Chapter 8
the nex morning mother come up and waked me and told me to dress and come down stairs jest as quick as i cood. she looked xcited. i asted her if ennybody was sick and she sed wirse than that. i cood hear peeple talking loud down stairs and i run down as quick as i cood get my close on and without washing my face or comeing my hair. when i got down there in the setting room i saw Billy and Mrs. Billy Hanson and old Pettigrew and Beanys father and Pewts father and the reverent Josier Higgins and old man Wiggins the trusty of the berrying ground and Decon Aspinwall and Pewt and Beany and father and mother and Aunt Sarah. and they were all piching in xcept father and mother and Aunt Sarah who dident say ennything. Mrs. Billy Hanson sed she had never been so insulted in her life. she sed she had lived a good cristian life and to have sech a insult paisted on her house was more than flesh and blud cood stand and she boohood like a big baby. and Decon Aspinwall sed he had stood all he was going to and this time the coarts wood take it up and settle it onct for all if peeple was to be insulted and defaimed and there rites trampled on and the reverent Josier sed he thougt the sacrid eddifise of whitch he was a unwerthy paster had augt to be safe from infaimus attacks and that he shood ast the coarts to rite him in the publick ey.
and old man Wiggins he sed that the ded wood tirn in there graives if they see what was on the berrying ground gait. and Beanys father sed he wasent going to be called a spider munkey for nothing and Pewts father sed he was going to find out who poasted up that Jo Jo bill befoar he left, if it took the rest of his lifetime. then they all talked together and made a feerful noise. bimeby father sed now you have all had your chance, less find out sumthing about it. so he told them what he gnew about the circus man asking us to poast the bills and Pewts father and Beanys father sed that was so. then father asted me why i done it and i told him we were told to poast the bills in aproprate places to atrack attension and we done it. i sed we was going to put the stork up on Missis Dorsens house but the doctor was there and we coodent and so we put it on Misses Hansons. and then Missis Hanson saled into me like time again then Pewts father sed Pewt sed he dident know ennything about puting the Jo Jo bill on his house and i sed he was in the house then and Beanys father sed Beany sed he dident know about the spider munkey bill and i sed Beany was in the house then and i done it.
then they all sed i was the ring leeder and had led Pewt and Beany into temptasion and old Decon Aspinwall sed it was mity queer that we dident put up ennything on fathers house and the boy was the father of the man and that he wood see that i was sent to the reform school and that father paid heavy damages.
that was the time father got mad and told him to go to hell and old Decon went off to see his lawyer. then father told the others that he wood do all he cood to make it rite and he took me round to all of them to their houses and made me beg their pardon. peeple were scraping the pictures off and washing them with hot water and evrybody was laffing.
Uncle Gilman and Mister Gechel and Horris Cobb all laffed and sed it was a good goke but the others were all feerful mad with me and father and not very mad with Pewt and Beany. that is all rite but the idea of me leading Pewt and Beany into temtasion makes me sick.
well Pewt got a licking and Beany got a licking and i got a licking and we have all got to stay in the house until school begins. but Beany had to go to chirch to keep his gob.
it is prety tuf to stay in a fellers room and to hear a circus band playing and not go jest becaus we tride to do the best we cood. ennyway i am glad i aint going to the reform school. father jest come in with a paper. he sed he had been arested and had to get bale. he sed old Decon Aspinwall had sewed him for 10 thousand dollars for defaiming his caracter. father sed old Decon had to go to Portsmouth for a lawyer, and that Amos Tuck and General Marstin and Judg Stickney and Alvy Wood all come up and sed they wood see him throug without paying a dam cent. father feals prety good tonite. Aunt Sarah says he always does when there is a chane for a fite.
this is the ferst time in my life i ever hoaped school wood begin. ennything is beter than staying in your room.
September 15, 186---school begun today and i went. i dident supose i ever wood ruther go to school than stay in my room espeshully a school whitch is taugt by old Francis. but they is always sumthing lively taiking place in old Francis school. sumtimes Micky Guold is setting down on tacts or the points of pens whitch has been stuck in his seet so they wont fall over like a bent pin whitch aint mutch good enyway most of the time and hollering bludy merder and geting snached baldheaded for it by old Francis, or Beany or Bug Chadwick is being ferriled with a hard wood ruler with 2 hairs in the pam of there hand to splitt the old ruler into fraggments whitch i have never seen did yet in this life or licked sumwhere else whare nuthing will do enny good xcept a peace of paistboard or the Exeter Newsleter in the set of their britches, or Pop Clark is maid to eat a apple before the hoal school as fast as he can with rot and wirm holes and wirms and the stem and seeds and the coar or Skinny Bruce is being snaiked over 2 seets and put in the woodbox with the cuvver down because Gim Erly whitch sits behine Skinny put a pin in the toe of his shue and reeched over and kicked Tady Finton whitch sits in front of Skinny and old Francis wont believe Skinny but licks him onct for doing it and twict for liing about it whitch he says is twict as wirse as doing it, or Fatty Gilman is down on all foars and howling while old Francis lams him with the haff of the broom stick he stirs the fire with while Fatty is triing hard to crawl throug a chair whitch he cant do enny moar than the cammel cood crawl throug the ey of the needle in the bible.
All of them things is taiking place in old Francis school every day whitch makes it a very intersting place when you are not the feller whitch is doing them things but is setting down and waching them out of the coner of your ey and pertending to studdy hard whitch nobudy can do when sumbuddy is howling terruble and banging agenst seets and you never know when your tern wil come nex.
but it is lots beter than staying in your room and not seing the fellers and coppying there xamples and getting so far behine in your studdies that you are shoar to get licked evry day for a week or 2. there is sum fun in geting licked onct in a while if you have a chance to escaip and it is a grate deel moar fun if sumbuddy else gets licked for sumthing you have did. sumtimes a feller will tel on sumbuddy else and then evry feler whitch can lick him licks him the ferst time they gets the chance. but most of the fellers will take another fellers lickings without a yip. Old Francis lickings is wirse than 2 or 3 of another fellers lickings but aint so bad as 30 or 40 lickings whitch a feller is shoar to get if he tells on anuther feller to say nuthing about the girls running their tungs out at you and calling you tattle tail and stiking their nose up in the air when they goes by you whitch maiks a feller feal prety cheep whitch is sumtimes wirse than a licking.
So on the hoal i had ruther go to school than stay in my room whitch dont make enny diference becaus i have got to go ennyway wether i want to or not.
tonite i had to studdy Colburn arithmatic. it is the wirst book i ever studded. i bet there aint a boy in this wirld whitch doesnt want to paist time out of old Colburn. i had ruther be a merderer if nomuddy gnew it than be a feler whitch rote a arithmatic. Ennyway old Colburn had a key whitch tells jest how to do the xamples and has them all figgered out. teechers is aloud to have the key but the scholers cant have it. Enny time old Francis dont know how to do a xample he looks in his key and lerns how and then a feller whitch dont have a key is snached baldheaded becaus he dont know how to do it. i dont think that is fair. i had 10 xamples to do and i have got them all did. Cele done 4 and Keene 3 and father 3. so i am all rite tomorrow. father give me 2 bats in the ear befoar i undestood one xample. Keene gets mad but she dont dass to bat me. Cele is the best.
September 16, 186---brite and fair. i havent let my boat for a long time. Pewts' father has got the best boats now. it was prety quite in school today only 9 fellers got licked. five of them hollered to make old Francis stop. Scotty Briggim never hollers and Stubby Gooch and Tady Tilton and Jack Mevlin dont ever holler. Nigger Bell never got but one licking and he hollered louder than enny feller i ever herd Old Francis dont lick him becaus he hollers so loud.
September 17, 186---brite and fair. i havent had a cent for moar than a weak. it is tuf to be so poar. i have got to rase sum chink sumhow. Beany aint paid me my 40 cents yet.
September 18, 186---i got licked today in school. jest for nothing. sum one put sum gum in Medo Thirstems seet and he coodent get up to resite and old Francis yanked him up and found the gum and licked me becaus i set jest behine his seet. he sed he had been keeping his ey on me for a long time. it cant be very long becaus school has only been 3 days. today was wensday and there wasent enny school in the afternoon. me and Putter went up river fishing and caught 8 pickeril. prety good for us.
September 19, 186---brite and fair. nex weak is the county fair and cattle show. i am going. the band is pracktising evry nite and that is the reeson i cant get my lessons. no feller can studdy when a band is playing king John quickstep and red stocking quickstep and romanse from Leeclare and departed days and things like them rite across the strete. so i miss in my lessons and get licked most every day. sum day i am going to play in a band. i shall play a e flat cornet like old Robinson and Bruce Briggim and Rashe Belnap. they played a new peace tonite. i shoodent think men whitch cood play in a band wood ever do ennything else. i never wood.
September 20, 186---rany as time. i hoap it wont rane next weak when they are having the fare. tonite it raned so hard that the band dident pracktise so i had time to studdy. i coodent do ennything this afternoon but set in Ed Toles barn and see the horses rubed down.
September 21, 186---brite and fair today. i went to chirch today. After chirch me and father went up to the fair grounds. they have got a lot of sheds bilt and most of the fence is up and the ralings round the track. i bet it will be a good fair.
Peekily Tiltons father plays in the band and 3 uncles. his father plays a b flat tenner horn and his uncle Ed plays a e flat base horn and his uncle George plays an e flat alto horn and his uncle Warrin plays a b flat cornet. Peeliky says he is going to play some day. he doesnt know what he will play but he wil play sumthing. i asted father why he dident play in the band and he sed they was dam fools enuf in the wirld without he being one. i was going to ast him to by me a cornet but i desided i woodent jest yet. i gnew jest what he wood say if i asted him.
father says he dont like band playing but i notise he stays to home the nites the band plays and sets on the steps an lisens and beets time with his foot and sumtimes puts in as good base as Ed Tilton, Peeliky Tiltons uncle can with his base horn and when sumbuddy in the band plays out of tune he gumps up and waulks up and down the piaza and says why dont they hit that feller with a ax. so i know he likes band playing as wel as i do. i wish he played in the band fer then i wood go into the bandroom and hear them. me and Beany tride to go in one nite and we was jest going up stairs when sumbuddy throwed a hoal pale of water on us and we skined out prety lifely. i woodent care if they only wood let us in after they had throwed the water but they hollered get out of here you little devils or we will drownd you. i bet them band fellers can lick enny other band fellers and beat them playing two. i bet our band is as good as enny band in the wirld.
September 22, 186---i am terible xcited. we are going to have three days vacasion this week while they have the fair and cattle show and i have got a seeson ticket becaus Charles Talor is going to have Nellie to drive the hoal time. he gets the hay and grane and straw for the annimals and has got to be going in and out of the fair grounds al the time and father has let him have Nellie and he give me and father a seeson tickit. so i kin go all the time so long as i split my kinlins and get in my wood and all the pales of water mother wants. Beanys father is going to ride in percession as marchal with a yeller sash on and long yeller gloves on and a stick with red and white and blew ribbons on it and so Beany has got a seeson tickit two and Pewts father is going to put sum golden pollish hens and sum rocky mountain hens in the hen show and so Pewt has got a seeson ticket. Beany has pade me back my forty cents. i tell you there aint many fellers whitch has as good luck as i have got. 3 days vacasion and a season tickit to a fair and cattle show and plenty of money. i dont se what else a feller cood want. tonite i studded as hard as i cood with a band playing 2 or 3 new peaces. Cele helped me with my examples. it wont do for me to miss in my lessons tomorrow or nex day. i gess with Celes help i can hang on for 2 days more after that i dont care so mutch.
September 32, 186---it looks like rane. i hoap it wil rane today if it ranes this weak. today i saw a man drive throug town in a high wheal gig hiched to a auful long legged horse. the man had on a cap with a long viser and had pullers on his ranes and had 2 pales hung under his gig and set on a lot of blankits and the horse had on a white blanket with red letters on it whitch sed Flying Tiger 2.57 enterd for the free for all. he asted Tommy Tomson the way to the fair grounds and Tommy sed he cood show him and he clim into the gig and drove off. well Tommy he staid to the fair grounds all the forenoon and in the afternon old Francis licked him and made him holler two but Tommy sed it was worth it to stay to the fair grounds haff a day and get out of school for one licking. he sed it dident hurt mutch and he only hollered to make him stop. Tommy says they have bilt a bandstand and a stand for the juges and pens for the pigs and hens and cattle and resterants and pop corn places and evrything else. i wood like to go up tonite but father says i cant go up until the ferst day of the fair.
Tommy says there is going to be a snaik charmer and a bull whitch gives milk and a girl whitch has got 2 heads and 4 legs and 4 arms and a sheep with 6 legs. mother says i cant go in to see the girl with 4 legs becaus its impropper to look at a girls legs. i asted father and he sed it is twict as impropper to look at a 4 leged girls legs as a 2 leged one so i cant go in to see that.
Tommy sed they was going to be a troting race for bulls. Charley Treadwill has got a big white and black bull named Nickerbocker whitch he drives in a wagon with a bit in his mouth and he is going to have a race with a bull from Portsmouth. i bet on Charleys bull. i wish it was a bull fite. i wood bet on Charleys bull.
old Wakeup Robinson is going to trot his horse Prince John. they is going to have 2 bands the Exeter band and the Newmarket band. i bet the Exeter band is the best. i cant hardly wate for tomorrow.
i dident miss in school today and tonite we set out on the steps to hear the band. old wisler Weeks is going to play a fife in the band and old Potsy Dirgin is going to play a fife two.
September 24, 186---brite and fair and county fair two. that is a goke and a good one two but nobuddy will ever see it but me. gosh i am tired tonite i never had so much fun in my life. we had the best percession i ever see. first come the marchals George Perkins and John Gardner and Beanys father and old Francis and John Gibson all on white horses xcept George Perkins and John Gardner and old Francis whitch was on red horses and Jon Gibson whitch was on a spoted horse and they all looked fine. then come the Exeter band and then a lot of ox teems full of wimen in white with their hides all brushed up with curry combs and their horns all cuvered with ribbons and evergreens in their slats. i tell you when old Giddings and old Wiliam Conner and old Nat Gilman jabbed them with the ox godes they walked along prety lifely. then come the Newmarket band and then the fire ingine and a lot of men with cains and stove pipe hats and then a steam wagon and then Charles Tredwill driving his bull and old wakeup Robinson with his troter and a sope pedler with a humpback horse. it was the best percession i ever see. the Exeter band played 4 times as loud as the Newmarket band. i wish you cood have heard Peeliky Tiltons uncles play you wood have thougt they wood bust their cheeks but they dident. Fatty Walker broak 2 heads on his base drum the ferst day and Len Heirvey broak one in the snair drum. I gnew they wood beat the Newmarket band. tonite father and mother and Cele and Keene and Georgie have went to the haughticulture show in the town hall. they have all sorts of frutes and beens and pees and beets and flowers and gars of frute and perserves and bread and cake and pyes to see whitch has maid the best and gnitting and sowing things and drawings and paintings and bea hives and stufed birds and a stufed wilcat showing her teeth. it is ded so it cant hirt ennybuddy and composisons of school girls and handwriting and lots of things. i wanted to go but father sed i codent go to evrything. i gess i will go to bed. i have got a verry bizy day tomorow. Beany is going to try and get a gob tomorow.
September 25, 186---brite and fair again. i am prety tired again tonite and am staying to home. father and arnt Sahar and Keene and Cele and Georgie have went to the haughticulchure show this time and me and mother are staying to home. mother is rocking the baby and i am in my room wrighting. today there was a percession this morning and i was in it but only a litle while. i held one end of the base drum but evry time Fatty Walker wood hit it a good belt he wood send me flying round sideways and at the end of the ferst peace i felt jest as if old Francis had shook my livver out. so i give it up. so they got Curley Conner a big feller. Fatty cood bang the drum as hard as he cood lam it but he coodent nock Curley round.
today the Exeter band beat the Newmarket band again. it scart 4 horses and made them run awa and smashed 3 wagons and throwed out 14 people and the Newmarket band only scart one horse and dident throw out enny peeple. i tell you Exeter can beat Newmarket evry time.
Me and Pewt and Beany all got a chance to take a gob. the man that hollers for Julia the snaik charmer offerd us 1 doller apeace if we wood stand up on the platform and let a boar constricter coil around us and then Julia the snaik charmer wood come out and charm the snaiks and save our lifes. you bet we dident take that gob.
Beany got a gob hollering for a peap show of war pictures but his father come riding up and snaiked him out. i give 5 cents of my 40 cents that Beany pade me to get a shock in a lectric machine and when i got hold of the handels i coodent let go. i felt like a crasy boan all over and i danced and hollered till Jerry Carter come up and told the man if he dident stop the machine he wood smash it and smash him two so the man he stopped it and i let go and run. Everybuddy laffed but me and Jerry Carter.
then we went to the track to see the bull race. there was a big black bull hiched into a gig troting up and down the track and they were wating for Charly Tredwill and Nickerbocker. bimeby he come troting down the track and when the red bull see the other he stopd and pawed the ground and bellered and Nickerboker he done the sam and both men begun to lick them but the bulls dident notise it enny more than if a fli stang them and they put their heds down and began to push and butt and hook and roar and they tiped over the gig and the wagon and throwed Charly and the other man out and stepped on Charly Tredwill's head and nocked down the rales and went bang agenst the Juges stand and everybuddy hollered for Charlys bull xcept about haff of them whitch hollered for the other bull but nobuddy dassed to go near them. bimeby the Captain of the Ingine company whitch was going to have a xibition squirt hollered to the fellers to start the breaks and they done it and begun to squert rite on the bulls heads and they coodent stand it and they stoped fiting. they were all tuckered out and there harnasses and wagons was all smashed to kinlin wood. it was beter than enny dog fite i ever see. every buddy sed it was the best thing in the show. i wish they had let them fite it out. i bet Charlys bull wood lick. father sed twict that Charly wasent hirt becaus his head was solid way through. that enny feller whitch wood fool away his time to trane a bull to trot in a race coodent be hirt by ennything stepping on his head. Beany has got a gob as waiter in a resterrent. he got 50 cents yesterday. Pewt got 50 cents in working for a feler whitch has a lot of poasts and a lot of rings. the poasts is all numbered and they is a preasent for every poast. You give 10 cents to toss a ring. if you toss it good and it goes over a poast you get a gold wach or a 12 blaided gnife or a gold headed cain or a sigar or a whip or a doll or a glass pitcher. i tossed it over a poast and got a sigar and i give the sigar to old Barny Casidy and he lit it and took 2 puffs and spit it out and sed it was made of a old horse blanket. tomorrow is the last day of the fair and if i am going to ern enny money i have got to get a gob prety quick. father is going to stay at home tomorow to go to the fair. i have had a auful good time today and seen some good races but i havent had a gob. Pewt and Beany always have the luck.
September 28, 186---this is a rany sunday. i cant go to chirch becaus my paint has not come off yet. i shood not dass to go to chirch becaus peeple wood laff rite out loud. father says he dont believe it will ever come off. but mother says it will with plenty of greece and soft sope. i am most raw now. i wish father had kiled that man. i never got into so bad a scraip before. father says that he has desided that the reform school or the idjut assilem is the only place for me but mother says i needent wurry about that for that is only his talk but i must be more cairful in the future. i told her i dident meen ennything rong but only wanted to earn a little money and she sed she gnew that but there is sum ways of erning money whitch is open to objecsion and i gess she is rite and this is one of them ways. After a feller has had his skin scrubed with soft sope and bristol brick for two days jest like pollishing a brass door gnocker he wishes he was ded.
Well you see i maid up my mind to get a gob becaus Beany had and Pewt had and i had spent all my money. so the first thing i done when i had did my choars was to put for the fair grounds erly. when i got there i went to the resterrent and asted them if they wanted a waiter. they sed no but they was a feller whitch had a tent nex to Julia the snaik charmer whitch has ben triing to get 2 boys. so i went over there and there was a new tent and a big picture painted on a sheet of the wild men of Bornio whitch was captured after a dredful fite in whitch 6 bludhounds was kiled and 4 men fataly injered for life. they was a picture of soldiers and hunters with guns and bludhounds chasing the 2 wild men and carring off the wounded men and the ded dogs.