Part 4

“Man, ye should jine the Foresters. That bonnet an’ things maks a body awfu’ common-lukkin’!”

“Me an’ Paw’s Shippards but Uncle Jim’s is juist a Rechabite!”]

A PATRIOTIC DINNER

ST. ANDREW’S Day 1884, falling on a Sunday, the Glasgow St. Andrew’s Society dined on December 1st. The gathering in McLean’s Hotel was presided over by Colonel Malcolm of Poltalloch, then an ex-M.P., afterwards for six years member for Argyllshire, and later raised to the peerage.

Sheriff Clark’s speech was distinguished by some old Glasgow reminiscences, and I remember that Dr. Burns of the Cathedral referred to St. Mungo as “my predecessor.” Bailie Salmond, who figured there as a croupier, and who had the reputation along with Sir Daniel Macnee of being one of the best after-dinner story-tellers, was probably the Senior of the feast.

A COUNTY ASSOCIATION SOIRÉE

THIS form of entertainment may be still as much in vogue as it used to be in unfashionable circles of Glasgow. These meetings were productive of a good deal of genuine happiness, the tea and the cookies and the service of fruit and the speeches and the songs--especially the “comics”--and the assembly that followed, making up an evening’s festivity that was not forgotten by the time the annual repetition of the event came round again.

The festival here pictured, that of the Caithness Association, was of rather more than usual importance, being a Jubilee celebration. It was presided over by Mr. W. C. Coghill, and among the speakers was Mr. John Rae, at that time editor of the _Contemporary Review._

A COUNTY SOCIETY DINNER

MORE circumscribed in its immediate sphere of influence than the all-embracing soirée just referred to, the dinner has a dignity and importance that demand recognition.

The Glasgow Ayrshire Society was founded only two years after the birth of Robert Burns, so its primary object was not to keep his memory green, but appropriately enough the men of Ayrshire in Glasgow choose his birthday for their feast. The dinner of 1890 was held in St. Enoch’s Hotel, under the presidency of Mr. J. G. A. Baird, M.P., and the “Immortal Memory” was proposed by Mr. William Jolly.

AN ENGINEER’S ANNIVERSARY

UNTIL the year 1888 the celebration of James Watt’s birthday on the 21st of January seems to have been the sole reason of existence for the Association of Foreman Engineers, but on the occasion here recorded the Institution of Engineers and Shipbuilders in Scotland and the Philosophical Society of Glasgow joined and resolved to combine in keeping the future anniversaries so that the Association of Foreman Engineers dropped out of existence.

The dinner took place in the Grand Hotel with Mr. Kirk of Napier’s in the chair. There was a large company, and among the unnamed heads in the corner of the sketch may be recognised some familiar in the engineering world, that of Mr. James Caldwell and Mr. John Hamilton, for instance, while in the other corner, among the “Press,” I may point out Mr. James Nicol Dunn--then on the Glasgow staff of the _Scotsman_--referred to in an introductory page.

AN INDUSTRIAL EXHIBITION

HELD in Burnbank Drill Hall in the end of the year 1886, this was one of the shows of the variety sale-shop order, the place to spend a happy evening and as many coins as you could spare besides. The collection was formally opened by Sir James King, and the first week’s proceeds were handed over to the City hospitals.

THE ATHENÆUM HOUSE-WARMING

REMOVED from its old quarters in Ingram Street, the Athenæum opened its new premises in St. George’s Place on the 25th of January, 1888. On that evening the learned and patriotic Marquess of Bute delivered an able address on Scottish History to a large audience, and among the shorter speeches was one by Sheriff Spens on his favourite literary subject--Tennyson.

THE ELDER PARK, GOVAN

THE Earl of Rosebery was the humble instrument in the hands of Mrs. John Elder in delivering over the Park to the people of Govan. This is only one of several munificent gifts made by Mrs. Elder--who is now LL.D. of Glasgow University--to Govan and to Glasgow. It was a great day for Govan, the 27th of June, 1885, and you can imagine the excitement of that Saturday afternoon.

It was here I overheard the remark illustrated on a later page of this book under the title “What it is to be a Lord.”

EAST END EXHIBITION

THE object of this exhibition, in the end of 1890, was to provide funds for the establishment of a People’s Palace in Glasgow. It was opened by the Marquess of Lothian, Secretary for Scotland, but the sketches herewith have to do with an earlier and more exclusive occurrence ere the exhibition was ready for the public eye. This was a private Press view, to which you can see the _Bailie’s_ commissioner on his way. There was naturally a luncheon with some speeches, in one of the galleries devoted to the Fine Arts. Mr. David Fortune, Chairman of the Executive, did the honours. Pressmen are modest and like to remain anonymous, but here the veil is lifted, revealing Mr. W. M. Gilbert of the _Scotsman_, Mr. Thomas Reid of the _Glasgow Herald_, and Mr. Andrew Mudie of the _Evening Citizen_.

A LAUNCH FROM NAPIER’S YARD

LORD CHARLES BERESFORD was there to see the belted cruiser, H.M.S. _Galatea_, leave the stocks amid showers of sleet in March 1887. The young lady who applied the hammer to release the ship was Miss May Kirk, daughter of one of the partners of Napier’s. The sketch shows Mr. John Hamilton, another partner, standing by her side, and afterwards presiding at the lunch, at which Lord Charles, as might have been expected, made a rattling good speech.

THE CHANNEL FLEET

THE _Minotaur_ was the flag-ship of the Fleet lying off Greenock in the end of September 1885. She was boarded by two friends and myself from the yacht of one of those friends on the day before the ships were open to the public. I don’t know how we came to have the privilege of entry. Other people equally favoured were Mr. John Burns (afterwards Lord Inverclyde) and his party, also the Provost of Greenock and his party. Our party felt pretty big, I assure you, but there was room enough for us all.

AN OCEAN LINER

THIS commemorates a voyage on the _State of Nevada_, in September 1883, all the way from the Broomielaw to Greenock. The vessel conveyed one of those batches of emigrants from eastern Europe, aliens whose goal of apparent happiness lies far beyond the confines of our little islands over which they pass on their way to the west. Pathetic groups they are, not always seeming sad, but hopeful, looking for something beyond the sea. I have never been fortunate enough to see them in the realisation of their hopes, but I remember seeing a group of them in one of the western States--not quite so far west as that after which this vessel was named--sitting waiting for a train to take them farther west, still pathetic, still hopeful, still looking for something beyond.

THE COASTING SEASON

TO the reflective mind it must always seem a wonderful thing that the Clyde, when it was choosing its channel, elected to run through Glasgow. If it had turned aside, say at Hamilton, and run away down to the sea by Kilmarnock and Ayr it would have been most awkward for Glasgow, especially in summer time, but fortunately for the steamboat companies the city had attractions which the river could not resist.

HOW TO GO TO THE COAST

YOUR house-taking having been arranged, the first duty is (1) with the assistance of your family to do the packing. Next morning (2) you drive to the Broomielaw, where (3) you put your family on board a steamer, and (4) go to your office for an hour, leaving instructions with your chief clerk for the proper conduct of business in your absence. Then (5) you take train to Greenock, and (6) join your family, who are not much inconvenienced by the rain which has been pouring for an hour and a half. After some considerable time, you (7) arrive at a pier where you are put ashore with your belongings. In a light vehicle (8) you travel over several miles of rather broken road, while your few odds and ends (9) follow in a cart. At length (10) your secluded retreat appears in view, and ere long (11) you are cheered by the warm welcome of your landlady.

That is how we did it in our young days years and years ago.

IN ARRAN

WE natives of the Clyde are devoted to Arran. It has a charm for us found nowhere else in the world, especially for us old fogies who remember the island in its more primitive state when Gaelic was universally spoken and the English was delivered in the most delicious Hieland accent, or when, joy of joys! some one was found who hadn’t a word of English at all. This page, gleaned about Corrie in 1884, was titled in _Quiz_ “The ’Ills of Arran.” Well, we cheerfully put up with these, with the “h” or without. When we were children nothing mattered.

AGAIN IN ARRAN

THIS time our sketches are in the vicinity of King’s Cross and Whiting Bay, though a touch of Brodick is observable. It is, I think, the _Brodick Castle_ that is discharging its passengers.

SEASIDE BITS

IT must be confessed that if these are Glasgow people--and who is bold enough to say they are not?--it is not on the shores of their native Clyde that they disport themselves. These are the sands of the Forth and that is the pier at Elie which the steamer is approaching. But, observe, these must be Glasgow children who are making a castle in the sand. The real east-coasters dig a hole to sit in, instead of piling a mound to be washed away by the tide.

A YACHTING CRUISE

IT was on board Mr. James Morrison’s twenty-tonner _Sayonara_, and we ran from Rothesay Bay to Lamlash in a brisk sou’-west breeze. I have a painful recollection of being the original of the sketch marked “Grief,” but I felt much better when we got under the shelter of the Holy Island. Next day when it was blowing more than a quarter of a gale--to put it mildly--we ran a race, were drenched to the skin, even to the skin of our teeth by which we seemed to hold on, but we enjoyed ourselves and anchored in the Kyles of Bute for the night.

CORINTHIAN YACHTING

THIS was the opening cruise of the Corinthian Yacht Club for 1885. It was not a very extensive cruise, starting as it did from Hunter’s Quay and coming to anchor at Roseneath. Mr. J. M. Tulloch, rear-commodore of the Club, was flag-officer of the day on board his schooner _Helen_. It need scarcely be explained that the group in the right-hand corner has no immediate connection with the Corinthians. It seems more akin to the Galatians.

ANOTHER YACHTING EXPERIENCE

THESE sketches tell their own sad sale. It was in Fairlie Roads that the yacht lay--I forget the name of it--and Millport Regatta was to take place on the following day. Why should men make merry over sea-sickness? Let us not dwell on the subject.

THE _COLUMBA_

YES, after all, for the ordinary person, the best day’s enjoyment to be had on the Clyde is on board the _Columba_. That is how it used to strike us long ago, and I don’t think we can be considered to have been so very far wrong.

FAIR DEALING

THE _Fair_ being, of course, Glasgow Fair, with its few days of freedom from the clatter of machinery and from city smoke. Even those who can’t go to the country or the coast may find things fresher than usual as a result of the temporarily lessened population, and for those stay-at-homes who like a sea-going sensation there’s always the Waterloo-fly at the “shows.”

SOME FELLOW-TRAVELLERS

THESE can explain themselves, as fellow-travellers sometimes insist on doing, whether we wish them to or not.

TRAMS EAST AND WEST

MORE fellow-travellers, as found on the old-fashioned tramway-cars between Kelvinside and Parkhead.

THE FLITTING TERM

TWO events leading up to the time in the merry month of May when householders make a change of abode; also one incident in the life of two maidens.

A DOMESTIC EXPERIENCE

QUITE a common one in the ’eighties and ’nineties, and by no means rare in the beginning of the twentieth century.

A COMMERCIAL TRANSACTION

We have now reached the point where the characters in the sketches, having words of their own to say, do not require the aid of the annotator.

SAFETY ASSURED

_Mrs. Timour_--“You’re quite sure there’s no danger in this swell.”

_Sandie_--“Never a bit, Mistress; if ye wis tae fa’ oot or onything, we could easy grup ye wi’ the boat-hook.”

BEARING WITH THE INFIRMITIES OF A FRIEND

_Dougal_ (very sympathetically)--“Yes, mem; you’ll see, Duncan was a second kizzin to the corpe, an’ he’s ta’en a bit turn o’ the he’rt juist for a meenit.”

THE PARSON OF THE PERIOD

_Jean_--“Whatna ane o’ them dae ye think the minister’s efter?”

_Mrs. McAlpine_--“Toots, ’e’s efter nane o’ them, I’m thinkin’. If fufty was comin’ the day an’ fufty was comin’ the morn, he’d blaw in a’ their lugs!”

SPIRITUAL APATHY

THE new minister had intimated that he would open a class for young people in the Manse on Thursday evenings at eight o’clock. On the first Thursday thereafter, at eight-fifteen, the attendance was not at all encouraging.

EMULATION

NOTHING is more aggravating when you are taking a long country walk with a short friend, than his insisting on stepping over fences as you do, when he could so much more easily crawl under.

A BONE OF CONTENTION

IT may be asked, why does this young man not make himself agreeable to these girls if he is the only male to be had? We have to state in reply that he has made himself agreeable to all the young ladies in turn, and now they have begun to quarrel about him.

NATURE’S SIMPLICITY

_Candid Celt_--“There’s them that was sayin’ to me what an aaful nice ponnie cratur the leddy was.”

_Person on Honeymoon_--“That was very good of them indeed.”

_Candid Celt_--“Ay, ay, an’ they’ll wonder extr’or’nar whatt wey she’ll not get a praa’er lad nor yersel, onywey!”

ANOTHER OF THE SAME

[Scene--not a hundred miles from Brodick.]

_Miss Spry_ (who with her sister has accepted a lift)--“O, driver, would you keep well to one side: here is _another conveyance_ coming!”

GIVE A DOG A BAD NAME

--“What’s your little sister crying for, Donald?”

--“Oh she aye greets when she sees the doctor, an’ thon’s him comin’ along the road.”

WHAT IT’S COMING TO

_Affable vis-a-vis to Sedate Old Gentleman_--“Do anything in politics, sir? May as well tell you I support the Empire myself. Trample on the Crown and Constitution, sir--you’re on my corns!”

[_Old gentleman shifts his feet uneasily and is dumb._

THE REASON OF IT

[Scene--A Drawing-Room in the Country.]

_First Young Lady_--“I suppose there are a great many young men in Glasgow.”

_Second and Third Young Ladies_ (carelessly)--“Oh, about seventy or eighty thousand or more.”

_First Young Lady_--“_That_ accounts for so many of you Glasgow girls getting engaged. I knew there must be _something_!”

AN ART EXTRA

_Sandie_ (afraid that his companion’s interest in the Exhibition is flagging) “Noo, we’re comin’ tae a Hunder’-an’-fifty pounder!”

GUID GEAR

----“Wha’s that Mary MacCallum’s gaun wi’ noo?”

----“I dinna ken. He wad need tae be guid, for he’s naether big nor bonnie!”

WHAT IT IS TO BE A LORD

----“See yon’s the Airl o’ Rosebery, that wee man wi’ the nae whiskers!”

----“Lo’d sake!--The Craetur!”

NOT A LIKELY CUSTOMER

_Fruit Merchant_--“Hey, keep yer haunds off the barra if ye’re no gaun’ae buy the plooms.”

JEER, BOYS, JEER

_Ironical Chorus of Depraved Juveniles_--“Haw, haw! Wire in, Kilties! Quick march! Stand at Ease! Hurray for the Feather-heids!”

REGULAR DEAD-HEADS

_Fair Saleswoman_--“Would you like to buy a ticket for this beautiful cushion?”