Chapter 7

ENTER _Alcmena_ FROM HOUSE.

_Alc._

Durare nequeo in aedibus. ita me probri, stupri, dedecoris a viro argutam meo! ea quae sunt facta infecta ut reddat clamitat. quae neque sunt facta neque ego in me admisi arguit; atque id me susque deque esse habituram putat.

I can’t stand staying in the house! To be branded so with shame, disloyalty, disgrace, by my own husband! How he clamours to make facts no facts! And what never happened, things I never, never did, he accuses me of, and thinks I’ll consider it quite immaterial.

non edepol faciam, neque me perpetiar probri falso insimulatam, quin ego illum aut deseram aut satis faciat mi ille atque adiuret insuper, nolle esse dicta quae in me insontem protulit. 890

Good gracious, but I won’t! I won’t endure such an awful, unjustified accusation: I will leave him, or he must apologize, one or the other, yes, and swear he is sorry, too, for the things he has said to an innocent woman.

_Iup._ _Jup._

Faciundum est mi illud, fieri quod illaec postulat, si me illam amantem ad sese studeam recipere, quando ego quod feci, id factum Amphitruoni offuit atque illi dudum meus amor negotium insonti exhibuit, nunc autem insonti mihi illius ira in hanc et male dicta expetent.

(_aside, dryly_) Hm! It’s incumbent upon me to meet her demands, if I wish the loving creature to take me into her good graces again. Since my doings offended Amphitryon, and this love affair of mine lately occasioned his guiltless self some consternation, it is turn about now, and my guiltless self has to suffer for the scorn and contumely he heaped on her.

_Alc._

Sed eccum video qui me miseram arguit stupri, dedecoris.

(_aside, seeing him_) Ah, there he is--the man that charges his wretched wife with disloyalty and shame!

_Iup._ _Jup._

Te volo, uxor, conloqui. quo te avortisti?[22]

I wish to speak with you, my dear. (_circling her as she turns her back on him_) Turned away? Where to?

_Alc._

Ita ingenium meumst: inimicos semper osa sum optuerier. 900

It is natural I should, sir: I always loathed looking at enemies.

_Iup._ _Jup._

Heia autem inimicos?

Oh, I say now! Enemies?

_Alc._

Sic est, vera praedico; nisi etiam hoc falso dici insimulaturus es.

Yes, enemies: and that’s the truth of it--unless you intend to term this a lie, too.

_Iup._ _Jup._

Nimis iracunda es.

(_trying to fondle her_) You’re too irritable.

_Alc._

Potin ut abstineas manum? nam certo, si sis sanus aut sapias satis, quam tu impudicam esse arbitrere et praedices, cum ea tu sermonem nec ioco nec serio tibi habeas, nisi sis stultior stultissimo.

(_pulling away_) Can’t you keep your hands off? Why surely, sir, if you were sane or had a particle of sense about you, when you think your wife is immodest and tell her so yourself, you wouldn’t hold any conversation with her at all in jest or earnest, unless you were the silliest of silly men.

_Iup._ _Jup._

Si dixi, nihilo magis es, neque ego esse arbitror, et id huc revorti uti me purgarem tibi. nam numquam quicquam meo animo fuit aegrius, 910 quam postquam audivi ted esse iratam mihi. cur dixisti? inquies. ego expediam tibi.

My saying so doesn’t make you so any the more, And I don’t think you so, either; and I’ve come back to set myself right with you. For I never did feel sicker at heart about anything than after I heard you were provoked with me. “Why did you say it?” you’ll ask. I’ll clear up that point for you.

non edepol quo te esse impudicam crederem; verum periclitatus sum animum tuom, quid faceres et quo pacto id ferre induceres. equidem ioco illa dixeram dudum tibi, ridiculi causa. vel hunc rogato Sosiam.

Bless your heart, it wasn’t because I believed you were immodest. I was just testing your feelings to see what you’d do and how you’d take it. (_forcing a laugh_) Really it was all a joke, what I said just now, merely a bit of fun. Why, you can ask Sosia here. (_pointing to house_)

_Alc._

Quin huc adducis meum cognatum Naucratem, testem quem dudum te adducturum dixeras, te huc non venisse?

(_coldly_) Why do you not bring my relative Naucrates, as you just now said you would, to prove you had not been here?

_Iup._ _Jup._

Si quid dictum est per iocum, 920 non aequom est id te serio praevortier.

If something is said in joke, it’s not fair to take it in earnest.

_Alc._

Ego illud scio quam doluerit cordi meo.

I know one thing--that joke of yours cut me to the heart, sir.

_Iup._ _Jup._

Per dexteram tuam te, Alcumena, oro obsecro. da mihi hanc veniam, ignosce, irata ne sies.

(_seizing her hand_) I beg and beseech you, Alcmena, by this right hand of yours, do forgive me for it; pardon me: don’t be angry!

_Alc._

Ego istaec feci verba virtute irrita; nunc, quando factis me impudicis abstini, ab impudicis dictis avorti volo. valeas, tibi habeas res tuas, reddas meas. iuben mi ire comites

Your charges are refuted by my honest life; now, sir, having been guiltless of gross behaviour, I will not be subjected to gross language. Good bye. Keep your own things and return me mine. Will you older my attendants to follow me? (_turns to go_)

_Iup._ _Jup._

Sanan es?

Are you in your senses?

_Alc._

Si non iubes, ibo egomet; comitem mihi Pudicitiam duxero.[23] 930

If you decline to do so, I will go with my woman’s honour as my only escort. (_walks away_)

_Iup._ _Jup._

Mane. arbitratu tuo ius iurandum dabo, me meam pudicam esse uxorem arbitrarier. id ego si fallo, tum te, summe Iuppiter, quaeso, Amphitruoni ut semper iratus sies.

(_holding her_) Wait, wait! I’ll swear to it--at your dictation--that I believe my wife is virtuous. If I deceive you in this, then, Jove almighty, I invoke thy curse upon Amphitryon for evermore.

_Alc._

A, propitius sit potius.

(_hurriedly_) Oh no! His blessing, his blessing!

_Iup._ _Jup._

Confido fore; nam ius iurandum verum te advorsum dedi. iam nunc irata non es?

I trust to have it, for it is a reliable oath I have given you. (_drawing her close_) Now you’re not angry, are you?

_Alc._

Non sum.

(_submitting_) No.

_Iup._ _Jup._

Bene facis. nam in hominum aetate multa eveniunt huius modi: capiunt voluptates, capiunt rursum miserias; irae interveniunt, redeunt rursum in gratiam. 940 verum irae si quae forte eveniunt huius modi inter eos, rursum si reventum in gratiam est, bis tanto amici sunt inter se quam prius.

(_caressing her_) That’s a good girl. Why, life is full of incidents of this sort. Human beings lay hold on pleasures and then again on pains. Quarrels come between them, and then they are reconciled again. But if any such quarrel as this does happen to arise between them, then when it blows over they are twice as fond of one another as they were before.

_Alc._

Primum cavisse oportuit ne diceres, verum eadem si isdem purgas mi, patiunda sunt.

You should have been careful not to say such a thing in the first place; but if you apologize so nicely for hurting me so, I can’t complain.

_Iup._ _Jup._

Iube vero vasa pura adornari mihi, ut quae apud legionem vota vovi. si domum rediissem salvos, ea ego exsolvam omnia.

Well, well, then, have the sacrificial vessel prepared for me so that I can pay all the vows I vowed for a safe return home when I was in the field.

_Alc._

Ego istuc curabo.

I will attend to that.

_Iup._ _Jup._

Evocate huc Sosiam; gubernatorem, qui in mea navi fuit 950 Blepharonem arcessat, qui nobiscum prandeat is adeo[24] inpransus ludificabitur, cum ego Amphitruonem collo hinc obstricto traham.

(_to maids in doorway_) Call Sosia out. I want him to invite Blepharo, the pilot aboard my ship, to lunch with us. (EXEUNT _maids_) (_aside_) As a matter of fact, friend Blepharo will be left unlunched and looking foolish when I turn Amphitryon out neck and crop.

_Alc._

Mirum quid solus secum secreto ille agat. atque aperiuntur aedis. exit Sosia.

(_aside_) I wonder what he’s talking about all to himself! Ah, there goes the door! Sosia’s coming out.

III. 3.