Chapter 85

(_An hour has elapsed._)

ENTER _Ergasilus_, MUCH DEPRESSED

_Erg._

Miser homo est, qui ipse sibi quod edit quaerit et id aegre invenit, sed ille est miserior, qui et aegre quaerit et nihil invenit; ille miserrimust, qui cum esse cupit, tum quod edit non habet. nam hercle ego huic die, si liceat, oculos effodiam libens, ita malignitate oneravit omnis mortalis mihi;

It’s sad when a man has to spend his time looking for his food and has hard work finding it. It’s sadder, though, when he has hard work looking for it and doesn’t find it. But it’s saddest of all when a man is pining to eat, and no food in range. By gad, if I only could, I’d like to dig the eyes out of this day, it’s made every living soul so damnably mean to me!

neque ieiuniosiorem neque magis ecfertum fame vidi nec quoi minus procedat quidquid facere occeperit, ita venter gutturque resident esurialis ferias. ilicet parasiticae arti maximam malam crucem, ita iuventus iam ridicules inopesque ab se segregat. 470

A more hungriful day, a more bulged-out- with-starvation day, a more unprogressive day for every undertaking, I never did see! Such a famine feast as my inside is having! Devil take the parasitical profession! How the young fellows nowadays do sheer off from impecunious wits!

nil morantur iam Lacones unisubselli viros, plagipatidas, quibus sunt verba sine penu et pecunia eos requirunt, qui libenter, quom ederint, reddant domi; ipsi obsonant, quae parasitorum ante erat provincia, ipsi de foro tam aperto capite ad lenones eunt quam in tribu aperto capite sontes condemnant reos; neque ridiculos iam terrunci faciunt, sese omnes amant.

Not a bit of use have they nowadays for us Spartans, us valiant benchenders, us descendants of old Takesacuff, whose capital is talk without cash and comestibles. The guests they’re after are the ones that enjoy a dinner and then like to return the compliment. They do their marketing themselves, too,--that used to be the parasites’ province-- and away they go from the forum themselves to interview the pimps, just as barefaced as they are in court when they condemn guilty defendants. They don’t care a farthing for wits these days: they’re egoists, every one.

nam uti dudum hinc abii, accessi ad adulescentes in foro. “salvete” inquam. “quo imus una” inquam “ad prandium?” atque illi tacent. “quid ait ‘hoc’ aut quis profitetur?” inquam. quasi muti silent, 480 neque me rident. “ubi cenamus?” inquam. atque illi abnuont.

Why, when I left here a little while ago, I went up to some young fellows in the forum. “Good day,” says I. “Where are we going to lunch together?” says I. Sudden silence. “Who says: ‘This way’? Who makes a bid?” says I. Dumb as mutes, didn’t even give me a smile. “Where do we dine?” says I. A shaking of heads.

dico unum ridiculum dictum de dictis melioribus, quibus solebam menstruales epulas ante adipiscier: nemo ridet; scivi extemplo rem de compecto geri; ne canem quidem irritatam voluit quisquam imitarier, saltem, si non arriderent, dentes ut restringerent.

I told ’em a funny story--one of my best, that used to find me free board for a month. Nobody smiled. I saw in a moment it was a put-up job; not a one of ’em was even willing to act like a cross dog and at least show their teeth, no matter if they wouldn’t laugh.

abeo ab illis, postquam video me sic ludificarier; pergo ad alios, venio ad alios, deinde ad alios: una res. omnes de compecto rem agunt, quasi in Velabro olearii. nunc redeo inde, quoniam me ibi video ludificarier. 490 item alii parasiti frustra obambulabant in foro.

I left ’em after I saw I was being made a fool of this way, up I went to some others, and then to others, and to others still,--same story. They re all in a combination, just like the oil dealers in the Velabrum.[C] So here I am back again, seeing I was trifled with there. Some more parasites were prowling round the forum all for nothing, too.

[Footnote C: A market district in Rome.]

nunc barbarica lege certumst ius meum omne persequi: qui consilium iniere, quo nos victu et vita prohibeant, is diem dicam, inrogabo multam. ut mihi cenas decem meo arbitratu dent, cum cara annona sit. sic egero. nunc ibo ad portum hinc: est illic mi una spes cenatica; si ea decolabit, redibo huc ad senem ad cenam asperam.

Now I’m going to have the foreign law on those chaps and demand my full rights, I certainly am: it’s conspiracy, conspiracy to deprive us of sustenance and life, and I’m going to summon ’em, fine ’em-- make ’em give me ten dinners, at my discretion, and that will be when food is dear. That’s how I’ll catch them. (_turning to go_) Well, now for the harbour. That’s where my one hope is, gastronomically speaking, if that oozes away, I’ll come back here to the old man’s terror of a meal.

[EXIT _Ergasilus_, LOOKING IN ALL DIRECTIONS FOR A POSSIBLE HOST.

III. 2.