Chapter 4
Athenians, it's not our intention To sow political dissension By giving any scandal mention; But on the contrary to promote good feeling in the state By word and deed. We've had enough calamities of late. So let a man or woman but divulge They need a trifle, say, Two minas, three or four, I've purses here that bulge. There's only one condition made (Indulge my whim in this I pray)-- When Peace is signed once more, On no account am I to be repaid.
And I'm making preparation For a gay select collation With some youths of reputation. I've managed to produce some soup and they're slaughtering for me A sucking-pig: its flesh should taste as tender as could be. I shall expect you at my house today. To the baths make an early visit, And bring your children along; Don't dawdle on the way. Ask no one; enter as if the place Was all your own--yours henceforth is it. If nothing chances wrong, The door will then be shut bang in your face.
_The_ SPARTAN AMBASSADORS _approach_.
CHORUS
Here come the Spartan envoys with long, worried beards. Hail, Spartans how do you fare? Did anything new arise?
SPARTANS
No need for a clutter o' words. Do ye see our condition?
CHORUS
The situation swells to greater tension. Something will explode soon.
SPARTANS
It's awfu' truly. But come, let us wi' the best speed we may Scribble a Peace.
CHORUS
I notice that our men Like wrestlers poised for contest, hold their clothes Out from their bellies. An athlete's malady! Since exercise alone can bring relief.
ATHENIANS
Can anyone tell us where Lysistrata is? There is no need to describe our men's condition, It shows up plainly enough.
CHORUS
It's the same disease. Do you feel a jerking throbbing in the morning?
ATHENIANS
By Zeus, yes! In these straits, I'm racked all through. Unless Peace is soon declared, we shall be driven In the void of women to try Cleisthenes.
CHORUS
Be wise and cover those things with your tunics. Who knows what kind of person may perceive you?
ATHENIANS
By Zeus, you're right.
SPARTANS
By the Twa Goddesses, Indeed ye are. Let's put our tunics on.
ATHENIANS
Hail O my fellow-sufferers, hail Spartans.
SPARTANS
O hinnie darling, what a waefu' thing! If they had seen us wi' our lunging waddies!
ATHENIANS
Tell us then, Spartans, what has brought you here?
SPARTANS
We come to treat o' Peace.
ATHENIANS
Well spoken there! And we the same. Let us callout Lysistrata Since she alone can settle the Peace-terms.
SPARTANS
Callout Lysistratus too if ye don't mind.
CHORUS
No indeed. She hears your voices and she comes.
_Enter LYSISTRATA_
Hail, Wonder of all women! Now you must be in turn Hard, shifting, clear, deceitful, noble, crafty, sweet, and stern. The foremost men of Hellas, smitten by your fascination, Have brought their tangled quarrels here for your sole arbitration.
LYSISTRATA
An easy task if the love's raging home-sickness Doesn't start trying out how well each other Will serve instead of us. But I'll know at once If they do. O where's that girl, Reconciliation? Bring first before me the Spartan delegates, And see you lift no rude or violent hands-- None of the churlish ways our husbands used. But lead them courteously, as women should. And if they grudge fingers, guide them by other methods, And introduce them with ready tact. The Athenians Draw by whatever offers you a grip. Now, Spartans, stay here facing me. Here you, Athenians. Both hearken to my words. I am a woman, but I'm not a fool. And what of natural intelligence I own Has been filled out with the remembered precepts My father and the city-elders taught me. First I reproach you both sides equally That when at Pylae and Olympia, At Pytho and the many other shrines That I could name, you sprinkle from one cup The altars common to all Hellenes, yet You wrack Hellenic cities, bloody Hellas With deaths of her own sons, while yonder clangs The gathering menace of barbarians.
ATHENIANS
We cannot hold it in much longer now.
LYSISTRATA
Now unto you, O Spartans, do I speak. Do you forget how your own countryman, Pericleidas, once came hither suppliant Before our altars, pale in his purple robes, Praying for an army when in Messenia Danger growled, and the Sea-god made earth quaver. Then with four thousand hoplites Cimon marched And saved all Sparta. Yet base ingrates now, You are ravaging the soil of your preservers.
ATHENIANS
By Zeus, they do great wrong, Lysistrata.
SPARTANS
Great wrong, indeed. O! What a luscious wench!
LYSISTRATA
And now I turn to the Athenians. Have you forgotten too how once the Spartans In days when you wore slavish tunics, came And with their spears broke a Thessalian host And all the partisans of Hippias? They alone stood by your shoulder on that day. They freed you, so that for the slave's short skirt You should wear the trailing cloak of liberty.
SPARTANS
I've never seen a nobler woman anywhere.
ATHENIANS
Nor I one with such prettily jointing hips.
LYSISTRATA
Now, brethren twined with mutual benefactions, Can you still war, can you suffer such disgrace? Why not be friends? What is there to prevent you?
SPARTANS
We're agreed, gin that we get this tempting Mole.
LYSISTRATA
Which one?
SPARTANS
That ane we've wanted to get into, O for sae lang.... Pylos, of course.
ATHENIANS
By Poseidon, Never!
LYSISTRATA
Give it up.
ATHENIANS
Then what will we do? We need that ticklish place united to us--
LYSISTRATA
Ask for some other lurking-hole in return.
ATHENIANS
Then, ah, we'll choose this snug thing here, Echinus, Shall we call the nestling spot? And this backside haven, These desirable twin promontories, the Maliac, And then of course these Megarean Legs.
SPARTANS
Not that, O surely not that, never that.
LYSISTRATA
Agree! Now what are two legs more or less?
ATHENIANS
I want to strip at once and plough my land.
SPARTANS
And mine I want to fertilize at once.
LYSISTRATA
And so you can, when Peace is once declared. If you mean it, get your allies' heads together And come to some decision.
ATHENIANS
What allies? There's no distinction in our politics: We've risen as one man to this conclusion; Every ally is jumping-mad to drive it home.
SPARTANS
And ours the same, for sure.
ATHENIANS
The Carystians first! I'll bet on that.
LYSISTRATA
I agree with all of you. Now off, and cleanse yourselves for the Acropolis, For we invite you all in to a supper From our commissariat baskets. There at table You will pledge good behaviour and uprightness; Then each man's wife is his to hustle home.
ATHENIANS
Come, as quickly as possible.
SPARTANS
As quick as ye like. Lead on.
ATHENIANS
O Zeus, quick, quick, lead quickly on. _They hurry off._
CHORUS.
Broidered stuffs on high I'm heaping, Fashionable cloaks and sweeping Trains, not even gold gawds keeping. Take them all, I pray you, take them all (I do not care) And deck your children--your daughter, if the Basket she's to bear. Come, everyone of you, come in and take Of this rich hoard a share. Nought's tied so skilfully But you its seal can break And plunder all you spy inside. I've laid out all that I can spare, And therefore you will see Nothing unless than I you're sharper-eyed. If lacking corn a man should be While his slaves clamour hungrily And his excessive progeny, Then I've a handfull of grain at home which is always to be had, And to which in fact a more-than-life-size loaf I'd gladly add. Then let the poor bring with them bag or sack And take this store of food. Manes, my man, I'll tell To help them all to pack Their wallets full. But O take care. I had forgotten; don't intrude, Or terrified you'll yell. My dog is hungry too, and bites--beware!
Some _LOUNGERS_ from the Market with torches approach the Banqueting hall. The _PORTER_ bars their entrance.
1ST MARKET-LOUNGER
Open the door.
PORTER
Here move along.
1ST MARKET-LOUNGER
What's this? You're sitting down. Shall I singe you with my torch? That's vulgar! O I couldn't do it ... yet If it would gratify the audience, I'll mortify myself.
2ND MARKET-LOUNGER
And I will too. We'll both be crude and vulgar, yes we will.
PORTER
Be off at once now or you'll be wailing Dirges for your hair. Get off at once, And see you don't disturb the Spartan envoys Just coming out from the splendid feast they've had.
_The banqueters begin to come out._
1ST ATHENIAN
I've never known such a pleasant banquet before, And what delightful fellows the Spartans are. When we are warm with wine, how wise we grow.
2ND ATHENIAN
That's only fair, since sober we're such fools: This is the advice I'd give the Athenians-- See our ambassadors are always drunk. For when we visit Sparta sober, then We're on the alert for trickery all the while So that we miss half of the things they say, And misinterpret things that were never said, And then report the muddle back to Athens. But now we're charmed with each other. They might cap With the Telamon-catch instead of the Cleitagora, And we'd applaud and praise them just the same; We're not too scrupulous in weighing words.
PORTER
Why, here the rascals come again to plague me. Won't you move on, you sorry loafers there!
MARKET-LOUNGER
Yes, by Zeus, they're already coming out.
SPARTANS
Now hinnie dearest, please tak' up your pipe That I may try a spring an' sing my best In honour o' the Athenians an' oursels.
ATHENIANS
Aye, take your pipe. By all the gods, there's nothing Could glad my heart more than to watch you dance.
SPARTANS.
Mnemosyne, Let thy fire storm these younkers, O tongue wi' stormy ecstasy My Muse that knows Our deeds and theirs, how when at sea Their navies swooped upon The Medes at Artemision-- Gods for their courage, did they strike Wrenching a triumph frae their foes; While at Thermopylae Leonidas' army stood: wild-boars they were like Wild-boars that wi' fierce threat Their terrible tusks whet; The sweat ran streaming down each twisted face, Faen blossoming i' strange petals o' death Panted frae mortal breath, The sweat drenched a' their bodies i' that place, For the hurly-burly o' Persians glittered more Than the sands on the shore.
Come, Hunting Girl, an' hear my prayer-- You whose arrows whizz in woodlands, come an' bless This Peace we swear. Let us be fenced wi' age long amity, O let this bond stick ever firm through thee In friendly happiness. Henceforth no guilefu' perjury be seen! O hither, hither O Thou wildwood queen.
LYSISTRATA
Earth is delighted now, peace is the voice of earth. Spartans, sort out your wives: Athenians, yours. Let each catch hands with his wife and dance his joy, Dance out his thanks, be grateful in music, And promise reformation with his heels.
ATHENIANS.
O Dancers, forward. Lead out the Graces, Call Artemis out; Then her brother, the Dancer of Skies, That gracious Apollo. Invoke with a shout Dionysus out of whose eyes Breaks fire on the maenads that follow; And Zeus with his flares of quick lightning, and call, Happy Hera, Queen of all, And all the Daimons summon hither to be Witnesses of our revelry And of the noble Peace we have made, Aphrodite our aid. Io Paieon, Io, cry-- For victory, leap! Attained by me, leap! Euoi Euoi Euai Euai.
SPARTANS
Piper, gie us the music for a new sang.
SPARTANS.
Leaving again lovely lofty Taygetus Hither O Spartan Muse, hither to greet us, And wi' our choric voice to raise To Amyclean Apollo praise, And Tyndareus' gallant sons whose days Alang Eurotas' banks merrily pass, An' Athene o' the House o' Brass.
Now the dance begin; Dance, making swirl your fringe o' woolly skin, While we join voices To hymn dear Sparta that rejoices I' a beautifu' sang, An' loves to see Dancers tangled beautifully; For the girls i' tumbled ranks Alang Eurotas' banks Like wanton fillies thrang, Frolicking there An' like Bacchantes shaking the wild air To comb a giddy laughter through the hair, Bacchantes that clench thyrsi as they sweep To the ecstatic leap.
An' Helen, Child o' Leda, come Thou holy, nimble, gracefu' Queen, Lead thou the dance, gather thy joyous tresses up i' bands An' play like a fawn. To madden them, clap thy hands, And sing praise to the warrior goddess templed i' our lands, Her o' the House o' Brass.