Part 3

_The house is fuddy--so am I, And so is everybody! The moving van is late, so why Should we not all be fuddy?_

=Frowk=, _n._ 1. A spicy topic. 2. An action considered to be about half wrong.

=Frow´]cous=, _a._ Nice, but naughty, or considered so; piquantly provocative; risqué, pertaining to sex.

How frowcous is the limerick, in its most perfect form! That frowk which it is just barely possible to recite at a dinner party:-- “There was a young lady so thin, that she slightly resembled a pin; don’t think that I’d creep to her window and peep--I was told by a friend, who looked in.”

’Tis a frowcous epoch--eugenics, white slavery, and the “dangerous age” are now the vogue, and a play that’s not a frowk can scarcely make a hit on Broadway. (See _Ovotch_.)

In the era of “sensibility”--when ladies had the vapors, the sight of a man shaving himself was frowcous. Now, we subscribe for the foreign illustrated comic papers, and speak boldly concerning “Damaged Goods.” (See _Bleesh_.)

Once a turkey trot was frowcous; bare feet and cocktails--but little is frowcous now. There are _so_ many “things that a young girl ought to know!”

_A frowcous tale one day I told To Revered Eli Meek. His laughter he could scarcely hold-- It lasted for a week._

_He couldn’t stop his wild guffaws; To calm his merry gale He had to leave the church, because He had to tell the tale!_

=Ge-fooj´et=, _n._ 1. An unnecessary thing; an article seldom used. 2. A tool; something one ought to throw away, and doesn’t. 3. The god of unnecessary things.

=Ge-fooj´et-y=, _a._ 1. Superfluous. 2. Pertaining to an old garret.

“Oh, no, I don’t want to throw that away yet; I’ll give it away to somebody, some time,” or “We may need it.” This is the doctrine of Gefoojet, which, preached and practiced in New England, has outlived the dogma of infant damnation. A thousand housewife martyrs have suffered years of persecution, testifying to the sublime nonsense. (See _Quisty_.)

In my grandmother’s wood-house closet, were ten thousand pieces of folded brown paper, and one hundred miles of string, salvaged from by-gone packages in sacrifice to Gefoojet.

Old letters, half used scrap-books, bottles, boxes and fragments of hardware accumulate unceasingly.

What is a Gefoojet? It’s something you haven’t used for two years, an old magazine or your wedding dress.

This is what cupboards and closets, top shelves, whatnots and garrets were invented for.--Gefoojets.

Have you a camera? Go forth and garner gefoojets.

“That thing” you keep because it was given by a dear friend--beware of it--’tis a gefoojet. (See _Thusk_.)

_Seven years I kept her letters--how Some time, I hoped to read them! Alas, they are gefoojets, now! I know I’ll never need them._

_But still gefoojetry survives, And makes us slaves to Things; Each day Gefoojet, all our lives, Some useless present brings!_

=Gix´let=, _n._ 1. One who has more heart than brains. 2. An inveterate host; an irresistible entertainer.

=Gix´let-y=, _a._ Brutal kindness; misguided hospitality; an overdose of welcome.

“Have some more of this--please do--I _insist_--I made it myself!” So says the gixlet, as she passes the piccalilli. (See _Vorge_.)

The gixlet insists upon paying your fare everywhere, he begs your pardon, when you step on his foot. He introduces you to everybody he meets. In public, he praises you with excruciating conspicuousness. At home, he insists upon your going to church, or showing you over his new house.

He says, “Why haven’t you been before?” (See _Wumgush_.)

He takes you on long walks when you visit him in the country, and want just to sit on the verandah and loaf.

The gixlet in the club orders drinks when you don’t want them, and insists upon your drinking them, because he does. The gixlet, in short, is the joyous, friendly dog, that leaps with muddy paws upon your clean, white trousers.

_The Gixlets entertained me till I thought I’d die the death; His wife and he could not keep still, Though I was out of breath._

_They showed me things, they made me gorge, Then walked me round the farm; That night, I killed them both, by George! Tell me, where was the harm?_

=Gloo´go=, _n._ 1. A devoted adherent of a person, place or thing. 2. A married person in love with his or her spouse after the first year. 3. Anything that can be depended upon.

=Gloo´go=, _a._ Loyal, constant. Foolishly faithful without pay.

Do you take cold baths all through January, February and March? You’re a gloogo,--especially if you don’t talk about it. (See _Yab_.)

Do you work over hours at the office? Do you come downtown early? Do you run in on Sundays and finish up a little batch of business? You’re a gloogo.

The gloogo, when young, studies his home lessons, instead of going to that Saturday night dance. In after-life he attends church every Sunday, and puts a quarter in the plate. If he plays golf, he prefers a rainy, cold day. (See _Vorge_.)

The gloogo elevator runs all night--but it’s a curiosity.

The family gloogo comes to dinner regularly on Wednesdays and Sundays. (See _Xenogore_.) Elsie Peach’s gloogo calls every day and always invites her to everything. Mrs. Valentine’s maid-servant is a gloogo--she loves to have extra company for dinner.

You are a gloogo, if you read Burgess Unabridged all through.

_John Smith was a gloogo of forty-five, And he worked like a piece of machinery; He was fond of his wife (who was still alive), And he always took lunch in a beanery._

_He went to church, and he didn’t drink, And he had no sins, no mystery; And that’ll be all about him, I think,-- For Gloogos seldom make history._

=Goig=, _n._ A suspected person; one whom we distrust instinctively; an unfounded bias; an inexplainable aversion.

=Goig´some=, _a._ Dubious; requiring references or corroboration.

To one from Missouri, the world is full of goigs. Well you have to “show me,” too, when the new janitor takes possession of the cellar--he’s a goig. There’s the man with the perpetual smile; he’s a goig. Why do we watch the gentleman whose collar buttons behind, or the dog who doesn’t wag his tail? There’s something goigsome about them. He “listens well,”--_but!_ I ha’e me doots! (See _Eegot_.)

To the fondly doting mother, her son’s sweetheart is always a goig. When he’s engaged, she is still more goigsome. Once married, and the suspense is over. (See _Frime_.)

Would you be a goig? Then shave your upper lip and grow a chin beard.

The servile affability of an English shopkeeper, rubbing his hands--how goigsome! So is your wife’s man-friend, and the new cook.

But, best of all goigs--or worst--the man who says: “Oh, I’ll surely pay it back next week, at latest!” (See _Elp_.)

_The dividends are ten percent, The stock “is going to rise,” “It’s going to make the fortune of Each lucky man that buys.”_

_But still, I think I’ll not invest, I do not know just why,-- But with a Goig, it is best To let your neighbor try!_

=Gol´lo-hix=, _n._ 1. An untimely annoyance, especially when one wishes to sleep. 2. An auditory nuisance.

Of course, when you put up at the Fleetville Hotel Imperial, you got a room in the rear, looking out over the railroad station and the trains ran all night, backing and switching, raising a fine gollohix. But the side rooms were just as bad; there was a gollohix windmill creaking incessantly.

Further back in the country a dog will make the best gollohix, baying at the moon, or yelping at a woodchuck.

So let’s come to the city. It’s all night in the Pullman, and the gollohix they make with the milk-cans and switch-engines won’t last but three or four hours.

Why try to describe the gollohix? It’s the piano in the next flat at midnight; it’s the turkey-trotting overhead; it’s the phonograph across the hall. (See _Jujasm_.)

Why do they put in your neighbor’s coal so late in the evening, when you have tonsilitis? The coal-man loves a gollohix, as a chauffeur loves a cut-out motor, as a city child loves firecrackers on the 3rd of July.

A musical comedy makes a good gollohix when you sit in the front row next to the drum, but a crying baby at four o’clock in the morning makes the best of all. (See _Kidloid_.)

Wait a minute--I forgot the man who practices the trombone or the cornet, just across the airshaft--that’s a gollohix to dream about!

_A New Year’s Eve in gay New York, Fire engines at a fire, A parrot that doth squawk and squawk Are gollohixes dire._

_If gollohixes all could be Escaped, I’d thank my stars, But Gollohix the Great is he Who snores in sleeping-cars!_

=Go-lob-ri-fac´tion=, _n._ 1. An object which has suffered extravagant decoration. 2. A composition superspiced with adjectives.

=Go-lob-ri-fac´tu-rer=, _n._ A mad architect, or designer.

=Go-lob´ri-fy=, _v._ To adorn excessively; to add excruciating and unmeaning ornament.

Golobrifaction is the extravagant exaggeration of art. One may golobrify pastry, jellies, salads; or literature, with decadent phrases.

Golobrifaction is the art of supersweetening, or the flourish of eccentric adornment. (See _Diabob_.)

Topiary gardening golobrifies the country residence of the aristocrat; humbler abodes are golobrified with cast iron stags or plaster statues of nervous nymphs.

The lover golobrifies his _billets doux_ with ardent adverbs. The ambitious builder golobrifies his villas with the fret-saw and the turning-lathe. (See _Gorgule_.)

Trading-stamp furniture, Spencerian flourishes, imitation castles, parsley decorations, notched turnips, oranges and radishes, cheap picture-frames, perfumery bottles, boars’ heads, fishes with tails in their mouths, gingerbread men--all are golobrifactions.

The wedding cake of the millionaire is a golobriboblifaction. _Art nouveau_ would require still another syllable. After all, is there much difference between a valentine and a formal Italian garden?

_Her gown it was golobrified With flounces, tucks and shirrs, With laces trimmed, with ribbons tied, With buttons, fringe and furs._

_Like unnamed tropic bird her look,-- For, putting Art in action, Her spouse, a famous pastry cook, Made that golobrifaction!_

=Gor´gule=, _n._ 1. An unwished-for gift; an unnecessary, splendiferous object. 2. Elaborate bad taste.

=Gor´gu-lous=, _a._ Ornamental, but not useful.

A gorgule is the imitation malachite clock, the fancy brass lamp, the green plush sofa, gorgulous with curves, writhing spirals, tassels, gimp and fringe. (See _Diabob_.)

A hand-embroidered necktie is a gorgule. So are lacy, frilled, beribboned boudoir-caps, without any boudoir; and fancy smoking jackets; and corset-covers with chiffon roses, theatrical act drops and scenic interiors,--anything too royal for humble use. (See _Golobrifaction_.)

Most wedding presents are gorgules. “Heavens, I wish someone would break that!” Need one describe the gorgule? A brass-and-onyx prodigy. A celluloid toilet set, in a plush casket, a chandelier of the epoch of 1880, a silver-plated ice-pitcher, or a set of lemonade-tumblers in colored glass. (See _Gefoojet_.)

Ever receive a loving-cup, grand and gorgulous? Once you were proud of it; now you’re willing to have the children lug it to the seashore and shovel it full of sand. Why did you subscribe for that large folio _edition de luxe_ “Masterpieces of Foreign Art,” a gorgule in nine monstrous volumes--price $85.75?

Don’t forget that eiderdown fan. It’s a gorgule. Give it to the cook.

_Behold this gorgulated chair-- A weird, upholsterrific blunder! It doesn’t wonder why it’s there, So don’t encourage it to wonder;_

_For Gorgules such as this don’t know That they’re impossible, and therefore They go right on existing, so This is the whyness of their wherefore._

=Gorm=, _n._ A human hog; a practical egoist.

=Gorm=, _v._ To take or desire more than one’s proper share; to act greedily.

=Gor´mid=, _a._ Selfish, individualistic.

The gorm, when you offer him a cigar, puts it in his pocket and says he “will smoke it after dinner.” When he loses his watch, he offers a reward which shrinks amazingly when his property is returned and he is sure of it back. (See _Igmoil_.)

The gorm never pays for his round of drinks. He manages so that the other fellow shall settle for the taxi and the tickets. He will never move up in the trolley-car or take his bundle from the seat. On the railway, he manages successfully to occupy four places at once.

The gorm is the woman who tries to get in ahead of the line which forms at the ticket office. She monopolizes the most attractive man in the room to the exclusion of her sisters. At the bargain counter the gorm holds three waists while she examines a fourth.

Children gorm candy and ice-cream; men gorm free lunches, and women in Pullman cars gorm the ladies’ room for hours and hours, behind locked doors. (See _Spigg_.)

And all girls gorm love, or try to gorm it.

_He gormed the fireplace, standing there With coat tails to the flame With easy grace, without a care For us who, shivering, came._

_He gormed the magazines, and sat On papers by the dozen; But at our club we’re used to that-- Our gormid English cousin!_

=Gow´yop=, _n._ 1. A state of perplexity, wherein familiar persons or things seem strange. 2. A person in an unfamiliar guise.

Have you ever been “turned around,” coming out of a theatre, after an exciting play? Right is left and west is east. You are in a gowyop. It is long before you can turn yourself about and make the world seem normal.

The husband who has just shaved off his beard is a gowyop to his wife. And his wife is a gowyop, after she has tinted her hair bright red. (See _Spigg_.)

The gowyop is like that room you see in the mirror,--so like, and yet so different. Your house, the day after the funeral, is a gowyop--everything seems so strange.

A pretty child, with his two front teeth out; a person you haven’t seen for many years and you now behold grown up; a son or a daughter who has just been married, are gowyops. So is the dignified old gentleman in the bathing suit. Or, that aristocratic dowager, who, when the house is on fire, appears in her night-gown; and your cook, when she is “dressed up.”

To the bachelor of science, returning after four years at college, home is a gowyop, too. (See _Thusk_.)

_All in a gowyop I descried An unfamiliar world; All upside down, I vainly tried To get myself uncurled._

_But I was inside out, till when I met my wife--the sight Quite turned me outside in again-- She’d bleached her black hair white!_

=Gub´ble=, _n._ 1. A murmuring of many voices. 2. Society chatter.

=Gub´ble=, _v._ To indulge in meaningless conversation.

=Gub´ble-go=, _n._ 1. A crowded reception, a talking contest.

It’s like some huge, slimy reptile, with a hundred mouths, all murmuring. As you are admitted to the house, as the servant takes your hat and cane, the far-off sounds of gubbling strike you with terror; but it must be done. In you go. Everyone is talking, but no one is listening. Say anything you like--it will be lost in the gubble.

There’s gubble in a wordy play. There’s gubble at the steamer when you see a friend off for Europe--a flattering gubble, after you have performed in public. (See _Wumgush_.)

Letters of condolence usually consist of gubble. Editorials about marine or railway disasters are gubble. So are funeral sermons. (See _Alibosh_.)

_I entered, and I heard the hum Of multitudinous gubble; And I was terrified and dumb, Anticipating trouble._

_When I remarked that hens had lice, (Not knowing what I said), My hostess smiled, and said “How nice! Let me present Miss Stead!”_

=Huz´zle-coo=, _n._ 1. An intimate talk; a “heart-to-heart” conversation; a private confidential chat. 2. A flirtation.

A huzzlecoo is an animated conversation between two women over the back fence. It is a business talk between two partners and their credit-man behind the locked doors of the office; it is the directors’ meeting which results in Jones being appointed.

Ward politicians hold huzzlecoos in the back rooms of saloons and make up their “slates.” Mother and daughter hold a huzzlecoo in Nellie’s pink cretonne bedroom over “that young man” who has become so attentive. After the baseball captain and his manager have a huzzlecoo, Five-Base Murphy is put into the box.

But if you’ve never heard two girls discussing a man, or sat in the front parlor with Moony Mamie, the Merry Maneater, till 2 A.M.--then I pity you; you’ll never know what a good hot huzzlecoo means. (See _Voriander_.)

_The huzzlecoo that Mary had With me, the other night, Was intimate and personal, And,--well, you know all right!_

_The huzzlecoo her father had With me, soon after that, Was intimate and personal-- I left without my hat!_

=Hy´gog=, _n._ 1. An unsatisfied desire. 2. An anxious suspense.

=Hy-gog´i-cal=, _a._ Unattainable; next to impossible.

Oh, that hygogical curtain-shade that simply will _not_ catch, jiggle it up and down as you will! Oh, that mirror, too high for you, even on tiptoe! Oh, that telephone operator who won’t answer--and that match you can’t find, in the dark. Hygogs. Did you ever wait for a sneeze that wouldn’t come? It is a hygog.

The chandelier--just out of reach; with lighted match, how often have I striven to light the gas! It was a hygog. How near, and yet how far!

Your note paper too large for the envelope. Fold it over on the edges and cram it in-- No, it sticks, and will not go! It’s a hygog. Or, if once rammed in, no man can draw it forth. (See _Wijjicle_.)

Ah, but you suffer, not only for your hygog, but for another’s: The actor, who forgets his lines, the parlor elocutionist who pauses and cannot get the next verse--the hygog is an agony unendurable. (See _Splooch_.)

Hygogical is the strained anxiety of one who waits in nervous suspense for someone to meet her at the station in time to catch the train.

The cave-man knew it when, pursued by a saber-toothed tiger, he crawled out on the end of a too slender limb.

_In Baltimore an oyster rare Lay on his shell of pearl, Huge as an alligator pear-- ’Twas placed before a girl._

_Two times to swallow it she tried, Three times, and still did fail; The hygog was too long, too wide-- Let’s kindly draw the veil!_

=Hyp´ri-jimp=, _n._ 1. A man in a woman’s place or who does women’s work. 2. An obedient and thoroughly domesticated husband. 3. A man entirely surrounded by women.

He may wash the dishes because his wife is ill, or because she is making a speech on the street corner; but he is still a hyprijimp. He may wheel the baby-carriage because he is in love with his offspring or afraid of his wife; he is a hyprijimp. (See _Vorge_.)

He who carries bundles, kisses his wife in public, does errands for his sister or criticises hats with real fervor is a hyprijimp.

The hyprijimp is the male guest at a woman’s club; a man at a prayer meeting, an author who reads his own poems, a non-smoker, a husband in an employment agency. (See _Varm_.)

The husband of a Suffragette is a hyprijimp. (See _Wowze_.)

_Within a tea-room, pink and dim, Mid candlesticks and tiles, A hyprijimp, the only Him, Was waiting, wreathed in smiles._

_Ah, did he swear at Her delay? Did rage his forehead crimp? Oh, no, he was not built that way; He was a hyprijimp!_

=Ig´moil=, _n._ 1. A quarrel over money matters; a sordid dispute. 2. The driving of a hard bargain; a petty law suit.

Before the funeral was over, the brothers and sisters were fighting over the will; yes, before the father was dead, they had their igmoils over the property.

Woe to the wife of the stingy husband! Many are her igmoils. (See _Hyprijimp_.)

And yet no one can escape the igmoil when abroad. When they charge you, as an American, four times the price, how can you help trying to jew them down? (See _Jurp_.)

The igmoil is the pawnbroker’s daily bread.

To lose a friend through an igmoil, is the most sordid tragedy of life.

_My wife had bought a summer hat; It cost her 19.20, That is, of course, it cost_ me _that. I thought 6.50 plenty._

_We had an igmoil, for, you see, I had to have that money. She couldn’t see I needed three New golf clubs! Ain’t that funny?_

=Imp´kin=, _n_. A superhuman pet; a human offspring masquerading in the form of a beast; an animal that is given overabundant care.

The impkin is the sole heir of Race Suicide, his mother being The High Cost of Living. He is supposed to “love his mummy.”

Impkins are canine and feline, but their parents are usually asinine.

The impkin is hyper-domesticated but doesn’t particularly like it. An impkin being frankly natural is always a shock to his mistress. (See _Frowk_.)

The impkin is particularly affected by large blondes, and always when their hair is hennaed.

Impkins have collars but no cuffs. They wear boots and ulsters and live in limousines. They give teas and grudgingly tolerate the presence of the master of the family. (See _Varm_.)

The impkin is supposed to have all of a baby’s virtues and none of his faults. It requires more care, but doesn’t jeopard one’s place in Society.

_An impkin, noble and refined, Complained, “No doubt you see, Of course, I do not have to mind My mistress--she minds me.”_

_“A Pomeranian canine, I,-- She’s but a common woman; She’s really quite insulting--why, She seems to think I’m human!”_

=I´o-bink=, _n._ 1. An unplaceable resemblance; an uncertain similarity. 2. An inaccessible memory. 3. An unexplainable sound.

A flash of mysterious semi-recognition confuses you for a moment. “Where--when--have I done just that thing before?” No use to search your memory or puzzle your wits; you can never catch up with the elusive thought: It’s an iobink.

That strangely familiar face you pass in the street--the figure you dimly recognize in the restaurant.

The iobink, like a will-o’-the-wisp, leads you on in fond pursuit. It was probably some clerk in a dry-goods store, or the assistant in the grocery. (See _Oofle_.)

So the iobink subtly tortures you. You hear its human voice in sounds of running water, or the moan of the wind. And, as you lie in bed, terrified, an unexplainable noise keeps you awake. But, it’s nothing--only an iobink.

What _is_ that word, that you cannot quite remember? It circles above your head, just out of reach. The iobink will not come, except uncalled. The tune you strive to bring back haunts you like a ghost. You cannot give it audible form. It hovers beyond your consciousness in a world of iobinks. (See _Rizgidget_.)

_Who was she? And what was her name? Somehow, I couldn’t think. Why was my memory so to blame? It was an iobink._

_Where had I seen that face, that stare? In some old, previous life? The iobink dissolved--and there She was--my former wife!_

=Jip=, _n._ 1. A dangerous topic of conversation; 2. A suggestive remark.

=Jip´lish=, _a._ Likely to lead to an explosion; too personal.

Never make fun of Reno--even to Mrs. Newlywed--she may have a ticket already bought, and it will be a jip. (See _Pooje_.)

Never speak slightingly of actors, dentists, Jews, Socialists, mothers-in-law, plumbers, Christian Scientists or Progressives--the man in the embroidered velvet necktie who has begun to glare at you, may be all of them--it’s a jip.