Part 5

_I took my aunt to see the town, A task I couldn’t dodge; At every cabaret she’d frown, She was a perfect nodge._

_But when, to visit her, I went To Pudding Centre, Mass., She took me to a gospel tent, I was a nodge, alas!_

=Nul´kin=, _n._ 1. The core or inside history of any occurrence. A true, but secret explanation. 2. Facts known, but not told.

The “nigger-in-the-woodpile” was named Mr. Nulkin.

The object of a trial by jury is to find the nulkin of the crime.

Why were they divorced? What does she see in him? Nobody knows the nulkin. It is the skeleton in the closet.

The nulkin is the true motive. _Cherchez la nulkin._

The diplomatic service is full of nulkins.

Why didn’t we go to war with Mexico? Did we fear Japan? What is the nulkin?

Why did she get the part of leading lady? This is the theatrical nulkin.

Why is a book popular? Publishers strive in vain to discover the literary nulkin. (See _Edicle_.)

Why do imitators fail? Because they copy outside traits, and not the inmost nulkin. (See _Bripkin_.)

A nulkin is the secret thought you never tell,--the real reason why your wife doesn’t like Sarah.

_“What does he see in her?” we ask; “What does she see in him?” Ah, matrimonial nulkins task The brains of seraphim!_

_The nulkin is what you have tried, And I have tried to know; Instead, we judge from what’s outside-- Perhaps ’tis better so._

=Oo´fle=, _n._ 1. A person whose name you cannot remember. 2. A state of forgetfulness regarding a friend or thing.

=Oo´fle=, _v._ 1. To try to find out a person’s name without asking. 2. To talk to an unknown person without introducing him to a nearby friend.

=Oofled=, _p.p._ Mortified needlessly.

“How do you do, Mr. Goheevus; you don’t remember me, do you?” Are you oofled? If you are not, you will say, “No, why should I?” But alas, one usually _is_ oofled, and struggles desperately to conceal the fact, groping wildly in the well of one’s memory for the lost name, while one’s friends stand about reproachfully, waiting to be introduced.

Any person whose name is Baker is an oofle,--or Brown, or Davis. The other most celebrated oofles are Harris, Johnson, Miller, Palmer, Pratt, Porter, Stevens, Simpson, Richards, Roberts, Taylor, Wheeler and Wilson. Can you ever tell one from another? No, not even if the pistol is held to your head! (See _Iobink_.)

Of course what’s an oofle to you may not be oofly to me, especially if my name is Goheevus. (See _Mooble_.) But everyone is oofled by a hostess who mumbles her introductions. (See _Cowcat_.)

_No wonder I was oofled, for, Although I knew his face, In some way, for the life of me, His name I couldn’t place;_

_Now, was it Harris, Johnson, Brown, Or Palmer, Jones or Platt? He was an Oofle, anyway-- There was no doubt of that!_

=O-ro-bal´di-ty=, _n._ 1. Modern witchcraft; Orientalism adapted to Occidental intellects; Emerson-and-milk. 2. An alleged process of getting wise quickly; a short cut to success.

Orobaldity in its most acute form, _i. e._, Vedantic philosophy with the asceticism left out, is particularly affected by females who are not willing to gain success or happiness through mere effort. It consists of gambling with the intellect, in order to gain a dishonest percentage of mental profit.

Orobaldity is, in the main, a modern magic supposed to be controlled by cryptic phrases and abracadabra such as “into the silence” and “holding the thought.” It is not necessary to know the esoteric meaning of such charms, or to exert any actual energy in obtaining one’s desires. (See _Gubble_.)

Orobaldity is a thing of “vibrations” and “thought currents” and is founded mainly upon analogies with wireless telegraphy and other modern scientific discoveries. It finds occult meanings in colors and numbers.

Orobaldity is medieval mysticism, mainly practised by women who have nothing else to do. (See _Mooble_.)

Actresses out of work find in orobaldity a good substitute for trying to get an engagement. Neurotic and erotic temperaments find it an admirable stimulant to egoism.

_First she was a Christian Scientist, And then a New Thought daughter; Next she became a Theosophist, Then Bahaiism caught her._

_But now her Occultism wanes, Astrology dispelling; Her Orobaldity remains As just plain Fortune-Telling._

=O´votch=, _n._ 1. One who does things merely because others do. One swayed by popular crazes, the victim of custom. 2. A currently popular fad or form of amusement.

To-day, baseball is an ovotch; dancing, whist, golf, Eurythmics, Eugenics, Kelly pool and Burgess Unabridged. (See _Blurb_.)

Golf is a re-ovotch, a revival of an obsolete sport. The popular tune of the day is an ovotch; the current slang; the fad of the hour in custom and costume.

Past is the ovotch of the bicycle, croquet and archery; to-morrow the ovotch may be put upon flying, skin-tight trousers, or free love. (See _Thusk_.)

One ovotch will never be revived, the family reciter, with her vox humana tremulo voice.

_In Grandma’s time, the ovotch quaint Was to be meek and modest; She used to have the “vapors”--(faint) She was so tightly bodiced._

_What is the ovotch for a maid To-day? The gown that lets Her lissome figure be displayed,-- And smoking cigarettes._

=Pa-loo´dle=, _n._ 1. One who gives unnecessary or undesired information. 2. Uncalled-for advice. 3. A recital of obvious details.

=Pa-loo´dle=, _v._ To give the above; to assume omniscience.

=Pa-loo´dlum.= A paloodle talk.

Have you ever in the theatre sat in front of a gabby gent, who paloodles his girl with the story of the play, announcing each entrance and exit?

The paloodle is ubiquitous; at the baseball game, he explains each play; at the pool-table, he tells you what you ought to do, or should have done. He is proficient in the knowledge of how to run other people’s business. (See _Drillig_.)

Old maids paloodle you with advice on how to train your children, or how to manage a husband. (See _Lallify_.)

A horse falls on the slippery pavement. Immediately it is surrounded with paloodles, suggesting blankets, and straps and buckles, and “Sit on its head.” It’s the paloodle’s head that should be sat upon.

The stage manager paloodles the actor: “You cross here,” he says; and, “You want to cry all through that scene.” No wonder the dramatic critic also paloodles the actor on the opening night. (See _Yowf_ and _Edicle_.)

Paloodling the baby is the favorite occupation of the second year of married life. “How to cure a cold,” a paloodlum in six parts.

_Each base was full, the score was tied, The strikes they numbered two; Still that paloodle at my side Paloodled me and you!_

_The inning was the ninth, alas, But the end I did not see-- For I was murdering the ass Who’d been paloodling me!_

=Paw´dle=, _n._ 1. One who is vicariously famous, rich or influential. 2. A person of mediocre ability, raised to undeserved prominence.

=Paw´dle=, _v._ To wear another’s clothes.

You all know him, the pawdle, or her, who pawdles in unpaid-for prosperity.

The husband of the famous wife, or the wife of a Star.

The child of a celebrity; the daughter of a president. (See _Yowf_.)

The editor of an Anthology, or a translator. An adopted child. A woman with dyed hair. An officer of the militia. An American countess. The author of a privately printed book. (See _Edicle_.)

To pawdle is to go to the theatre on passes; to ride in other people’s automobiles, to use hotel or club stationery.

To pawdle is the poor husband of the rich wife; also the husband of the industrious vaudeville artiste, or the farmer, who lets Florrie do all the work, while he talks politics at the village store. (See _Hyprijimp_.)

Behold Brother Pawdle, the Past Grand Worthy Superior Thingamajig, of the Glorified Order of Pawdles, in his transcendental uniform and gold sword! He is really the book-keeper of a fish-shop.

_Only a pawdle--don’t tell her so, For she thinks, as pawdles do, She is sought because of herself, you know; But you know that that isn’t true._

_Only a pawdle--but never mind, For she’ll die in due season, when Her proper place she will really find-- Not even a pawdle, then!_

=Per´so-tude=, _n._ Social warmth, personal magnetism, charm.

=Per´so-mag=, _n._ The unit of social favor.

A man charged to the highest voltage of persotude could borrow any amount of money. The charge fluctuates in the same person. After a good dinner, one vibrates sometimes up to 7,000 persomags. Cocktails, compliments and social success make one buzz with persotude. (See _Gubble_.)

Anyone troubled with negative persotude should take a rest cure and test his recovery by trying to sell life insurance, which requires the greatest sparking charge. (See _Spuzz_.)

Persotude is independent of beauty, though it is hard to make a woman believe it. Getting rich adds to one’s persotude,--but not always. Rockefeller’s persotude is less than 6-1/2 persomags. (See _Yowf_.)

Nicknames are prime evidence of rich persotude.

The highest persomags in America are Roosevelt, Christie Matthewson and Maude Adams.

_When Walter, at his Sunday School Declaimed “The Old Front Gate,” They flattered so the little fool His persotude was great._

_He went upon the stage and planned To be a tragic hero, He never even got a “hand”-- His persotude was zero._

=Pooje=, _n._ 1. An embarrassing situation; a sense of guilt; a regrettable discovery. 2. One who is caught in the act.

=Pooje=, _v._ To make a painful discovery; unwittingly to create a scene.

=Poojed=, _p.p._ Disconcerted, mortified, aghast.

A pooje is a sudden desire to become invisible; as when, entertaining company, the neat housewife sees a cockroach crawl along the floor.

John was kissing Mary, when Eliza opened the door. It was a pooje. John and Mary were poojed good. But even this wasn’t as bad as when John tried to kiss Eliza. She poojed him. “Sir!” she said, “how _dare_ you?”

Last night I dreamed that I was standing on the corner of Forty-second Street and Broadway at 10-45 P.M. just as the theatre crowd swept by. Yes, of course you know the sensation well--I was in my night-gown, with bare feet! Was I poojed? Rath-_er_! (See _Agowilt_.)

Also, you can get poojed merely by trying to step up a top stair which doesn’t happen to be there, or by being caught putting one cent in the contribution-plate.

Never listen at the keyhole when a man and his wife are quarreling inside; he may suddenly open the door and pooje you. (See _Bimp_.)

_Said Parks to his stenographer, “All ready? Well, take this!” And then Parks gave the girl a hug, And then gave her a kiss._

_Just then the door was opened wide, And his surprise was huge-- ’Twas Parks’s wife; he nearly died, For Parks was in a pooje!_

=Quink=, _n._ 1. An expression or mood of anxious expectancy; absorbed determination.

=Quinked=, _p.p._ Haggardly resolute, with the excitement of suspense.

=Quink´y=, _a._ Tense, uncertain, fearful.

A quink is the Welch rarebit face, the expression of one serving at tennis, or playing a difficult pool shot,--lifting the ball out of a bad golf hazard.

Women are quinked when they open a telegram; a boy, as he lights a fire-cracker. A girl, when in front of the glass, as she turns around to see if her underskirt is hanging down behind. A man, when he reads the ticker tape, during a panic, or is buttoning up the back of his wife’s dress.

A waiter is quinked when his customer takes the change from the plate--how much will be the tip? The cook, when she is trying the candy in a cup of cold water. The mother, as she waits for the fever to turn. (See _Squinch_.)

A quink is that expression you have on your face just before the tooth is pulled; the minute before the flashlight goes off; when she pulls the trigger of the gun.

You are quinked when you wait for someone who is late, or when you hurry to catch the last train, with only four seconds to spare.

The fat man’s face is quinked, when he tries to tie his own shoes. It is the face of the man, swimming under water, or of the playwright, on his opening night. (See _Snosh_.)

_On Henry’s face the lines were set, Distraught, he frowned and blinked; Why? He was all alone, and yet He was severely quinked._

_He heard the bell, but to the door He dared not go, to-day; For he was quinked until that bore At last had walked away._

=Quis´ty=, _a._ Useful and reliable but not ornamental.

=Quis´ter=, _n._ A person or thing that is beloved for its efficiency, character or worth, rather than for decorative value.

She was not beautiful, but she was business-like; she knew how to spell “its” and “it’s” and “there” and “their” and “they’re.” Her employer did not propose to her or take her out to dinner, but he would not have parted with her for a fortune. She was quisty. (See _Splooch_.)

The little tin motor-car your sporting friends call a “road-louse” will go as far as his gas-drinking, tire-burning, oil-consuming “Complex” and for one-tenth the money. It isn’t pretty, and it isn’t expensive, but it’s quisty.

Your jimmy-pipe is quisty, and so is that old mangy dressing-gown and that comfortable, worn pair of corsets, and those shabby shoes you hate to throw away. (See _Gefoojet_.)

Awful were the ugly apartments of the 80’s, but the rooms were large and airy; no such quisty flats nowadays.

Do you use an old-fashioned barber-style razor? Why? Because it’s quisty. That’s why you use that prehistoric stylographic pen, instead of a fountain, with a stiff, scratchy nib. (See _Wijjicle_.)

Is your faithful, sympathetic wife a quister? Remember, it’s always the best-looking women who go through the divorce courts.

_A pretty maid had Mrs. Slade, And Mr. Slade admired her; He used to glance at her askance So much the Mrs. fired her._

_A quisty maid now cooks for Slade, She’s uglier and thinner, But Mrs. Slade is much dismayed; Slade won’t come home to dinner._

=Quoob=, _n._ 1. A misfit, an incompetent person. 2. A person or thing obviously out of place. 3. One not worldly wise.

=Quoob=, _v._ To act differently than the rest; to commit a solecism; to be in the wrong place.

As you stand on the doorstep arrayed in your best, a sudden pang smites you. The door is opened. There is a look of blank astonishment, as you are ushered in. No hostess comes to greet you, no gay appareled guests are there. You are a quoob. The dinner is _next_ Thursday, not to-night. (See _Zobzib_.)

Which is worse, to be the only one in evening dress, when all the rest are modestly clad, or to be yourself in street-clothes, surrounded by low-necks and jewelry? In either case, you are a quoob.

If you are a natural born quoob, you are the only one of all the audience to applaud, or cheer. At that sudden lull in the conversation, you are the one to speak aloud. “No, I must say, I prefer the old-fashioned night-gowns.”

Sadly the quoob waits in the drug-store for the girl who never comes. (See _Quink_.) He goes to a party thought to be smart, to find he is the only one of importance.

A woman who is too tall is a quoob, or a man who is too short. So are you, when in rain coat and rubbers, after the sun has come out, or returning home in the morning, in your last night’s dress suit.

_I dreamed that I went out to walk In but my nightshirt clad! I was a Quoob; I could not talk; Oh, what a time I had!_

_But that was nothing to my plight When dining with Miss Lee-- They all wore evening clothes that night Except one Quoob--’twas me!_

=Rawp=, _n._ 1. A reliably-unreliable person. 2. One who means well. 3. A kind of husband.

=Raw´pus=, _a._ 1. Dilatory. 2. Semi-efficient.

The rawp can be absolutely depended upon to forget to bring “that book” he borrowed and that now you need.

Unreliable? Oh, you can depend upon him never to keep any engagement promptly; you would so much rather that he would fail utterly--then you could properly scorn and suppress him. (See _Zobzib_.)

But he _does_ answer his letters--after a while. He _does_ mail letters--after they are sufficiently smooched and crumpled in his coat pocket. The rawp, like the zobzib, is almost always late for the train, late enough at any time to give you a hygog.

Rawpus is the clerk who makes errors in his additions; the typewriter who spells “to” in three ways--_all_ wrong, is also rawpus. (See _Splooch_.)

“Did you get me that spool of red silk I asked you to this morning?” said Mrs. Smith. No, he forgot it. Mr. Smith is a rawp.

“Did you ring up Green and tell him to send a man to mow the lawn?” asked Mr. Smith. No, she didn’t; Mrs. Smith is a rawp.

And little Sammie Smith, who never goes to bed until he’s been told seven times--what then is he? A rawpet?

_When Mr. Rawp arrived, the boat Was sailing from the pier, And Mrs. Rawp was there, afloat-- So far, and yet so near!_

_No wonder Mrs. Rawp was vexed, For she returned, to find He took the steamer sailing next, And she was left behind!_

=Riz´gid-get=, _n._ 1. A state of mental inertia or indecision; an inability to make up one’s mind; a case of rival possibilities. 2. One who is lazily undecided.

You get the commonest, the most usual rizgidget in the restaurant: “What shall we have to eat?” But in seeking a gown, a hat or a wedding present, the rizgidget is always lying in wait for you, ready to infect you with mental sleeping sickness. It can catch you in the park and prevent your being able to decide even which side of the fountain to pass.

“Where shall we go on our vacation--to the mountains or the seashore?” This is the rizgidget which blooms perennially on June 1st. (See _Uglet_.)

“How much ought I to ask for it?” This is the rizgidget that has prevented many a sale.

“Which man shall I accept?” So the popular maiden is rizgidgeted.

“It looks like rain; shall we go or stay?” “Shall we sell our stocks, or hang on?” We cannot make up our minds; we are the victims of a rizgidget.

Why, every time you have a dinner party, you have the rizgidgets over whom to invite. (See _Cowcat_.)

_A donkey with two bales of hay, So does the fable run, Rizgidgeted the livelong day, Deciding on “which one?”_

_So, with a stupid brain that’s stirred By sluggish fuss and fidget, Deciding what to name this word Do I delay--rizgidget!_

=Rowtch=, _n._ One who has elaborate gastronomic technique.

=Rowtch=, _v._ 1. To accomplish strange maneuvers over food by means of a knife and fork. 2. To eat audibly or with excessive unction.

For the “Kansas City” or “banjo grip,” the rowtch, taking the fork in his left hand, places his thumb and little finger below, while the first, second and third fingers, as if touching the strings, press down upon the top of the instrument. (See _Wog_.)

The “Texan” grip is still more desperate; the fork is gripped as if about to stab--indeed it does stab, too!

Rowtching, however, can be done with a knife, as in the well known operation upon the tonsils, incidental to meals among our lower classes; the knife may be used to rowtch peas, or as a tool in that form of food-modeling which children affect.

More delicate and refined, more dainty and feminine is that form of rowtching which consists in jabbing a piece of meat upon the fork and adding dabs of potato, turnip and gravy until the utensil is heaped with its heterogeneous burden. Mashing and smoothing down of potato and smearing it with butter affords the rowtch opportunity for his plastic skill, or you may swirl your soda water glass.

Vegecide, the cutting of cooked potatoes and garden truck with a knife, is the only rowtch that obtains in high life.

_A conscientious eater was My mother’s Uncle Bill; We liked to see him eat, because He liked to eat his fill._

_And when he’d rowtched the meat and bread And things all out of sight, He pushed away his plate and said “Lord, where’s my appetite!”_

=Skinje=, _v._ To feel shudderingly; to annoy your fingers; to shrink from; to set your teeth on edge.

=Skinjed=, _p.p._ To have one’s tactile nerves outraged.

=Skin´jid=, _a._ Harsh, rough or gritty.

Did you ever skinje a broken finger-nail on satin? “Alias, Jimmy Valentine” can rub his finger-tips on sandpaper, but it’s too skinjid for poor little Me.

My Aunt Eliza’s hands are skinjid; no wonder, she _will_ wash them in soft-soap. And every time I kiss her chapped lips, I am horribly skinjed. (See _Vorge_.)

James Whitcomb Riley, in a pathetic little verse, tells of a sensitive, delicate young lady who loved to draw her finger-nails in long, sweet scratches down the plastered walls, skinjing them pathetically. You and I prefer to scratch bricks or blackboards--they are more skinjid. Do new towels skinje you? Do you skinje at wet velvet? Can you bite a skinjid file? Your collar--has it a skinjid edge?

“Put more starch in them lace curtains before you iron ’em,” says Mrs. O’Hatchet to the hired girl. “Mr. Masters always likes to feel of ’em before he goes to bed.” (See _Kripsle_.)

_As skinjid as a plaster wall, As skinjid as a file, So is the world when I am broke; I cannot laugh or smile._

_But when my purse is full and fat I know no teasing twinge; I meet so much to giggle at Nothing can make me skinje!_

=Sky´scrim-ble=, _v._ 1. To go off at a tangent; to fly into space. 2. To make a wild flight from an untenable intellectual position.

The acrobat on the flying trapeze skyscrimbles in a thrilling arc from perch to perch. So skyscrimbles the philosopher into words of seven syllables, when you ask him about the Deity. (See _Gubble_ and _Edicle_.)

A woman caught in an inconsistency skyscrimbles through an hour of fantastic argument.

When Wilson won, red Republicans skyscrimbled up into the Democratic fold. (See _Eegot_.)

Tell a Socialist that “You can’t change human nature,”--he skyscrimbles in Marxian metaphysics.

So, when you complain of your laundry, or your telephone service, or the railroad company’s neglect, men skyscrimble, passing the blame from one to another.

Ask one actress about another’s age.... “Why, she was in the Murray Hill Stock Company when Dustin Farnum used to” ... etc., etc., etc.... A skyscrimble.

_I asked a Suffragette one day, Whose wits were neat and nimble, Why she had rouged her cheeks that way-- She did a quick skyscrimble._

_I told a man ’twas funny that His overcoat was new While wifey wore her last year’s hat-- And he skyscrimbled, too!_

=Slub=, _n._ 1. A mild illness, that does not really incapacitate. 2. A “headache.” 3. An indisposition, manufactured for an especial occasion.

=Slub´by=, _a._ Feeling the necessity of a good excuse.

A slub is a cold, a headache, a boil or any affection in the disreputable underworld of disease. There’s nothing of the aristocracy of pain in the slub. It is, so to speak, a mere working illness.

Men’s slubs, however, are more intense than women’s. A man when he has a slub, says, “Oh pshaw! it’s nothing.” But he expects, all the same, to be assiduously attended. Every woman in the household must minister to his misery. (See _Varm_.)

Women have slubs innumerable, and for the most part say nothing about them, unless they want an excuse for staying away from a party. When the society woman has a slub, she sends for a good looking doctor. (See _Alibosh_.)