Category: Humour

Frank Fairlegh: Scenes from the Life of a Private Pupil

“Home-keeping youth have ever homely wits. I rather would entreat thy company To see the wonders of the world abroad, Than living dully, sluggardis'd at home, Wear out thy youth with shapeless idleness.”

Chapters

61. Chapter 61

“Fell retribution, like a sleuth-hound, still The footsteps of the wicked sternly tracks, And in his mad career o'ertaking him, Brings, when he least expects it, swift destructi...

9. Chapter 9

“If you are so bold as to venture a blowing-up, look closely to it! for the plot lies deadly deep... but of all things have a care of putting it in your pocket,... and if you ca...

6. Chapter 6

“Oh, he's very well to look at, only he's as tall as a life-guardsman; but he's sich a free and easy chap, and ain't he got a pretty good notion of making himself comfortable, t...

7. Chapter 7

THE moment Dr. Mildman arrived at home the next day Lawless watched him into his study, and, as soon as he was safely lodged therein, proceeded, by the aid of sundry nails and l...

4. Chapter 4

ON returning to the pupils' room Lawless commenced (to my great delight, as I thereby enjoyed a complete immunity from his somewhat troublesome attentions) a full, true, and par...

1. Chapter 1

“Home-keeping youth have ever homely wits. I rather would entreat thy company To see the wonders of the world abroad, Than living dully, sluggardis'd at home, Wear out thy youth...

51. Chapter 51

“One woman's fair, yet I am well; another is wise, yet I am well; another virtuous, yet I am well; but till all graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in my grace. Ric...

52. Chapter 52

“The Chamberlain was blunt and true, and sturdily said he-- 'Abide, my lord, and rule your own, and take this rede from me, That woman's faith's a brittle trust. Seven twelve- m...

22. Chapter 22

LET the reader imagine a long table covered with the remains of an excellent dessert, interspersed with a multitude of bottles of all shapes and sizes, containing every variety...

53. Chapter 53

“In a tandem I see nothing to induce the leader to keep his course straightforward, but an address on the part of the charioteer as nearly as can be supernatural.... And, for my...

48. Chapter 48

“I'm sure he does, he looks so delightfully wicked,” added the eldest Miss Simper, shaking her ringlets in a fascinating manner, to evince her faith in the durability of their c...

43. Chapter 43

“She held his drooping head, Till given to breathe the freer air, Returning life repaid their care; He gazed on them with heavy sigh-- I could have wished e'en thus to die.” --_...

8. Chapter 8

“Don't wait for me; I have one or two places to call at in my way back, and I shall only make you late;--when you get home, give Thomas a hint to keep back dinner five minutes o...

41. Chapter 41

“I was deep in my tradesmen's books, I'm afraid, But not in my own, by-the-by; And when rascally tailors came to be paid, There'll be time enough for that, said I.” --_Song--The...

50. Chapter 50

“'Well, every one can master grief but he that has it.' 'Yet say I he's in love.' 'The greatest note of it is his melancholy.' 'Nay, but I know who loves him.'” --_Much Ado Abou...

42. Chapter 42

“From the crown of his head, to the sole of his foot, he is all mirth. He hath a heart as sound as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper; For what his heart thinks, his tongue s...

40. Chapter 40

THE place of meeting appointed by Peter Barnett was easily discovered, and having tied up my horse under a shed, which served the double purpose of stable and coach-house, I too...

2. Chapter 2

AMONGST the minor phenomena which are hourly occurring in the details of everyday life, although we are seldom sufficiently close observers to perceive them, there is none more...

36. Chapter 36

THE next few days passed like a happy dream. Our little party remained the same, no tidings being heard of any of the absentees, save a note from Freddy, saying how much he was...

54. Chapter 54

THE result of my conversation with Mr. Frampton was, that I agreed to ride over on the following day to the little inn at Barstone, see old Peter Barnett, hear his report, and l...

17. Chapter 17

“If a dream should come in now to make you afear'd, With a wind-mill on his head, and bells at his beard; Would you straight wear your spectacles here at your toes, And your boo...

38. Chapter 38

FREDDY COLEMAN was cheated of his walk that afternoon; for an old maiden lady in the neighbourhood, having read in a Sunday paper that the plague was raging with great fury at C...

23. Chapter 23

“WHY did you prevent me from giving that insolent scoundrel the lesson he deserved?” was Oaklands' first observation as we left the quadrangle in which Lawless's rooms were situ...

55. Chapter 55

OH! that tedious half-hour! I should like to know, merely as a curious matter of calculation, how many minutes there were in that half-hour--sixty-five at the very least; the ha...

29. Chapter 29

“ALL well so far,” replied Ellis, in answer to my look of inquiry; “the bleeding has ceased, and he is fast recovering consciousness. Where is the room? We must get him into bed...

49. Chapter 49

“Now, let the verses be bad or good, it plainly amounts to a regular offer. I don't believe any of the lines are an inch too long or too short; but if they were, it would be wic...

13. Chapter 13

“A MIGHTY stupid chapter that last!” “True for you, A reader, but how was it to be avoided? It was necessary to give you that short summary of my proceedings, the better to enab...

12. Chapter 12

AS I was undressing that night Coleman came into my room, and grasping my hand with his own shook it warmly, saying: “I could not go to sleep, Frank, without coming to thank you...

28. Chapter 28

I DID not return to the cottage until the usual hour for going to bed, as I did not dare subject myself to Fanny's penetrating glance in my present state of excitement. The mome...

25. Chapter 25

THE sight which met my eyes as I gazed around was one which time can never efface from my memory. In the centre of the room, his brow darkened by the flush of concentrated indig...

39. Chapter 39

“'Sir,' said the Count, with brow exceeding grave, 'Your unexpected presence here will make It necessary for myself to crave Its import? But perhaps it's a mistake. I hope it is...

31. Chapter 31

“I HOPE you feel no ill effects from your adventure, sir: you resisted the fellow's attack most spiritedly, and would have beaten him off, I believe, if you had possessed a more...

37. Chapter 37

“Who hath not felt that breath in the air, A perfume and freshness strange and rare, A warmth in the light, and a bliss everywhere, When young hearts yearn together? All sweets...

24. Chapter 24

“Far in the lane a lonely hut he found, No tenant ventured on th' unwholesome ground, Here smokes his forge: he bares his sinewy arm, And early strokes the sounding anvil warm;...

57. Chapter 57

“Content you, gentlemen, I'll compound this strife.... He of both That can assure _my nieces_ greatest dower, Shall have her love.” “I must confess your offer is the best, And l...

32. Chapter 32

THE week passed away like a dream, and with a beating heart and throbbing pulse I went through the various examinations, and engaged with my competitors in the struggle for hono...

16. Chapter 16

“Great then are the mysteries of bell-ringing: and this may be said in its praise, that of all devices which men have sought out for obtaining distinction by making a noise in t...

26. Chapter 26

OLD MAURICE, the pastry-cook, had welcomed his daughter gladly, as one returned from the grave, and had learned from her own lips, with mingled tears of joy and gratitude, how,...

35. Chapter 35

THE post next morning brought a letter from Mr. Vernor to say that, as he found the business on which he was engaged must necessitate his crossing to Boulogne, he feared there w...

10. Chapter 10

“Fair laughs the morn, and soft the zephyr blows, While proudly riding o'er the azure realm, In gallant trim the gilded vessel goes, Youth on the prow, and pleasure at the helm....

5. Chapter 5

My heart turned sick, my brain grew sore, And throbbed awhile, then beat no more, The sky spun like a mighty wheel, And a slight flash sprang o'er my eyes, Which saw no farther.”

33. Chapter 33

UTTERLY worn out, both in mind and body, by hard reading and confinement, I determined to return to Heathfield forthwith, with “all my blushing honours thick upon me,” and enjoy...

56. Chapter 56

“'Now, all your writers do consent that _ipse_ is he; now, are you not _ipse_, for I am he?' “'Which he, sir?' “'He, sir, that must marry this woman. Therefore, you clown, aband...

27. Chapter 27

“If you think your mystery in stratagem can bring this instru- ment of honour again into his native quarter, be magnanimous in the enterprise, and go on; I will grace the attemp...

3. Chapter 3

“Mildman was exceedingly angry about it, I can tell you,” continued Cumberland, “and desired me to speak seriously to you on the subject; such abominable idleness is not to be t...

58. Chapter 58

ANY tender-hearted reader who may feel anxious concerning the fate of the unjustly suspected Shrimp, will be glad to learn that this hopeful candidate for the treadmill (not to...

34. Chapter 34

“DON'T you consider Fairlegh to be looking very thin and pale, Miss Saville?” inquired Coleman, when we joined the ladies after dinner, speaking with an air of such genuine soli...

30. Chapter 30

HAVING now no one to interfere with me, I determined to read as hard as my powers, mental and bodily, would allow, so as to give my talents, be they great or small, full scope,...

11. Chapter 11

THE wind, which we had observed was rising when we landed, had increased during our stay at the inn, and was now blowing almost a gale from the south-west; whilst the sea, which...

18. Chapter 18

ON arriving at the inn, to which I was forced to return to order my horse, I perceived Lawless's tandem waiting at the door, surrounded by a crowd of admiring rustics, with Shri...

19. Chapter 19

WE had arrived within a quarter of a mile of the gate, and I had just settled to my thorough dissatisfaction that the old footman must be a humorist, and had diverted himself by...

20. Chapter 20

“'Five shillings to one on't with any man that knows the statutes, he may stay him. His wits are not so blunt as, God help, I would desire they were. It is an offence to stay a...

60. Chapter 60

As we got farther from the high road, the ruts became so deep that we were obliged to proceed at a more moderate pace. After skirting a thick wood for some distance, we came sud...

14. Chapter 14

“I could be pleased with any one, Who entertained my sight with such gay shows As men and women, moving here and there, That coursing one another in their steps, Have made their...

44. Chapter 44

“I have often heard this and that and t'other pain mentioned as the worst that mortals can endure--such as the toothache, earache, headache, cramp in the calf of the leg, a boil...

21. Chapter 21

“He's a good divine that follows his own instructions; I can easier teach twenty what were good to be done, than be one of the twenty to follow my own teaching. The brain may de...

59. Chapter 59

ON the sudden appearance of old Peter in the deplorable condition described in the last chapter, we all sprang to our feet, eager to learn the cause of what we beheld. We were n...

15. Chapter 15

“Eh! Mrs. Lot?” interrupted Lawless, coming up to us: “why was she like me? do you give it up? Because she got into a pretty pickle--there's a riddle for you. I say, I made a ni...

45. Chapter 45

Susan. Very bad, John, very bad indeed; he has not got a leg to stand upon; and as to his shoe, try everything we can think of, we can't get him to put his foot in it.

46. Chapter 46

Susan. This is the settin'-room, if you please, sir. Hyacinth (fixing his glass in his eye, and scrutinising the apartment). This is the settin'-woom, is it? to set, to incubate...

47. Chapter 47

Enter Susan with black ribbons in her cap. Susan. Heigho! so the gout's carried off poor old master at last. Ah! well, he was always a great plague to everybody, and it's one's...