SCENE II.--_Same as in Scene I.
(_Discover seated about stage all members thereon when first part closed and in same positions._)
HOP (_entering_ D. L.). Schultz, room fifty-nine says send him a pousse-café and charge it.
HANS. Go back und tell him ve don’t charge anything but storage batteries.
[_Exit_ HOP.
RUFF. Landlord, where’s that fine little kitten you had the last time I was here?
HANS. Vell--she----
RUFF. I hope you didn’t poison her?
HANS. No, you see she----
CASE. Was she drowned?
HANS. No--she----
TONY. Somebody make-a steal?
HANS. No, you see----
WEBER. Well, what de debil happened to her?
HANS. Vy, she growed into a cat.
WEBER. Dat’s jes’ de trouble wif women.
CASE. Do they grow into cats?
TONY. ’At’s da madda? You talk-a about da lady?
WEBER. Well, firs’ dey is jes’ spring chickens, den dey’s suffragettes, den dey’s get to be ole hens.
TONY. You no like-a suffamayettes?
WEBER. I should say not.
CASE. Why are you so set against suffragettes?
WEBER. Why, man, women ain’t got the intellectual habilitation ter hash up de political problems ob state. Even we men don’t know what we’re talkin’ ’bout half de time when we’s discussin’ politics.
RUFF. Whoopee, you shure is got some co-loboratory of words. I wonder if you could tell us de longest sentence in de English language? It contains about one hundred and forty words.
WEBER. No, sir, dat’s wrong.
CASE. How many words does it contain?
WEBER. Only one.
HANS. Only von? Iss id dot you means to tell us dot der longest sentence of der language has only von vord in id?
WEBER. I mean to expostulate dat de longest sentence in de world has only one word therein it.
CASE. And what’s that?
WEBER. Life.
_Enter_ MISS GOTROX _and_ GRETCH, L. 1 E.
HANS (_smiling and bowing_). Aha, Miss Gotrox, you iss all dressed up now already yet.
MISS G. Yes; do I look nice enough to go promenading?
HANS. Ach, yes, I bane like you all in vite. Vite hat, vite dress--vite shoes, vite sdockings.
GRETCH. I bane tink mosquitoes vould nod bite a lady ven she haf vite sdockings on.
CASE. You don’t think so, why?
HANS. Pecause all der mosquitoes ve haf around here iss gentlemens.
GRETCH. You bane going to der lecture, Miss Gotrox?
MISS G. What lecture?
GRETCH. At der church. I bane tink der man iss going to sbeak on der subject of “Favorite Hymns.”
MISS G. “Favorite Hymns”? Well, I’m not going to the lecture, but I’m hoping to meet _my_ favorite him this evening.
RUFF. Aha, there’s where two is company.
WEBER. And three’s a crowd.
HANS. Ach, doss iss nicht recht. Dwo is matrimony, dree iss alimony.
CASE. You seem very much in love with the love man.
MISS G. I am----
CASE. Is he bashful, or is he--fast?
HANS. He ain’t fast mit his creditors.
(_Song._)
RUFF. Are you going to marry the young man you spoke of, Miss Gotrox?
MISS G. If I can make him propose.
HANS. You vass tinking of matrimony, den?
MISS G. Yes.
RUFF. Have you had any experience with children?
WEBER. What a foolish question. Wasn’t she a child once herself?
CASE. Has the young man any accomplishments?
MISS G. Well, he plays the piano very well.
GRETCH. I bane tink if dot biano could dalk, it vould say: You haf blayed me false.
HANS. Gretch, you should nod sbeak dot way to Miss Gotrox. She iss a beautiful lady, und voman iss a great creation. Vy--man has taken a voman’s head to decorate our coin.
CASE. Yes, and the milliner has taken quite a few of my coins to decorate a certain woman’s head.
MISS G. Landlord, where is the nearest candy shop?
HANS (_thinking_). Er--er--middle in der block.
CASE. Say, landlord, there’s a hotel man down in New Orleans by the name of Seitz. Do you know him?
HANS. Might I do. Vot’s his name?
GRETCH. I bane tink you use very little bowder, Miss Gotrox.
MISS G. Why--yes, I do. But still I do use a little powder and cream.
CASE. That’s strange.
MISS G. What’s strange?
CASE. That you use very little.
RUFF. What? Why, it seems to me that woman would sooner hear about the discovery of a new complexion cream than to learn of the invention of a torpedo-proof battle-ship.
MISS G. Why, certainly. When this world comes to its senses, battle-ships will not be needed, but a good complexion will be more in demand than ever.
CASE. That may be true, but a sensible man would sooner have a woman just as nature meant her to be, without all that paint and powder.
MISS G. Yes, but there seems to be very few sensible men. There is art in a good complexion.
CASE. And what art rivals nature? A little powder may change a complexion, but what art equals nature in her many changes? Take a waterfall for instance; how beautiful nature has made it, and then along comes winter and changes it into ice. What a remarkable change takes place.
WEBER (_sighing_). Ah me, dat’s right:--
When water is changed into ice, Note de remarkable change in price.
RUFF. You shouldn’t mind dat pessimist, Miss Gotrox; he is always down in de mouth.
MISS G. You shouldn’t be that way. When you feel down in the mouth, think of Jonah; he came out all right.
CASE. Miss Gotrox, what do you think Jonah thought when he found himself inside the whale?
WEBER (_interrupting_). I bet he thought he went to sleep inside a foldin’ bed en she closed up.
TONY. ’At’s da madda you? You make-a fuss all-a time. You make-a fuss you no gotta fuss-a fuss about.
CASE. That’s what I say, Tony. (_To_ WEBER.) How do you think men live in a submarine?
HANS. Yah--dot’s right; yoost tink of all der varter around dem. I bet many of dem dies vrom humidity.
RUFF. (_not comprehending_). Humidity? Why--er--I thought de papers said it was from dyspepsia.
MISS G. (_she had been looking outside_). I would like to go down town, but all the cars seem jammed. I wonder what makes them so crowded this evening.
WEBER. Beggin’ your pardon, Miss, but I reckon hit’s de number ob passengers dey’s carryin’.
(_Song._)
_Enter_ ARCHIBALD NUTT.
NUTT. Oh, Miss Gotrox, how delightfully lovely you look this eve.
WEBER (_business of fainting, etc._). Oh, Elizabeth, the cook stewed the cat.
MISS G. Why, Archie, I’m so glad to see you. How’s mother?
NUTT. Why, I’m angry at my mother.
MISS G. Angry at your mother? How terrible. Why so?
NUTT. Why, mother wants me to come in at eight o’clock, and I’ll do nothing of the kind.
MISS G. You won’t?
NUTT. No, I’ll come in at five minutes past eight.
MISS G. Oh, you shouldn’t be so naughty.
NUTT. Yes, I will--be very naughty. I’ll go out with the boys and I’ll smoke cigarettes and I’ll use cuss words.
MISS G. Oh, Archie, be careful. Remember you’re in my company, and here is Mr. Case. I’m sure he doesn’t use naughty words.
NUTT. Well (_pleasantly_), if it will relieve you, Miss Gotrox, I’ll promise not to teach him any. (_Others give_ CASE _the laugh_. NUTT, _haughtily_.) Well, what are you laughing at, me?
RUFF. Why, no, Genevieve.
NUTT. Then what else is there around here to laugh at?
MISS G. Archie, I’m sure they would not laugh at you if they knew you were a historian.
CASE. Are you a historian?
NUTT (_smiling_). Uh-huh.
CASE. Well, there’s something I have been trying to find out for a long time. Maybe you can tell me. What was Washington’s Farewell Address?
WEBER. Heaven.
NUTT (_screaming_). Oh, you vulgar thing!
WEBER. Vulgar? I thought that was well done.
HANS. Yah, I bane tink dot vass doo vell done.
CASE. That’s going a little too far.
MISS G. Why, don’t you believe in doing all things well?
CASE. Most assuredly.
RUFF. Suppose you set out to make a fool of yourself?
(_Pause._)
NUTT. Oh, Weber, I’ve heard that your girl has a new auto.
WEBER. Did yuh?
NUTT. Uh-huh. Who drives it?
RUFF. Nobody; dey coaxes it.
NUTT (_to_ MISS G.). Do you know that Weber’s intended father-in-law is the funniest little man you ever saw?
MISS G. Is that possible?
NUTT. And he has only one eye, too.
WEBER. Say, talkin’ ’bout dat ole man. De odder day I had him out wif me an’ I los’ him in de crowd. I went up to a policeman and I axes him: “Hofficer, I’m looking for a little man wif one eye.” What do you think dat ole fool tole me? He said: “Mose, if he’s so small, why don’t you use two eyes?”
HOP (_entering_ L. 1 E.). Sir, a gentleman in the dining-room sends his compliments and says the steak he is eating is the first tender steak he has ever eaten here.
HANS. Ach himmel--dot feller got mine steak.
[_Exit_ HOP.
TONY (_who has been reading paper_). Look-a dees. (_Puzzled._) ’At’s a man-o’-war-ship?
CASE. Why, a cruiser.
TONY. ’At makes her go?
RUFF. Its screw, sir.
TONY (_bewildered_). Who-a goes along?
NUTT. Why, its crew, sir.
(TONY, _dumfounded, resumes his seat_.)
MISS G. I think I’ll be going. Archie, will you be walking with me?
NUTT. Most assuredly.
[_Exeunt._
GRETCH. I bane tink he dance mit her, doo.
CASE. Does he really dance?
WEBER. Dance? You ought to see dat feller do de Induction Coil.
(_Song._)
_Enter_ NUTT, _excitedly_.
NUTT (_out of breath_). Oh, goodness me, I’ve had a terrible experience. Oh, my!
HANS. Vot’s der madder? You bane scared?
NUTT. Scared? Oh, gracious, I’m frightened most to death. I was walking down the street with Miss Gotrox, when who did I see coming toward us but my sweetheart. Oh, my!
RUFF. (_doubtfully_). A girl in love with you? (_To_ WEBER, _aside_.) What must she think of him?
WEBER. Nothing; she thinks for him.
NUTT. Why, I’ve got the sweetest, dearest, prettiest girl in the world.
CASE. What does she look like?
NUTT. Look like? She’s a perfect creation. (_With sentiment._) The Great Creator formed all other women first so that He’d have the thing down to perfection when He came to her. From the dark stillness of the forest He took her eyes, hiding in each the twinkle of a star. From the gloomy wings of the raven He took her hair, and the beautiful tint of her cheek He took from the wild-flowers. Her teeth He took from the white snows of winter, and her lips are like the roses of the east that the west never saw. Her swiftness and grace He took from the antelope. Nobility from the eagle, and gentleness He took from the dove. Her smile He took from the sunrise. That is why her smile brings light and joy into my gloomy heart.
WEBER. Dat’s jes’ de way He made my gal, but jes’ as He war finishin’ de job He drap her into de ink pot.
NUTT (_screaming_). Oh, how ridiculous. I’ll not stay another minute in your company.
[_Exit_, D. C., _haughtily_.
CASE. He sure is smart all right.
RUFF. Smart? Why, dat’s hisn interleck. He’s more interleck den brains, en if he keeps on he’s goin’ ter be all interleck.
WEBER. Say, I’se been tryin’ ter learn de alphabet. What comes after “G”?
RUFF. Whiz.
HANS (_tapping bell; enter_ HOP). Here, boy, here’s some good instructions on “How to run a hotel.” Please see that they are carried out.
(HOP _places them carefully in the waste-basket and carries all out_ D. C.)
CASE. Landlord, I have here a note for $5,000; will you endorse it?
HANS. Endorse it?
CASE. Yes, sign your name on the back of it?
HANS. Sure I vill. I know you’ll never pay it, so here’s vere ve haf a laugh at der bank’s expense. (_Signs paper._)
RUFF. See here, nigger, dat travelin’ salesman’s job looks like an uplift to me.
WEBER. Looks more like a hold-up.
CASE (_turning away from desk_). Landlord, I saw, as I was coming into the hotel, what must have been a fine vegetable garden alongside of the hotel. Were you successful with it?
HANS. Successful? Yah, I bane tink so. My neighbor’s hens dook first prize at der boultry show.
CASE. Well, that’s a trick of the trade.
RUFF. (_pointing to Hans_). His trade is full of tricks.
HANS. Iss dot so? For vy you say dot?
RUFF. Aw, don’t I know all about de tricks of your trade? Do you think I’ve been living in hotels all my life for nothing?
WEBER. I wouldn’t doubt it.
HOP (_entering_ R. 1 E.). Sir, the cook wants to know if he should cook your Welsh rarebit?
HANS. Might he could.
[_Exit_ HOP.
GRETCH (_going after boy_). Here, vait. I bane tink I vant der left hind foot of dot rabbit.
[_Exit after_ HOP.
CASE. That boy of yours is surely smart.
HANS. You bane tink so? I bane teach him everyting I know, und he’s still an ignorant fool.
(_Song. After song_ TONY, _reading paper, begins to cry_.)
RUFF. Every time he hears me sing, he starts crying.
WEBER. He ought to put cotton in his ears.
HANS. Vot’s der madder mit you? For vy you make me dose tears in der face?
TONY. Meester (_sobbing_)--Meester (_sobbing_) Rockefeller, hee’s dead.
RUFF. What’s dat got to do wif you? You ain’t any relation to him.
TONY. Dat’s-a make-a me cry. (_Sobs._)
CASE. Aw, say, are you all going to be pessimists? Wake up your optimism, why don’t you? Don’t you know that an optimist doesn’t care what happens?
WEBER. So long as hit don’t happen to him.
RUFF. Say, that statement was pretty smooth, Mr. Case.
CASE. Well, you have to be smooth to get on top these days.
HANS. Und you get smooth on top getting there.
WEBER. If yo’ don’t put a check to dat interleck of yours, Mr. Landlord, you’ll be gettin’ concussion ob de brain.
TONY. ’At’s-a mean dat concussion you?
RUFF. Well, you see----
WEBER (_to_ RUFF.). Say, does you know anything ’bout de symptoms of concussion ob de brain?
RUFF. Why--er--yes.
WEBER. Well, if me en Mr. Case war ter bang our heads together, would we git concussion ob de brain?
RUFF. (_looking from one to the other_). Mr. Case might.
WEBER (_insulted_). You’re not very much of a Christian.
RUFF. Why?
WEBER. Well, ’cause you fabricates.
RUFF. Me tell lies? Nothing. I’d ruther be er Christian den to lie or be a heathen.
CASE. Why would you sooner be a Christian than a heathen?
RUFF. ’Cause--over the Christian the Great Lord watches.
WEBER. Yeh?--Is dat so?--Well, over de heathen Ingersol watches.
CASE. But Weber, you don’t understand that a Christian has a reward an’ a crown of glory.
WEBER. Is dat so? How big is de reward?
CASE. Well, that depends on how good a feller has been.
WEBER. Den who does yo’ s’pose is gwine ter git de biggest crown?
RUFF. Him what’s got de biggest head.
HOP (_entering_ L. 1 E.). Sir, a gentleman just walked out and refused to pay his lunch check.
HANS. For vy?
HOP. Well, he ordered three eggs from the waiter and wanted them four minutes boiled.
HANS. Den vot?
HOP. There was only one egg in the house, and the cook boiled it twelve minutes.
HANS. Dot shows der value of higher edumacation.
[_Exit_ HOP.
CASE. That customer didn’t display very much gratitude.
WEBER. Gratitude? What’s dat?
RUFF. You don’t know what gratitude is?
WEBER. Nope.
HANS. Vy, even a cow has gratitude.
WEBER. Den I don’t want it.
RUFF. Well, listen. I’ll explain just what gratitude is. You remember when we was coming erlong de road in my limousine?
WEBER (_amused_). Yep.
RUFF. You remember one day when we stopped for lunch, we heard a moaning longside of de road? ’Member dat I found a covered basket in de bushes, and on opening it there lay a real live pickaninny?
WEBER. Yep, a sho’ nuf black one.
RUFF. Yes. Well, remember that it was very cold that day, and I took off my great fur-lined coat and lifting the little pickaninny out of the basket laid it into the warm folds of my coat and covered it over. Then when he got quite warm and comfortable, in the deepest sense of gratitude the little feller looked up at me and said----
WEBER. Papa.
CURTAIN
COMEDY SKETCHES
_By Julian Sturgis_
A collection of short plays suited for amateur theatricals or high-class vaudeville, easy to produce and of high quality. Recommended especially for parlor performance.
CONTENTS
APPLES. One male, one female. FIRE FLIES. One male, one female. HEATHER. One male, one female. PICKING UP THE PIECES. One male, one female. HALF-WAY TO ARCADY. One male, one female. MABEL’S HOLY DAY. Two males, one female.
Twenty minutes each.
_Price, 25 cents_
IN OFFICE HOURS
And Other Sketches
_By Evelyn Greenleaf Sutherland_
CONTENTS
IN OFFICE HOURS. Comedy Sketch in One Act, five males, four females.
A QUILTING PARTY IN THE THIRTIES. Outline Sketch for Music, six males, four females, and chorus.
IN AUNT CHLOE’S CABIN. Negro Comedy Sketch in One Act, seventeen female characters and “supers.”
THE STORY OF A FAMOUS WEDDING. Outline Sketch for Music and Dancing, six males, four females.
_Price, 25 cents_
THE SOUP TUREEN
And Other Duologues
A collection of short plays for two and three characters. Good quality, high tone and confidently offered to the best taste.
CONTENTS
THE SOUP TUREEN. One male, two females. LELIA. One male, one female. THE UNLUCKY STAR. Two males. THE SERENADE. Two females.
Play twenty minutes each.
_Price, 25 cents_
HOLIDAY DIALOGUES FROM DICKENS
_Arranged by W. E. Fette_
Comprising selections from “The Christmas Carol,” “The Cricket on the Hearth,” “The Battle of Life,” etc., arranged in a series of scenes to be given either singly or together, as an extended entertainment. For the celebration of Christmas no better material can be found.
_Price, 25 cents_
THE SUFFRAGETTES’ CONVENTION
An Entertainment in One Scene
_By Jessie A. Kelley_
One male, twelve females. Costumes, modern and eccentric; scenery, unimportant. Plays an hour and a quarter. Another of Mrs. Kelley’s popular assemblages of the floating humor of the Suffragette question. Just a string of humorous lines and characters and local hits aimed to raise a hearty laugh without hurting anybody’s feelings. Suited for women’s clubs and for general use in private theatricals.
_Price, 25 cents_
CHARACTERS
MRS. JOHN YATES, _presiding officer_. MRS. SILAS CURTIS, _suffragette speaker_. MRS. EBEN ALTMAN, _suffragette speaker_. MRS. ELDON KEENER, _anti-suffragette_. MRS. OSCAR DAYTON, _anti-suffragette_. MRS. JONAS HARDING, _anti-suffragette_. MISS ROSABELLE HYACINTH, _engaged_. MISS PRISCILLA PRUDENCE, _would like to be engaged_. MISS ANNA HELDER, _great on style_. MRS. CHARLES BATES, _anti-suffragette_. MRS. RUSSELL SAGER, _suffragette_. MRS. FRANCIS WOOD, _suffragette_. SILAS CURTIS, _who becomes an ardent advocate of woman suffrage_.
THE QUEEN OF HEARTS
A High School Comedy in One Act
_By Gladys Ruth Bridgham_
Three males, three females. Costumes, modern; scenery, a single interior. Plays one hour. Three seminary girls go to the masquerade on the sly, get mixed up there with some students and have a narrow escape from detection. Their later anxieties are complicated by the fact that they discover that one of the younger members of their own faculty was also there; but this later suggests a plan by which they escape. Very bright and breezy and full of fun and action.
_Price, 15 cents_
LOOK OUT FOR PAINT
A Farce Comedy in Three Acts
_By Cornelius Shea_
Five males, four females. Costumes, modern; scenery, one interior and one exterior. Plays an hour and a half. An elderly maiden, making a “flash” at a summer boarding-house, runs into a young artist with whom she has corresponded through a matrimonial bureau. He is an admirer of the landlady’s daughter and tells her the facts before the lady has seen him. She induces Roamer, a tramp house-painter, to exchange identities with his fellow artist with side-splitting results. A capital piece, full of humor and very easy. Recommended for schools.
_Price, 25 cents_
WILLOWDALE
A Play in Three Acts by Arthur Lewis Tubbs. Seven males, five females. Scenery, two easy interiors; costumes, modern. This is a play of exceptional interest and power. Admirably suited for amateur performance, all the parts being good. Godfrey is an admirable heavy part, Joel, Lem and Simon capital character parts, Mis’ Hazey a novel eccentric bit, and Oleander a part of screaming comedy. Plays two hours and a quarter.
_Price, 25 cents_
THE VILLAGE SCHOOL MA’AM
A Play in Three Acts by Arthur Lewis Tubbs. Six males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenes, an interior and an exterior, or can be played in two interiors. Plays two hours or more. Combines a strong sympathetic interest with an abundance of comedy. The parts are unusually equal in opportunity, are vigorously drawn and easily actable. No dialect parts, but plenty of variety in the comedy roles and lots of amusing incident. Can be strongly recommended.
_Price, 25 cents_
BAR HAVEN
A Comedy in Three Acts by Gordan V. May. Six males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors and an exterior, not difficult. Plays two hours. An excellent piece, mingling a strongly serious interest with abundant humor. Offers a great variety of good parts of nearly equal opportunity. Admirably suited for amateur performance, and strongly recommended.
_Price, 25 cents_
DOWN IN MAINE
A Drama in Four Acts by Charles Townsend. Eight male, four female characters. This play has no villains, no tangled plot nor sentimental love scenes; yet the climaxes are strong, the action brisk, and the humor genial, and the characters strongly drawn. Can be played in any hall; scenery, of the easiest sort. Properties, few and simple; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. Strongly recommended.
_Price, 25 cents_
HIGBEE OF HARVARD
A Comedy Drama in Three Acts by Charles Townsend. Five males, four females. Modern costumes; scenes, two interiors and an exterior--the latter may be played as well in an interior, if preferred. Plays a full evening. A clever, up-to-date piece, well suited for amateur performance. No small parts; all good. Good plot, full of incident, no love-making, interest strong and sustained.
_Price, 15 cents_
HOW JIM MADE GOOD
A Comedy Drama in Four Acts by Charles S. Bird. Seven males, three females; two male parts can be doubled. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays two hours. An unusually sympathetic play, well suited to amateurs. Clean and easy to get up. Recommended to high schools. All the parts are good.
_Price, 25 cents_
MERRY MONEY MAKERS
A Collection of Entertainments for Church or Lodge Performance, Adapted to any Sect or Community
In this volume we have assembled several entertainments calling for a large number of characters such as are in demand for Church and Sunday-School performance in order to employ the services of as many of the children as possible. With these are offered several other popular pieces, new and old.
_Price, 25 cents_
CONTENTS
=Samantha Snodgrass and the Ladies’ Aid.= _10 females._ =The Annual Picnic of the Muggsville Sunday-School.= _16 males, 24 females._ =Beresford Benevolent Society.= _1 male, 7 females._ =The Emigrants’ Party.= _24 males, 10 females._ =The Last of the Peak Sisters.= _9 males, 7 females._ =The Rag Doll Party.= _4 males, 10 females._ =The Summerville Bazar.= _21 males, 31 females._
SHORT PLAYS FOR SMALL PLAYERS
A Collection of Entertainments for Children of All Ages
_By Edith Burrows, Gladys Ruth Bridgham and others_
This volume offers eight entertainments, old and new, intended for the use of schools and carefully selected to that end. Cleanliness and dramatic interest have been the chief criteria in selection, but the effort has also been made, where this could be done without obtruding it, to embody improving suggestion. The wise youngsters of this advanced generation scent a “moral” afar off and are prone to repel its stern advances, but it is always possible to surround the pill of improvement with a palatable jam of fun.
_Price, 25 cents_
CONTENTS
=The Key.= _16 boys, 17 girls._ =The Children’s Hour.= _7 boys, 12 girls._ =School Opera.= _5 boys, 3 girls._ =Jack and the Beanstalk.= _3 boys, 3 girls._ =Bouquet of Rose Spirits.= _8 boys, 18 girls._ =Pat’s Excuse.= _1 boy, 1 girl._ =Grammar School Fun.= _17 boys, 27 girls._ =A Temperance Frolic.= _3 boys, 2 girls, and chorus._
CLEVER COMEDIES
For Female Characters
A Collection of Selected Entertainments for Ladies Only by Popular Authors
This collection gives an admirable opportunity to make choice at a small cost of an entertainment for schools or amateur theatricals. All the pieces that it contains have been successful as independent books and are very varied in casts and character.
_Price, 25 cents_
CONTENTS
=A Corner in Strait-Jackets.= _8 ladies and 3 children._ =The Dairy-Maids’ Festival.= _Any number of young ladies._ =A Daughter-In-Law.= _4 ladies._ =Eliza’s Bona-Fide Offer.= _4 ladies._ =Gaffer Grey’s Legacy.= _8 ladies._ =The Governess.= _3 ladies._ =The Grecian Bend.= _7 ladies._ =A Sad Mistake.= _6 ladies and chorus._ =Slighted Treasures.= _4 ladies._ =To Meet Mr. Thompson.= _8 ladies._
THE VILLAGE POST-OFFICE
An Entertainment in One Scene by Jessie A. Kelley. Twenty-two males and twenty females are called for, but one person may take several parts and some characters may be omitted. The stage is arranged as a country store and post-office in one. Costumes are rural and funny. Plays a full evening. Full of “good lines” and comical incident and character. Strongly recommended for church entertainments or general use; very wholesome and clean.
_Price, 25 cents_
MISS FEARLESS & CO.
A Comedy in Three Acts by Belle Marshall Locke. Ten females. Scenery, two interiors; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. A bright and interesting play full of action and incident. Can be strongly recommended. All the parts are good. Sarah Jane Lovejoy, Katie O’Connor and Euphemia Addison are admirable character parts, and Miss Alias and Miss Alibi, the “silent sisters,” offer a side-splitting novelty.
_Price, 25 cents_
LUCIA’S LOVER
A Farce in Three Acts by Bertha Currier Porter. Eight females. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors. Plays an hour and a half. A bright and graceful piece, light in character, but sympathetic and amusing. Six contrasted types of girls at boarding-school are shown in a novel story. Lots of fun, but very refined. Easy to produce and can be strongly recommended.
_Price, 25 cents_
A GIRL IN A THOUSAND
A Comedy in Four Acts by Evelyn Gray Whiting. Fourteen females. Costumes, modern; scenes, three interiors and an exterior. Plays a full evening. Very strong and sympathetic and of varied interest. Irish comedy; strong “witch” character; two very lively “kids”; all the parts good. Effective, easy to produce, and can be strongly recommended as thoroughly wholesome in tone as well as amusing.
_Price, 25 cents_
MRS. BRIGGS OF THE POULTRY YARD
A Comedy in Three Acts by Evelyn Gray Whiting. Four males, seven females. Scene, an interior; costumes, modern. A domestic comedy looking steadfastly at the “bright side” of human affairs. Mrs. Briggs is an admirable part, full of original humor and quaint sayings, and all the characters are full of opportunity. Simply but effectively constructed, and written with great humor. Plays two hours.
_Price, 25 cents_
TOMMY’S WIFE
A Farce in Three Acts by Marie J. Warren. Three males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors. Plays an hour and a half. Originally produced by students of Wellesley College. A very original and entertaining play, distinguished by abundant humor. An unusually clever piece, strongly recommended.
_Price, 25 cents_
A FOUL TIP
A Comedy Drama in Three Acts
_By Charles S. Allen_
Seven males, three females. Costumes, modern; scenery, one exterior scene, not changed. Plays two hours. The safe at Irving’s factory is robbed and three persons are under suspicion, which finally settles most strongly on Verne Gale, the hero, who, to protect Hal Irving, old Irving’s son, whom his sister Nellie loves and whom he believes to be the real culprit, keeps his mouth shut save for protesting his own innocence. “Uncle” Tim Purdy is loyal to him and, with the aid of Pete Adams, the colored pitcher of the Westvale nine, finally discovers the real culprit. A strong play with unusual strength and variety of character and abundance of humorous lines and incidents. Very highly recommended.
_Price, 25 cents_
CHARACTERS
TIM PURDY, _postmaster, chief of police and storekeeper at Westvale_. HIRAM ROWELL, _the village expressman_. OLIVER IRVING, _manufacturer_. HAROLD IRVING, _his son_. VERNE GALE, _manager of the Westvale nine_. POLLARD, _Irving’s bookkeeper_. PETE ADAMS, _colored pitcher on the Westvale nine_. ALMIRA PURDY, _Tim’s wife_. MABEL REMINGTON, _Irving’s stenographer_. NELLIE GALE, _Verne’s sister_. _Members of the ball team, villagers, etc._
DADDY
A Comedy in Three Acts
_By Lilli Huger Smith_
Four males, four females. Costumes, modern; two easy interiors. Plays an hour and a half. Mr. Brown exhausts all the resources of science, including smallpox and diphtheria signs, in an endeavor to keep away the admirers of his daughter whom he wishes to keep at home. He finally asks Dr. Chester, who is privately in love with her, to help him to dissuade her from becoming a trained nurse. The doctor does so by marrying her himself. Very clever and amusing; full of wit and of high tone. Strongly recommended.
_Price, 25 cents_
CHARACTERS
MR. WREXSON BROWN, _just like his fellow men_. TEDDY BROWN, _his son, pursuing football at college_. PAUL CHESTER, _a young doctor_. THOMPSON, _the Browns’ butler_. MRS. WREXSON BROWN, _just like her fellow women_. NELLIE BROWN, _her daughter, a débutante_. MRS. CHESTER, _Mr. Brown’s sister, pursuing ill-health at home_. JANE, _the Browns’ cook_.
A NEW START
A Comedy in Four Acts
_By C. A. Pellanus_
Seven males, two females. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors. Plays an hour and a half. A very funny play intended for performance by boys or young men.
CHARACTERS
MR. W. WRIGHTUP, _alias_ } _a medical_ DR. PHIL GRAVES, R.S.V.P., P.T.O. } _student._ MICHAEL SPOWDER, _his servant, from Tipperary_. COLONEL AILMENT, _a patient_. MISS O’PHEE, _a patient_. THOMAS WROTTER, _an ambitious youth_. MRS. LANGWIDGE, _his aunt, of British origin_. MR. PERCY VEERING, _an attorney_. A LABORING MAN.
_Price, 15 cents_
TOO CLEVER BY HALF
A Comedy in Three Acts
_By C. A. Pellanus_
Six males, two females. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors. Plays an hour and a quarter. Very lively and funny; intended for performance by boys or young men.
CHARACTERS
JUDGE SIMEON ADAMS, _a well-to-do, kindly, pompous old bachelor_. MISS BURGESS, _his housekeeper. With matrimonial schemes._ NATHAN DEAN, _the village constable. Fat-witted, and gullible._ HOWARD FOSTER, _a Pinkerton detective. Too clever by half._ MONSIEUR GASPARD, _a Chef d’ Orchestre_. B. FLAT } _musicians. Britishers._ A. SHARP } MRS. WORDY, _landlady of the village inn_.
_Price, 15 cents_
THE FIRST DAY OF THE HOLIDAYS
A Comedy in Four Acts
_By C. A. Pellanus_
Six male characters. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors. Plays an hour and a half. An exceptionally brisk and humorous piece intended for male characters only.
CHARACTERS
PROF. B. WILLDARD, _a naturalist. A short-sighted old man._ JOB SHIRKER, _a shoemaker. Envious of other men’s success._ JOSEPH SHIRKER, _his son. A tramp._ HENRY COPPER, _a police officer and a duffer, born in England_. TOM BOUNDER } _schoolboys. Impertinent and full of high spirits._ JIM BOUNDER }
_Price, 15 cents_
A REGIMENT OF TWO
A Farcical Comedy in Three Acts by Anthony E. Wills. Six males, four females. Modern costumes. Scene, an interior, the same for all three acts. Plays a full evening. A lively, up to-date farce, easy to produce and full of laughs from beginning to end. All the parts good--no small ones. German comedy characters for both male and female, and “wild west” character part and English character comedy. Strongly recommended.
_Price, 25 cents_
MISS BUZBY’S BOARDERS
A Comedy in Three Acts by Arthur Lewis Tubbs. Five male, six female characters. Costumes, modern; scenery, two easy interiors. Plays two hours. In a lighter vein than this writer’s other pieces, but just as strong, and offers plenty of comedy. All the parts good; four call for strong acting. Several good character parts and effective heavy character. Dialogue especially good. A sure hit.
_Price, 25 cents_
VALLEY FARM
A Drama in Four Acts by Arthur Lewis Tubbs. Six males, six females. Scenery, two interiors and an exterior. Costumes, modern. An admirable play for amateurs, very sympathetic in theme, and with lots of good parts. Hetty is a strong lead, and Perry Deane and Silas great parts; while Azariah, Lizy Ann Tucker and Verbena are full of fun. Plays a full evening.
_Price, 25 cents_
THE MISSING MISS MILLER
A Comedy in Three Acts by Harold A. Clarke. Six males, five females. Scenery, two interiors; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. A bright and up-to-date farce comedy of the liveliest type. All the parts good; full of opportunity for all hands. Easy to produce and strongly recommended. Good tone; might answer for schools, but is a sure hit for amateur theatricals. Professional stage rights reserved.
_Price, 25 cents_
OUT OF TOWN
A Comedy in Three Acts by Bell Elliot Palmer. Three males, five females. Scene, an interior, the same for all three acts; costumes, modern. Plays an hour and a half. A clever and interesting comedy, very easy to produce and recommended for amateur performance. All the parts good. A safe piece for a fastidious audience, as its theme and treatment are alike beyond reproach.
_Price, 25 cents_
GADSBY’S GIRLS
A Farce in Three Acts by Bertha Currier Porter. Five males, four females. Costumes, modern; scenery, an exterior and an interior. Plays an hour and a half. An exceptionally bright and vivacious little piece, full of action. Gadsby’s adventures with the fiancées of three of his friends are full of interest and fun. All the parts good. Well suited for high school performance.
_Price, 25 cents_
A. W. Pinero’s Plays
Price, 50 Cents Each
=MID-CHANNEL= Play in Four Acts. Six males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays two and a half hours.
=THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITH= Drama in Four Acts. Eight males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, all interiors. Plays a full evening.
=THE PROFLIGATE= Play in Four Acts. Seven males, five females. Scenery, three interiors, rather elaborate; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening.
=THE SCHOOLMISTRESS= Farce in Three Acts. Nine males, seven females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening.
=THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY= Play in Four Acts. Eight males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening.
=SWEET LAVENDER= Comedy in Three Acts. Seven males, four females. Scene, a single interior, costumes, modern. Plays a full evening.
=THE THUNDERBOLT= Comedy in Four Acts. Ten males, nine females. Scenery, three interiors; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening.
=THE TIMES= Comedy in Four Acts. Six males, seven females. Scene, a single interior; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening.
=THE WEAKER SEX= Comedy in Three Acts. Eight males, eight females. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors. Plays a full evening.
=A WIFE WITHOUT A SMILE= Comedy in Three Acts. Five males, four females. Costumes, modern; scene, a single interior. Plays a full evening.
Sent prepaid on receipt of price by Walter H. Baker & Company No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts
The William Warren Edition of Plays
Price, 15 Cents Each
=AS YOU LIKE IT= Comedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four females. Costumes, picturesque; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening.
=CAMILLE= Drama in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening.
=INGOMAR= Play in Five Acts. Thirteen males, three females. Scenery varied; costumes, Greek. Plays a full evening.
=MARY STUART= Tragedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four females, and supernumeraries. Costumes, of the period; scenery, varied and elaborate. Plays a full evening.
=THE MERCHANT OF VENICE= Comedy in Five Acts. Seventeen males, three females. Costumes, picturesque; scenery varied. Plays a full evening.
=RICHELIEU= Play in Five Acts. Fifteen males, two females. Scenery elaborate; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening.
=THE RIVALS= Comedy in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. Scenery varied; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening.
=SHE STOOPS TO CONQUER= Comedy in Five Acts. Fifteen males, four females. Scenery varied; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening.
=TWELFTH NIGHT; OR, WHAT YOU WILL= Comedy in Five Acts. Ten males, three females. Costumes, picturesque; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening.
Sent prepaid on receipt of price by Walter H. Baker & Company No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts
S. J. PARKHILL & CO., PRINTERS, BOSTON, U.S.A.