Part 1
STANDARD ELOCUTIONARY BOOKS
=FIVE-MINUTE READINGS FOR YOUNG LADIES.= Selected and adapted by WALTER K. FOBES. Cloth. 50 cents.
=FIVE-MINUTE DECLAMATIONS.= Selected and adapted by WALTER K. FOBES, teacher of elocution and public reader; author of "Elocution Simplified." Cloth. 50 cents.
=FIVE-MINUTE RECITATIONS.= By WALTER K. FOBES. Cloth. 50 cents.
Pupils in public schools on declamation days are limited to five minutes each for the delivery of "pieces." There is a great complaint of the scarcity of material for such a purpose, while the injudicious pruning of eloquent extracts has often marred the desired effects. To obviate these difficulties, new "Five-Minute" books have been prepared by a competent teacher.
=ELOCUTION SIMPLIFIED.= With an appendix on Lisping, Stammering, and other Impediments of Speech. By WALTER K. FOBES, graduate of the "Boston School of Oratory." 16mo. Cloth. 50 cents. Paper, 30 cents.
"The whole art of elocution is succinctly set forth in this small volume, which might be judiciously included among the text-books of schools."--_New Orleans Picayune._
=ADVANCED READINGS AND RECITATIONS.= By AUSTIN B. FLETCHER, A.M., LL.B., Professor of Oratory, Brown University, and Boston University School of Law. This book has been already adopted in a large number of Universities, Colleges, Post-graduate Schools of Law and Theology, Seminaries, etc. 12mo. Cloth. $1.50.
"Professor Fletcher's noteworthy compilation has been made with rare rhetorical judgment, and evinces a sympathy for the best forms of literature, adapted to attract readers and speakers, and mould their literary taste."--PROF. J. W. CHURCHILL, _Andover Theological Seminary_.
=THE COLUMBIAN SPEAKER.= Consisting of choice and animated pieces for declamation and reading. By LOOMIS J. CAMPBELL, and ORIN ROOT, Jun. 16mo. Cloth. 75 cents.
Mr. Campbell, as one of the editors of "Worcester's Dictionaries," the popular "Franklin Readers," and author of the successful little work, "Pronouncing Hand-Book of 3,000 Words," is well known as a thorough scholar. Mr. Root is an accomplished speaker and instructor in the West, and both, through experience knowing the need of such a work, are well qualified to prepare it. _It is a genuine success._
=VOCAL AND ACTION-LANGUAGE, CULTURE AND EXPRESSION.= By E. N. KIRBY, teacher of elocution in the Lynn High Schools. 12mo. English cloth binding. Price, $1.25.
"Teachers and students of the art of public speaking, in any of its forms, will be benefited by a liberal use of this practical hand-book."--_Prof. Churchill._
=KEENE'S SELECTIONS.= Selection for reading and elocution. A hand-book for teachers and students. By J. W. KEENE, A.M., M.D. Cloth. $1.
"An admirable selection of practical pieces."
=LITTLE PIECES FOR LITTLE SPEAKERS.= The primary school teacher's assistant. By a practical teacher. 16mo. Illustrated. 75 cents. Also in boards, 50 cents. Has had an immense sale.
=THE MODEL SUNDAY-SCHOOL SPEAKER.= Containing selections in prose and verse, from the most popular pieces and dialogues for Sunday-school exhibitions. Illust. Cloth. 75 cents. Boards, 50 cents "A book very much needed."
LEE AND SHEPARD Publishers Boston
_BAKER'S DIALECT SERIES_
MEDLEY DIALECT RECITATIONS
COMPRISING A SERIES OF
THE MOST POPULAR SELECTIONS
In German, French, and Scotch
EDITED BY
GEORGE M. BAKER
COMPILER OF "THE READING CLUB AND HANDY SPEAKER," "THE PREMIUM SPEAKER," "THE POPULAR SPEAKER," "THE PRIZE SPEAKER," "THE HANDY SPEAKER," ETC.
BOSTON LEE AND SHEPARD, PUBLISHERS NEW YORK CHARLES T. DILLINGHAM 1888
COPYRIGHT, 1887,
BY GEORGE M. BAKER.
MEDLEY DIALECT RECITATIONS.
RAND AVERY COMPANY, ELECTROTYPERS AND PRINTERS, BOSTON.
CONTENTS
PAGE
Hans Breitmann's Party _Charles G. Leland_ 5
The Deutsch Maud Muller _Carl Pretzel_ 6
The Dutchman's Serenade 7
Dyin' Vords of Isaac _Anon._ 9
Lookout Mountain, 1863--Beutelsbach, _George L. Catlin_ 10 1880
Der Shoemaker's Poy 12
Der Drummer _Charles F. Adams_ 13
The Yankee and the Dutchman's Dog 14
Setting a Hen 16
"What's the Matter with that _Our Fat Contributor_ 17 Nose?"
Keepin' the De'il oot _Mrs. Findley Braden_ 19
The Puzzled Census-Taker _John G. Saxe_ 22
Dutch Security 23
The Frenchman and the Rats 24
Heinz von Stein _Charles G. Leland, from the German_ 26
The Solemn Book-Agent _Detroit Free Press_ 27
The Mother-in-Law _Charles Follen Adams_ 28
Schneider's Tomatoes _Charles F. Adams_ 29
Dutch Humor 30
Squire Houston's Marriage Ceremony 31
Dot Delephone 31
The United Order of Half-Shells 33
Why no Scotchmen go to Heaven 35
Yawcob Strauss _C. F. Adams_ 36
Leedle Yawcob Strauss--what he says _Arthur Dakin_ 37
Isaac Rosenthal on the Chinese Question _Scribner's Monthly_ 38
"Der Dog und der Lobster" _Saul Sertrew_ 39
"Der Wreck of der Hezberus" 41
Signs and Omens 43
A Dutchman's Answer 44
The Vay Rube Hoffenstein sells 45
A Dutch Recruiting Officer 46
Dot Baby off Mine 47
Dot Leetle Tog under der Vagon 49
Schnitzerl's Velocipede _Hans Breitmann_ 50
The Latest Barbarie Frietchie 51
Mr. Hoffenstein's Bugle 52
Fritz and his Betsy fall out _George M. Warren_ 54
Cut, Cut Behind _Charles Follen Adams_ 57
Tickled all Oafer 58
An Error o' Judgment 59
Sockery Kadahcut's Kat 61
I vash so Glad I vash Here! 63
Dot Shly Leedle Raskel 64
A Jew's Trouble _Hurwood_ 65
Der Mule shtood on der Steamboad Deck _Anon._ 66
Teaching him the Business 67
Der Good-lookin Shnow 69
How Jake Schneider went Blind 71
The Dutchman and the Raven 72
The Dutchman who gave Mrs. Scudder the Small-Pox 74
Ellen McJones Aberdeen _W. S. Gilbert_ 76
A Dutch Sermon 78
Shacob's Lament 79
Mr. Schmidt's Mistake _Charles F. Adams_ 81
John and Tibbie Davison's Dispute _Robert Leighton_ 82
Fritz und I _Charles F. Adams_ 84
A Tussle with Immigrants _Philip Douglass_ 86
A Doketor's Drubbles _George M. Warren_ 86
Charlie Machree _William J. Hoppin_ 90
A Dutchman's Dolly Varden _Anon._ 91
The Frenchmen and the Flea-Powder 92
The Frenchman and the Sheep's Trotters 94
I vant to Fly 96
The Frenchman's Mistake 98
"Two Tollar?" _Detroit Free Press_ 100
A Frenchman on Macbeth _Anon._ 101
Like Mother used to Make _James Whitcomb Riley, in New-York Mercury_ 101
John Chinaman's Protest 102
The Whistler 104
Mother's Doughnuts _Charles Follen Adams_ 105
Over the Left _W. C. Dornin_ 106
A Jolly Fat Friar 107
The Enoch of Calaveras _F. Bret Harte_ 107
Curly-Head _B. S. Brooks_ 109
Warning to Woman 111
An Exciting Contest 112
A Laughing Philosopher 114
In der Shweed Long Ago _Oofty Gooft_ 117
Dot Stupporn Pony _Harry Woodson_ 118
Spoopendyke opening Oysters _Stanley Huntley_ 119
To a Friend studying German _Charles Godfrey Leland_ 122
Tammy's Prize 124
The Scotchman at the Play 128
An Irish Love-Letter _Geo. M. Baker_ 133
MEDLEY DIALECT RECITATIONS.
HANS BREITMANN'S PARTY.
Hans Breitmann gife a party: dey had piano playin'. I felled in lofe mit a Merican frau; her name vos Matilda Yane. She had haar as prown as a pretzel bun; her eyes were himmel-blue; And ven she looket into mine she shplit mine heart into two.
Hans Breitmann gife a party: I vent dar, you'll be pound. I valzt mit der Matilda Yane, and vent shpinnin' round and round,-- De pootiest fraulein in de house: she weighed two hoondert pound.
Hans Breitmann gife a party: I tells you it cost him dear. Dey rollt in more as seven kegs of foost-rate lager-bier; And fenefer dey knocks de shpickets in, de Deutschers gife a cheer; I dinks so fine a party not come to a hend dis year.
Hans Breitmann gife a party: dere all vas Saus and Braus. Ven de sooper coom in, de gompany did make demselfs to house; Dey eat das Brod und Gansebrust, Bratwurst, und Broten fine, And vash deir Abendessen down mit four barrels of Neckar wein.
Hans Breitmann gife a party: ve all cot trunk as pigs. I put mine mout' to a parrel of bier, and schwallowed up mit a schwigs. And den I kissed Matilda Yane, and she schlog me on de kop; And de gompany fight mit taple-legs till de conshtoble made us shtop.
Hans Breitmann gife a party: vere is dat party now? Vere is de lofely golten cloud dat float on de mountain's prow? Vere is de Himmelstrahlende Stern, de star of de spirits' light? All goned afay mit de lager-bier, afay in de Ewigkeit.
CHARLES G. LELAND.
THE DEUTSCH MAUD MULLER.
Maud Muller, von summer afternoon, Vas dending bar in her fadder's saloon. She solt dot bier, und singed "Shoo Fly," Und vinked at der men mit her lefd eye. But, ven she looked oud on der shdreed, Und saw dem gals all dressed so shweed, Her song gifed oud on a ubber note, Cause she had such a horse in her troat; Und she vished she had shdamps to shpend, So she might git such a Grecian Bend. Hans Brinker valked shlowly down der shdreed, Shmilin at all der gals he'd meed. Old Hans vas rich, as I've been dold, Had houses und lots und a barrel of gold. He shdopped py der door; und pooty soon He valked righd indo dot bier saloon. Und he vinked ad Maud, und said, "My dear, Gif me, if you pblease, a glass of bier." She vend to the pblace vere der bier-keg shtood, Und pringed him a glass dot vas fresh and goot. "Dot's goot," said Hans: "dot's a better drink As effer I had in mine life, I dink." He dalked for a vhile, den said, "Goot tay;" Und up der shdreed he took his vay. Maud hofed a sigh, and said, "Oh, how I'd like to been dot old man's frow! Such shplendid close I den vood vear, Dot all the gals around vood shdare. In dot Union Park I'd drive all tay, Und efery efenin go to der pblay." Hans Brinker, doo, felt almighty gweer (But dot might been von trinkin bier); Und he says to himself, as he valked along Humming der dune of a olt lofe-song, "Dot's der finest gal I efer did see; Und I vish dot my vife she cood be." But here his solilligwy came to an end, As he dinked of der gold dot she might shbend; Und he maked up his mind dot, as for him, He'd marry a gal mid lots of "din." So he vent right off dot fery day, Und married a vooman olt und gray. He vishes now, but all in vain, Dot he was free to marry again,-- Free as he vas dat afdernoon, When he met Maud Muller in dot bier-saloon. Maud married a man mitoud some "soap;" He vas lazy, too; bud she did hope Dot he'd get bedder ven shildren came: But ven they had, he vas yoost the same. Und ofden now dem dears vill come As she sits alone ven her day's work's done, Und dinks of der day ven Hans called her "My dear," Und asked her for a glass of bier; But she don'd complain nor efer has: Und oney says, "Dot coodn't vas."
CARL PRETZEL.
THE DUTCHMAN'S SERENADE.
Vake up, my schveet! Vake up, my lofe! Der moon dot can't been seen abofe. Vake oud your eyes, und dough it's late, I'll make you oud a serenate.
Der shtreet dot's kinder dampy vet, Und dhere vas no goot blace to set; My fiddle's getting oud of dune, So blease get vakey wery soon.
O my lofe! my lofely lofe! Am you avake ub dhere abofe, Feeling sad und nice to hear Schneider's fiddle schrabin near?
Vell, anyvay, obe loose your ear, Und try to saw if you kin hear From dem bedclose vat you'm among, Der little song I'm going to sung:
* * * * *
O lady, vake! Get vake! Und hear der tale I'll tell; Oh, you vot's schleebin' sound ub dhere, I like you pooty vell!
Your plack eyes dhem don't shine Ven you'm ashleep--so vake! (Yes, hurry up, und voke up quick, For gootness cracious sake!)
My schveet imbatience, lofe, I hobe you vill oxcuse: I'm singing schveetly (dhere, py Jinks! Dhere goes a shtring proke loose!)
O putiful, schveet maid! Oh, vill she efer voke? Der moon is mooning--(Jimminy! dhere Anoder shtring vent proke!)
Oh, say, old schleeby head! (Now I vas getting mad-- I'll holler now, und I don't care Uf I vake up her dad!)
I say, you schleeby, vake! Vake oud! Vake loose! Vake ub! Fire! Murder! Police! Vatch! Oh, cracious! do vake ub!
* * * * *
Dot girl she schleebed--dot rain it rained, Und I looked shtoopid like a fool, Vhen mit my fiddle I shneaked off So vet und shlobby like a mool!
DYIN' VORDS OF ISAAC.
Vhen Shicago vas a leedle villages, dher lifed dherein py dot Clark Sdhreet out, a shentlemans who got some names like Isaacs; he geeb a cloting store, mit goots dot vit you yoost der same like dhey vas made. Isaacs vas a goot fellers, und makes goot pishness on his hause. Vell, thrade got besser as der time he vas come, und dose leetle shtore vas not so pig enuff like anudder shtore, und pooty gwick he locks out und leaves der pblace.
Now Yacob Schloffenheimer vas a shmard feller; und he dinks of he dook der olt shtore, he got good pishness, und dose olt coostomers von Isaac out. Von tay dhere comes a shentlemans on his store, und Yacob quick say of der mans, "How you vas, mein freund? you like to look of mine goots, aind it?"--"Nein," der mans say. "Vell, mein freund, it makes me notting troubles to show dot goots."--"Nein; I don'd vood buy sometings to-tay."--"Yoost come mit me vonce, mein freund, und I show you sometings, und so hellup me gracious, I don'd ask you to buy dot goots."--"Vell, I told you vat it vas, I don'd vood look at some tings yoost now; I keebs a livery shtable; und I likes to see mein old freund Mister Isaacs, und I came von Kaintucky out to see him vonce."--"Mister Isaacs? Vell, dot ish pad; I vas sorry von dot. I dells you, mein freund, Mister Isaacs he vas died. He vas mein brudder, und he vas not mit us eny more. Yoost vhen he vas on his deat-ped, und vas dyin', he says of me, 'Yacob, (dot ish mine names), und I goes me ofer mit his petside, und he poods his hands of mine, und he says of me, 'Yacob' ofer a man he shall come von Kaintucky out, mit ret hair, und mit plue eyes, Yacob, sell him dings cheab;' und he lay ofer und died his last."
_Anonymous._
LOOKOUT MOUNTAIN, 1863--BEUTELSBACH, 1880.
"Yah, I shpeaks English a leetle: berhaps you shpeaks petter der German." "No, not a word."--"Vel den, meester, it hardt for to be oonderstandt. I vos drei yahr in your country, I fights in der army mit Sherman-- Twentiet Illinois Infantry--Fightin' Joe Hooker's commandt."
"So you've seen service in Georgia--a veteran, eh?"--"Vell, I tell you Shust how it vos. I vent ofer in sixty, und landt in Nei-York; I sphends all mine money, gets sick, und near dies in der Hospiddal Bellevue: Ven I gets petter I tramps to Sheecago to look for some vork."
"Pretty young then, I suppose?"--"Yah, svansig apout; und der peobles Vot I goes to for to ask for some vork, dey hafe none for to geef; Efery von laughs; but I holds my head ope shust so high as der steeples. Only dot var comes along, or I should have die, I belief."
"Ever get wounded? I notice you walk rather lame and unsteady. Pshaw! got a wooden leg, eh? What battle? At Lookout! don't say! I was there too--wait a minute--your beer-glass is empty already Call for another. There! tell me how 'twas you got wounded that day."
"Vell, ve charge ope der side of her mountain--der sky vos all smoky and hazy; Ve fight all day long in der clouds, but I nefer get hit until night-- But--I don't care to say mooch apout it. Der poys called me foolish and crazy. Und der doctor vot cut ofe my leg, he say, 'Goot'--dot it serf me shust right.
"But I dinks I vood do dot thing over again, shust der same, and no matter Vot any man say."--"Well, let's hear it--you needn't mind talking to me, For I was there, too, as I tell you--and Lor'! how the bullets did patter Around on that breastwork of boulders that sheltered our Tenth Tennessee."
"So? Dot vos a Tennessee regiment charged upon ours in de efening, Shust before dark; und dey yell as dey charge, und ve geef a hurrah, Der roar of der guns, it vos orful."--"Ah! yes, I remember, 'twas deafening, The hottest musketry firing that ever our regiment saw."
"Und after ve drove dem back, und der night come on, I listen, Und dinks dot I hear somepody a callin'--a voice dot cried, 'Pring me some vater for Gott's sake'--I saw his pelt-bate glisten, Oonder der moonlight, on der parapet, shust outside.
"I dhrow my canteen ofer to vere he lie, but he answer Dot his left handt vos gone, und his right arm proke mit a fall; Den I shump ofer, und gife him to drink, but shust as I ran, sir, Bang! come a sharp-shooter's pullet; und dot's how it vos--dot is all."
"And they called you foolish and crazy, did they? Him you befriended-- The 'reb,' I mean--what became of him? Did he ever come 'round?" "Dey tell me he crawl to my side, und call till his strength vos all ended, Until dey come out mit der stretchers, und carry us off from der ground.
"But pefore ve go, he ask me my name, und says he, 'Yacob Keller, You loses your leg for me, und some day, if both of us leefs, I shows you I don't vorget'--but he most hafe died, de poor feller; I nefer hear ofe him since. He don't get vell, I beliefs.
"Only I alvays got der saddisfachshun ofe knowin'-- Shtop! vots der matter? Here, take some peer, you're vite as a sheet-- Shteady! your handt on my shoulder! my gootness! I dinks you vos goin' To lose your senses avay, und fall right off mit der seat.
"Geef me your handts. Vot! der left one gone? Und you vos a soldier In dot same battle?--a Tennessee regiment?--dot's mighty queer-- Berhaps after all you're--" "Yes, Yacob, God bless you old fellow, I told you I'd never--no, never forget you. I told you I'd come, and I'm here."
GEORGE L. CATLIN.
DER SHOEMAKER'S POY.
Der meat-chopper hanged on der vhitevashed vall, For no gustomers comed to der putcher's shtall; Der sausage masheen was no longer in blay, And der putcher poys all had a holiday. Der shoemaker's poy comed dere to shlide On der door of der zellar, but shtealed inside: Mit der chopping masheen he peginned to make free, Un he cried, "Dere ish nopody looking at me." O! der shoemaker's poy, Un, O! der shoemaker's poy!
Der day goed avay, un der night comed on. Ven der shoemaker vound dat his poy vas gone, He called up his vrow, un der search pegan To look for der poy, un vind him if dey can. Dey seeked un asked for him at efery door,-- At der putcher's, der paker's, un groshery shtore; At der lager-pier cellar, der shtation-house; But der answer dey getted vas, "Nix cum arous." O! der shoemaker's poy, Un, O! der shoemaker's poy!
Dey seeked him all night, un dey seeked him next tay Un for more as a mont vas der duyvil to pay, In der alleys, der houses, un efery place round, In der Toombs, in der rifer, un in der tog-pound. Dey seeked him in vain undil veeks vas bast, Un der shoemaker goed to his awl at _last_; Un ven he'd passed py, all der peeples vould cry, "Dere goes der shoemaker vot losed his poy!" O! der shoemaker's poy, Un, O! der shoemaker's poy!
At lenkt der meat-chopping masheen vas in need: Der putcher goed to it, un dere he seed A pundle of pones; un der shoes vas dere Vot der long-lost shoemaker's poy did vear. His jaws were still vagging, un seemed to say, "Ven no one vas here, I got in to blay: It closed mit a shpring, un der poy so green Vas made sausage-meat by der chopping masheen." O! der shoemaker's poy, Der _last_ of der shoemaker's poy!
DER DRUMMER.
Who puts oup at der pest hotel, Und dakes his oysters on der schell, Und mit der frauleins cuts a schwell? Der drummer.
Who vas it gomes indo mine schtore, Drows down his pundles on der vloor, Und nefer schtops to shut der door? Der drummer.