Chapter 7
September 5, 186---i got up erly this morning befoar father went to Boston and took cair of Nellie and swept out the stable and luged in the water and split a lot of wood and blacked fathers boots and set up and had breckfast with him. i was hoaping he wood let me go out of the yard. but he dident say nothing about that but did say i had got to get up evry morning befoar he goes away and do my chores i done them so well this morning. i thougt that was a prety mean thing for him to do. i wished i hadent got up. well tonite father he caime home mad and sed i was the bigest fool he ever see. he sed i had blacked his boots with stove polish and evrybody laffed at him. so i wont have to get up. i had to black his boots over 2 times with Day and Martins blacking befoar i cood get them to shine. it was a awful long day in the yard. Beany brougt his black and tan terrier over and we got Frank Haines dog over and had a fite but jest as they were going good mother come out and poared a pale of water on them and they run off prety quuick. neether licked. that is always the way. sumbody always stops the good fites.
it was Saterday nite and after i had luged in about a milion pales of water and filled all the tubs for the folks to taik there baths in father he sed to mother, Joey, he calls her Joey, becaus her name is Joanna. sumtimes when father wants to plage her he calls her Johanna with a h and says she is irish. she dont like that becaus she is inglish. mother came to America when she was 3 years of aig and so she doesent remember verry much about ingland. father says mother dont understand gokes becaus she is inglish and mother says she is glad of it becaus a good menny of fathers gokes hadent augt to be understood by ennybody. when she says that father always laffs and says she is a goker herself sumtimes.
well i forgot what i was a going to say becaus when i wright about my father and mother i dont think about ennything else they are so bully. My father was the best fiter in Exeter or ennywhere elce. Ed Thursten told me that once he and father went down to newmarket and a feller in the hotel tride to lick father and father hit him a old he one in the snout and gnocked him up 2 flites of stairs and round 3 corners befoar he stoped. i bet they aint many fellers whitch cood do that. ennyway Ed was there and seen him do it and he says he can show me the hotel and the stairs and the corners he went round and the big dent in the wall where he stoped. so i gess it must be so. i bet Beanys father coodent do it. i bet Pewts coodent eether.
evrybody likes father and calls him George and he gokes with them and gets them to say funny things and then he laffs and evrybody laffs. so he dont never have to fite now. i am glad of it for i shoodent like to se father fite even if he can lick evrybody.
gosh it is funny i forgot what i was going to say. you see i think father and mother is about the best peeple in the wirld. i dont know whitch is best. father says mother is wirth 500 of him and he augt to know becaus he has gnew her longer than i have.
well father sed well Joey, he calls her Joey, how has the boy behaived himself today and mother sed he has done verry well indeed. so father he sed to me what do you say if we go in swimming at the gravil and i sed all rite i wood like to. so we went down to the boat and i rew him up to the gravil and we went in and had a grate swim. father dont like to have me swim under water. he says i stay under so long that he gets scart for fear that i wont never come up. after we got back home he let me go down town with him and after he had been to old Tom Conners store and old Nat Weeks and old Josh Getchels and Gid Lyfords we went into Fogg and Fellows store and father bougt a new novil for me. the naim of it is Grissly Ike the Scalp Lifter. i bet it is a riper. i havent read it yet becaus father sed as long as he let me go out befoar my tirm of imprisenment was over i had got to let Cele read it first. so she read it most all the evining. she only read one palsam tonite. she aint so religus as i thougt she was when they is a new novil round.
September 6, 186---brite and fair to-day and cool. it feals like autum. i tell you i dont like to have the summer go. one weak from nex munday school begins. i hait to think of it. we will have to do the old xamples about A. and B. and how many squaire feet there is in 4 ackers 2 roods and 28 rods and New Hamshire is bounded on the north by Maine on the east by long ileand Sound on the south by Rode Iland and Conetticut and on the west by New York, and the capital of Tennysee is Tallyhassy and the capital of New York is Oswego and things we lerned last year. sumtimes i feal like saying to old Francis, who sed it aint, but i know if i did he wood lam time out of me. well i have got one moar weak. i hoap i wont be kep in enny more. i cant spair a single minit.
went to chirch today. the quire coodent sing becaus sumthing was rong with the organ. only the squeel keys wood go and they went as loud as a steam whistle. the base keys woodent maik a single yip. old Chipper Berley clim into the organ after chirch was over and found that sumbody had stufed a old pair of overhals and a old hat all spatered with paint into the big pipe. Chipper told Beany he done it and Beany he sed he dident hoap to die an cross his throte and then Chipper he held up the overhals and the hat and they both had I. M. Watson rote on them and so Beany has lost his gob this time forever so Chipper sed and he waulked Beany out by the ear. Beany told me honest he dident do it. he sed he pumped jest as hard as he cood becaus he dident want to let the wind go out. Chipper sed the reeson he pumped so hard was becaus he gnew that all the wind wood go into the squeel keys and sound awful. Beany feals prety bad over it becaus he needed the money. he has bougt sumthing at old Bill Morrils gewelry store. I knew what it is two and who it is for but Beany dont know i know. Beany will feal prety cheap if he has to give it back to old Bill. praps she wont give it back to Beany. then Beany will be in a scraip. ennyway if she wont give it back Beany wont never forgive her. i hoap she wont. it will be tuf on Beany.
September 7, 186---Beany is fealing prety bad. he asted me if i cood lend him a dollar. honest i coodent becaus i aint got it. he says he has got to get a dollar ennyway. i lent him 40 cents so he aint got to get but 60 cents moar. he tride to get a gob today poasting bills but Cris Staples got it. then Beany he went up to Chipper Berleys to get his pay and Chipper told him he was lucky not to get arested for distirbing a religus meating. so Beany dont know what to do. he aint got ennything to sell and i aint eether. he tride to borrow it of Pewt but Pewt sed he dident have it.
September 8, 186---they is a circus coming to town next Friday. it was going to be in Portsmouth but there was another circus got the the circus grounds ferst and so they are coming to Exeter. me and Pewt and Beany are going to get a gob poasting bills. the bill poaster was in town today with a red and blue and gold cart with 2 calico horses and put up the big bills. he only had 2 big ones and dident have enny others and cant get them until Wensday nite and he wants me and Pewt and Beany to put them up in the nite so that when the peeple get up in the morning they can see them the ferst thing. the way he hapened to get us is becaus Beanys father and Pewts father is painters and paper hangers and so they went to them and they wodent stay up all nite to do it and then he asted if they was enny boys to do it for a dollar a peace and a ticket and so we got the gob. we cant tell ennyone jest what we have got to do but it is bully. he told us that we was to put the pictuers up in the rite places to make a show and atract the attension of the peeple. where they cood see them the best. so we are going to do it. he says the secrit of poasting bills is to get them in the rite places. he give us a list of the pictures. these are them. the hippotymus the behemuth of hoaly rit. the boar constricter whitch can crush and swalow a hole dear or oxx at one meal. the hieener that by stelth repairs to the graive yards at nite and digs up the bodys of the ded and devours them. Jo Jo the dog face man the ofspring of a babboon and a aborrygine, the most repullsive haff human being in the wirld. the stork which brings blessings to the householes in the shape of babies. the cheater or hunting lepard. the spider munkey, and the tapir and the geraft. Pewt has got the list so peraps i havent rote them all rite. we are going to meat and deside where to poast them up as soon as Pewt gets them. peraps tomorrow.
Sept. 9, 186---rany today and cold as time. i tell you it ranes and blows. Aunt Sarah says may be it is the equinoxious storm. that usually comes on the 22th. i hoap it wont rane Wensday nite. we cant poast up bills in a rane storm and if we dont poast up them bills we dont get no dollar and no ticket and what will Beany do then? Beany is in a tite place. if he cant get that dollar he has got to get that present back from Lizzie Tole. if she wont give it back then Beany may have to go to jale and he wont never forgive her. if she has to give it back she will be mad with Beany forever and ever. i almost hoap it will rane. no i dont eether. it will be two tuf on Beany. what ever Beany has did to me i like him and i hoap it wont rane and that Beany will get his dollar. i cant be mutch fairer than that can i?
this afternoon we went up in the barn on the hay, me and Pewt and Beany and talked over where we are going to poat up the bills nex Wensday nite tomorrow. it raned so that Pewt dident dass to bring over the bills. they are in his shop all roled up in a role as big as my leg and tide tite. so we looked at our list and we are going to put the picture of the cheeter on decon Aspinwalls house. he is the bigest cheeter we know and everybody says so.
the stork we are going to put on Mrs. Clarisser Dorsons front door. Pewt says he heard his mother say that the dorsons xpect a baby pretty soon. so we all agreed that wood be the place to put it.
we all got jawing about where we shood put the picture of the elefant. Beany thougt it had augt to go on Horris Cobbs front door. Pewt thougt it had augt to go on old mister Gechels store and i thougt it had augt to go on Fatty Frogs house. Horris Cobb is the fattest man in town but he aint tall. odd mister Gechel is feerful tall, almost ten feet i gess but he aint verry big as Fatty Fogg is lots taller than Horris and 3 times as big round as old mister Gechel. so we decided to put the elefant on Fatty Foggs house and the Giraft on Gechels house.
the hieener we are going to put on the berrying ground gait rite under where it says we are all passing away. you know the hieener digs up people and devours them and Beany says that will go well with the sine. that was a good one for Beany. i bet that circus man will say we are prety smart felers.
the howling munkey we are going to put on the Methydist parsonage. the reverent Josiar Higgins has got white whiskers on his throte jest like the howling munkeys and i bet he can howl as loud sundays. so that is the rite place for that picture. i never gnew befoar how mutch beter it is to have things did rite.
we are going to put the picture of the tapir on my uncle Gilman's house. Pewt thougt it had augt to be put on Ikey Blums house only Ikey aint got any house and his shop is not on enny street. Ikey has a old plug horse and colects bones and rags and iron. he has the longest nose i ever see. it goes way down over his mouth. i dont see how he can eat. my uncle Gilman has got the next longest nose. his nose is a good deal biger than Ikeys but it aint so long. but uncle Gilman is lucky becaus he has got a house to put the picture on. he can blow his nose so it sounds jest like a cornet. not so good as Bruce Briggam can play the cornet but prety good.
i bet he will be pleesed that he beat Ikey and Ikey will be mad, but nobody can have evrything in this wirld.
the picture of the boar constricter we are going to put on the front gait of old decon Eberneaser Petigrew. he goes to all the chirch supers and eats moar than enny man there. one time Charlie Folsom the resterant man whitch makes clam chowder wanted to see how mutch old Eben cood eat and he invited him in and made a hoal wash boiler full of chowder. Charlie sed he put in a peck of clams and 2 galons of milk and a lot of potatoes and onyiuns and he invited old decon Petigrew in and he et and et and et and et. Charlie begun to get scat for feer he wood bust. bimeby he stoped eating becaus he coodent hold enny moar. he had et all but about 4 quats. Charlie dident sleep enny that nite he wurrid so about decon. he thougt sure he wood die befoar morning. so he got up erly the nex morning and come down town. when he went by Ebens house he looked up to see if there was enny craip or a reath on the door. there wasent so he gnew he hadent dide but he gessed he was prety sick. well what do you think when he got to his resterant there stood old Eben all rite wateing for him and he told Charlie that if he dident want the rest of that chowder he wood take it. so Charlie he give it to him and he says he must be jest like a boar constricter.
father has always told me to do evry thing rite that i attempt to do. he tells me that all the time. i gess he will find that i can do things rite as well as the nex one. tonite when we come out of the barn it had stoped raning and the sun come out i hoap it will be good wether tomorrow and nex day two. Pewt is going to make 2 buckets of paist. me and Beany are to get the flour for it and Pewt makes it. he knows how better than we do. he and Beany fernish the brushes to put on the paist. i fernish a lantirn if it is two dark.
September 10, 186---brite and fair and jest bully wether. i got up late today and i am glad of it becaus i have a hard days wirk tonite, father told me this morning that i must distinkly understand that there aint going to be no fooling tonite but jest wirk. i prommised we woodent do nothing but wirk and put the bills in the best places so as to pleese evrybody. that is what the circus man told us not to do enny damige and not to get ennyone mad but to put the bills where they will attrack the most atension. and that is why he is to pay us so mutch money and give us a ticket apeace to the show.
after breckfast i split up enuf wood for today and luged in 2 pales of water and went over to Pewts. Beany was there and we opened the role of pictures and they were old lunkers. gosh the howling munkeys looked jest like the reverent Josier Higgins and the cheeter looked kind of slanty eyd and meen like Decon Aspinwall. the boar constricter was swalowing a live cow hoal. i bet peeple will laff. and the tapir honest he looked kind of like my uncle Gilman.
well we are going to go ferst over the river to uncle Gilmans and then to old mister Gechel and then to Pettigrews and then to Clarisser Dorsons and then to Decon Aspinwalls and then to the reverent Josier Higgins and so on. Pewt thinks it will taik 2 hours to do it good so they cant be toar down if we done it with tacs ennybody whitch dident like it cood yank it off eesy but if we paist it on with a little gum arab in it, it will have to be scrope off with a gnife. so Pewt says and i gess he knows, we carried up 2 paper bags of flour and Pewt made 2 buckits of paist. we paisted a picture of Flora Temple the fastest trotting horse in the wirld on a mahoginy buro that Pewts father is polishing for Doctor Goram Potters grandfather and i bet it will taik a weak to get it off. so i gess Pewts paist is good paist. we are going to meat at Beanys at haff past 12 oh clock. father is going to wake me at 12 oh clock. i hoap he wont forget to wake up. ennyway it wont make enny difference for i shant go to sleep. i bet we will have a good time.
Beany says it is all up with him if he dont get that dollar. he says he will be the ferst of his family to go to jale. that is what a feller gets for being in debt. Beany had augt to have wated. but i supose when a feller gets going with a girl he dont think. Beany is not bad but thinkless. i hoap it will be a lessen to him. he is feerfully wurrid but he needent be for if the wirst comes to wirst i shall sell one of my hens. i havent told him this becaus if he gnew it perhaps he wood spend the dollar for sumthing else for her. but while i have a hen to my naim Beany shall not go to jale. i wood not go to bed at all tonite if father woodent know it but if my lite aint out by 10 oh clock he hollers for me to go to bed lively. so i am going to read Grissly Ike the Scalp Lifter until 10 oh clock and then go to bed and lissen for the clock to strike 12.
September 13, 186---this is saterday. i almost wish i was ded. i havent been out of my room sence Thirsday xcept to split wood and lug water and feed the sheep and horse and hens. father says one moar sumer like this one will make a gibbering manioc of him. he says there must be sumthing rong with me. he dont know wether he had augt to lick it out of me or send me to the reform school or to a place where they keep idjuts. that is the way he talks to me but when old Decon Aspinwall and the reerent Josier Higgins and Clarisser Dorsens husband and old man Pettigrew sed i had augt to be sent to the reform school he told them to go strait to hell and try it if they thougt they cood. Beanys father has kep Beany in his room and Pewts father has kep Pewt in. the only time i can speak to Beany is after father has went to Boston and Beanys father has went down town we holler across from our chamber winders. we havent seen Pewt for his chamber is on the back of his house. i asted Beany what he was going to do about the dollar and he says he xpected the poliseman to come for him enny time. i told him if the poliseman come to tell him to come over and take the best hen i had. Beany felt better and sed i was a trew frend. he says it is a pity things is as they is but he cant help it. a feller cant help they way he feals sumtimes. peraps i am lucky that Beany has cut me out for if i had cut him out i mite be xpecting to go to jale. if i hadent heard father tell them men to go to hell i wood be afrade of going tojale or the reform school. i dont beleeve reform school or jale is enny wirse then staying in your room when a circus paraid is going by on the nex strete.
i think i will wright about what has hapened tomorrow whitch is sunday. i want to finish reading Grissly Ike the Scalp Lifter. Cele tiptode up to my room and threw it in. Cele always stands up for a feller when he is in truble. probly after the hoal thing has bloan over if it ever does Cele will tell mother she done rong in giving me the novil and will ask to be punished that is jest like Cele.
September 14, 186---brite and fair. i am in my room wrighting. most everybody has went to chirch xcept mother who never gets time to go and father who is eether over to Pewts fathers shop or over to Beanys fathers barn talking. Beany has got his gob back becaus they found out that Pewt put the overhals and old hat into the organ. he done it to play a trick on Beany but he dident meen to lose him his gob. so it is all rite. i see Beany going to chirch. i cant go. it is tuf to have to stay in your room and not be aloud to go to chirch. that is a prety way to bring up a boy i shood say. it will be lucky for them if i dont grow up a drunkard and a robber or a berglar. some day father will be sorry for what he has did to me.
well it is a long story. last Thursday nite i fell asleep and father waked me up at 12 oh clock. i went to Beanys and found him and we went to Pewts and got the paist and the pictures. i luged one pale and Beany the other. Pewt luged the paper. we had to change hands lots of times and set the pales down. i tell you they was heavy. it was clowdy but as it was moon time it was prety lite. we dident see nobody and it seamed kind of dreery.
we got to uncle Gilmans and paisted the picture of the tapir up rite on the front side of his house. then we went to Gechels house and paisted up the giraft. we had a long handeled brush and i had to stand on Beanys shoulder to reech the girafs head. the picture reeched nearly to the roof. once we thougt we was cougt but it was only a horse kicking in the barn. we dident make enny noise and when we talked we jest wispered. it was almost as mutch fun as hooking water mellons. then we went to old Pettigrews and paisted up the boar constricter. then we went to Fatty Foggs and his dog woodent let us come near the house. we thougt he wood knaw us and Pewt hit him with a rock and he yelped so loud that old Fatty come down in his shirt tale and a little tin lamp but we was hid behine sum boards.
then we went to Clarisser Dorsens but it was all lit up and doctor Perrys horse and chase was there hiched to a poast. we wated and bimeby old man Dorson come out on the run and went down town. bimeby he came back with a old woman and they went into the house so we coodent put the stork picture on her house without being cougt and we put it on Billy Hansoms house. Billy and his wife have jest been married and last weak the fellers give them a serinaid. so we thougt they wood be pleased to be notised. by that time the town clock struck 2. so we had to hurry and them pales was heavy. so we come over the bridge and throug Clifford strete to Coart strete. Pewt he had to go into his house and while he was gone Beany sed it wood be a good goke on Pewt to put Jo Jo the Dog faced man picture on Pewts house because Pewts father has got long wiskers. so we done it and when Pewt come out we told him we had put it on old Hen Dows house and Pewt thougt that was bully.
Then Beany wanted to go in his house to get sum donuts and while he was in Pewt sed it wood be a good thing to put the Spider Monkey picture on Beanys house. Beanys father is kind of thin and wear awful tite britches and a blew coat and dresses elegant and so we done it and when Beany come out with his donuts we set down and et them and he dident notise ennything.
well after we had et the donuts we paisted up the Cheeter picture on Decon Aspinwalls house and the elefant on Horris Cobbs house and the Hineer one on the berrying yard. we tried verry hard to do a good gob there and we gnew it wood maik a fine apearance rite under the sine we are all passing away. then we come home. father let me in and asted me if i done enny damige and i sed no. he asted me where we paisted up the bills and i told him he cood see in the morning when he went to the trane. so i went to bed.