Chapter 42

_Eucl._

Redi. quo fugis nunc? tene, tene.

(_going into street_) Come back! Where are you running to now? Stop him, stop him!

_Cong._

Quid, stolide, clamas?

What are you yelling for, stupid?

_Eucl._

Quia ad tris viros iam ego deferam nomen tuom.

Because I am going to report your name to the police this instant.

_Cong._

Quam ob rem?

Why?

_Eucl._

Quia cultrum habes.

Well, you carry a knife.

_Cong._

Cocum decet.

And so a cook should.

_Eucl._

Quid comminatu’s mihi?

And how about your threatening me?

_Cong._

Istud male factum arbitror, quia non latus fodi.

It’s a pity I didn’t jab it through you, I’m thinking.

_Eucl._

Homo nullust te scelestior qui vivat hodie neque quoi ego de industria amplius male plus libens faxim. 420

There isn’t a more abandoned villain than you on the face of the earth, or one I’d be gladder to go out of my way to punish more, either.

_Cong._

Pol etsi taceas, palam id quidem est: res ipsa testist; ita fustibus sum mollior magis quam ullus cinaedus. sed quid tibi nos tactiost, mendice homo?

Good Lord! That’s evident enough, even if you didn’t say so: the facts speak for themselves. I’ve been clubbed till I’m looser than any fancy dancer. Now what did you mean by laying hands on me, you beggar?

_Eucl._

Quae res? etiam rogitas? an quia minus quam aequom erat feci?

What’s that? You dare ask me? Didn’t I do my duty by you--is that it? (_lifts cudgel_)

_Cong._

Sine, at hercle cum magno malo tuo, si hoc caput sentit.

(_backing away_) All right: but by gad, you’ll pay heavy for it, or I’m a numskull.

_Eucl._

Pol ego haud scio quid post fuat: tuom nunc caput sentit. sed in aedibus quid tibi meis nam erat negoti me absente, nisi ego iusseram? volo scire.

Hm! I don’t know anything about the future of your skull, but (_chuckling and tapping his cudgel_) it must be numb now. (_savagely_) See here, what the devil were you doing in my house without my orders while I was gone? That’s what I want to know.

_Cong._

Tace ergo. quia venimus coctum ad nuptias.

Well then, shut up. We came to cook for the wedding, that’s all.

_Eucl._

Quid tu, malum, curas, utrum crudum an coctum ego edim, nisi tu mi es tutor? 430

And how does it concern you, curse you, whether I eat my food cooked or take it raw--unless you are my guardian?

_Cong._

Volo scire, sinas an non sinas nos coquere his cenam?

Are you going to let us cook dinner here or not? That’s what I want to know.

_Eucl._

Volo scire ego item, meae domi mean salva futura?

Yes, and I want to know whether my things at home will be safe?

_Cong._

Utinam mea mihi modo auferam, quae adtuli, salva: me haud paenitet, tua ne expetam.

All I hope is I can get safe away with my own things that I brought there. That’ll do for me: don’t worry about my hankering for anything you own.

_Eucl._

Scio, ne doce, novi.

(_incredulous_) I know. You needn’t go on. I quite understand.

_Cong._

Quid est qua prohibes nunc gratia nos coquere hic cenam? quid fecimus, quid diximus tibi secus quam velles?

Why won’t you let us cook dinner here now? What have we done? What have we said that you didn’t like?

_Eucl._

Etiam rogitas, sceleste homo, qui angulos in omnis mearum aedium et conclavium mihi pervium facitis? ibi ubi tibi erat negotium, ad focum si adesses, non fissile auferres caput: merito id tibi factum est. 440

A pretty question, you villainous rascal, with your making a public highway of every nook and cranny in my whole house! If you had stayed by the oven where your business lay, you wouldn’t be carrying that cloven pate: it serves you right.

adeo ut tu meam sententiam iam noscere possis si ad ianuam huc accesseris, nisi iussero, propius, ego te faciam miserrimus mortalis uti sis. scis iam meam sententiam.

(_with forced composure_) Now further, just to acquaint you with my sentiments in the matter,--you come any nearer this door without my permission, and I will make you the most forlorn creature in God’s world. Now you know my sentiments. [EXIT INTO HOUSE.

_Cong._

Quo abis? redi rursum. ita me bene amet Laverna, uti te iam, nisi reddi mihi vasa iubes, pipulo te his differam ante aedis. quid ego nunc agam? ne ego edepol veni huc auspicio malo. nummo sum conductus: plus iam medico merce dest opus.

(_calling after him_) Where are you off to? Come back! So help me holy Mother of Thieves, but I’ll soon make it warm for you, the way I’ll rip up your reputation in front of the house here, if you don’t have my dishes brought back! (_as Euclio closes the door_) Now what? Oh, hell! It certainly was an unlucky day when I came here! Two shillings for the job, and now it’ll take more than that to pay the doctor’s bill.

III. 3.