg I would treat him with an air or two on the bassoon.

I thought this a good opportunity to give him a specimen of my poetic talents, as well as of my musical ones, and performed the following song, which I composed at _Gotham_ several years ago.

“Some came in a waggon, and some in a cart; And many there were that did nothing but f—t: Oh rare _Nottingham_ town, _Nottingham_ town! _Nottingham_ town; Oh rare _Nottingham_ town!”

The sweetness of the notes on my bassoon, an instrument whose tone is so like the sound it was to represent, ravished his ears, which he hung quite down on each shoulder, during the whole time of my performance.